Bullies and dealing with their parents | ADHD Information

I'm sure that all of us in one case or another have delt with our children being bullied, picked on, left out or labeled so I'm sure that all of you can feel my pain when I say that watching my son get picked on and excluded is one of the most heartwrenching things to watch.

A little background.  We live on a street that has many children ranging between the ages of 3-9.  My son is 5.  There are a few of these children that clearly dont want anything to do with my son and thats ok.  But what gets me going is when they start to just be mean to him and tell him to go away.  Or when he tries to talk to them they say things like "so what" or "i dont care!"  It's horrible to watch.

Well, there is a certain girl in particular who is 9.  Her mother is a real pill.  She's one of those moms that thinks their child does no wrong whatsoever and will find anything to put the blame on the other parent or child.  Well this girl is the meanest one of the bunch to my son.  I try to keep my son away from her the best I can, but because he's so impulsive and still doesn't quite pick up on the social cues, he still keeps trying to play with her even though she flat out tells him to "leave me alone"  However, she has taken to screaming and yelling things to him in front of the other children which is then prompting the other children to yell things at him too.  So today after I heard her yelling at him over something stupid I said "you know what madison...would you like me to talk to your mom about how mean you are being to david?" and she ignored me and started walking away.  I then said "hey, did you hear me.....would you like me to talk to your mom about this??" and she turned around and said "sure go ahead"  with a major 9 year old attitude.  That was it.   I marched right over to her house and knocked on the door.  I decided to be as polite as i possibly could be.  I gently told her mom who already was giving me an attitude as soon as she saw me...that madison has the right to like and dislike whomever she wants and that I understood that she doesn't like  my son, but could she please refrain from yelling and him and being mean.  Her mom went off on me.  It all happened so fast I cant even tell you everything she said.  And of course this all happened in front of madison because her mom brought her over to hear here side of the story because obviously mine wasn't good enough even though her daughter spoke to an adult with disrespect.  I couldn't believe it you guys. 

I guess I just assume that everyone thinks like me where if the situation was reveresed and someone told me that my child was picking on their child, I would have a firm talk with my children about how they should treat other people. and punish them for their behavior. 

How have any of you delt with situations such that these?

Any similar stories?

Any words of sympathy??

 

Oh my lord, you poor thing!
Can you move?   

I would try to make playing away from the nasty girl as attractive as
possible. Make your yard the place to be. Bring out sidewalk chalk and
start games. Try "Egyptian Baseball" (or whatever name you want to call
it) played with a big bouncy ball and a swimming noodle. There are two
equal teams, and first one team pitches and the other bats and they go
through everyone and then the teams switch jobs. The pitching team has
to get the ball (hint - the hitters can hit it backward!) and then line back
up and pass the ball to the person behind them alternating over their
heads and through their legs (1 goes over head and the next goes
through legs and next goes over head, etc.) Once the ball is hit the hitter
team all huddles together and the hitter runs around the group. The
number of times the hitter goes around their team before the pitching
team gets their ball to the end of the line is the number of runs. It's silly,
but it's fun.

And make sure every child understands that to play there they must
adhere to the house rules of being respectful and nice. Hopefully they
will keep following the rules when they're playing at other houses.

Don't know if that will help at all. It might be a better solution than
keeping him from playing with any neighbor kids, which would also keep
him from being targeted and teased.

been there, done that.  I have a post a few back about my son being bullied. The parents didnt want to listen.  What did I do?  I decided to correct these kids myself right in front of my child to show that NO ONE has the right to speak that way.  I also

1. Made games outside with other children and moderated and took care so that no one had a fight and let the other kids see us having a great time.  2. Gave out icecream after a playdate and made sure the other kids knew it was coming so they wantd to play 3. made playdates with people from outside of the neighborhood

Tell that kid off yourself and throw her off your property. She will go running home to her mother and when mom shows up, SCREAM AT HER IN HER FACE AS LOUD AS YOU CAN that he kid is a BRAT and better stay off your property.  This will shock the heck out of her and she will back down.

 

Sounds like the daughter is just like her mother.  I think a lot of bullies learn it from their parents.  Anyway, my son and I have been where you are.  It is terribly frustrating and probably one of the most painful things I have ever gone through.  I don't have any words of wisdom but wanted to send hugs and let you know you are not alone.How frustrating.  ADHD kids often have low self esteem and the last thing they need are other kids being just down right mean.  I think you should try to keep your son away from Madison.

Yesterday I briefly went to my 6 year old son's field day. I saw J do a water relay. He is uncoordinated and it took him longer than the other kids.   A boy in the class said, " J always messes everything up."  Then J retailiated back with "Liar, liar pants on fire.  I told him I knew the boy hurt his feelings but to ignore him. J complains that no one at school likes him. I fully agree with stillsane that it is heart wrenching to watch.

Any suggestions for how to teach social skills to an ADHD child?

There are social skills classes, a lot of schools have them. We have lunch bunch with the guidance counselor and she gets the group together at lunch time away from the other kids and they "talk" about how to be a friend, about what bullies do and what you should NOT do, etc.

The mother also sounds like a crazy person. Is there anyone in your neighborhood that you can "discuss" this with. I don't mean gossip just question what is going on in that house???!! Obviously something is!!

You are going to have to have your child stay away from her and then if she approaches him, you can address it. But if he is pursuing her and wanting to play with her, then they can turn it around on you.

I know I would want to know what is up with that family, it just doesn't sound normal, especially the way the mother treated you!!

that woman is a crazy nut.  She was always pretty decet to me up until then but you can tell that she is very brash.  She kind of reminds me of a biker chick.  Ya know, like she'd have no problem kicking your #$@#$#.

what kills me (and I did mention this to her when we "spoke") is that last summer she said to me in these exact words "hey, if madison is ever being mean to david or anyone else, please let me know because I tell her be nice to everyone"  So with that being said, I thought she'd WANT to know.  She said she did.  Once it was said she could not handle it.  She began to accuse me of calling her daughter a brat (which she is, but I never said that outloud to anyone) and then madison herself told me that my son called her a "fool".  I said that I would have a talk with david about using that word, but that he is also barely 5 yet and that she is 9 and she needs to act like a 9 year old too.  That mom is also NEVER outside supervising her child.  She lets her run amuk (is that spelled right??)  I told her that she had no right speak to me this way because she has no idea how her daughter is when shes ouside.  So instead of being in your backyard all day smoking you cigs you should be in the front watching your kid. 

to make a long story short i'm not sure what the story is with that house.  I just think that they are true, grade A, prime cut white trash is all.  Pardon my use of words.

I agree with you!!

Stay away, at least that is what I would do!!