Rage attacks | ADHD Information

I agree with Corrina that managing frustration is one of the keys to managing tantrums.   Knowing the triggers and avoiding them helps greatly.

My daughter would also get violent as well.   In the heat of the moment,  stay calm & do your best not to engage.  Keep everyone safe.   There is no negotiating with a kid in this mode.  They are in "fight" mode and not thinking rationally. 

After he is cooled off, then talk to him.    Asked him what happened,  what he was thinking, what he was feeling.   My daughter was greatly lacking a "feelings" vocabulary.  She needed to learn that there were other emotions behind the angry - frustration, sadness, anxiety, worry, etc - and how to deal with these emotions in an appropriate way.

With the therapist we worked with,  he had two types of behaviors - "never" and "dial down".    On the "never" list where anything violent or destructive.   On the 'dial down" list were things like bad language, yelling, etc.    These were the type of things you worked on reducing the duration and frequency.   The "nevers" were ones that were never tolerated and VERY expensive if they occurred.   You mean serious business.   In my daughter's case,  that mean that pretty much everything was taken out of her room (she was 10 a the time) and she spent an entire weekend by herself in her room.   She ABSOLUTELY hated being alone.  It was a major wake up call for her and the occurances of violent behavior were greatly decreased.   (I am not saying this is what you need to do for your son, but what we ended needing to do under the guidance of our therapist.)

At the same time this was all going on,  we also worked on rewarding positive behavior as well.  She had a chart where we tracked her compliance.  We called it her "ok" chart.   Everytime she did what we asked (big or small), she got a tally and with the tallies she earned back her gameboy and then a new game.   The positive stuff was huge and made a big difference.   (The right meds at the right dosages - for her it's concerta and tenex - also made a difference.)

It does get better with time.   My daughter is 12 and these types of issues are very few and far between.   Now we have different pre-teen defiane issues but they are so much easier to deal with than the temper issues we had before.

Good luck.
Thank you all ! My son has meltdowns, but he's had fewer because I've figured out what
his triggers are.

1) He's tired. How's your son sleeping? Ask the doc about melatonin or
other sleep aids so you can regulate his sleep.

2) He's expected to do something suddenly. My son hyperfocuses, and
it's really hard for him to transition. I've given him head's ups as long as
an hour before he has to do something.

3) He's off his schedule. If he can't figure out what's happening next then
he gets frustrated and he goes off.

4) He gets disciplined, meaning given a time out or sent to his room.
Basically that's a guaranteed tantrum inciter. They wind him up rather
than calm him down.

5) He doesn't get a say. My son is a big negotiator. He wants to have
some control over his life, and if he doesn't have a choice, he needs to
know why.

Other things that could be causing tantrums are hunger (meds keep kids
from eating so when they wear off they're starving - have him eat
something before he goes to bed and have food waiting for him when he
wakes up) and realizing that he can't behave the same way other's do
(ADHD behaviors can be humiliating to kids, especially when they know
they're going to be called on the carpet for them).

I am convinced that at the heart of the tantrums is frustratration. Keep
the kid from being frustrated, you'll keep the tantrums at bay.

My son would have very violent tantrums. No trips to the ER, thank
goodness, but definitely a possibility. When he had them I would stop
everything and make sure everyone was safe. I'd call his name to get his
attention. When he stopped, he would be so sorry and ashamed of
himself. I didn't talk about it right away. I'd wait at least 3 hours -
preferably the next day - to sit down and discuss it with him. Otherwise
it would just ramp him right up again. It did seem like he was in a trance
while they were happening, and he would wake up and realize what had
happened like he had no control over them.

If I were you, first I would talk to the doc to make sure it wasn't medically
induced. Then I would start paying attention to what set him off, and
make sure you try to keep those situations from happening.

On the one hand, it might feel like the changes are taking over your
family. On the other hand, if your kids prefer bacon to sausage you make
sure you put bacon on your grocery list. Once you get used to the
changes they will be second nature, and hopefully there will be far fewer
tantrums.

Good luck! Does anyone else have this problem? My son when he is off the meds (morning is the worse) slap me, cuss at me, try to break things, scream he hates me, in the van kicks the seat, hit me with his bunny ect. The other day he did this in the afternoon and it was so bad he bit his dad in the hand - we took him to the ER. The weird thing was he would rage for about 10 mins then just stop! Be calm as anything like nothing just happened. I would just talk to his dad (very calmly) and he would freek out all over again! He did this on and off until they got him to the ER. The only thing they did was "contact the doc" Well dugh!! As soon as his Folican Kicks in all the rage gone and he is like normal!! I have a appt on monday. I was really wondering if anyone else has these meltdowns? And what do you do when they are doing it! wildman0239961.2274305556I'm a mom of 7 year old that has had a handful of rage attacks like this.  Once it's done, he acts like nothing has happened, and we're left with our head spinning.  It's so scary and mortifying when it happens in public or with someone else.  I understand your frustration.  Regarding the emergency room, I work in a psychiatric emergency room and evaluate kids all the time.  There isn't alot that we can do unless the child clearlly requires admission.  E.D. doctors are reluctant to give kids a sedative or more potent medication. I'm sorry for what you're going through, our son had a rage attack last week with a neighbor and it was truly awful.  He has very few friends anyway, and I fear that this behavior has jeopardized the ones he does have.  Sometimes I'm just exhausted.You could look into bartering for babysitting. Look it up online and see
what you find.

As far as the wake ups - he could be tired. I make sure that my son goes to
bed early enough (with melatonin) that he will wake up on his own in the
morning. Totally takes care of that problem.so glad to hear all your comments and thoughts on this issue.
I am learning more every day.

My son as well every night it's like clockwork, after dinner when he is responsible for getting ready for bed he looses it. He doesn't want to beheld responsible for anything and just wants to do whatever he wants to do. HE hates being told what to do, but we can't trust him to do things on his own anymore or things would never get done.  It's also the time medication is wearing off and so it's a nightmare every night. we let him read for at least 30 minutes, some nights more and when we say lights out, the torture begins...

He has started to get abusive and my husband has had to hold him in the safe hold every now and then, sometimes for an hour until my son will calm down and count to 20 on his own. My son will not sit down and take a time out when he gets like this and throws things and threatens us, has hit me and husbadn and yells and will pretty much trash his room throwing everything on the floor. So my husband has to do the safe hold. This hold is something that we have learned from our psychologist so I wouldn't just recommend anyone out there doing it unless you learn it right.

So my son gets so worked up and after an hour finally he will count to 20 and talk  to us about his rage and why it isn't ok.

Do you find that ADHD children don't learn from their experiences.How does medication make their minds act and think?
 I know he feels so bad after he does things like this and appologizes and has even cried from empathy when he has hurt me. but then the next night same thing, his medication wears off and he's jeckyl and hyde. Makes me not wnat to give him meds if this is what we have to deal with every night...
Ok I have tryed the no meds thing - DONT DO IT!!! It was like having him at night - all day long! Ya Your not alone - its every night with us too. Some better then others. my mornings are usually very rough to easy.  Usually I have to wake up my son by just lying next to him and gently speaking.  He's usually swing and arm or leg out at me.  He will usually yell out or just refuse to get up.  I want him to be self sufficient as well, because he is about to be in 6th grade.  We struggle in the morning and usually I end up yelling and mad.  Just mad at the difficulty of the situation.  Another problem I am having is when my son gets out of school, he doesn't want to be in the extended care program, because he always gets in trouble, so he walks home and is basically unsupervised until I get home from work which is about 2 hours afterwards.  I hear from the same ladies in our apartment complex that my son was playing with the wrong kid or hitting sprinklers with sticks, riding his skateboard on the sidewalks!  Every day these women are voicing their opinions about my son.  Well I don't have money to put him anywhere after school.  Hi there
Wow, it's so interesting reading this. I am such a novice (son not on any meds and not officially diagnosed - psych said would look at depression, mild OCD and ODD as the main issues) but having read increasingly about ADD I think that's my child.

ANYWAY, I have the same issues from my son that you have with your child. The swearing, lashing out, telling me he hates me, he has started to use foul language and gestures too.

I'm not sure how much the similarities continue but I really feel for you. The other parents here seem to have much more experience than I do and their responses are so helpful. Just want to tell you I understand.


I will get him into bed at 8:30 and he has to hold his cat, which meows, which distracts him from mellowing out and finally falling asleep...he could be in bed an hour before he gets to sleep.  he's not used to falling asleep when its light out, at like 7p.m., so that makes it hard to get him to sleep at least 10 hours.  Plus he finds reasons to get out of bed.  But, today I prepared pancakes for him and when was waking up I told him about the yummy warm pancakes waiting for him, and he woke up went right to the table and began to eat!  no arguing!  Hi there! Its wildman02 - my password got lost and i cant log in  But anyway - things havent changed too much. But we are taking it day by day