Help it must be a full moon | ADHD Information

you need to use rewards and positive reinforcementMy son tries to redirect blame by claiming someone (or something) else
made him do it.

It happened late at night, so clearly her meds had worn off. Does she
have trouble sleeping? You could check into that - my son takes
melatonin to help make him sleepy.

Concerning the lying - my son impulsively lies. It's a knee jerk reaction
to avoid being punished. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does, I
ask him to think about it and answer again. If he comes clean he gets a
pass on the lie, because it was ADHD affected, and then we just deal with
whatever he was lying about. If he sticks to the lie we deal with the lying
as well.

My son also says his impulsiveness is accidental. I really think in his
mind they are the same thing - he didn't mean for the consequence to
happen, it just did. It frustrates me that he uses that vocabulary to me,
though, because it feels deceptive.

In case you think I go way too easy on my son, I don't think so, I just take
what's going on in his life into account. If he's tired, hungry, or the meds
have worn off he has less control over himself. Period. So I have two
different levels of punishments, and he knows them. I'm not inconsistent.    
He knows I can tell the difference between him being obnoxious and him
being impulsive, and that trying to talk himself out of a punishment only
makes it worse.

I also agree that helping your daughter to set goals and earn rewards is a
great way to start. Check out the Marbles post to see how to do it.

Good luck!

Hi there my daughter was diognosed with ADHD and global developmental delay, she has been taking concerta and been going humm ok last night however 11pm we went to check the kids before we went to bed. there she was behind our other daughters door, she had covered her face legs feet in my lipstick, which she went to find becuase it is not in an easy place.

her comment was it was an accident im sorry the clown told be to do it , i did not yell at her in a firm viose i told this was not acceptable that she slould be in bed, i undressed her put her in the shower , while hubby sorted the bedroom out. he was cross i was to but yelling at the time was not going to get us anywhere.

today we have given her a consequence no playhouse disney for two days, but she knows she did wrong becuase when i talked to her about it she knew whst she had done?

can anyone shed some light on whether my daughter really does have a good imangination(part of adhd, ) or is it lies

there are other things happening to the ped is unsure what what else could be wrong? im wondering whether a type of autisum??

HELP!

I was 'disciplined' constantly for my 'bad behaviour' as a child. I have combined ADD dreamer/hyperactive and I must be honest I dont think I ever once knew why my father disciplined me.

I would take a guess that your daughter has not got the foggiest idea why she is being penalised. Even if you take action immediately I would doubt she will get it. What did she actually do wrong here anyway. She did something which fascinated her at the time, not the time you felt appropriate and not the thing which you felt was right. She knew she had done wrong because she was hiding but I bet the aha moment came after that wonderfully engaged moment when she was painting herself with the lipstick. I bet she looked down at it and thought - oh no I am going to get into trouble for this - better hide! I dont quite follow the logic behind the 'because it was in a difficult place to get to'. If she had the idea to do it and she got it - why not? She just didnt think of the consequences -with ADD you dont- she just thought - oh yes! She was probably in her sisters room for sibling support.

Perhaps it would be better trying to get out of her why before you decide on the discipline. Discipline is actually supposed to change behaviour. If you want to do that then you need to find out what is motivating her - it is the motivation which you have to deterr. She wont be telling you if you frighten her. This is good for me to respond to this because my son does things that are mystifying too and I can see from this that I dont react properly.

She has a totally different agenda to yours. I would advise you to try to read up on ways to deal with ADD behaviour in children. And try to see it from her perspective, including the penalty and working out what is going to work. 

My son lies too. He is usually trying to cover his behaviour which was usually clearly wrong. This is a lesson for me too. What do I do about it? Anyone got any ideas?

sink39978.6572800926Like I said above, I give my son a second chance. He lies impulsively to
avoid punishment. So I give him another shot at telling the truth. If he cops
to it I immediately praise him for making a better choice, then we tackle the
real problem.

It could be that my son is "growing up." But I think that since he knows I
empathize with what he's going through he tries harder to behave as he
should. When I was coming down on him like an iron fist insisting he behave
correctly at all times he was a terror. Now that I remind him of what I
expect and check in with him to see what the circumstances were that lead
up to the negative behaviors, including lying, he does them less and less.Yeah, that I haven't had to deal with yet. Isn't that optimistic of me to
expect it? But my son's 7 and he already bugs me pretty regularly about
getting a cell phone - he doesn't even call anyone, I'm sure it's a status
thing. I'm so in for it! thanks for that Corrina, I could do that with the lying and make it clear before offering the second chance what I expect from him. The stealing the money was one of the worst things we have had til now, from his granma if you can believe it,... urgh!thanks for the support everyone i will get back to you all futher when i have more time going off to work at the monent kids off to school, i read in someones post that that she prob had no idea what she was being disiplined for , she she what she had done but the things we took off her (playhouse sissors) she didnt registor

Just thought about the lipstick story again, reminded me of the ADD parenting course I was on recently.

Respond to good things your child does at a quiet opportune moment when you have your childs relaxed presence ie. when they are in bed with nothing better to do than listen to you to tell them 'I really liked the way you did that ........ today'. I found that made a huge difference. I realised my child doesnt respond to 'disciplining' in the immediate time frame of the action. He wont be able to learn like that (I know I cant - I have only been able to learn since I have meds, and that as an adult). I talk best to him about things in an atmosphere of calm and try and get him to talk to me about things, ie. non confrontational. ie. that must have felt so good with the lipstick.... how did you get it... did you wake up and go walkabout and strike upon the lipsticks or were you having a nosey through my makeup...... how was it exactly? Dont forget they wont be able to give you coherent answers, you will have to help them by confirming, checking and keeping them on topic.

Dont forget if ADD children/people could do anything as intentional as thinking - I am going to go and get one of moms lipsticks and write on myself - they wouldnt have the ADD diagnosis - I know I ´would find it difficult to have an idea and follow it through without meds unless I was in love with lipstick texture, colour , compacts or something of the sort and was totally hyperfocussed on the wonderful experience of doing it.

I would try and make a decision about not flying off the wall when they do something totally crazy. I definitely make sure they knew I didnt like and just keep it for a time later. Think of yourself in their situation. I also know that confrontations make me go blind as an ADDer.

sink39980.0265162037Wow sink, you seem to be able to see things from the mind of an adhd child. I'm am trying to get this. I do not have adhd and I am trying to understand this. The aha momoment comes after the action and the consequence is not contemplated until after the fact? Regardless of the age? My 9 yo adhd son is not like this. But my 6 yo adhd daughter asks questions that surprise me -- indicating that she's not understanding very fundamental conclusions in various situations. She is more verbal. She's smart, but sometimes her questions make my jaw drop because they are so socially obvious. It never occurs to me that she's not following. She is frustrated very easily, resulting in the typical adhd temper issues. She is much harder to discipline than my other adhd child. How to I find out what motivates her?Jessica N39979.957962963