Battle with 11 year old | ADHD Information

1) Is he getting enough sleep? I've found with my son when he wakes up
on his own he's much better to deal with. If he has trouble sleeping ask
the doc about it. My son takes melatonin.

2) Do you have a schedule for him? Make sure he knows I do this, then
this, then this, then this, so his mind isn't spinning about what to do. If
that's what I had to deal with first thing in the morning it would drive me
nuts, too.

3) Don't accept his behavior. It's a habit now, so you will have to break it.
Try the marble technique - it's great at amending behavior. Remind him
of his goals frequently. Come up with things he can't lose - like eating
dinner - things he can lose - like TV that day - and goals to earn - like go
to a movie on the weekend if he's had a good week.

4) He might be hungry! Vyvanse kills my son's appetite. He wakes up
starving. I give him 2 meals at night to make up for effectively skipping
eating all day.

I'd try to give everyone more time in the morning. If you have extra time
it won't stress you when your son has a meltdown. (I know, easier said
than done!)

I'd also try to by sympathetic to him. I'm not saying you aren't, but when
I'm about to lose it I just think about how my son's mind must be racing
and how annoying and frustrating it must be not to be able to focus. Like
those new search engine ads on tv when they ask a question and get such
tangential responses they're almost random - that's what I think it's like.

Best of luck!

I am falling apart here and I don't know what to do, I see my counselor weekly to discuss my life situations, my son and I are just not co-operating, or seeing eye to eye about chores, wake up time or time to come inside time.  Maybe I don't understand his diagnosis fully, I want to, maybe I expect too much from him.  I know that I have trouble with consistency because life gets in the way, if its sports practice during the week, we get home late, or if we need to run to the store, we get home late, I always seem to be off track with everything.  Right now we get home at around 6p.m. that leaves 2 hours before bedtime...any examples of how to schedule those two hours?  I think I want him off Vyvanse, that medicine was suggested after the Daytrana patch kept falling off or getting pulled off by my son.  I actually liked the patch better. 

if I'm not doing this post thing correct, please let me know... I really need to vent and get advice.  sometimes I feel the psych Dr. doesn't even have a clue as so what goes on at home with my son.  He's on Vyvanse 70mg to control his ADHD.  Been on it for about 45 days.  I don't know if any of the medicine he's tried works!  I need help figuring out how to get my son out of bed in the morning.  getting him up is difficult.  He yells, he kicks, or swings at me, usually ending up with telling me i'm a big jerk and dummy.  He tends to slam and bang things around the apartment as he's getting himself adjusted to being awake.  I HATE MORNINGS!  I lose my cool and become so upset, because it's affecting how late I get to work when we have this problem.  Any help????Go with your gut - if the medication isn't working as well switch back.
See if there's another formula that will work for your son, or find another
place to stick it, like the back of the shoulder.

With my son's schedule, it's not clock based, but it's order based. He
knows he does this then this then this then this in a certain order, and
that brings him comfort. I also gave him a "checklist" type thing so if he
ever lost track he could see what he needed to do next.

I'd avoid TV. That might seem impossible, but my son doesn't watch TV
(unless it's a special thing he earned for great behavior) past 6 PM. It
tends to ramp him up and suck time, so we don't do it.

I'd try to get him to eat twice. By 6:30ish he should be getting hungry, so
get him dinner then. And then give him a snack just before he goes to
bed.

I throw my kid in the bath between eating - it helps relax him. I also read
to him the last half hour before he goes to sleep. It's a big time
commitment, but it helps our relationship - no matter how bad the day
has been he knows he'll get that time with me - and helps my son to
relax and get ready to sleep.

I'd figure out the 4 or 5 things that he has to do at night and skip
everything else or save it for the weekend.

You sound like you're nearly overwhelmed. I just want to point out to you
that first of all you've got it more together than you think you have, and
second you're a great mom to keep reaching out to find the best solution
for your child in spite of the massive barriers that keep getting thrown in
his way. You're gutsy to take it on, and you should give yourself a big
hug for everything you're doing!

Keep venting to us. The more you talk the more pieces we can put
together and the more likely someone will give you that one bit of advice
that makes everything swing back where it should be.

Good job Stacy! Keep fighting. It's exhausting, but it's so worth it.I had a good morning today!  I have my son his pill and let him sleep a little bit longer.  I got close to him and just spoke gently and in a low voice and not shouting GET UP!  LETS GO!  WE'RE LATE!  I took a bit of time laying by him because thats just how I wake him up, but he woke up and only tried to walk back in a few times, but I gently spoke and firmly let him know, he couldn't lie back down.  He got dressed, put in his contacts, brushed his teeth, didn't harass his cat, and we actually had a normal morning.  So I'm thinking I should reward him for his good job.  Wish me luck over the weekend!  be back Monday!Great job! If you think he deserves a reward give him one! Tell him what he
did and how proud you are him. Love those great days!

Stacy,

Remember there will always be good days and bad days with our children. Focus on the good! 

Have you tried Melantonin to get him to sleep earlier? Perhaps he just needs more sleep? You didn't say how much sleep he is getting above?  ADD feeds off of lack of sleep!  My kids have a tough time going to bed when it is still light out but I am tough about it because I know they NEED the sleep and I NEED them to get up in the morning and move!

I know 11 is a very tough age, but also keep in mind that mentally you are really dealing with a 8-9 y.o. I think the older they get they more we expect of our kids but perhaps he is not coping well with the additional responsibilty?

Last thing, we posted a big chart on their wall of the morning routine. They get rewarded if they can complete the morning routine without me reminding them and sometimes when we are on a tight schedule I put the timer on and give them and extra reward for being downstairs, dressed and ready to go before the timer goes off.   Yelling in the morning and rushing them DOES NOT WORK!  find a balance that works for both of you.

good luck!

I'd focus on getting a life balance. He needs 9 hours of sleep, 3 balanced meals daily (especially before school), and exercise.

First I have to say that I'm definitely not an expert...

but if you're not sure if the medicine is working or not then it may be that you just haven't found the right dose or the right medication yet.  It may be that he also has a comorbid diagnosis that may need to be treated seperate and apart from the ADHD.  If you aren't happy with the Dr. then you may want to switch.

Good luck!

Hi,

My kids are always at their worst when they are hungry, thirsty, or tired.  And your son might be all 3 when he wakes up!  That probably makes him feel physically bad, and it makes it very hard for him to control himself.

I'm with everyone who says to make sure he gets enough sleep.  I would also talk to him - not in the morning - when he is feeling calm and good, and discuss the issue with him. 

Why don't you ask him how he feels in the morning and what he thinks can be done to make mornings easier for him.  It's in his interest to feel better in the morning as well as yours.  Maybe waking him up 1/2 hour early and giving him lots of time to wake up will do the trick?  If he participates in the problem solving, it might work that much better.

A combination of this and the marbles might do the trick.

And BTW, I know its really hard now and seems impossible, but if you keep working at it - things will get better.  You just have to find the right combination of things that will help your family.  Keep trying different things until you find what works.

Sara

Well I started the marble rewards.  I would give him one for saying thank you or just being kind toward me.  He was interested because he corrected me for being off on my counting of how many he had earned so far.  We played putt putt golf on Saturday and he was very well behaved for me all weekend.  I'm not sure what the number of marbles should be for a reward.  Like, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, etc.  I said if he reaches 25 we could play a game of golf on the real golf course.  but in between I want him to know I appreciate his good behavior.