No Remorse or Interests | ADHD Information

Nothing seems to phase my 9 year old son.  He is definately missing social cues which I know is a side affect of the ADHD (he has ADHD and anxiety).  He can have neighbor kids say mean things to him, but he still wants to be part of their group.  Or he can have kids say mean things to him, then a few days later he will do the same to a younger kid.  He can put dents in my drywall with a sword, but never feel any remorse.  We are taking him to the store to buy spackle with his money and making him repair the walls with our supervision and then repaint them.  It is like he has no conscious.  Is there any way to help kids become more emotional about things in life and care about things. 

He really doesn't have anything material in his life that he really cares about either.  He is not attached to any one toy or sport.  His room is always a mess.  You ask him to clean it, then things get moved from the floor to under furniture, the bed is made half***, etc.  I think you get my drift.

 

My husband and I are scared to death what he will be like as a teenager with this attitude and lack of interests.  He has been like this since birth.  Any suggestions?

 

Thanks. 

Punishment discipline often doesn't work for ADHD kids. Read the
marble technique post. Find something he wants and let him earn it by
tracking his positive behaviors. Don't tie his regular experiences to his
behavior, find something extra he wants. My son started on that path by
being able to watch certain TV programs, going out to eat, and having me
drive him to school. For him, it was his own time that he got to control
rather than "getting stuff" that motivated him.

When my son started with the behavior modification process I reminded
him about his goal all the time - like hourly. And I was very positive
about it - "I'm so happy we're going to go to that park this weekend!" I
followed him around and coached him about his behavior. Talk about
being a hover parent!

But it worked. He needed extra help, and I gave it to him. And because I
stopped hounding him and punishing him and being frustrated that I was
forced into playing the "bad guy" roll, it was easier to deal with him when
he did mess up. It was kind of like we became a team. And we both
gained a lot going through it.

One thing - my son's doc said he has poor executive skills, which are
understanding, remembering, and following rules. It could be that could
also be an issue for your son. Look into it to see if there are other
suggestions that might help with your son.

Good luck!

A lot of ADHD'ers don't get social cues, but he could just want to be included and not left out, regardless of how the neighbor treats him.

How is social in school? I would keep an eye on the type of kids he hangs out with, all through high school as well. That way you can have an idea of the direction of your own child. I do that, mine are going on 12 and 10.

Also, any thoughts on aspbergers? a lot of similar traits with adhd'ers. Some just have the traits of aspbergers, while other have both adhd and aspbergers, or just aspbergers but it wasn't diagnosed until the child got a little older. What does your gut/parental instincts tell you?

My son was so hyper, even as a little guy, that he was all over the place, even with toys. BUT he fell in love with his trains for the longest time, and focused on them. He also took care of them.

Is your son on meds to help with focus, impulsiveness, and to just settle himself down and be able to pay attention? I also wonder if he is bored because he is really smart, sometimes that happens as well. Remember we are socially behind 3-4 years!! That is the answer to alot of our stuff

Please post us any updates!!

Thank you for the thoughts.  To answer the questions...my son is on meds. for ADHD and anxiety.  He has been on the same meds. for three years now, but we have had to consistently increase them each year.  I am thinking it is time we do a medication change to see if it helps.  We also have started wraparound service which is helping to pinpoint things, but hasn't helped much so far.  I am sure he thinks something is wrong with him to warrant all this attention and I sometimes think it might make the situation worse since we are focusing on it so much.  Our big thing now is making decisions and earning a star for having a day with good decisions (no destroying things and not being mean to his sister).  I talk him up during the day and tell him he is making good decision so far/or not. 

 

His psychiatrist did mention Aspbergers as a possibility last summer, but there were not enough characteristics for them to say yes to it.  He has friends at school (2 or 3) and he can get along fairly well with them.  I can say also that he is an overly curious kid and I think that gets him in trouble sometimes also.  I think he probably is bored, but there are alot of things here at home to entertain him and he chooses not to use them (Legos, new baseketball hoop, bikes, etc.).

 

I went to the school last week and had a meeting to request a full evaluation of him.  Without saying it, they basically said he is doing too well in school for an IEP, but they will go ahead with the testing to see if anything else is uncovered. 

 

I will keep on the positive reinforcement. 

 

Thanks for the advice and thoughts.

 

Great parenting job!!

I honestly believe he needs his meds checked, either an increase or change/addition - etc!!

Keep us posted!

I don't have a lot of experience with this type of behavior but I will say that to me it sounds sort of as if he's given up. Depression??? If he has trouble controlling his impulses and is always in trouble and "bad" it may seem to him like there's no point in trying. It's not that he doesn't have a conscience, it's just that he feels like he is a failure and there's nothing he can do about it. I'm just guessing of course since I don't know your child and am not an expert!
I also agree with Bethann that it would be a good idea to have his meds checked. The wrong med or dosage could even be causing the lack of interests and apathy.
I think not being willing or able to clean his room properly is extremely common for that age and especially those with ADHD. I would work with him to clean it, try to have a simple system, and do something fun afterward.
Also, if you can help him find his interests and talents and develop them, I think that is one of the best things a parent can do for a child. Maybe you are looking for the obvious things (for boys) like sports and cars when his interests may be less typical?? Music?? Drama?? Marine biology?? Geology??