For the last 2 days, my son has been in the house with his brother while I slept from working night shift. He made pb&j sandwiches for his brother and himself, they watched tv, played nintendos and followed instructions. I was so proud. He even found his inside voice. I thought we might have reached a turning point.
Why is it them that last night...the first night I was up and awake, he went outside to play with the neighbors kids and within 5 minutes of being there, he was in a fight with one of them and even told one kid his mother drank urine? I had to send him back inside.
Hubby was so mad at him that he told him last night at dinner that we will keep him inside all summer if that is what it takes. He told my son that we will not allow his behavior to impact his brother or the rest of the family anymore and so my youngest is going to a day camp every Friday with the neighbors kids and my ADHD son is staying here in the house to play alone.
I wasnt sending him ( younger brother )because I didnt think it was fair that one goes and one does not but in my heart I knew that my ADHD kid would be in everyone's faces and there would be a problem within one hour of his arrival. I have now realized that it is not fair to my non ADHD kid and there is no reason his summer should be spoiled. Why does he do this? Why cant this child get along with others?
He does this due to his inability to pick up on social cues. Thats a hallmark trait of ADHD. These children are more apt to follow instructions when they feel they are in a safe environment and partcipating in one on one activities. Once you remove them from that environment they get overwhelmed by the many distractions around them and in many cases become anxiety ridden and lash out. This is why these children fare better one on one or in a smaller setting in the educational system.
While such behaviors are unacceptable and there must be consequences, you can't punish the behavior away as long as the child is suffering from the symptoms of ADHD. Sadly enough the entire family unit is affected which is certainly not fair but these children are not choosing to act the way they do. Ive been there with my children and I feel your pain :(
At some point we got my son effective treatment and only then did the entire family unit experience a sense of normalcy and peace and only then did my son start to experience qualiity of life. No amount of punishing brought any resolve because we couldnt fix with behavior modification what my son couldnt control. When you invoke consequences, they have to be immediate and a reward system should be put in place. If you punish the child the entire summer he will forget a week from now why hes punished and repeat the behavior all over again. These children are in the moment and impulsive but unfortunately this is viewed as an act of defiance. Children are only being defiant when they have the ability to make a choice. Thats one of the reasons punsihment dont work for ADHD children. However, consequencs must be invoked regardless but goals must be short term and positive reinforcement should be insittuted through a reward system. A good behavior modfication plan is very effective in combination with effective treatment but its a hard, long journey until we get to that place.
Vent away all you need to. We are here to listen and help any way we can
I appreciate the fact that he has issues with his impulsivity. Even though he lives in the moment, his telling another child that his mother drinks urine and his lying and starting fights is completely unacceptable in my book, adhd or not.As I said in my post, there should be consequences for such actions but also how to implement them and I also explained how I effetively treated my sons symptoms of ADHD. Good luck.Longsally,
What treatments have you tried for your son? Have any of them worked at all for him?
I feel your pain!
< =text/>_popupControl(); Why does he do this? Because, as a child with adhd, he has poor impulse control and social interaction issues. I'd love to know what brought it on in the first place. When kids have a history of difficult behavior with their agemates, the agemates remember it and often zero in on that child whenever they are present. I've seen it at daycare a million times: the other children will antagonize and belittle or goad the adhd-er until they get the negative reaction they expect, then howl to the heavens that the adhd-er is at it again. It takes many positive interactions to mitigate one bad one, and many things work against an adhd child in trying to achieve those positive interactions.
I'm not saying that adhd should excuse bad behavior, but it should certainly temper our reactions to it, as the child's last wall of safety and understanding.
Practice with him how to make friends. Believe it or not, my son has been in