Mom of adhd son...i need more patience. | ADHD Information

This is my first time posting. I am dealing with the same issue with my 6 year old son with ADHD. I am so drained. I declared nap time today. My 3 year old dughter and I slept for 2 1/2 hours. I thought my son was sleeping also and I was hoping that some rest would help his mood. Come to find out he had been playing in his room the whole time. He is on 10 mg of Adderall XR once a day since Nov. and we are not seeing the results at home in the evenings and weekends that we did when we first started. His teacher has not shared any concerns lately so I am assuming he is still doing well there. He is extremely bright and has never struggled academically. My husband and I find ourselves having to give him directions over and over to the point of yelling and our son argues constantly. We are exhasperated. Our daughter is beginning to mimic his behaviors which really scares me. Is it too soon for the medication to stop working? Does he maybe just need a higher dose. I know that medicine helps but I really do hate the idea of medicating my child with a stimulant for his whole life. Any advice for a worried mother of a fairly newly diagnosed child with ADHD?

Welcome iluvtwobabies. Perhaps your child has not yet seen maximum benefit from the medication, The child has to go through a trial of medication before the right medication and dose is found and once that happens, there shouldn't be a constant increase in the dose. Stimulant medications are not blood level medications so therefore the body des not develop an immunity as not too long after the dose has worn off the medication flushes out of the system.

While ADHD medication is not a behavior pill, there shouldn't be constant fighting and battles if the medication is truly effective. As far as academics, there usually isn't a problem before 2nd or 3rd grade unless the child has a learning disability. Academics do become a problem once the work becomes more abstract and the child is expected to work more independently. Don't gauge results or success on academic standing because ADHD is not an academic problem. Academics eventually do become a problem only because when ADHD is ineffectively treated the child becomes overwhelmed and cannot focus long enough to absorb and retain the information, Again, this usually starts to happen as they move up in the grades.

My advice is to do on going reading and research about ADHD and the medications for it as the more you understand, the less you fear. ADHD is a chronic condition. It exists throughout life and gone untreated or ineffectively treated, it affects and impacts on every area of life in a negative way. No one likes to give their child medication but if it gives the child quality of life, like medication for a medical condition, it saves their life. There are normally dose changes while going through a trial of med's or sometimes at puberty when hormones are changing.

Again, because your fairly new at this, do the research to better understand the disorder. Knowledge about the disorder will be truly helpful in terms of making informed decisions for your child. What type of doctor diagnosed your child and also, who is the prescribing doctor? The right specialist can make all the difference in terms of finding the right medication and dose for your child. Many parents use pediatricians and unfortunately, they just don't have the knowledge or expertise necessary with regard to diagnosis and med management. Please stick around as you will gain a wealth of information and emotional support here

I just wanted to add that since you guys are fairly new in terms of an ADHD diagnosis for your child , you might want to check out the "Marble" thread. Its a behavior modification strategy that you might find very helpful. Check it out......

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19898& PN=1&TPN=1

My son was lucky enough to have the same kindergarten teacher as he does for first grade. She was the first person to address her concerns with me. Her concerns prompted me consult his pediatrician for advice. Although I do see symptoms of ADHD behavior sometimes my gut tells me that there is something more. My husband and I have discussed taking our son to a specialist. I am fearful that after years of different diagnosis' and various medications that we will still not know what is going on with him. This has happened to my 15 year old niece. My sister began seeking answers when she was 5. She has endured brain scans, tests, studies, etc with no concrete results. Thank you so much for your reassuring words. I am planning to get up tomorrow and be proactive. I will be calling a specialist to schedule an appointment as well as visiting the library to educate myself more. I'll keep you posted.

There are alot of resources for children with ADHD, but what about the parents? I mean, my son is a great son. But as you all know, its not easy raising a child with ADHD. ALthough the meds are a great help, i only rely on help with them during school. When he is at home, I dont give him his medicine. I try to be as patient and understanding as possible, but sometimes i want to pull my hair out from the frustration. I dress my son every morning for school, even though he is almost 9 years old. I have tried having him do it but it takes him forever because he is so easily distracted. i have to walk him to the bathroom, and make sure he brushes his teeth, because otherwise he'll just stand there with his toothbrush in his hand, playing with the water. I have to micro manage him to clean his room because he is incapable of cleaning it in a timely manner. I have to sit down and literally make sure that he stays on task with his homework, and it still takes more than an hour what should take 30 minutes. I have to call his name a million times because he doesnt hear me (he has good hearing). I have to remind him to go to the bathroom because otherwise he will pee on himself. I can keep going. I know that this is all because of ADHD, but sometimes i feel like i cant handle it. I lose my temper, my patience, my sanity, my mind! I try to show my son that i am level headed..but inside i am sooo frustrated. I even cry cause i cant take it. I know God doesnt give us what we cant handle, and i wouldnt trade my son for anyone else, but there must be something out there than can help me through this.

I can so relate to how worn out and tired your feeling. Oh boy, been there. However, please understand that ADHD is not just a problem in school. It affects every area of life. Quality of life is actually more important out of school because it affects life skills or the lack of and social interactions. If the child was able to control his impulsivity and unacceptable behaviors he wouldn't be diagnosed with ADHD, He is not choosing to behave the way he does and he cant be disciplined out of ADHD when he's not in school. The child shouldn't have to struggle through the day nor should the family unit so it does no good, only harm to withhold the medication off school hours. Medication allows the child's personal best to surface socially, emotionally and academically so please allow him the chance to experience his personal best off school hours as well. The combination of medication and good behavior modification plan works wonders for children and the parents but the behavior plan is only good as the person enforcing it so I recommend family counseling by a psychologist who can devise a behavior plan suited to your child's needs. The whole point of interventions is to eliminate the struggles and allow the child to experience a normal life which unfortunately cant be done by discipline standing alone and no amount of patience and understanding will alleviate the symptoms in the absence of effective treatment. History has proven this to be true over and over through the years. At this point take a deep breathe and then reevaluate what your doing. If what your doing isnt working at this point then perhaps you should revisit the med schedule. While meds are no miracle cure, they manage the symptoms most effectively and in doing so allows the child to have many more good days and many less bad days in and out of school. Hang in there

Luvmykids0239899.5332175926bettybee, you have to also take time for YOU. Your batteries need recharging too. Mental breaks away, whether it's night out with husband or a girls night out, or both!! A yoga class, book club? You need time away for yourself where you won't be focused on his issues.

OMG:: you have my son over there!!!!! Same here, we have to micro manage in the am or nothing gets done. We have to micromanage at home or homework and bedtime chores do not get done. I lay out the clothes and even bought a dry erase board with step by step directions for him to follow, it made no difference.

I honestly think I could still deal with it if my son had some social skills and was not a complete outcast but he is unable to make or keep friends and does not get along with hardly anyone. I am always lecturing about how to treat a friend and he gets therapy at school but no improvement. I am already looking into home schoolig this child as soon as he turns 12 and can stay home alone while I sleep ( night shift nurse here)

Longsally, does he have at least one friend to eat lunch with and to hang out at recess?

You know maybe your son is the loner type, by choice.

I know that I can't stand reading how other adhd'ers stuggle with the friend issue as well as us. My son was labeled and goes to a snobby town. The girls seem to be meaner than the boys! But he has found some friends since entering middle school. As long as he has one friend and isn't alone during free time, like lunch and recess.

My son doesn't choose to be alone that is why he told the guidance counselor that he hanged out with the boys at elementary school even when they were mean and didn't tell on them because he didn't want to be alone. I think that is so sad.

I really hope he doesn't eat/play at school alone. that would make me sad too!

He does have one friend in the class but....please read the post i just put up on did I do wrong to see what is happenning there. believe me, he is not a loner. Even the counselor at school said that he is the type of kid who will apologize for something he didnt even do just to be liked. That was one of the best things that happened when my son started going
to the special ed room. He made friends with those kids, and most have
ADHD, so they're not all that easy to get along with. And by learning how to
be friends with them he's made friends in his regular classroom.

My son's school has something called the "lunch bunch," which is a table
where kids from the whole grade go when they're having a bad day. There
is a teacher to help talk to them about what's going on. It's a formal lunch
conversation. See if your school has something like that, and if your son can
go to it. He could meet new friends and practice relating to his peers.

My son was diagnosed just shy of 5. He was medicated at the end of first grade. Unfortunately, he was labeled and bullied due to his hyperness/impulsive behavior.

Medication really saved him. He is almost 12 and GREAT!! He is an A/B student, B's when he doesnt study, A's when he does.

He is medicated EVERY DAY of the week, he has ADHD Every day of the week. By stopping meds and starting again, it really is hard on the child.

I have found that we went through so much and I am so proud of him, my compassion takes over. I remember when he was young and before medication how hard it was to not lose your patience. I find comfort in shopping, unfortunately. I also went back to work for the health insurance.

Please keep us posted on how things are going. we have all been there and still are, just managing things!!

iluvtwobabes wrote:
I will be calling a specialist to schedule an appointment as well as visiting the library to educate myself more. I'll keep you posted.

Excellent!

Corrina, wow that "lunch bunch" sounds like a great idea! Hi there--I would try to integrate some tools and consequences into the mix for the morning routine. Maybe a list to check off?Jessica N39908.3865972222

My son has been taking tenex along with concerta since we began meds when he was turning 7, he is now turning 12. His is to help relax him due to hyperness and anxiety. The combo really helps my son, I hope it works for yours as well!!

We started at .5mg ( I split the pill) but then he need an increase to 1 mg and has been there since he was 7, same dose, however his concerta has gone up. It may be time for an increase with both meds.

What dose are you starting at??

BETHANN39910.1063425926

something else I picked up.

PROMPTING

Five minutes before you need to do something.

announce IT

In five minutes you need to have your trays put away!

THIS GIVES INTO THE OTHER TWO

SPACE

TIME

If we are consistent with prompting and make sure that if theyre do It in five minutes

if you prompt them again no more than two time . and they still refuse

then calmly respond by giving a consequince and follow through with it.

no radio , games ,internet , phone . till next morning or whatever is the minor privleges

this teaches compliance and expectation.

I believe this also trains adults to discipline calmly and consistently.

further example.

toys

at a regular(routine) play time

the five minute prompt

" In five minutes we need to go!"

You see that heres too much to put away in five minutes .

if they are truly tring put things away but gettig frustrated

ask if they need help and helpthem-

this type of "hurdle" help is a time to build trust

small talk about positive thingsthat theve been tring to do.

The same with a clean room.

I personally think if its twice a day

before lleaving in the morning o organize thing and gather school stuff before dinner the cleaning part this also gives space and time

I believe its okay to assist with cleaning after theve started on thier own

the goal is for them to do it thier selves

make it routine to clean every inch once a month like a room search

and help throw out what is just junk.

this help with seeing them as individules what theyer really "into"

but also lets them know your boss

I'm not talking being a white gloved nazi

but if they dont want you in there HELPING THEM do it

then there probably something in there that they dont want you to know about.

----

The same with homework

five minute prompt to start

hurdle help to organize thier assingments and supplies until they do it forthemselves

a consistent expectation to do it start withing that five minutes or they loose thier radio or what ever while studing.

be sneaky

if youre always present during te start of homework time and theyre really just trying to avoid doing it.

work on your positive rapore

allow them to talk to you its its own positive attention reward that goes towards positve attenion seeking.

But theres a hitch with that

negative attention seeking is a path of eggshells.

if you know thier baseline then you see a hard evening coming from a mile away.

give more space on that day give more allitle more time

even if they start saying the "NO" word use "proximiy"

standing in the room where homework is usually done- if thier seeking attention they will find you. thats when i go to my "mood changers"

i know what they like .'

one kid likes cars so i had a magizine of cars i distracted him with it then said "well get finished and ill let you have for a week. gave some time and and some quiet acted like i was really curious about something on a page looked up and then went over to help him get started. those "distractions dont always work but it that time and was better than his usual "talking himself into a mad" behavior.

kinda like asking a naggy woman if she's done something to her hair - sometimes it changes the whole mood of room.

asking a attention seeking child that is silly but if keep those distractions kept back somewhere then thier like tools in tool belt.

see i cant give med advice because im not qualified or experienced with it.

but i can offer ameture opinions

stucture

routine

speaking calmly baseline

non verbal communication outburst

consistent expectations

prompts

redirects (distractions)

directive statements

hurdle help

list of coping skills

alternative caregiver

meds

counseling

space

time

talking about feelings baseline

connecting feelings to behaviors - when calmed after outburst

simple discussion of what to do differently next time those feeling are felt.

In My Humble Opinion

ommas39911.5779050926

WOW!! Can I ever relate! I have to give my daughter her meds on the weekend. I love her to death, but would be arrested for homicide if I didn't give it to her! I am a single parent and live at home with my parents. It's a win-lose situation. I am a teacher, so obviously I don't earn much money. I get to live rent-free, and they get someone to help with the bills and to house-sit and dog-sit when they go on their regular RV trips. The down side is living at home! My fathe is bi-polar, and doesn't understnad that his rages cause her meltdowns, and that screaming at her when she's upset does nothing more than cause more problems.

The good thing is my mother is usually willing to watch her so that I can get away for a little while. I don't what I would do if I couldn't get just a small break here and there!

Hello again. Went to pediatrician on Friday for med refill and discussed with him my concerns about aggression and frustration. He prescribed Tenex to help with this. Is anyone familiar with this med. My son is only taking it once and day at night for now. Doc said I may need to increase it to twice a day if I don't see a lot of improvement. The marble system is working for now but isn't preventing him from hitting his sister and crying at the drop of a hat.

If you need descalation techniques try CBTcognitive behavior therapy learning theses types of therapy also teaches parenting practices like mange the environment understanding statementsinviting positive outcome the value of speaking calmly during and outburst of behavior.cbt has been around for decades rewritten and relabled and practiced in intitutions .thing is youre alraedy many of the same things already its just defined method.

i applaud you for saying you know there is more to learn about how to handel being the "caregiver" of your children. how kick in with some real knowledge that guides them into emotional developement.tough love isnt the answer, but sometimes it is how do we know when to do it. heres my skinny on it . know thier calm baseline - thats when you have real talk with them - not when thier out of control. attention is 90% of itadhd folks usually need stimulus to light up thier brainsnegative attention is easy to get positve attention well thats up to you. I personally recommend pos+ attention for "a strong work ethic" we need that in adulthood. A close eye on emotional developement - a caregiver that helps teach what is age appropriate - since social situations dont always alow learning from peers adult caregivers could role play as peer to teach social nuances. Age six coloring in groups. some maybe more intrested in just coloring. yes there are clinical approaches.we dont always know whats best for our kid. thats why applaud your thread here. journal through this journey read read read . know the difference between punish and discipline many parents dont know what to do get overwhelmed and neglect them. be cosistent , but rule from the heart. be a master of distraction! and may never raise your voice. most adhd just dont process what they hear mostly what they see.--------------

side point in this rambling. when my mind races its not hearing fast voices its usually fast paced concepts that flitter away like the tails of waking dreams nearly 1 a second. hard to stay focused in the present with so many people places and things .but not many voices.

-------- yelling only excites sometimes. non verball communication is a big factor in descalation. whats more effective yelling go to your room or standing quietly by thier door with a sigh and nod

more likely to develope a habit of flopping on the bed than getting addicted to getting a rise out you for defiance.its environment ,structure, proximity,expectation,consistency, non -verbal , calm. doesnt work if the other parent undermines or overules . parents have to back eachother up as a unified front. no wiggle room. umm tell twice then give space then time then consequince. nagging parents that keep redrawing the line then give in make things harder for everyone. I catch myself saying "your mother told you twice NOW what choice are making? otherwise continual nagging is like a nagative attention seeking game that never ends. nagg nagg nagg defy defy defy nagg nagg nagg expolde then theres the BOSS . children can never be the boss. a good boss picks battles before they become wars. even assits with teaching how to do whats expexted until they do it for themselvestwo parents against 1 child no chance of child boss there 2 parents and teacher no chance of a child boss at school.

--------------------------------------------------this next point is a very nuancy thing for me too expain . i struggle to keep it in my head care givers with conflicting opinions spells chances to act out dont throw youre hands up in frustration with the other caregivers . talk talk talk - to communicate - know what to expect . this helps you know where to compensate for lax or overbearing . be the alternate person a child can approach.---- if yelling comes from you you wont be whom they go to with thier emotions positve attention & approachability foster learn change grow---------turn based games quiet time space thing to do differently - when emotions trigger behaviors

all these things dont fix it. adhd to date is a life long disorder getting though childhood and getting educated is a big help. journaling helps in many ways especially identifing triggerswhich are connected to emotions that can be discussed camly with adults that offer positive outcomes over& over& over& over& over& over& over& over& over& over& over& over& monotonous but has concensus that it help keep emotioonal development in check whish reduces peer triggers and distractions which avoid stress which broadens focus which could be as close to a NTers baselineas i can think of.

---------well i didnt know if i could get it all out so nuancy. sorry if this doesnt make any sense to you. thats the great thing about this site. many opinions some ameture like mine others just what you need to hear

Luvmykids0239910.2649537037