Organizing | ADHD Information

Okay, I am ADD, managed, but still ADD.  The concept of organization escapes me, but I AM learning via some wonderful books.  The hard part is just the doing of it.

My husband on the other hand is not ADD, yet he is also not a putter-awayer.  He walks off and leaves plates, etc.  HIs desk is as cluttered as mine.

So I'm on an organizing/remodeling/redecorating mission. I am about to kick the clutter and disorganization of this house in the head.  It's starting with getting rid of stuff which I have no problem with. 

But as we all know, even though ADDers tend to keep all their worldly posessions on the floor so that we can see them all with one glance.    But we know that the clutter inhibits and frustrates us, or at least it does me. 

Sooo.  The garage has been a source of aggravation for me.  Everything gets left on the garage floor.  Twelve packs of drinks, kid's toys, ice chests, brooms, etc.   And it all tends to congregate around the door into the house.  So what did I do like a professional ADDer?  I went out and bought a shelving unit for the garage to put the kids toys, ice chests, drinks, birdseed, etc. on. I figured it was easier to get forgiveness rather than permission. (it's now my mantra) My husband sees it this morning and he kind of grins (because he knows that we needed it) and comments on someone picked up and organized.  But then he proceeds to bitch about bringing more crap into the house and blah blah blah! 

It's the same crap I've been listening to for 20 years!  "blah blah crap in this house... well if you're going to do this I guess it will be your house and I'll just sleep here... blah blah blah,"   (I'm sure all of you have to listen to the same tired old arguments, issues, crap from your spouses too)   Thing is, he wants it organized but HE isn't putting forth the effort or isn't going to because if he was we wouldn't have been in this house 6 years with it undone, and projects that stretchh into years instead of months!! (Can you tell I'm frustrated?)   Frankly, I think he just wants to bitch about HOW I'm doing it because it's not the way HE would've done it.

Do any of you have to deal with these kind of issues?  I think our particular dynamic centers around:

Trust - he thinks I don't know what I'm doing.

Control - he wants a say in how it's done (because after all there is a 'right' way and a 'wrong' way), yet wants to make me responsible for getting it done. 

I told him that if it's going to get done and be a system that is maintainable it will HAVE HAVE HAVE to be user friendly to the main person responsible (me).  He is going to have to trust me to get it done in a way that works. That doesn't mean that I won't be getting his input.  But it will have to work for me. 

I think what scares him is that he doesn't understand what that means and he doesn't deal well with the unknown and different.  He prides himself in being 'standard'.     My thought is he must like it unknown and different a little bit, he married me after all. 

 

I'd love to hear how or if anyone else has dealt with stuff like this.

 

I know all about control issues.  My spouses (I was married twice) always thought that they knew the best way to do things but never initiated the project and then when I did it, they'd complain that I did it wrong!

My suggestion is that if YOU feel better after organizing the garage, then that's what counts.  All his grumping you can ignore without getting into an argument.  I think they grump because they didn't do it and feel bad.

I think the more you implement organization (which by the way is very commendable!) then the more you (and your family) will come to accept that you are going to organize stuff.  If they don't like the way you do it, they'll eventually learn how to do it themselves.  And if it involves paying some "repair person", very soon your spouse will not want to pay the extra $$ and do it themselves.  Of course, all well-designed plans can potentially backfire but if you have a strong relationship, it'll all be okay.

Keep up the good work.  You seem like a very patient woman to put up with this for 20 years already!

Oh we never have any issues about anything else. 99% of the time we're peas and carrots, sort of.  Most of the time when he's fussing all I hear is "blah, blah, blah, yada yada yada" I've learned to tune it out.

He has learned in twenty years that when I get the bit in my mouth, just back off, it's going to get done and/or I'm going to do it.   You would think he also would've learned when to keep his mouth shut.

Now when I walk past the shelving in the garage I am so much more calm, serene and NOT pissed off by the crap I have to step over. 

What it boils down to is that he fusses about it, makes peace with it, sees the wisdom in doing it the way that it was done and then claims it was his idea.     In other words, typical!

Now if I can just get the cabinets in the kitchen refinished (happens this week), the pared down kitchen tools back in there, then I can start in on getting the countertops/backsplash done, then it's the floors, then painting.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Anyone care to come over and help!?  We can all talk in broken disjointed sentences/paragraphs and laugh at the confused looks on the 'normal' ones faces trying to follow our conversations and figure out what in the heck it is we're talking about. 

 

 

 

 

Oh you made me laugh the blah blah blah yada yada yada stuff!

Some old dogs never learn new tricks (hint, I'm one of them. LOL)

Yup, totally typical.  Just another affirmation why I don't need a man (even though I would like one)

Kitchen:  One thing at a time!  I know for me when I chose a big project I think of all the components at once.  I have a hard time breaking it down to the little parts.  Typical ADD trait I guess.

I would love to come help.  I sit at home most nights and watch tv.  I lead a fairly boring life. LOL  Yeah, we could totally have a conversation talking in fragments and we'd understand each other!  I need more relationships like that! 

Thanks for the smile.