My 4 yr old son was just diagnosed today | ADHD Information
I dont know what to do. I'm trying to get my ex and his girlfriend to understand that yelling at my son is not going to work... He came back from a weekend visit with his dad and his 9 year old sister told me that everytime her brother would get hyper they would yell at him. When i asked my ex about it he totally denyed it and told me that I am a bad parent because i let my 4 yr old walk all over me. He does not know waht i do with him when i have him and the school and i have come up with a very nice way of handeling his hyperactive side. it seems to be working for us but my ex dont want to try it. I also found out that he let the kids stay up till 10 or 11pm which for one i have told him that they need to be in bed at 8pm or they wake up crabby. Expecially my 4 yr old. He dont sleep very good as it is and to be up that late just dont help. He was also told that they dont watch tv at bed time because they will not go to sleep, which he dont seem to want to understand. So now that i have them back i have to try to get them back into their normal routienes and deal with the crabby attitudes that came back from the weekend. Does anyone else have to deal with an ex that does not care about anything... I am so frusterated i am going nuts.. I dont know how to get him to realize what he is doing..
Take him to family court and get a court order for him to attend ADHD parenting classes?Welcome scoobie. It sounds like you have a very full plate and my heart certainly goes out to you
. It can take a quite a while before the right med and dose is found so if your not seeing significant changes in your child for the better right away, its not uncommon. That tired feeling for some is common when first starting med's. Also, if your ex is not on the same page with you as far as discipline and routines it will only exacerbate the problems whether your child is on effective medication or not.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say aggression disorder. Aggression in a child is the result of an underlying disorder and when you say sleep disorder, why type of sleep disorder does your child suffer from? Is the sleep problems as a result of having ADHD or something else? More information will help us advise you properly and help us guide you in the right direction 
Being a single parent under normal circumstances is hard enough but add ADHD to the mix and an ignorant ex husband things get even more stressful. Right now tackle one problem at a time. The first being getting the med's right. Structure, routine and a calm environment is essential for these children and while at times we must also pick and choose our battles, having an uncooperative ex makes it an even bigger battle.
You wont get your ex to see the light because this seems to be a power struggle for him. His yelling and uncooperative behavior is creating a hostile and very unpleasant environment for your children and its down right abusive. What type of doctor is treating your son for his ADHD symptoms? I would alert the doctor about this situation because you need to start a paper trail and then haul his sorry butt back into court. Is the divorce final or are you still in the process? Right now your doing the best you possibly can mom so don't beat yourself up and in the mean time, we are here to support you emotionally. Gentle hugs to you
I too am a single mom and my son was diagnosed at the age of 4. I also have an ex that at first would not stick to a structure and still doesn't on occasion. Eventually my ex came around to some degree. He still doesn't handle things perfectly, but I had to choose my battles.
My son is 7 now and honestly after a few years he has been doing pretty well. He still has his moments, but overall he is doing very well. My advice to you would be not to allow your son to see you and his dad argue. I am a true believer that some of what the agression stems from at this age is what our children see in our behaviors with our exes. While I was married my husband yelled and physically hurt me on occassion. Once I removed myself from this situation and ignored or avoided confrontation with my ex things seemed to calm down. Amazing how this can help. :-) Don't get me wrong...my son still has his moments but overall he has learned to control his anger. The hyperness is still there in part but usually after the drugs have worn down. I can handle this and I/we don't choose to up the dose for our son. If we ever need to, we will.
My recommendation:
ask your doctor to do a glucose tolerance test with you son/this was done for my son at the age of 4 while we were looking into ad/hd. We discovered my son had reactive hypoglycemia. The doctor explained that this can cause irritability which can in turn trigger aggression. (my son also had these issues) secondally, try play therapy in conjunction with meds/ play therapy has been a great tool for my son/ we have to go seldomly now as he is doing so well overall / they learn strategies for avoiding agression and frustration through play and talking with a therapist. Kid friendly and the best money I've ever spent/ life long strategies thirdly, keep your son active in a sport or excercise program/ this helps as well with structure and self-discipline/helps the hyperness
diet was also a huge thing for us/ our doctor had us work with a nutritionist due to the hypoglycemia/ we provide my son with a lot of protein and try to keep a low carb diet ( my son can eat fruit but we have to provide a protein in conjunction due to the sugars)
Hope this helps! My son is doing so well and I know that all kids are different. It just takes some time. As for your ex...you keep doing what you know is right. Your ex might not cooperate and this is a shame. Then again after a while he may see that what you are doing does work and then he will apply it himself. It just takes time and a lot of prayers. Take care!
not a sleeping pill; it will just make your son feel sleepy. Might work for
you too.
As far as your ex goes - sounds like he's using your son to get back to
you. As much as it kills you, you have to back off for a while until he gets
over that. He will. Eventually he will realize what he's been doing and
stop it. Just make sure he knows what your son needs to be doing. Also,
I wouldn't encourage your daughter to "tell on" her father. It's not good
for her, and you can't do anything about it.
Give the medication some time to work. There are different kinds, so if
you ramp it up and it still doesn't work you can try another type.
For my son, punishments don't work at all, but giving him goals to reach
does. We start with a baseline of special things that are not subject to
punishment - like reading together at bedtime. Then there are things he
can expect to do unless he behaves horribly - like using a video game on
the bus back and forth to school. And then when he reaches his
behavioral goal he can earn extra privileges - like watching certain
cartoons. When he earns his privileges I move heaven and earth to make
sure he gets them. Seeing how committed I am to him getting his
rewards made a big impact on him.
Good luck with all of this. It sounds like you're in a valley - which means
you've got a huge amount of space to improve into. It will get better.
One day you'll look around and realize you made it through.Hi Scoobie!
Your son sounds a lot like mine, ADHD, speech and sensory issues. It was also hard for me when I learned his diagnosis but a relief. Now you should be able to get the help
you need.
Keep hanging in there. I can tell you love your son very much.
Thanks for all the advice and support. Marcus suffers from a sleep disorder that makes it hard for him to fall asleep and stay asleep. He can be awake till 11pm and get up 2 or 3 times during the night and still wake up at 7am. His aggression is very hard to explain. If he dont get his way or just gets frusterated he will find someone or even himself to start hitting or kicking. and example of is the other day we were going into walmart and i told him before we got out of the car that he would have to leave his treat in the car, he got mad and when i tried to unbuckle him he started the punch me before i could move away he had hit me in the eye. or he will for no reason just walk up to people and hit them or kick them. he has even started biting again which he has not done since he was 2. As for the divorce, it is final may 13th. In alot of ways i cant wait, his dad loves to throw it in my face when ever he can that i am the one who left with the kids. And he has no problems reminding the kids of that either. But the kids see how happy i am now and i am hoping it dont affect them as much. I am with a wonderful guy who understands marcus and is trying to help make things better. We are trying to reward him for good behavior, but this summer that is going to be so hard as my ex will have them every other week. I am going to be talking with marcus's doctor this week or next week to see what we can do to get his father to have to take the class, i think it is very important to the well being of marcus but who knows what the doctor will be able to accomplish. I have learned as many of you have said to pick and choose my battles with him, but when it comes to my kids i just cant sit back and do nothing. My ex came from an abusive home, he didnt learn anything good from the situation, when my kids are there i am hoping and praying that nothing is going to happen to them. not by him so much but the rest of his family. His neices and nephews and his mother are the biggest ones i am worried about. I know something has happened when my kids come home crying saying they dont want to go to dad's anymore. My daughter and i have a great relationship she knows she can tell me anything with out me even asking she tells me. I have never had to pressure them into telling me anything when she feels the time is right she tells me what is bugging her and she knows i will try to correct it. hopefully now i wont have to worry about his family as much because he moved out of his sisters house due to me threatening to turn his sister in for letting her children beat on mine. it took a few months of him looking but he finally has a place of his own. well i have to go, marcus and i are going to run errands today... something he absolutely hates to do... thanks again. you all are so much help
Well the first day of meds was ok i guess. he went to school, they noticed that he was kinda tired... But ofcourse when i get him back he was hyper and couldnt settle down... I dont know what to do... The doctor has me weining him onto the meds every 5 days his dose goes up but if he is already sleepy off of 1/4 of his dose and he gets hyper by 3:30 i dont know what to do... I know the meds take time to work, and i have had pacience so far i just wish i were able to get some rest sometime. I would love to rest while he is at school but that is when i get my shoping done and stuff done so i can keep an eye on him more. And for some reason it really hit me hard knowing what all is going on with my baby boy.. I guess the reality of things are finallly settling in... 
Well i'm going to talk to his doctor when we go about his sleep issue's. He told me that the medication we have him on should help with his sleep and adhd, we are almost up to the full dose and he is not sleeping really good. He is tired yes, but he wakes up during the night. Some of his problems at night i think are sleep terrors, he wakes up crying and does not realize where he is sometimes. I have to sit there and calm him down so he can lay back down and go to bed. I can tell the medication is working because he is not on the go as much and i can actually get some stuff done during the day. I have started my day care licence work and he has been so good. I have gotten alot of it done thanks to my boy friend helping out with the children when i need to get some work done. I am also going to have to talk to him about the theropy that he reffered me to, i thought he said he was going to set it up and i have not heard anything about it. I am a little worried as i know i need this and so does marcus. It will expecially help when i start up the day care in june. As i will not only have marcus and his sister but i will have other kids to deal with to. I am also going to look into classes on caring for children with special needs. I want to totally educate myself on area's that will help me and my family... Things are starting to look so much better, marcus is doing better at home and at school... yah for marcus!!!!!
well i got a call today from SSI. They want to set up a time so i can finish filling out the application and give them all the information i have on marcus. I am so happy i just hope he gets accepted. His dad has started to take an intrest into his situation, no enough to go to the theropy though. I am almost done with my child care classes, I was able to get two done this week and i have one more and a cpr class to take. Which i have no idea where i can get that in my area. the closest one is an hour away. So things are looking alot better here, I am so glad this medication is working just wish he was not getting tired half way thrugh the day. Great news! Remember - it's always darkest just before dawn, and then itstarts to lighten again.What are you doing about his sleep issues? Melatonin is a godsend for my
son, and it's over the counter, found in the vitamin area. Ask his doctor for
a dosage amount. It could help if you haven't tried it yet.My son was very aggressive, and now when his meds wear off he can still be
that way. But I don't put up with it and he is learning calming techniques.
Your son will too.
I hope it is getting better for you. It's always darkest before dawn - keep
watching for that pink sky.Well friday we up his meds again, still working him up to the dosage his doctor wants. He seems so tired all the time but still very aggressive and hyper. Anytime i have to take him somewhere he falls asleep in the car, at supper he looks like he could fall asleep and he is only getting half of what he will be getting. I have noticd that his speach is getting clearer now, it is like he is slowing down so he talks better and his aggression is getting some what better, we still have our moments but not as often as they were. I just hope things start to get better soon, I am trying to either find a job, or finish my daycare certification. I have all the classes ordered that i need but have to get the time to get them done. Every chance i get he needs me or i have to do house work to stay on top of things. I know it is going to be challanging but if i do daycare i will know he is getting well taken care of as the only daycare in my town is an older woman who has been written up several times for letting the children play outside unattended. I know i cant send my kids there expecially marcus, he has no concern for saftey. All he wants to do is go go go... I couldnt trust leaving him there with someone who has been written up before on the issue. to move on to a diffrent topic, someone asked me before who is treating marcus for adhd i was reffered to a doctor who deals with child adolecent development and behavior pediatric and adolecent medicine. I will be meeting with him again on the 28th of this month to see how marcus is doing on his meds. I have no clue what i am doing, all i want is my baby boy to be like other kids. I know this will never happen, but i can wish... any suggestions on what i should ask him about. I am trying to learn as much as i can about this but with everything going on i am finding myself overwhelmed with stuff. I need to get moeny other than child support comming into my home so i have been kinda putting that as a top priority, and marcus is second. I know i need to educate myself, but really have very little time to do anything. I have 2 1/2 hours 4 days a week untill school lets out to get my errands done, get some me time, try to educate myself on marcus's disorders, and study for daycare certification. On top of all that i need to get everything together as his doctor told me i might as well try to get him on ssi. So i have been trying to get all of that information gathered and try to deal with the fact that i am not totally ready for my court hearing commig up. I have so much to get for that yet i am totally swamped. I stay up till 11pm and have to get up at 7am. And i dont even get to sleep all night because marcus will have me up about every few hours. Just totally lost on what i am doing. well i am going to quit rambling and try to get some work done that i have been putting off due to no enery today. Thank you again to everyone.
We're doing pretty much the same thing right now. My 6 yr old son has been seeing a developmentally ped. for a while now for a delay, but was diagnosed yesterday with ADHD. So we just started meds today and the doctor had us start melatonin with it for a sleep issue. For your dr appt I would journal a couple days of Marcus's life so the dr know whats going on, also make a list of your concerns and questions. I always blank when I get there and forget what I wanted to say so that helps. If it seems like the medicine is making him more tired during the day I'd definitely ask about that because that's not good either. Good luck :)
Maria