suspended from school (5) days granola ba | ADHD Information

Do you have an IEP or 504? that is ridiculous! they are tahing advantage of your child and punishing him for something that he probably could not help. Impulsivity was a problem for my son for a while on Vyvanse but since we have changed to Concerta everything has changed. But he stole little things from school and nobody did anything more than counsel him and make him stay in for recess.How old is your son? Is this the first time? And like Spamula asked, does he have a 504 or Iep in place?

Have you asked him if he did it and if so, why?
yes he does have an IEP in place,he is 17 and he done something similar right before christmas which was shorty after we had put him on vyvance which is what he is currently on 60mgs plus zoloft 75mgs. and yes we have asked him if he done this and his response was and always has been consistant yes but the teacher said here is some granola bars not being specfic on the quantity. he has always stuck to this story. he said the teacher found the wrappers in the trash and questioned him and at first he said they were not his and then he admitted to it. then to the next day after is when he was called to the office for suspesion. not right away.

i am new to this board, have posted a few times still trying t get aquainted with everything. but after reading several strories and testamonies from moms, dads . i had a new one i wanted everyone to hear about and give some feedback or insight on this for our son and us as parents. our son was suspended for (5) days for theft of get this granola bars x2 , .

we will be going before the princiapal tomarow/teacher who summoned this action. this is to Bethann can you tell me what i might need to be looking for in the IEP. I went to the educational co-op to get a copy and go over it very well but as i was looking over it i have found some things of interest but was just wondering if you could tell me more of what i should be looking for. that i can take to the school and say hey. or even someone higher up. reply soon if can thanks so much.It is an Individual Education Plan. You, the parents, the child's teachers, as well as the principal and special education teachers get together AFTER the child has been evaluated. This is when the school brings in specialists to observe, test, the child to see where they may need special help. It could mean learning math one on one, receiveing speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, needing a teachers aide for your child all the time, etc. It is for those who need help in order to learn.

My son had one due to his speech delay and sensory integration (he had an OT). He did not have any learning issues, but gave us one to keep an eye on him. He was then off the IEP and moved to a 504 plan where he has teachers keeping an eye on his organizational skills, his writting isn't the best, and he has speech again. This allows my son to take tests like MCAS in massachusetts (state tests) and even SAT, ACTs when he is older also untimed.
There really isn't much to follow except if we need them, they are there. My son is doing a lot on his own, because he doesn't want any attention brought to him, however, his ADHD qualifies him for an 504 plan. And I am NOT giving it up.

there is a huge thread about this under ADHD and School.
Also, a IEP is stronger than a 504 and followed better. A lot complain that the 504 isn't being followed here on the boards. The IEP is also more of a legal binding contract and the school district can be sued if they are NOT following it!!
They need 30 school days to evaluate your son in order to see if he qualifies.
How did the meeting go??
my husband does not want to go he thinks they wont listen to us as all the times before. But i feel we have to keep going and get them to step up to the plate so this stuff does not keep happening to our son or anybody else's. but i feel we have to do something. so anyway we did not go today like i wanted. so tomarrow. The teacher gave him a box of granola bars and told him take one, and he took three instead? And that is considered theft? Jessica N39908.3921527778

Go today, your son needs you to! They will not give him the support, nor leave him alone with this obsurdity, until you do go.

Your husband needs to be strong and have the upper hand. I found that when I went alone, they weren't as "helpful" to our son, as they were when my husband was there. They are actually afraid of the fathers, but not the mothers. Others have said the same.

He needs you to advocate, fight, for him. Please go!

I am not only shocked at the teacher's ridiculous behaviour, but at the school's for supporting the teacher and then suspending him.

You need to go there and teach the school right from wrong!

I've been following this thread but haven't said anything out of confusion, partially.

Clearly there is more going on here than what you've typed.  You've been to the school before, but alllllll those times they didn't listen?  What other things have brought you there?  And how often?

I'm a little bothered by your lack of understanding with the IEP.  He is 17? How long has he had the IEP? What is on it? Who initiated it?

And your husband...this is hard for the guys somehow...my son is only 6, but I see DH struggle.  We have an understanding now.  He backs ME!  We discuss things before the meeting (and doctors appointments) we make sure we are in agreement and that we have clear goals that we want from that meeting.  I do most of the talking and DH takes it all in.  If he sees things getting away from our goals, or that there are bumping heads, he speaks...but it's not like I stiffle him...this is his assignment...he is NOT to allow that meeting to end until we are heard and our concerns are addressed. 

He feels guilty about not standing up for DS for a good period of time, and so now he is my 'muscle'...so to speak.  This is easy for him, and much more in line with his 'comfort zone.'   DH is not a businessman, I think if he were, negotiations and things would be easier for him.  He is an engineer, smart about how to get something done, but not so good with people.  I on the other hand have my experience in insurance were it seemed all we did was negotiate...we combine our strengths to get what we need FOR MY SON.

So my suggestion is to sit down and figure out where your strengths are, and devise a plan of 'attack' so to speak.

Then figure out what you want.  And it's not to leave your son alone...you need to ask for specific things!

Do not be mean rude or condescending! Polite and smiling is the BEST approach.

I find questions work well.  Kinda beat around the bush type questions. For example:

"I am a little confused about the reason for suspension, could you clarify? My son says that the teacher offered all the students granola bars, but now he is being accused of stealing those same granola bars, that he accepted when offered?"

Do NOT give them a reason to think you do not care!!!!  GET YOUR ARSE UP TO THAT SCHOOL!

The other thing that occured to me while reading...did that ridiculous teacher make a fool out of your son in front of the whole class?  Did she question him about the 2 wrappers in such a way as to embarrass him?  Wouldn't any 17 year old deny anything that would deminish their status???? HELLLO!!!!  And he may not even have known until that moment that he had done something not exactly right.  He's a 17 year old BOY for cripes sake...they could eat an entire cow and still be hungry...a friggin granola bar?  That's like 2 cookies instead of 1???  If she offered him a snack without being specific, he likely took EXACTLY what he wanted and really didn't see anything wrong with it!

Ok...I'm really angry at this school!  And I'm going to be point blank here...if you don't go take care of business, advocate for your son, who in the world is going to do it?

Good luck at the meeting!  Be strong, direct and confident!

I agree with the above post. How long has he had an IEP? Have you been called up each year for his annual review of services?

I hope they didn't embarass him over granola bars, how embarssing for THEM!!

Has the school labeled him at all?? I am really concerned!!

You really need to get up to the school and "fight"/advocate for your son!!

ok i am glad you have been following this thread two heads are better than one,and yes we have been to the school a few times for our son being bullied, his ocd with his laptop, him taking a pair of headphones that belonged to another studant. no i am not saying our son is innocent all the time but i do feel there are also plenty of times he is being taken advandged of by the school or by a specific few teachers. thats all i am saying.i do feel that i understand to the best of my ability the IEP, but i asked Bethann for more imformation because i thought maybe i was missing something. thats all and yes he is 17,he has had an IEP in place for now going on 6 years. there is a total of ten pages to his IEP from from healt th to IQbehavior intervention plan and several more pages . the school and us initiated the IEP.thank you for being concerned and yes i am taking your advice and am going to them today. with the imfomation that has been passed on to me by all of you. thanks   

Thank you for the information. I am glad that you are on top of things up there.

I too have a son that has been bullied and we have had to go up to the school to get their help. I am glad that you are sticking up for him. I also think 17 is hard.

How are his grades, are the teachers helping with that department, if necessary? I have an adhhhhhhhhhhhhhhd'er who can be impulsive, and hyper without his meds, BUT he is a great kid. We had the IEP but lost it to a 504 plan. they are still following it.

If it wasn't for us going to the school, it wouldn't have stopped!!

Please let us know if we can be of any help/support. I hope all works it way out, you know we think the school is nuts!! for the suspension.

I also hope his health is well, I am REALLY sensitive and care about all kids!

thanks for the reply!!

Ok, I'm sensing that I have made you defensive, and that is not at all what I set out to do.  Mostly just wanted to shake you up a bit.  You need to be strong and fight...this is your son's life, ya know!

Ok, so there are behavioral issues.  I'm assuming that there are interventions in place for that? They need to do more than overreact when somethign happens, they need to be proactive in modifying inappropriate behavior.  Is there a behavioralist monitoring him?  What actions are listed on the IEP?  That may be a good place to focus in the meeting.

I'm no expert on bullying...but what I know from life, is that generally (particularly with boys) that if one picks up on a 'weakness' they will exploit it.  From a distance this is really a good thing for our speces...strengthen the herd mentality.  Closer up, when you are dealing with it directly, it hurts and it's difficult to overcome.  I'm not clear on whether this is still an ongoing issue...if it is, I suggest you pinpoint what it is that is causing the bullying, and work on that...incorporate that into the IEP! Without knowing the exact situation, it's obviously a LOT easier to type...but target that as one of your goals....ASK what can be added to help your son develop the skills to cope. Being bullied by the teacher in addition to students is NOT the right approach!   

Now, assuming for a moment that the bullier was in this same class (with the granols bars)...well, I think, if I were your son, I would have been sweating bullets and panicking over what would get me out of the spot light as fast as possible, not at all thinking about what might be the RIGHT answer for the teacher, ya know.  Something to consider.

Another thought...he COULD have done this intentionally, to 'impress' the bullier...without really understanding the dynamics of that, ya know.  He may be trying desperately, every idea he can, to improve his standing in this other students eye...not a good approach...which is why he should have some specific items on the IEP.

I in NO way meant to imply that you were trying to pass your son as innocent (what kid is?), or that you were withholding information to imply that...what I meant was that there was CLEARLY more to the story than what you had given us for detail...it just didn't add up...so it was difficult to respond. 

It now sounds to me, and in no way does it change any of my previous advice, that the school/teacher is punishing him for previous acts.  The headphones...well that's hard to defend...it was someone else's and it didn't belong to him, and he deserved consequences - period.  Assuming there was malicious intent with the granola bar, well that can only be done if you consider the headphone incedent (or if there are additional details like the teacher specifically said take 1).  This needs to be discussed with your son.  He needs to understand that he is making a reputation for himself and that is how this happened.  If he doesn't want that rep (or the teachers to overreact with every single thing), then his behavior needs to change.

I almost think there needs to be a conversation with the principal, the teacher, your son, and you guys, to come to a better understandign of what occured, and how he handled it...as well as how the school handled it.  But in some ways I think that could be bad too...I just don't know...but it does seem possible that there is more to this story...a 5 day suspension for a stupid granola bar is REALLY EXCESSIVE!

Does your son have a confirmed diagnosis?

ok yes you did shake me up and it did get things going. yes there are behavioral issues  his diagnosis is pdd-nos,adhd,ocd,odd.the only intervention plan in place is on a daily sheet for teachers to make sure he is not tardy,that he begins work promptly,follows direction 1st time,works quietly.yes he does have an behavioral specialist who he see about once a month.there was my son the teacher, and another female studant in the room when offered the bars and after that the teacher put bars on desk behind my son, lest the room with the female studant and thats when she the teacher came back and saw him chewing and cconfronted him.in the letter from the school it states our son was alreadysuspended fortheft in december for the headphones for three days.they are stating this as a 2nd offense  for theft of teachers property.

well guess what they  feel like they gave the write dicipliary action , they condider it to be 2nd offense theft for , he had action taken upon him in december for first offense theft. and they just keep building it up is what they said as to why he got 5 days suspension.and they also feel like the teacher  is telling to truth and not our son   her statement was she gave each studant 1 and put the box on her desk behind my son. and then turned to my son and noticed he was still eating. three wrappers were in the trash can by his desk. and she the teacher still says she asked him if he took 2 additional bars and he said no at first and then admitted it. that is what they are hearing and beliving nothing that we say or do they are not hearing our side or our sons side. they feel they did no wrong. left very upset and disapointed. how ever we do have a meeting with his behavioral specialist and DR  along with teachers and paras tomarrow at 330 right now just feeling very let down by our system.I so know how you feel! My 10 year old is the constant scapegoat for everything in school that happens wrong. Big Deal he ate a couple of granola bar for gods sake! He didn't do anything violent, this punishment is downright wrong and considering the ADHD that about says everything. Kosherd, I am so glad that you found us. We are here to offer you and your family support.

the school is really making a big deal over NOTHING, in my opinion. there is so much worse going on with students in schools these days, that this doesn't even come close.

How is your son doing? Does it bother him? How are things for him socially? I hope this doesn't affect that at all. 17 is a difficult time. Is he a senior or junior? It sounds like you have been on top of things, but just stuck with a horrible school system, no real support.

Is he really that big of a discipline concern, I don't want to use the word problem. Can I ask why a behavior specialist, is he withdrawn, is he still being bullied? CAn the girl tell them that he is telling the truth about what was said??? I think there are more important things to be concentrating on, like his academics!!
BETHANN39896.6116666667

I so hear thats what we thought that there are so many other things studants are doing that our far worse, than taking an extra granola bar. He is doing ok, and it seems to make him  mad  or angery if we talk about it. he is a very social person, does not no a stranger and that in itself is good and bad. but what we have came across is his peers and even some adults don't no how to relate to him or even want to give him a chance at a friend ship so he does not have many friends , i would say 1 or 2, but i would rather him have only 1 or 2 true friends than a bunch of fake one's. he is a junior. he has a behavioral specialist for his odd, in which he has power struggles with his computer which is related to his ocd, he can not shut down when asked it it hard for him to transition, he gets stuck and then thats is where the behavior parts start. other than that no. they feel he is being direspectful when he does not listen within there reason. he is definatly not withdrawn i would toataly no something is wrong if that were the case.  oh and yes he is bullied about every other day by some boy's in a few of his classes and you no the really sad thing is my son would be there for them in a minute if they need him or thought they would be his friends. He say's the girl does not care for him so i am going to say no because i thought that also. and yes i am so thankful  i found this site.  and you great people with great advice.

wow. my son just stole a lil toy from his cousin and i gave him this whole speech about how stealing is wrong. i'm sure it went through one ear and out the other...but i forgot about the impulsivitiy. now i feel horrible because i went about it the wrong way. Sometimes it's very difficult to tell the difference between adhd symptoms and normal child misbehavior. I am now thinking that maybe he really didnt steal it. maybe he just put it in his pocket impulsively, and forgot to place it back. wow.....u guys just opened my eyes a lil wider!

He may not have even known it was in his pocket!! It is just like impulsive eaters, they don't even know there if food in their mouth!!

But it could be behavior. Just a heads up! You are doing a good job mom!!

I think they are being awful tough on him over granola bars, and not admitting to it at first. There is so much worse being done by 17 yr olds today. Is your son the type to be suspended? My guess is no, he just did something impusive.

Let us know how your make out. I think this is ridiculous.

I also wonder if his 504 protects against this. See if you can find that out before the meeting, if possible!!

Please post back here when you can, thank you

Best wishes!!

You need to send a written objection to the suspension.Jessica N39908.3925347222

Kosherd, please follow what Jessica N is advising, it is GREAT advice!!

Your son doesn't deserve the treatment he is receiving, the teachers/staff needs to be spoken to by those above them, but do they know?

Have you contacted special ed about this, even your states department? Have you heard of wrights law? it is a great website run by two attorneys who are married with a adhd son, he must be in college by now, but they know the laws. let me link you here - http://wrightslaw.com/

Please go to the link and even look at the yellow pages for children - it has all sorts of locations by state to find help!!

You know something, all your son needs is ONE true friend. If he has two, then he is ahead of the game. The bullies sound like future losers to me. The school does need to put a stop to it, however, and not have your son in their class so it can be avoided. As far as the girls, well girls can be crueler than boys these days. They may not like him now, but when they are older, they will wish they knew him!! BUT before we say no to the only witness, the girl, can you have someone who is more on your side, like maybe even his behavior specialist talk with her, and YOU be there also so no one changes the story.

You need to really stay on top of this school so that they know that they can't get away with this anymore!! They will get sick of it and probably start doing the right thing.

My son is 11 and LOVES his computer, and XBOX LIVE. That is his life. He does play a sport, but we pry him off of these things. It keeps him involved, but he is not the jock of the school, even though he does hang around with some ONLY at school. He is a homebody.

What are your son's plans for after high school when he graduates next year? have you thought of a computer school, technical school, something like that? What does he want to do?

All with work its way out as he gets older and matures, remember our adhd'ers are socially immature by several years, but they do catch up!!

I have the feeling that your son is very smart, am I right? Please post us or PM us if you need anything! We are here for you and your son. Has your son ever been to this sight? He may want to post if he needs to and may even find someone just like him on one of these subjects.

Please keep us posted, and Private Message me if you want. I am here!!

Beth 

I am appalled at how your school is handling this but unfortunately not surprised.  I am so disallusioned (sp?) with our schools today!  I don't have anything to add - sounds like you are getting some great advice here.  I to have had my battles with the school.  You are not alone in this!  Good luck!

Hugs!

I definately think, like everyone, that 5 days, second offense is excessive!  I don't really know much about the laws and limits and things...please do check that link.

I'm afraid that IF he does have only 2 days left that this could be a problem for the remainder of the year IF they are targeting him like this!

What I am MORE concerned about though is his special ed needs! It does not seem nearly appropriate nor effective!

When was his last full assessment by the school?

My advice is to get him an appointment with someone OUTSIDE the school for a complete neuropsychological assessment.  Does he have a neuro or a developmental ped or anyone else following him?  If so you should be able to contact them for a recommendation to a good neuropsych in your area.   If he is not currently followed, then you should be able to ask you ped for a referral. 

Where are you by the way? Perhaps someone here knows of a good one.  I am THRILLED with the neuro-psych clinic that my son is followed by, so if you are in MA, I can give you the name of an excellent Dr!

Ok, so beyond that, what a complete assessmet will do is evaluate his current skill level and neuro psych status.  This will include a diagnosis if necessary as well as a comprehensive outline of his strengths and weaknesses.  From that the Dr will be able to make VERY specific and personalized recommendations for his growth and development.  This information can then be brought to the school to incorporate into his IEP.  And if they do not do this, then you have things like Wright's law, and FAPE and other things that you can stand on.

If there is not an easy way for you to get in touch with a good neuro-psych and I will have absolutely NO problem contacting my son's Dr and asking for a name in your area.

This is something I feel you need to do RIGHT AWAY!

As for your meeting...I'm glad you took care of it.  I am VERY sorry that it did not turn out anything like you had hoped!

As for your son's attitude about the incident, I think you need to find some way to have this conversation with him.  He sounds a TON like my son!!! His most recent eval indicated that he no longer meets the criteria for a PDD-NOS diagnosis but that there are still 'lingering shadows' of his history.  He has been rediagnosed with ADHD (combined type).  He is rigid, difficult to transition, and really just does what HE wants.  He is 6.  So I TOTALLY know what having a conversation is like when the decision has been made that it's better off not talked about.  But you've GOT to find a way!  He NEEDS to understand how OTHERS view things and why it's SO important that he use this as a guiding force because people are beginning to see him as a thief.  Of course presenting this shuld be done more delicately than how I just did...but in order for opinions to change he is going to need to be on his VERY best behavior!  How could he have done things differently?  Well, he could have simply waited for the teacher to return, then asked her politely for seconds...not so hard!  And I bet she would have given it to him too...

Now, my stance would be that he CLEARLY needs more time with the behavioralist...if he is not seeing that what he has done was wrong...but I get it...afterall the teacher offered...and then I'm sure he denied it at first because it was clear that she was not happy...DER!  He is a kid afterall! 

I am going to also recommend that you look into RDI (Relationship Development Intervention). It is a form of therapy so to speak and it is targeted toward people on the spectrum.  You will likely find much of the information not applicable, but understanding the approach will be the MOST important thing for you as his parent...but there will be some things that will be very approapriate, like borrowing other people's perspective, and learning to manage the anxiety of the unknown (transition management).  There are therapists that can work directly with your son, but they are very expensive, and sometimes hard to find.  What I have chosen to do, mostly because I think my son's issues aren't as complex as they used to be (as far as an ASD is concerned) is to read the books and talk to other parents using the system.  I've been lax lately, but it is moving up on my priority list!

Here is a link: http://www.rdiconnect.com/

There you will find a forum and books for purchase.  Sometimes you can get them cheaper on Amazon.  They have just released a new edition...I need to order it myself.

You can also search on youtube for RDI where some parents have uploaded their sessions/lessons.  It'll give you a good idea of how it works.  There are also informational videos on the program there too.

OK, that's my gut reaction, first thing this morning...let me know if you have any questions.

*KJ*39897.2405671296