New Member...At a loss | ADHD Information
I just want to say that I am so happy to have found this message board! I have read a lot of the posts and I finally feel like I have somewhere to turn for advice.My son is 9 and in the 3rd grade. He was diagnosed with ADHD in the middle of 2nd grade. He has been on 3 or 4 stimulant meds but is unable to take them because he gets ticks in his face...it was horrible! There were noticeable differences in his school work but the ticks were unbareable. He started taking Strattera the last marking period of 2nd grade. I thought my dreams had been answered. He finally was starting to do better in school. His behavior had never been to bad at school. Just typical ADHD behavior...picking at his shirt, daydreaming, not paying attention in the halls...etc. His teacher was a 30 year veteran and very understanding of his condition, although no 504, IEP plan was suggested.
He moved to a new school last year and I was thrilled...it was supposed to be the best school in our county. Well it's been nothing but problems since we moved. We started the IEP program in March, his grades were getting better. But we are now down to 2 1/2 weeks of school and my son has given up. He has failed almost every subject every marking period. He refuses to do his work, he's sent to the spec ed teacher because he doesn't do his work in class. I recieve notes from his teacher several times a week if not everyday about his behavior and refusal to do the work. He missed out on his 2nd field trip this year because of his "strikes". I just want to know what am I supposed to do about his attitude and how do I get him to want to achieve. I can't sit with him everyday at school and hold his hand. His teacher is NOT very understanding to his condition and it infuriates me! Why are these teachers not more educated about this condition? How are these kids supposed to succeed when their own teachers can't deal with them and just send them away for someone else to handle? He even got put at a desk in the hallway last week to do his work and then got in trouble for wandering up and down it! I mean, REALLY, who couldn't have guessed that would happen???
I must sign off now because I have a dr's aapointment for him, to see about changing meds again, and is there someone I can take him to that is an ADHD specialist. I have so much more I could write but for now I have to scoot.
Thanks for listening...
Welcome to the board Mom2Noah. You have come to the right place for support and advice. Get a referral to either a child pyschiatrist or a neurologist. Have your child reevaluated to confirm the diagnosis for starters. They will then restart your child on a trial of meds. They are specialists in childhood disorders and med management and can give you a definitive diagnosis. As far as the tics, they can be managed. It sounds like this poor child has shut down No child likes to be in trouble and all the school is doing is bashing his self esteem. Sadly enough, regular ed teachers and even special education teachers get very little training educationally about children with special needs. You need to see a specialist who could put your child on a path to healing. Please feel free to come here to vent or ask qusestions anytimeThanks for the support and advice luvmykids02.
We just got back from the Dr's. He recommended that my son take the Strattera in the am vs pm. He will also be taking 18mg's at noon. We are to do that for two days. Then if he's not sleepy from it, he will start a half pill of a sleep aid in the am and then another half at noon. The dr said it may help to calm him down enough to focus. We have to go back in 3 weeks to evaluate how the meds are doing. At that point he recommened we see a pychiatrist. Because school will be over soon, he wanted to at least get the new med dosage started.
The comment in Noah's assignment book today, from his teacher, was "Another wasted day for Noah, he did nothing and doesn't care." I spoke with the assistant principle and the spec teach when I went to pick him up for his appointment. I told them how he was feeling. We have another conference scheduled for May 18 to determine whether we should keep him back this year. They are concerened about the benefit to him if we do. The problem is not that he doesn't know the work but that he has trouble getting it from his brain to the paper. Verbally he can tell you the answers. If he's held back will he just get into trouble because he's bored...I'm not sure what to do about that. I told them that I did not think that Noah's teacher liked him because he was a "pain" (that's what I think his teacher thinks.) They said they think it is that the teacher thinks Noah is being defiant. He tells him to do the work and Noah just looks at him. Noah chooses not to do the work...he told me that in the car on the way to the dr's. How do you get your kids to care?
Hi, hang in there! I too have a 9 yr old in 3rd grade and his IEP saved his school career. It took three tries to find the right med (focalin XR in the am and clonidine in the pm) My son has facial tics plus twirling but the clonidine helps to supress them. Moving to a new school is really rough on any kid. When I have conferences with his teachers/admininstration I emphasize two things: my son wants to please his teachers (he does not want to be 'bad') and that we (me and the teachers) are a team to make this kid succeed.
9 is a tough age. They think they are really cool, guess what kid, you ain't. My son would rather play on his DS or trade Pokeman cards instead of do homework. We do several things to keep him on track. He attends morning care in the morning--he is dropped off early to run around in the gym. He is the first one in the classroom and has time to get organized. This also means our mornings are less rushed. He has an empty desk (his 'study desk') right next to his regular desk. This is where he moves his butt when he has to focus and concentrate. What is up with this desk in the hall??! He sits near the teacher. I make sure that his teacher has a list of things that make school easier for kids with adhd to learn in the classroom (you can find this online). We see a behavior doctor to help him with emotional/social issues. We do OT at home b/c he has sensory issues and balks at having OT aids in the classroom. He sees a tutor (a godsend, they totally connect) every weekend for three hours. I could go on for hours. Is it possible Noah is ODD? We tell Ray that school is his job. Ray has a summer birthday and repeated K. Recent studies showed that a kid repeating any grade after 4th has turned out to be a strong indicator of juvenile deliquency. Yikes! We also use a star chart, after years of snubbing that approach--it has worked for my son. Yes, it is alot of work. What works for one kid does not work for another. Way too early to give up, so sorry that the 3rd grade experience has been so rocky. Has Noah been tested for any LDs? We just completed exhaustive private testing to determine that Ray has surface dyslexia. The inhouse testing administered ny his school was not comprehensive enough (insurance paid for some of it) When your kid says he does not care, there may some disconnect going on. How is the friendship thing going? Does he participate in other things that provide positive feedback? Ray is in chess club (he was asked to leave the first year and returned after being successfully medicated) Plus he plays soccer with the park district. What outside activities does your son have going on?
You might want to request an IEP meeting in writing. Jessica N39943.8983101852Ditto what Jessica N wrote.
It is the school that is causing your son to shut down. Day after day, he is made to feel not smart, in trouble, what the heck.
THEY need to do something to change things, NOT your son. Your son has been abused!!
CAll a TEAM meeting ASAP. Get them on board, tell them things better be different next year.
Part of his 504/IEP can be strategies to get him to want to work.
Do you blame him for feeling the way he does? If it was a job that he was going to, I know I would have quit by now!!
Is he gifted? REally smart and bored? Or is it the constant berating that is causing this? What do YOU think???
I agree with Jessica. This is not defiance at this time, but a kid that has given up. He needs help. He will care again when he can see understanding teachers who recognize the challenges he faces and do everything in their power to try and support him.
"the problem is not that he doesn't know the work but that he has trouble getting it from his brain to the paper"
I am wondering if it is the written work that he hates the most? My son really hit the wall in 3rd grade because that's when the amount of written work really picks up. He has dysgraphia with his add. He really literally refused to write paragraphs. He is brilliant in math, but if he has to write out the problems instead of doing a worksheet, it takes him at least twice as long as anyone else. Does your son ever complain that his hand hurts?
Many kids use alphasmarts at school (smalll portable wordprocessers) with great success.. That didn't work too well for us- ds didn't like being singled out and he is not the fastest typist either.
I scribed a lot for my son in 4th and 5th grade. I had it in his 504 plan. You could have it in your IEP plan. I agreed to write down exactly what he said and posted my signature whenever I scribed. It helped alot to bring down the amount of time it took to do things to a manageable level. If he gets to go to the special ed teacher, maybe she could do some scribing for him. Not all of it, but some of the work load. To my son, having to write one page felt like having to write ten for another kid. If he was asked to write 3 pages, he just found it insurmountable and gave up.
Even if you are not successful in obtaining OT help through the school (I was not.) you can get it privately through your medical insurance. They can help a lot with handwriting as well as sensory issues. I got a referral for OT services from a developmental pediatrician (a psychiatrist can probably give one too.) My son went twice a week for two years to work on handwriting. She did a lot of fine motor skill things that were not handwriting to try and make it more fun. I did have a copay each time but the investment was worth it to us. It was not a miracle cure- my son still has atrocious handwriting but the process is now less painful to him and it was worth it for us.
Maybe this isn't your issue but I just thought I would throw the idea out.
Mom2Noah wrote:Thanks for the support and advice luvmykids02.
Your very welcome Mom2Noah. Refusal to do class work indicates the child is shutting down as a result of being overwhelmed by the negative feedback and negative reinforcement. The comment is Noah's notebook is just another example of how teachers set these children up for failure. If the child is told long enough that he is a failure he starts to believe it. My son very often would shut down in school and your story sounds a lot like mine when my son was that age. No matter what type of school accommodations you get, in order for the child to meet his full potential, the symptoms of ADHD have to be addressed and managed properly first and foremost. For some children with ADHD, once they are getting effective treatment, some don't need certain accommodations because being able to focus eliminates a lot of struggles they suffer. In order for the child to flourish two condtions have to exist that being, effective treatment and everyone being on the same page....ie.....parents, teachers, physicians.
Clearly the school is ignorant in terms of Noah's struggles so as the parent, the best way to approach this is by first getting him effective treatment, educating the school about WHY he has these struggles (if he has ADHD print out articles about it from reputable web sites and give it to the teachers) and then based on the accommodations he might need, go through the process of making sure the school gives them to him. Regardless of what the school thinks about your son, fighting with them about their opinions will not help Noah. Helping Noah alleviate his struggles and eliminate some of his limitations through effective treatment will improve his quality of life across the board. Also, your child does care. He is shutting down as a defense mechanism. He doesn't choose to act this way. Its not a choice as those with untreated ADHD act on impulse, not by choice
Please keep us posted with Noah's progress and hang in there.
Not sure I can add too much as I'm new here too.
The thing I can empathise with is this, I too am Mum2Noah (notice the Pommy 'mum'!). My Noah is also 9. I have such battles with him to do homework. He can tantrum for 25 minutes just to do 5 minutes of homework. What a waste of time (and physical and emotional energy). I have tried to make him more responsible for his work but really doesn't engage him and I understand that. I LOVES maths and oddly I am able to encourage him to do more 'normal' homework by rewarding him with maths...
I have yet to have my son formally diagnosed although he is 'officially' IQ gifted. Psych of 4/5 years said she'd aim (?) to diagnose depression, mild obsessive compulsive personality and possible ODD. Things have happened of late and I am going to push for a proper dx and look at meds to help with our parenting etc.
I have always been really lucky and have had brilliant, supportive teachers. It terrifies me to think of your Noah in the clutches of that teacher that doesn't seem to have a clue about special needs. Is yours a big school? Is there a teacher you are fond of, have a good relationship with, that you respect? Is it possible that you can move Noah to a different class?
My Noah has a lovely friend who I won't name here. He sounds much more like your Noah, with the shutting down from work. His mother finds it intensely frustrating at the moment (he is turning 9 soon). She has always managed to get through to him and will make him do his schoolwork before school, every morning. And he is rewarded with computer time, which is v precious to him. He also has a hearing aid and the teacher now wears a mic that is tuned to his receiver. The fact that he now able to hear her clearly over the classroom noise has made a massive difference to his attitude in class. It hasn't been a miracle, but it's improved things hugely.
I'm not sure if this helps but maybe something will ring a bell. Good luck with your Noah (beautiful name BTW
)Thank you everyone for all of the great supportive advice. I am sorry that I have not been back on in months to update our story. Summer has been quite busy.
I am very happy to report that my Noah has passed the 3rd grade even though his grades were not what they should be. I met with all of the persons involved in our IEP meetings 4 days before the end of the school year. We all agreed that Noah is very smart and actually knows all of the material even though his grade don't reflect that. Verbally he could pass any of the tests given to him with flying colors. So we all agreed that Noah would be very bored if he was made to repeat the grade. That would just cause other problems all together and would be a wasted year. He will be with a 4th grade teacher who specializes in children with add and adhd. So he should have a teacher who is more sympothetic this coming year.
Also, the meds seem to be really working this time. His pediatrician is great and we will be meeting before school starts to set up a plan for this year.
I think Noah was so uphappy because he was stressing about not passing, his mood really changed when he found out he would be moving forward. We found out during the IEP evaluation of his IQ that Noah has a supereier thinking ability (scored a 140), but his short term memory score was only a 64. This means he's incredibly smart but if the lessons don't get int his long term memory then he just won't remember it. Does anyone else have experience with this?
Mom2Noah wrote:
We found out during the IEP evaluation of his IQ that Noah has a supereier thinking ability (scored a 140), but his short term memory score was only a 64. This means he's incredibly smart but if the lessons don't get int his long term memory then he just won't remember it. Does anyone else have experience with this?
What you describe is classic ADHD symptoms as these children have a problem with short term memory. A lot of the information they receive doesn't stay in short term memory long enough to transfer into long term memory.
Please purchase the book "Driven to Distraction written by Edward Hallowell. He is a world renowned ADHD expert, He has ADHD and his children do also. He goes on to explain ADHD in depth and the problems with executive functions (short term memory problems).
As you go through this journey continued education about ADHD is critical because the better informed you ar about ADHD, the more you can help bring out tyour child's personal best. Congratulations to your ds
recommended the book Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents for
the school. I've read it - it's very dry to say the least, but it had a lot of
good suggestions for modifications. Books for parents I've seen
recommended are Late Lost and Unprepared, The Organized Student, and
Smart but Scattered. Giving a kid a plan so they can succeed will help
tremendously.
My son's school "diagnosed" (don't get me started on all the kinds of
wrong it was!) my son as having oppositional disorder. His doc had a fit.
It took forever to get them on board. What helped was 1) having the
doc's report of suggestions for the school and 2) having a rapport with
the teacher. I listened to her concerns sympathetically, and explained
how they were caused by my son's ADHD. She thought I was nuts, but
tried my suggestions. When they worked just like I told her they would a
lightbulb went off in her head. Find out what your son needs in his
classroom to succeed. For example, goal setting vs constant negativity.
As far as inspiring your son, focus on the positive. One of the executive
skills kids are poor at is understanding their own abilities. They see
things in black and white, I either know it or I don't, and one failure can
get their mind set. Take every single opportunity to praise his successes
- say "good job" after every correct answer - say things out of the blue
like "remember when you did XYZ? That was really great" - take time to
point out when he's improving or doing something faster or that this type
of work is easier for him than that type. Pointing out "the obvious"
(because it's not obvious to him) and validating his experience will help
him tremendously.
Good luck!