Daughter with ADHD at early age | ADHD Information

After reading so many topics, its nice to know that there are people out there that truely understand what we have to deal with on a daily basis.  I look at my 7 year old daughter whom we have been constantly having to work with to keep on track since a very early age. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety disorder and we have significant issues with defiant behavior.  Since a very early age, she has been very independent (not very affectionate unless it is on her timing), very needy of a routine schedule (or we would pay the price), tantrums which may have started over hardly nothing at all, sensory issues with clothes, difficutly keeping her attention and her avoiding anything to do with learning. We started on medication when she was 5.  Like many others, the mornings are just horrible and the guilt we feel having to send her off to school knowing I have had to discipline her.  I look at her sometimes and just cry inside wondering if we will ever be able to have a normal mom and daughter relationship. I try to do things with her (bake, shopping, crafts, movies etc.... ) but it seems as if something always goes wrong or she wonders off and is not interested.  When not on medication, she is 99.5 percent of the time rude, obnoxious, loud, cruel and I know deep down inside this is not really her.  Sometimes I wonder what she is thinking inside, if she know that this is not normal or if she dislikes being that way.  Then there are times (when on medication) that she is the most loving, compassionate child eventhough her attention span is still not that great unless it is something she really loves or is interested in.  I love her very much and thank God for her everyday knowing that he would not have given me more than I can handle.  I am very fortunate to be able to work out of my home so that I am home with her as much as possible but it is definitely taking a toll on me. I am very concerned about her every having a normal life/relationships.  I would love to hear from other parents who have dealt with such strong behaviors at early ages and how they have come to cope or deal with it and how and if their relationships with their children have improved as the child ages. What are the probabilites of them growing out of it or needing medication through their adult years.  I have so many questions....I am also concerned that having seen psych. professionals from an early age she will grow up thinking she is not "normal".  She is already making comments "I'm a bad girl".  Please, any help or advice would be appreciated......

I totally understand the desire to raise a child that is low maintainance.  I try not to cringe when I hear parents complain about lost backpacks, fussy eaters, or battles over what clothes to wear in the morning.  I wish that was our life. But it's not and may never be.  Instead there is an endless round of doctor appointments, insurance forms, bills, and concerns about medication/dosages.  I suspected early on my now 9 yr old son was 'more'.  More active, more impulsive, more defiant, etc.  Did alot of speech and occupational therapy plus the usual behavior doctors.  It does get easier.  Most kids mature alot between 5 and 7.  I too freak out that my son will pick up on the huge amount of time we spend with medical professionals and all of the tests (EEG, MRI's, diagnostic testing) that none of his friends undergo.  I try to make his life as normal as possible.  He is on 10 mg of focalin XR and 1.5 clonidine at night and so far this combo has helped him academically but has not addressed some of his social issues and his impulsivity.  I try not to focus on dreaming that one day he won't need meds, but it sure would be nice.  You are right to be concerned about self esteem issues with your daughter.  As she gets older, there will be clubs and groups she can join that will provide built in friendships.  For us, it has gotten easier but we put alot of work into making it this far.  Setbacks still occur.  My son is wired a certain way and he cannot always control his behavior.  He has learned some self regulation and tools to get him through the day.  Still there are days when he is impossible.  The only advice I can offer is hang in there.  Get support here and locally.  I met one of my best friends when we were both bringing our sons to a local park at 7 am before school started, so they could burn off some steam.  It helps to talk to other parents in your shoes. 

I just wanted to post back to you and send your hugs!!

You are a truly wonderful MOM!! You care so much about your daughter and it shows. And yes you do have a lot going on.

Is she your only child? I wondered if she had been evaluated for bipolar? It just kind of popped into my mind as I was reading about her/your day.

I want to help anyway that I can, even if it is just for support.