Hello and welcome. You really have a lot on your plate and no, none of this is your fault. Based on the information you have shared so far, although you said you went to a specialist for a diagnosis, I would get another opinion to confirm a diagnosis of ADHD or perhaps maybe more going on and then devise an intervention plan. The counselor has an opinion but they are not qualified to make a diagnosis of ADHD or anything else but you really should confirm what the specialist said because sometimes something else is missed or misdiagnosis can occur.
Even if your child does have ADHD, behavior modification standing alone (particularly negative reinforcement) will not effectively manage the symptoms of ADHD nor will it work. Parenting classes are very helpful but only when you have all the other tools needed to fully manage the symptoms of ADHD. Children with ADHD have a 30% maturity lag and with regard to stimulant medication, common side effects are the same for All stimulant med's but everyone responds differently. There is no such thing as a stimulant with the least amount of side effects. Response is very individual. The only exception is Straterra which is a non stimulant medication and a blood level medication. Side effects for this med differ.
Medication is the only treatment proven to safely and effectively manage all the symptoms of ADHD but shouldn't even be considered unless your convinced as the parent that the diagnosis is correct and that there is no co existing conditions. There are some children that have co existing bipolar disorder in which case giving stimulant med's could produce undesirable side effects. I'm no suggesting this is true of your child but before interventions are put into place, an accurate diagnosis is critical. What type of specialist diagnosed your child and are you comfortable with the diagnosis? Also, what recommendation did the specialist make in terms of treatment? Call the specialist and ask the receptionsit to call you if they have a cancellation before your next appointment in a few weeks. This poor child is crying out for help and the entire family needs a break. Please keep us posted.
ive tried to ignore the bad stuff, and focus on all the good stuff, but to be honest it wasnt very offen, more offen than not she is misbehaving, i try and do things with her, like we'll make cookies, but she becomes defiant and wont do anything, or just argues with her brother, i try to take her shopping for a fun thing to do, and all she does is whinge and complain when i tell her she cant have something, and has big temper tantrums, tried a reward chart, that did absolutley nothing, tried money, thats worked slightley better but not by much,hi, welcome
Boy, sounds like you could use some help. It can get overwhleming! I strongly suggest counseling. You're doing the right thing by having your daughter evaluated by a specialist and being sure to have a proper diagnosis. A GOOD parenting class can be invaluable though. These kids need to be disciplined differently. It's ok to need advice and to get it professionally. You can learn how to use positivie behavior modification and good consequence reward tools. It's exhausting and requires all your patience, but is the only way to go and the rewards are worth it. Check into your local childrens hospital for and ADHD clinic, it's a good place to start.
Hi,TWO CENTS FROM ME.
MEDS can offer certian kinds of results.
focus during school hours ability to have restful sleep emotional stabilityjust because someone sayes take a parenting class doesnt mean you are a bad parent.i hadnt worked with children when i took a job working with adhd / bipolar / odd / neglected / chldren.boy was i overwhelmedculture clash with kids and staff but the training offered kept teaching me things to try.i kept watching other staff and thier approach and tried to copy them to bring positive outcomes to what i had difficulties with.after 2 years im the one teaching staff and supervisors alike albiet not in an official capacity .there on the units with real kids and bossy co- workers.may i add that i have adhd myself with a co-existing disorder that i dont discuss openly here.
theres two main approaches
baseline behavior and crisis intervention
baseline is normal behavior
crisis intervention is partly de escalation there are techniques to bring a child back to baseline behavior.the med intervention aids the child to cope in thier environment.but is not a cure so far there to knowledge there isnt one.but certian foods and supplements in combination with meds can help maintian good heath and emotional well beingso though i dont take medications myself i see on a daily basis the benefits of meds in children .so when a parent and a doctor together team up to d o thier very bestthe child is in better care than those parents whom dont understand psycological disorders.
so the above posts are good adivice
in my humble opinion parents that yell at thier kids are punishing them parents that dicsipline thier kids do so with a calm voice. after a situation even if there is yelling take time when the situation is over to review the incedent with the child
only when the child is calm
get them to talk about briefly let them do twice as much talking.when they get to point of how it made feel .pay close attentiont and help then connect how thier feelings were tied to what happened.after youve got them to see your point of view ask them what they could have done differently This is the only non med approach that ive seen really workallbiet over a year and to really see the change in thier thinking from impulsive reactions to cognitive reasoning.the doctor helps with the three bullets for immediate intervention but without the adult care givers connecting emotions to behiors and prompting them to think of alternate choices some children continue react to many things that continue to trigger them with no change in thier emoional developement.so the childs frustration with thier environment and peers continue to be a challenge for everyone involved .i watch the nanny shows down load episode from "the parents journal"i read books about disorders to become self taught
i'll leave you with this .
stoping a behavior with yelling is what it is but perhapsa distraction 1 of about a million available can stop the behavior and then what?
invite a positve outcome and then give the child a small time to be cognitively understuood then just assit them to start towards the outcome
understanding emotional developement according to age
help with what positve outcomes to suggest
and which playmates to encourage relationships with.
sometimes a parent has to help with teach these new developemental milestones..
helping to color helping to speak in polite terms help playing turn based games help being in clubs and cliques encouragement to be cleanjust as a few of many
i didnt come to what i understand about these issues by myself.
support and private journaling help me a great dealalso too for a child support is key
a parent that only punishes is a difficult person to approach with angry,mad ,sad emotions a parent that disciplines helps scared , confussed , ebarressed , frustrated children talk about what they could do next time.
only part of CBT COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY
WHAT A WONDERFUL PARENT YOU ARE TO ASK FOR HELP .
thanks for posting - come back and keep us up on whats going on.
Luvmykids0239887.7297453704Oh my gosh, you are dealing w/ a lot. If anyone tells you that it's your fault, that's your tipoff to get another opinion. Clearly there are major issues going on, and you're a great mom for trying to get to the bottom of it and trying to figure out how to help your kids. Once you get a correct diagnosis, reading and parent classes can be helpful for learning the best techniques to work w/ the issues. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong w/ you as a parent. We all have additional info. to learn! Actually, 1 of the signs of a good parent is someone who's willing to invest the time and energy to do things for their kids.
I hope you can get another appointment soon and get the help your family desperately needs!