my child has lots of sadness/anxiety | ADHD Information

My daughter, who is 7, seems happy most times. However, especially at
night when I'm laying down with her to go to sleep, she gets very down and
starts crying. During these times, she says the kids at school are mean to
her every day. She tells me she thinks she is crazy and just wants to be
normal. She says her life is so hard and she can't take it. Obviously, this
worries me very much. Teacher says she plays with the other students, but
sometimes chooses to play alone. When we are with other children, she
gets upset by any form of meanness. I'm not sure if her personality is
annoying so other kids do not like her, or if she is over reacting to normal
behavior by her peers. Let's face it , kids are not always nice to each other.
Is anyone else experiencing this? People with ADHD tend to be more sensitive than other folks. True, kids can be very cruel at times - even friends.  But part of growing up is learning how to be nice to others.

I would encourage you to get your daughter into counseling to help her cope with these emotions. The things you are describing sound like it's more of a cry for help and at age 7, children need all the help they can get.  They still don't have the vocabulary to express themselves. I had lots of emotional problems as a kid and I still do.  I didn't get counseling until I was a teen but by then, many things had already taken root and having unacknowledged, untreated ADHD didn't help.  I've struggled in life ever since and only now at age 46 am I getting the help I needed for so long.

Playing alone isn't always bad.  Sometimes kids need some alone, quiet time.  It's when kids don't want to play at all with other kids is when there's a problem. 

Good luck.
I'd try to witness what's going on. It could very well be that she's targeted
for her ADHD type behavior. My son was labeled as the "crazy kid" and was
shunned by his classmates. It was horrible. It took teacher intervention to
get him through it. Another thing that helped was he started doing a daily
check out in the special ed room with kids from all over the school with
ADHD (it was my son's doc's suggestion, and worked so well with my son
they started having other kids with similar issues try it out.) Those kids
were much more accepting of my son's "hyper" personality, and he learned
how to make friends with them, and then applied that knowledge to making
friends in his regular classroom. He still gravitates toward kids with ADHD -
he can pick them out in a crowd like they have beacons - but he's not being
excluded, so whatever works I think.Today, another emotional problem. She was playing with cousins when
one pulled her and made her fall. She reacted, because she was upset,
and threw grass in her cousins mouth. Her cousin screamed at her,
which caused my very sensitive daughter to become VERY upset, crying
very much. We left, and in the car, she told me how upset she was with
herself. Said the throwing of grass was an accident.   I think I'm
beginning to figure out that when she says this she is actually not lying,
but that her impulses cause her to act before thinking. To her, these
actions are not on purpose. She also felt very embarrassed that she was
"bad" and couldn't face everyone. She did calm down. These type of
incidents are typical for her. I've tried to explain that if she stayed calm,
and just apologized, even if friends stay mad for a little bit after, they will
soon forget and be her friend again, but she can not control her sadness
and disappointment and overreacts.   She is not mean often nor her
friends or cousins, but small incidents become big because of her
overreactions. I'm giving her omega 3's and PS. Omega for about 2
weeks and just added PS. I'm hoping this helps with her emotions as well
as her focus in school.

My son was horribly impulsive. We tried everything, even taking away recess at school before medication. IT was the only thing that worked for my son. He wouldn't have survived school this long if we hadn't. I could never send him to school without his meds. He is 12 on Saturday. We started meds at the end of 1st grade just before he was 7.

I wonder if your daughter would benefit from a stimulant to help control her impulsive behavior.

YOu mention omegas and PS, what is PS?

I am sorry this is happening  but it is typical adhd behavior. And most adhd'ers have a comorbid condition as well. My son has anxiety, just an fyi.

Please post us any questions if we can help you both!!

I would recommend a pediatric psychoneurologist. Our pediatrician referred us. We filled out paperwork, called the insurance company, made the appointment and waited.

Our son was shy of 5 when he was diagnosed. We didn't start meds until several years after the diagnosis ( still in denial  ) First grade was his spiral down. We began meds at the end of the school year, with his teachers help! Second grade was where the change showed. It did take a while to find the right med and the dose, but believe me it was worth it. He had been labeled severley, be careful of that!  Not only are the kids cruel, and some teachers, but the parents are the worst!!

He will be 12 on Saturday and very successful in life.

We also went private. The school I find will avoid as long as they can and their evals are not to the exstent of private. They do not want to $$ towards helping the child, it all comes down to the $$ - they will even lie to avoid it.

Go with your gut, mother's instincts are always right - you know what you are doing.

Please keep posting any questions so we may helpQ!!

We went through therapy for similar behavior.  If you can get her to focus on the positive things that happened during the day that helps take her attention from the negative.  One of the things that stuck with me after reading some of the 'marble' posts - is that for every 1 negative thing there should be minimum of four positive - I think we can use that in all aspects of life. 

During the school year we asked the teacher to communicate with us things that happened with our son so that we could discuss with him at night (it was always funny to see his reaction to our knowing these things!)  Thankfully she dealt with anxiety herself and was willing to cooperate.  So several days during the week she would send us a quick email letting us know something good that happened during the day or observations she made about his growth.  We would then talk to him about those things during dinner so he went into the bedtime hour feeling good about himself. 

Hope this helps you.

Hugs

My son also considers his impulsive acts to be "accidents."

I'm wondering if your daughter is medicated? Normally I would
recommend environmental changes first, but in my opinion once a child
starts to come down on themselves because of their impulsiveness, that's
when they need help quickly. She's judging herself, and that's not fair.
She needs help sooner than later or her self-esteem will be damaged. I'm
not a self-esteem freak either, but I waited too long with my son, until he
started having suicidal impulses. I don't want to scare you. I don't know
that your daughter could go that route. But in hindsight I wish I had
medicated my son sooner so that he wouldn't have had to take such an
emotional hit.

Best of luck to you!Thank you all very much for replying. PS stands for phospatidyl serine,
which is derived from soy (once from cows brains but then thought
dangerous) that is supposed to allow cell membranes to be more fluid.
PS might help the omega in fish oil to pass through the cell membranes
easier. If someone knows more, please do not judge me on this
definition. Studies have show PS to help with depression, and studies
have show some children with Adhd respond to fish oil, and new studies
are looking at PS and omega to help with adhd. There is a very long
forum on this site under "alternative medicine".
No, my daughter is not medicated. In fact, she has not been tested, but I
am contacting a behavioral pediatrician, hoping testing/appointments will
not take forever. Her teacher at school has been telling me all year that
she struggles with focus and "makes mountains out of molehills". She
says my daughter will do much better once she learns how to focus. I
believe that teachers or myself are not capable of improving focusing to
the extent that she needs, since we are not experts on how to do this.
Meanwhile, another year goes by without testing. Teacher says she does
not think she has adhd. However, I think she holds it together better at
school with her emotions. I can't imagine they would not be alarmed if
they witnessed what I do. I guess I could deal with all of this (her not
academically living up to her potential, emotional outburst), if they did
not bother my daughter sooooo much. She obviously recognizes she has
a problem and is crying out for help. I've finally come to the conclusion,
in spite of her teachers opinion, that testing is necessary. Teacher says
my daughter would probably not get tested for months and months if left
to the school, so I will just get it done on my own.   Your responses have
convinced me that I should get the ball rolling sooner than later to get her
the help she needs. Thanks for the help!Definitely DONT wait for the school testing, do whatever you can on your own as soon as possible - Mom's instincts are always right! Then present the school with the private test results, it will make the process go much faster and you will begin to feel a sigh of relief! Just curious, how long before you 1st contacted doctor to a diagnoses? I
just left a message with a doc today. This doctor was recommended by a
behavioral pediatrician I contacted (because the behavior pediatrician only
takes children 5 and under). The office I called must
be very busy, since the message said they have a high volume of calls, and
to leave a message.    mamamia39988.805162037

I just wanted to say that before medicine my dd who is also 7 was so sad and very hyper and impulsive.  She had no friends and after school she would just sit home and watch TV, play video games or do things with me.  Her teacher also didn't believe she had ADHD but I knew things were not right.  I went to a children's psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with ADHD.  He prescribed medication. It took a few medications to find the right one but she is truly a whole different person.  She told me the medicine makes her happy and not want to hit people.  Now neighborhood children want to play with her.

Thanks for the uplifting news. The behavioral pediatrician just gave me a
number, so I am not even sure of the title of the docs at the office I called.
Hopefully they will call me back soon. After reading all of the good news
from all of you, I can't wait to start with the process to help her feel better!Thanks so much for sharing your story energize37. The medication allows the child to focus and therefore make a choice rather than act on impulse. That is what makes the child happy. Because the fog clears the child is then able to pick up on social cues thus, make and keep friends, concentrate on school work and most importantly, be aware tha a car is coming down the street before they step off of the curb. ADHD affects every area of lfie but once the symptoms are managed properly, the child experiences quality of life. That is what you describe above. This gives others great hope. Again, thanks for sharing and remember, when the child does well its the child that deserves the credit, not the medication