ok, I took the kids to the pool with our new puppy and I told them that we would only stay for 15 minutes. Within 2 minutes of arrival, he was in the faces of the kids who wanted to hold and pet the dog yelling that it was "his" dog. I told him to go swim. My other child got in the water and was playing nicely without any problems as usual.
A few moments later, one of the kids asked to hold the dog. Now granted, this child has been mean to my child in the past but.....before I could say one word, my son yells, "no, dont let him hold the dog, he is always mean to me". I felt like a spot light was shining on me and I once again asked him firmly to go swim. ( the boys mother was a few feet away in her wheelchair listening) Just a few moments later, he asked if this same chld could come swim in our hot tub. I said "maybe later, we will discuss it".
a few moments later, he said "well, why cant he come to our house and use the hot tub"? ( he was practically screaming) Once again, everyone is looking at me and I said "I didnt say he couldnt come, I said we would talk about it". At this time, I rushed the kids out of the water and put them in the car and we left.
I was so embarassed. I told my husband that I will NOT take my son to the pool this year unless no one is there. I refuse to be embarassed by him any longer. This boy will be 9 this year and he still has NO CLUE about what is approproate and inappropriate to say to people and I am tired of trying to teach him.
longsally,
Okay, I'll be the devil's advocate. Maybe the new puppy and only fifteen minutes at the pool weren't the best idea. I mean, my son would throw a conniption if he only got fifteen minutes to swim on a good day, let alone a day when he wants to swim AND show off his new pet. As far as the other kid who was mean to him in the past, I get his reaction to that kid. Our kids so seldom get the benefit of the doubt or a second chance by other people, it probably feels like a travesty of justice to them that we expect them to extend that courtesy to others who have hurt them. The other mom probably knows her son can be mean. I would definately try the pool again without the dog, with a friend invited, and lots more time to stay. Set him up to succeed and he probably will. < =text/>_popupControl();
God we have the same issue with our son too. He is so impulsive with his words that anything and everything will just come out.
We have a MAJOR problem with interupting. He just doesn't get it. He thinks just saying "excuse me" over and over and over even while your speaking with someone else is ok because he's saying "excuse me"
And the embarrasment thing i TOTALLY get. There are some really mean kids on my street. 2 in particular that dont want anything to do with my DS. They think he's weird and they barely acknowledge he's around. Yet my son clearly wants to play with them and no matter how many times they tell him to get lost....he keeps running back for more and it's just more ammunition agaisnt him. At least your son will say "he was mean to me" I have to tell my son when someone is being mean to him beacuse he DOESN'T GET IT.
The worst is when he is inviting everyone of his friends over for dinner in front of me. It doesn't matter how many times i've told him not to do that without discussing it with me first to see if it's ok. He constantly invites people over to play without asking me, and then i'm left looking like the mean mom by saying "no, you didn't ask me first" uggggg. so frustrating. Problem with us it's that he's so damn friendly (not that that's a bad thing) that he will play with anyone at anytime as long as he's getting attention, even if they are mean. He can be a follower and a doormat. But he also can be looked at as weird. I swear sometimes the other children just look at him with bewilderment. Like they just dont know what to make of him. I'm sure we have all gotten that look before.
OH MY! I thought Jon was over the top today. In the store, when he couldn't get his way (which was to go home immediately and eat) he loudly proclaimed: "Well, daddy doesn't like you anymore, mommy!" Now, although that is untrue, it really embarrassed me. I did not leave. I told Jon that he was inappropriate and he was NEVER to say anything so mean again!!! He was also grounded for the rest of the day.
My saying: You gotta pay to play, and the only way to earn the pay is to behave!!!
Oh ya my son when mad at me (in the morning before meds kick in) cusses at me, tells me he hates me dont want me anymore ect. A soon as the meds kick in he is a totally different child. If we go some where I know im going to have problems getting him away from - i let him know in advance where going to leave soon. 10 mins left - 5 mins - time to go. It makes it much eaiser when we leave because he knows in advance its coming. Time flys when your having fun - kids dont know time when there having fun.I recieved a call on Friday at 930 in the am from his teacher this past Friday. I work nights so I didnt get it until I woke up. She stated that his behavior was very bizarre and that he had unnerved the entire class and asked me to come pick him up!!!! She stated that he told her he didnt get his meds ( I later found out that was incorrect).
When he got off the bus, he told me that he pulled a "card" at schoo for fighting. I pointed out that he got into the fight because of his behavior. I was SO mad that I put him on the steps, got in his face and then tolf him that he would NO LONGER pick his fingers, chew his shirt, take his clothes off in public ( he took off his short in class that day as well). That he would tow the line or else!!!!! I backed that up with a spanking!!!!
My son was sent to his room for the rest of the day and a friend came over to play with my other child. When this child went to the bathroom, my son left his room and went to the door and asked him to open it. The boy said no. My son then picked the lock and opened the door on him!!!!!! Spanking #2 then happenned.
Hubby said that when he was growing up, he was afraid of his father and so was I. I think my child needs a healthy dose of fear and spankings at this point. I am so over ther top right now!!!
He may not have control over many of these behaviors. Spankings does not at all help my child. It makes it worse and teaches him he can hit us and OTHERS when he is mad. I have spanked him before and thats all it did. Children who have problems they can not help should not be spanked! I so agree with you wildman02 NO CHILD SHOULD BE SPANKED. it only teaches them to hit others when mad. It does nothing for an Adhd or ODD child. Maybe his meds are not right are you seeing a phychiatrist? one who specializes in ADHD? I would look at his meds and I think you need to know that you have to parent an ADHD child differently than NT.Call his prescribing doctor ASAP!!
It sounds like his meds are NOT working. He either needs an increase or a different med all together. I am so sorry.
I also agree, spanking does not help. He can't control it, he is adhd and still young.
I hope the weekend was better. Poor little guy, he is only 8!!
Please let us know how you all are doing!!
BETHANN39951.2649652778longsally,
I agree with Jessica N that your son may not be able to control these behaviors. It sounds like some of them are tics - particularly the finger picking and shirt chewing, which may be med-related tics, or may be Tourette's tics. My son was just diagnosed with Tourette's a few months ago, so I've been learning alot about it lately. The fights at school may be because of poor impulse control. He can't help it, and every fight so far has been started by the other student picking on him, etc. You may want to mention these behaviors at your next doctor's visit and see about a med change or visit with a neurologist.
I admit that I have used spankings in the past, but sparingly. I'm more of a screamer, but I've lately been learning to tone myself down, and my son seems to pay more attention to what I have to say because I'm NOT screaming. It's been an interesting few months.
Good luck !
I'm certainly no expert, but I think the advice to try the pool again without the new puppy would be a good idea. Plan to spend time with him yourself in the pool.
My thoughts on things like this is that if we don't expose our children to these types of situations, they will never have the opportunity to learn how to behave appropriately. I'm not saying that it will work, but we can't just keep our kids from doing anything, ever, or they will never be able to enter society properly when they get older. If after a few times it seems impossible, give it a break and then try it again.
Good luck, Colleen
I can sympathize. My son is almost 7 and loudly announced in the waiting room at the drs yesterday, "I'm being really good now that I'm taking my pills." And then at my daughter's soccer practice last night we saw a friend (his son was practicing) and he had his 12 month baby with him and my son started the what ifs with him, "What if he fell down and hurt his head and had to go to the hospital?" And of course that was followed up by, "What if he fell down and hit his head and died?"
I just never know what will come out of his mouth, it puts me on pins and needles. I can smypathize.