I also had my first panic attack 2 years ago and it was horrific.  I forget occasionally that it happened but it changed my life so much.  I don't unse drugs or drink alcohol.  I am a nurse, single mother and was in graduate school at the time as well as supervising the nursing agency I work for.  Since then, I have quit grad school, decreased my work to only 1 or 2 days a week and have had several failed relationships with men.  The only good thing that came out of this episode was that I now spend alot of times with my children.  I did go to the doctor, and all that they wanted to do was give me pills.  I took Zoloft for awhile but they kept increasing my dose until I couldn't even sit still.  I was so anxious on the Zoloft, I felt like I was going crazy.  So I quit that med.  After about 6 months the deep depression hit me.  That is the most empty, black hole feeling I've ever been in.  I went to the doctor and they gave me Paxil.  It worked pretty good in very low doses 10mg a day, but I slept alot and really didn't desire to do anything.  Now I am back to the social anxiety, anticipatory anxiety of panic attacks and crying spells.  I really don't know if I should go to a doctor for another med or try some herbal medicine that might help.  Does anyone have any advice for me?  I really don't want to take those psychotrophic drugs if I don't have to.   

Panicky

You have  probably tried this, if so apologies. Have you considered counselling rather than medication. It seems you may be struggling with loads of loss issues, e.g. less social contact at work and grad school and the failed relationships can't have helped your self esteem. Perhaps how you feel is a natural reaction to such life changes, I know my first therapy was when I was at home looking after young children and I became depressed but was able to work out why this was so and then be less harsh on myself.

Recognising what made me feel the way I did was the first step.

I do accept that depression can have a biological cause but I'm convinced that more often than not it's the emotions about life that are driving it.

Ji panicky,

   I agree with wifeandmum  finding the right therapist can really make a difference in your life. You may have to go through a couple to find the right one.

 Also, do a search on Inositol and depression. It is a natural supplement and the reseacrh that has done on treating depression is really quite amazing.  As a nurse you'll be able to understand the technical stuff. I always like to try the natural before the meds.

   I will have good thoughts and prayers for you, I know how debilitating depression can be and how it can effect every aspect of your life.

 taximom

While you are looking for a therapist, you might cosider writing down all the changes that have taken place  and then take each one and consider what effect this might have on your day to day life and how this makes you feel.

If you can isolate what it is about a change that makes you feel negative, then look for a way to deal with the cause. ie the obvious one for me was when I missed the company of adults, feeling isolated at home . I looked for opportunities for adult company that did not involve children. I personally studied with the Open University here in England, I don't know if you have such a thing where you are. I.m assuming you are in America, it doesn't tell me against your name. Anyway that turned out to be good for me on the isolation front but there were other things that I had to deal with. I always found talking helped because you kind of work out the solutions for yourself in the end.

Feeling that you are up against it is tough and depression is the pits but if you feel that you are doing something about it it puts you back in control and that is really important.

Dont feel alone out there. I have only just found this site after years of struggling with ADD in my family and I have already got loads of good information from people who know what they are talking about. What a relief.