ADD and Identity | ADHD Information

Sounds like there may be issues beyond ADD here.
See a psychotherapist or pyschologist for evaluation.

Andrew:

I think I understand what you mean. I am always a different person depending on mood and circumstances. I don't think that if I needed to decsribe my personality I could, It is never the same! Even if the same situation occurs, I never react the same twice.

Scats

[QUOTE=loserguurl] Actually, the way I described it to my husband is that I felt like my head was a TV and somone else had the remote control and was a chronic channel flipper.

[/QUOTE]

i'm gonna steal this idea ;)Andrew,
Seeing who we are in profile of our total personality is an area of speciality.
While, as an Adult ADHDer i can relate to what you have written, Sunray's posted
suggestion is most appropriate in the situation you have written about.

Absolutely. I feel the same way. It has been only with age that I have come to know myself better and my personality. When I am feeling introspective, I really tune in - and of course, as I get older I understand more about myself than ever before. I also keep a journal. I have about 10 volumes now and occasionally I go back and read them - this keeps me grounded somewhat.

I would describe myself as fun, exciting, impulsive. That stuff never changes it is just who I am. So that would be my personality.

Not sure I understand the different person everyday comments made above. Sure I'm hyper and distractable but I'm still the same person wether I can focus or not.

LOL wow my god did this topic get out of hand. Glad I've been away for a few days.

Hi all,

I'm new here and wonder if others feel that ADD has an effect on their personal identity- not self esteem issues and that sort of thing, but your ability to integrate the pieces of your life into something that resembles a congruent personality that makes sense.

I know that in my life, I change so often and things slip in and out of my mind so easily that I haven't ever felt there was a solid personality there. Which isn't to say bland- ha! far from it!- but somehow less than personally integrated, like there isn't really a center.

Anybody?

yep, you can feel a little jekyl and hyde at times, but aren't we all?

NO,NO, NOT JEKYL AND HYDE! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BUT BEING IN AN ADD MIND I CANNOT FORMULATE THE WORDS YET BUT MAYBE SOON WITH THIS ADDERALL XR KICKS IN FULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO FORMULATE MY WORDS FROM HEAD OUT OF MOUTH!

I FEEL LIKE THAT TOO THOUGH I FEEL THAT I HAVE NO REAL PERSONALITY EVEN THOUGH MY DH SAYS I HAD ONE WHEN WE MET ALMOST SEVEN YEARS AGO, YET I NEVER FELT THAT WAY IN MY HEAD AND SADLY NOW HE THINKS THAT THIS STUFF IS BEING PUT INTO MY HEAD WHEREAS IT IS JUST OTHERS THAT ARE BETTER AT SAYING WHAT I AM FEELING/THINKING SO THAT I CAN VOICE THINGS THROUGH THEIR WORDS AND HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT AND THAT IS SAD TO ME.

My personality changes every day, I'm a different person every single day, I like it this way, it confuses people around me which I always get a kick out of.

**T**
Actually, the way I described it to my husband is that I felt like my head was a TV and somone else had the remote control and was a chronic channel flipper.

Chamelion like, yep me 2. ... it makes sense really, being socially elastic. I think in some of us its one of our special traits often to be particularly perceptive of others headspace (while I know others of us are exact opposite!) So we can assimilate and blend in, attempt to not feel like the "odd one out" like we have felt the whole of our lives. Easiest way is to mimic, adopt and become the character. Who I am depends on who you are and what the situation requires kind of thing. Perfectly normal if you ask me!
in the same way this perceptive ability gives us that often massivley infuriating ability to know exactly what buttons to press in someone to piss them off /hurt, maybe its a self defence thing, quickly appraise the situation and the people in it, look for threats, work out anothers weak points just in case and adopt a low profile by camouflaging with our surrounds.

I always liked being the "odd" one. Not when really young like elementary school but in high school and now as an adult I love being different from everyone else. I love being the center of attention if I blended then I would never be able to steal the spotlight and have people always crowd around me.

I'm actually more uneasy when there are other boistrous, funny people at an event then if I am the only one. It usually takes a few minutes for me to relax and get my bearings when there are people around that have a personality that is similar to my own. I don't know why I worry everytime I usually wind up becoming friends with the person I was worried about in the first place. LOL

Maybe it's a kind of competetiveness I have. I think there's only room for one "class clown" so if this other guy is it then what am I. It's like I feel they've stolen my personality. Of course I always learn that there is room for 2 or 3 or more "clowns" in any given situation still it can make things uncomfortable for a bit.

I'm curious if it is maybe a shy vs. outgoing kind of thing. The need to blend in and mimic others actions vs. the need to stand out from the pack. Maybe even a self esteem issue. I know I had terrible self esteem when I was younger, I tended to be shy and try to play or act like the other kids. When I hit puberty my self esteem started rising and by high school I was, well how I am now.

Well, Mafia, it could be any of those things — competitiveness,
self-esteem, compensation. A lot of artists and entertainers have a
need to be the center of attention, it drives them on. Which is also
why so many actors, for example, are insecure as hell and a major
pain in the ass to be around. Demanding divas. People put up with
it because it's their meal ticket too — to cater to them. Or be seen
with them.

But, for those not in Hollywood, or in the music biz, it can be a real
problem, I would imagine. Maybe you are a frustrated actor!
You could do something with that if you don't already.

Or, maybe it's a compensation that once helped you but has now
outlived its usefulness and becomes destructive in relationships and
social situations, work situations. That's true of many things we do
as kids to survive. What you needed at 10 years of age is a major
drawback at 30. Or 50.

Or, maybe you are just a self-centered narcissist.
Treatment for that? Give to others. Volunteer, do service work. Get
out of yourself and work with others. It works.

And therapy, of course, can help unravel it all.

I have been described by others as " like a light switch" meaning I am turned on and off. I am reactionary in many ways to my enviroment so even though I have a personality it's just my behavior is greatly influeneced by whats happening in the moment whether at work or home. I used to tell a GF I felt like there was not a lot of "me" so sometimes situations would overwhelm me and I would loose myself and become a chameleon... wasnt true was the ADD and being a prisoner of the moment I think now. It sucks sometimes when i realize I have been acting in a way I really dont like to act or was rude or blurted...I have learned I am sorry goes a long way roward fixxing that.

[QUOTE=MafiaKiddo]

[/QUOTE]

I have always been painfully shy. Somewhere along the way as an adult I becmae the life of the party to overcome it.... is a fine line though between cracking people up and hurting someones feelings. Humor always has a target....nothing sucks than trying to be funny and realizong you jsut made some cutting crack that devastaded someone because of what a co worker told me was a lack of a filter between my brain and my mouth... been a while since i experienced that but when I did it sucks

into the brain out of the mouth all in the same moment the bane of my existence...flip side is I think very fast in an argument as long as I am not mad lol

Humans are social animals I think everyone has a bit of chameleon in them how else would the "pack" survive

sunray-

As much discust you have towards people like Dead and myself, I have toward you. Its as simple as statistics. Life is not made from a cookie cutter. There will be a couple of people who are differant from the rest. This Chamilion like behaivor is cause by the brains chemystry. Its like telling a a person who was born with one arm that he sucks, or like telling a retard like yourself that they suck.

Anyways I agree that chamilian behavior can be a bit of a pain for some but just because you are in the majority doesnt mean anything. The truth is that we both suck for arguing over the chat room because we can't fight each other. You will probably win the fight but I will lick the blood off my face and lick it.

OMG really now u just gone too far really ur sick in the head one i'm dislexyic(I can't even spell that) so don't try that one on me (O HE A WASTE OF TIME BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO ENGLISH) really grow up i have the research but i can't be assed to go and find it for u know because u have just deeply insulted me and other's. i said u where bring rude in meaning mind ur word's i don't mind if you go and say something nice or serjest sometime to use but saying stuff like that is going to get you no where
and also i may have ADD and i maybe differnt from everyone else but i try my hardest to do what i do. i'm in collage atm taking no med's and finding it hard but still i get high grades.

Since we are no longer hunter gatherers by and large, we are meant
to do more than "survive" a "pack." That's why they call it
civilization. Society.

and what of it so what if we are not a hunter gatherer that has nothing to do with this topic it just trying ot make u look smart and plus to ADD and aslo in civilzation we have med research for the better of ppl if someone has a problem that is unknown it can be rescreach and found out howto cure it which they do with all,

It doesn't mean you adaptable. It means you are phony. They're not
the same thing.

wtf is that u just trying to have ago with some with a problem ur phony in my eye's wake up and smell the music

I'm not surprised to hear someone so proud of their dishonest and
wildly unstable behavior pooh pooh therapy. Of course, with your
problems, you can't think clearly in the first place.
Saner than the therapist is the mantra of every sick person who
doesn't want to do the work of getting well.
The therapist doesn't have to be perfect any more than a medical
doctor does — to know what they are doing. And for every crappy
therapist there are a hundred good ones. Of course, that might take
some effort if you've been disappointed. And effort isn't on your "to
do list."

now that's just really low, really really low read what u posted again and have alook of what u put

If you do quote research and direct me to it, I will only read it if you
stop writing in that childish script — the all lower case stuff, the "Ur"
instead of you're, "i" instead of I. That is massively annoying to most
people — no one who is intelligent is going to want to read that type
of writing.

o really that why i get on with most ppl i meet and i think taht u are not intelligent at all because u come on a ADD/ADHD forum and look at us like we are a differnt class of ppl

ok now i've had my rant plz go away from this forum and take ur rude manner with you because really i have never been so insulted in my life!
*phew* glad i got that off my chest i really h8 ppl like that

hay man im here now lolz so who is callin u man ??????

tid that sunray girl read the post dear SUNRAY im findin u very rude in tha way u talk to DEAD an think dat u have a major atitude prob an i dont have to be a doc to tell ya dat an DEAD can type in any way style or form he wants as it is not u that is sayin it sunray wrote:
Since we are no longer hunter gatherers by and large, we are meant
to do more than "survive" a "pack." That's why they call it
civilization. Society.

To say to someone, "there, there, you're o.k. Chameleon-like is just
fine. All you need to do is "survive the pack," is itself a form of
abuse and enablementl. "Just stay sick, we like you that way."

God save us from well meaning pack-dwellers with no sense.

LOLOLOL...millions of yrs of evoloution that required cooperating and operating to some degree in unisom and not being so rigid differtences prevented cooperation undone in social situations by what amounts to...if you get honest about 150 yrs of civilization tops for all but the upper classes...serfs didnt live in a civilized societ, nor slaves, nor peasant farmers. I really doubt a peasant farmer told his landlord what he really thought...

The point I was making was more along the lines of maybe he should relax a bit. Everyone does it to a certain degree. If you think you don't change at all depending on the crowsd you are with you are unaware. It really is human nature. Now if someone is like night and day depending on who they are with that's a sign of a p[ersonality disorder not ADD. I am who I am all the time what parts shine through that day depend on mood and enviroment to some degree. Put me in a room full of football freaks and I will probably appear to be more than the casual fan I am becausei will be talking about football..... does that make sense? Now, If it's core values then again that is more than socialization . I can be the "chameleon" I honestly think it has more to do with an ACOA background and coping tools I elarned as a kid for a horrid situation than ADD. I try to be aware a bit about how I am acting... I think the ADD has more to do withg the lack of filter between my brain and mouth and my tendacy to act then think. Both those things make it easier to act the chameleon. Sometimes I regret what I sat a second later because when i think it through I am coopting anothers values and just got ahead of myself.

I don't think most people with borderline personalities or Personality disorders really have the wherewithall to identify their own personality traits. They may end up in therapy ver relationship problems, depression, anger management etc... but to say I am different people on different days takes quite a bit of self awareness and broken people arent real good at that w/o help. I think telling someone to seek professional advice is excellent advice. IMO chances are he is overblowing what he does and the center of who he is remains the same b

KEYBOARD LOCK UP...I have one peice of Spyware I cant find!!! Drives me crazy I have sh*t down the crap with HIJACK THIS every time I boot or it happens.

....but who am I to tell someone they have or dont have a personality disorder. All I can say is..yeah sometimes I chameleon,yeah there have been times I wished I had been truer to self in situations. I think the fact I get ahead of myself makes it a bit more of a challange but it really isnt a problem for me I know where I stand. Having other issues wioth ADD seems to be pretty nornmal though. I know I have an addictive personality and panic disorder to boot...Are they related... Well from what I read large numbes of you have one, both or the trifecta including depression. I think it is kinda lame to slam each other on a support board.

This topic is ridiculous and needs to end! "The buck stops here"   - famous president, guess whoi was not slaming no one i just telling sunray to go away be he/she really insulted me, all i was trying to do was disscue a topic therapy this therapy that, being introspective and trying to work it out yourself is every bit as valid, and chances are most of us are more sane than our therapist!

Being chameleon like doesnt mean you have to be a shy retiring daisy, it just means you are adaptable. I talk to large groups of people for a living demo'ing 3d apps. I love being in the spotlight, flying by the seat of my pants is a rush and I find my thought processes are NEVER as clear as when I have a large group of people watching and someone asks a hard question.

I also find Im very affected by a given environment, my mood can turn on a dime, and back again just as fast, from elated to raging etc. stable Im not :) sometimes this gives me grief but hey, what can I do, I wouldn't change it for the world.

I guess it's not a matter of trying to "blame" everything undesirable on the ADD, but rather beign the person who knows ourselves best, working out how the often complex elements of this gift/curse manifest in our everyday lives.
bravo slain!!!!!!!!!sunray it seems ur thinking that this has nothing to do with ADD but i really do think it has because i'm never ever the same person at the same time i will alway act diffent around each person and alway change alot in many ways, i think ur being abit rude about it and not puttin the research before posting there is a number of reason why muti-personaly can be put with ADD and if you really want i can find the research for ya but i'm not going to now because i have things to do
Since we are no longer hunter gatherers by and large, we are meant
to do more than "survive" a "pack." That's why they call it
civilization.   Society.

Chronic chameleon behavior is a serious psychological problem.
It is unhealth.
It benefits no one. It is dishonest and can only place the person in a
vicious cycle of being unable to be who they really are, engaging in
dishonset relationships which are bound to have serious problems,
result in stress and anxiety — not peace of mind and a clear sense of
who one is and honest living. Who the hell wants to be around a
chameleon? You? More power to you. Anyone with half a brain
would feel deceived, annoyed, sickened, angry etc. upon discovering
this about someone in their lives. "Who ARE you?!!" They would
scream?

It is a terribly sad thing for the person himself/herself. So vacant
they can't be comfortable in their own skin — so they keep donning
the skin of whoever they are around. That becomes pretty
transparent, and no one wants to be around it. It disgusts people,
rightly so.

It may be as children these things are survival mechansims,
particularly where there is abuse. But no one needs to live that way
as an adult.

And it sure as heck isn't about an attention defiicit! Sounds like the
chameleon pays quite a lot of attention to others and what they say
and do, and little to himself.

To say to someone, "there, there, you're o.k. Chameleon-like is just
fine. All you need to do is "survive the pack," is itself a form of
abuse and enablementl. "Just stay sick, we like you that way."

God save us from well meaning pack-dwellers with no sense.

Dear Dead,

I would love to see such research, since I have never seen it, and I
maintain that people look for excuses for things that require work.
The treatment for ADD should allow the person to turn to the
therapeutic work of becoming whole and honest.

A personality disorder is not ADD. Maybe it co-exists with some
folks, but multiple personality or an absence of a sense of self
doesn't come from ADD. It may come from abuse that a child may
have suffered as a result of ADD, but not the ADD itself. Which is
why therapy is needed. The same thing happens with depression.
People learn behaviors that have to be unlearned, negative thinking
that has to be deconstructed and replaced — once depression is
treated. Then the person has the breathing room to attend to
therapy and changing unhealthy, learned behaviors and thinking.

And a personallity disorder, if that what is coexisting, is a psychiatric
condition way beyond basic psychotherapy or treatment for ADD.
It's a very serious condition, and affects everyone in their path —
negatively. Treatment, multifaceted, is needed.

I'm betting any research out there talks about comorbidity.

If you do quote research and direct me to it, I will only read it if you
stop writing in that childish script — the all lower case stuff, the "Ur"
instead of you're, "i" instead of I. That is massively annoying to most
people — no one who is intelligent is going to want to read that type
of writing.

Yes I'm being blunt. If you find that rude, that's too bad. There's
too much enabling and codependence on these boards — a little
tough love is much needed. I find it unbearable to have people
whining about their psychological distress and refusing to do
anything about it, blaming it on conditions that make as much sense
as blaming it on the flu. Looking for people to tell them it's allright,
and to keep them sick and apparently happy.

I for one do not have time for people who won't do the work of
getting well, but spend enormous energy that could be channeled
into wellness feeding their neruroses and psychiatric disorders.

"Being chameleon like doesnt mean you have to be a shy retiring
daisy, it just means you are adaptable."

DId I say anything about shy or retiring "daisies" (?). (Now daisies
are shy?)

It doesn't mean you adaptable. It means you are phony. They're not
the same thing.

You say you like being unstable, having these mood swings.
I wonder how much others like being around you.
It sounds from your description like bi-polar disorder coexisting
with ADD. Not unusual. Treating the lesser of the two illnesses.

I'm not surprised to hear someone so proud of their dishonest and
wildly unstable behavior pooh pooh therapy. Of course, with your
problems, you can't think clearly in the first place.
Saner than the therapist is the mantra of every sick person who
doesn't want to do the work of getting well.
The therapist doesn't have to be perfect any more than a medical
doctor does — to know what they are doing. And for every crappy
therapist there are a hundred good ones. Of course, that might take
some effort if you've been disappointed. And effort isn't on your "to
do list."

So you love being up front and the center of attention. Lots of
talented people do. But they don't have to be sick to be in their
element. They don't have to be insufferable, as you seem to be.

So enjoy your instability — more power to you. Just be sure to send
out warning signals when you come to town so the rest of us can get
out of the way!I think alot of us can relate. I sure can. For me it gets anoying because its hard to maintain a relationship with people who don't understand my state of mind.   Thats fine, my close friend demographic is narrower, very narrow, but more rewarding, and I wouldn't change for the world.

The topic itself is not ridiculous, it’s pertinent to a lot of us, i.e. how does ADD affect our sense of self identity, fact I would say it’s near the heart of the entire condition. I would agree with you on the other point however, the buck stops here. We are all responsible for how we behave/act ultimately, hard to control as it may be. It would be good we could have a civil discussion though, and certainly a whole lot more productive!

Sunray, phew! All I can say is relax mate! It's possible to have a personality trait that doesn’t fit into a diagnosable disorder. I'm fine, the people around me are fine, by and large I’m pretty inoffensive and happy with who I am, both of me :) and no that doesn't signal any type of oppositional bipolar denial disorder. You know all that angst signals to me that you could do with some relaxation therapy! (Try the beach, works wonders for me) And I do say that with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Sorry if I caused offence somehow. Now can we all put our guns away???

people with issues with impulsivity and frustration shouldnt have guns Slain!

I don't think your problems with identity, response to situations or
chameleon behavior has anything to do with ADD.

What happens is people find out they have one thing or another and
then try to blame everything on that. It's very misguided.

Sounds you really need psychotherapy and if you are not in therapy,
you should start instead of just talking on line and imagining it's all
about ADD.I would guess it wasnt GEorge Bush who said the Buck stops here

Andrew,

I know what you mean, however I guess I am fortunate in that I have a strong core of beliefs and philosophical convictions, a pretty well worked-out worldview.

So in THAT sense, I always "know who I am" and have a strong sense of personal identity.

BUT, in another sense, more connected with the immediate experience of "being there", I chronically STRUGGLE with the sense of hollowness, a feeling of a kind of waxing and waning of my being, as if I am in danger of dissolving, losing will, and becoming insubstantial, sort of being trapped in a state of low vital energy.

It always reminds me of that old Star Trek episode (from the original series, I think the episode was "the Tholan Web" -- though it's not like I am that big of a trekkie, personally, but the episode always sticks in my mind) where the Enterprise (with Kirk temporarily trapped on it because of some kind of transporter malfunction or something) is "dissolving", becoming transparent, sort of diaphanous.

I struggle continually with that feeling, and I can count the number of hours a week on one hand, even a month -- and sometimes in several months -- when the meds work well enough, and I've slept well enough, and whatever else, so that I completly "snap-in" and really feel a sense of immediacy and concreteness and "solidity".

And that feeling usually lasts less than an hour.

But it's wierd, because for me, as I mentioned, I always know exactly who I am, and have a strong sense of personal identity (for which I am grateful, or I would really be lost).

(It's like I am the opposite of most normal people: they seem to have a strong, automatic sense of instinctive concreteness and solidity in the world, that they never even think about -- never have to think about, but their convictions and worldview principles are sort of soft and malleable, if they stand for anything or have strong convictions at all. With me, I have the convictions and the intellectual foundations and the passionate worldview, but suffer from these continual attacks of "indistincness" on the more fundamental, preanalytic level that for most people [who have normal neurology], never arises.)

It's just that this otherwise solid identity is trapped in a shell, that sort of fades in and out (and takes the "identity" with it on a ride, like Kirk being stuck on the dissolving Enterprise) and only enables this well defined identity to actually implement itself in the world, on the best days.

All the rest of the time is just waiting. And it is hideous. It ads up to countless wasted years, wasted precious moments, wasted turning points in what should have been a different sort of life.

I liked your question. I hope this gives one person's answer. I agree with the person a couple replys above, who said the topic was/is a good one, and that it goes much to the core of the ADD condition.

be well... all the best -

f.Tom

flickeringTom38365.9380208333