Hi | ADHD Information
I find that many people just don't have a clue and think they know everything about child behavior! If they spent one day with my son (unmedicated) and they would change their minds! If you have one child like this and one that's not, then it IS NOT your parenting. People with ADHD kids are the ones that truly understand how difficult parenting our children can be- but others can be educated.
I hasn't been that long since I was right where you are. We were so desperate. We just couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. My son was sooooooooo hyper and impulsive that he just COULD NOT control himself. Discipline (of any kind) just didn't work! We tried everything! We just kept thinking "It must just be us" "we must be horrible parents!" We tried so hard not to medicate him because he was so young but it was absolutely necessary. It has literally saved his life! It took about 6 months to get the type/dose/timing correct but it's been so much better since we got everything right! My son can actually function now. He has slowed down enough to think before he acts and he now learns from discipline.
I'm not sure about your medical system in the UK but if you are going to try meds I recommend going to a specialist. My son sees a psychiatrist. (in addition to a psychologist and an occupational therapist) We've had his pediatrician and psychologist try to get his medicine straight but we didn't get it right until we went to the psychiatrist. She is just more used to dealing with the medicines.
Hang in there! It can get better! There is help out there!
i guess alot of people dont understand it, reading the book was meant for poeple who know someone with adhd or have it themself just to understand in the simple terms about it, its actually the best book ive read on adhd the other ones are to much info with words i have no idea the meaning of.i guess the name of the book dont help
we have had SIL say that its our fault due to bad parenting when all we have done it try our best and if thats the case why doesnt my eldest have it if its down to us. so frustrating.
I am not sure what SIL in UK is, maybe a goverment run program? BUT they sure don't understand ADHD.
I have a friend in England who has both an aspie and autistic/adhd. She has mentioned how the understanding how to help with the meds isn't as greatly known/understood there as it is here in USA. She wants to come over so she can receive better care by our doctors. She does have them in special schools and they seem to be doing activities a lot.
I agree with your comment about your eldest not having it but your younger one does. If it was bad parenting then all your children would be much more similiar in behaviour. Your little guys simply can't control it. They sound archaic, backwards, almost the way it was when I was growing up in the '70's.
I can completely understand your frustration. Maybe come over here to USA and see one of our docs!! 
hes due to see the doc who diagnosed him nxt month, and due to see his speclist in gastro also in august so will have a better understanding then
That really stinks!! Any children for SIL? Just wondering if she may have to deal with this due to genetics?
It is so hard to deal with the ignorance that exists everywhere. Even though we have the knowledge and the specialists, there are still those who are in denial and their children suffer because of it.
ADHD is a biological condition. It has something to do with the chemicals and/or neurons in the brain. I can't remember which. I'm sure you could find a website that explains it. Maybe it says something in your book? ADHD is not a result of bad parenting or too much sugar or artificial perservatives. It is genetic and not everyone in any given family will have it. It takes on as many different forms as there are faces on the planet. That's what makes it so hard to diagnose and treat.Don't become defensive but when SIL comes after you with attack of bad parenting, have the proof with documentation that shows it isn't. It may not convince her of anything but leave it with her and maybe she'll come around. Don't shove it in her face but just calmly let her know that she is misinformed.
Hello
i came across this website as it was in the book AD/HD for dummies.
my son who is 5 brings me here, he was diagnosed with ADHD in february this year. not really had much support since we was told, was sent on our way with tons of info booklets on adhd and just had to find out way through it ourself. however we r finding it harder and harder, and now considering medication. he is so impulsive and dangerous especially outside and we r seriosuly worried for his life. we didnt want to think about meds but we dont know what else to do. nothing we say helps, nothing we try helps.
hes also in the process of being diagnosed with ASD, sensory processing disorder and audiatory processing disorder.
we r from the uk, and hes in school and has been since september last year. he goes into year 1 in september and are quite worried.
hes been on school action plus since october last year and has IEP.
hes so physcially and mentally demanding, currently on the school holidays.
not sure how much this board gets used, but thought i would say hi
Hello, and welcome. You are at the right place. There are lots of parents like yourself who are living the same life as you. Please post any questions, thoughts, etc. We are all here to help and offer our advice, opinions, and share our experiences. We are NOT doctors, however.
My son is 12 and is very adhhhhhd. He also has sensory integration and a speech delay. He is an awesome, caring, sensitive, extremeley intelligent young man. He was diagnosed officially just shy of his 5th birthday and began medication just shy of his 7th birthday. At times I thought asperberger's however, that has been ruled out. There are so many overlaps with adhd'ers with other disorders that it can be tricky. Meds truly saved my son's life. Please let me know if I can be of any help!!
Beth 
When I was a little girl, I remember laying in the middle of the street looking at the clouds. It didn't matter that there were cars coming. This is a very early memory. I wouldn't be medicated until several years later. So, that was the early 70s. I don't know how I never got run over by a car. Most of my life has been unmedicated and I've struggled through living. I can't speculate if it would have been better to be on meds but I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that if you are in serious concern for your childs' safety and feel that medication may help with keeping him safe, then find a doctor who understands this condition and get treatment.
Good luck. You have found a good place for support.
bethann - be grateful that your son got the diagnosis when he did and that you're doing what you can to help him.
kids are quite resilient. if he is getting adequate treatment for his ADHD, then the cruelty of others won't sting so bad. At least he hasn't gone 46 years suffering like myself and many others have without a diagnosis.
I'm always glad to hear when parents are doing the things they can to help their kids instead of dismissing the problems or criticizing the child or just allowing the child to fumble their way through life. I try to not be resentful but sometimes i can't help but wonder, what if....
your son is lucky.
it is such a shame that poeple like yourself where left to suffer without the right help, i guess we r in a sense "lucky" it has taken many years though to get where we are, his problems where always brushed aside buy stupid comments like he sleeps so cant have adhd, and he talks so cant have autism, its extremly frustrating. thankfully though since he was referred in oct 08 things have all gone on from there.
Thanks mummyto3. There are a lot of ignorant people out there. Hope some of them read the dummy book but they probably are ignorant to the fact that they're dummies! And unfortunately, try as we might, we can't change their minds. They're often stubborn too and closed, narrowminded individuals. I truly feel sorry for those people.
Yes, many years to get where we are and we have such a very long way to go!
the book, is just all the basic info without all the medical words, i came across it in the library, i guess when it comes to adhd i am abit of a dummy, dont know enough about it to understand my son. for me the book has made me realise so much more about the things he does and why and some i didnt even realise was related to adhd. they do alot of books on differnet things (well known here) and the book is based in the us so alot of is diff to how things would be done here.
meds is not soemthing we have considered lightly, bk in feb when he was diagnosed, they didnt feel meds at the time would benefit as he has other medical problems, however we have outlined his medcial issues and his adhd, and for a few ? side affects i think its something to be risked, he had an assessment at school and they described him as 100mph all the time, she felt medication would benefit him just to get him to focus on something for even a short amount of time.
we have been thorugh alot with my son, but i feel the way we r at the mo we cant carry on like this, he needs some self control and just some time to be calm as much as we do.
thank you for ur replies
Biggest regret of my life is waiting too long to medicate my son. I should have done it immediately, before he started kindergarten then he would never have been labeled for all impulsive behavior. 
By the time we did it at the end of first grade, he still had a lot to bear with parents, teachers, and other kids. They can all be so cruel .
And my son is very sensitive, compassionate, kind-hearted, hard-working, caring but suffered tremendously!!
I would do anything to prevent what happened to my son from happening to another child.
bethann I've always been meaning to ask you this but keep forgetting.....what exactly happened with your son? Meaning the bullying and the labeling and all that stuff. When did it start and how did this affect him?
Reason I'm asking is because my son has a hard time socially as well. Best way I can describe it is that he is just misunderstood. Quirky, goofy....
It all started in first grade. He wasn't medicated and they merged the kindergarten classes and some didn't know him so they began the teasing and got those who did know and like him, to join in. All through elementary school he had stuff going on. Never a birthday party invite, really sad. He would join in at recess so he wasn't alone and dealt with being treated badly. He never talked about it. I would ask him how school was and it was always good. HE loved school, grades were great do it didn't cross over into depression or anything. I know it bothered/bothers him but he is strong and he ignored it.
Mothers were the worst I thought. The child liked him, but the mother wouldn't include him because of the clickyness of the town. (Many families with adhd'ers felt it was easier to blame my son than look in the mirror at all the havoc their child was causing at the school- example - destroying the boys bathroom and trying to blame my son but got caught!! , then they leave the school to go find God hoping no one finds out what their kid did!! )
Family members like grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc - they aren't so great either. He is very misunderstood and probably labeled by them. I thought they would be compassionate but they are far from it. Again, we just ignore and deal with it.
He had a great year in Middle school last year. We live in a very small town. At the very beginning of the year, 4 punks from football started in on him and they even did/said things in school, one tried to push him down a flight of stairs. The principal jumped in immediatly, stopped it - those 4 boys will NEVER bother him in school again - he is now the principal for both middle and high school. The football commissioner had us go to the police because one threatened to shoot him with his gun, so the police and detectives got involved. Typical low class crap - parents in denial, but it is documented and the kids are all being watched by even the police. We know the families and keep a watch on these boys. They have a bad rep with school and football coaches.
My son would love to have a best friend, I know it. He is a total gamer with the live x-box and feels those kids are his friends. His friend back in elementary school moved but is visiting this weekend.
I feel my son will be an incredible adult because of all he has been put through. He is sensitive, compassionate, intelligent, etc. He would be a great teacher to children like himself someday.
I also believe that the principal may have also dealt with bullying as a child, he was just way too on top of things at all the right moments. He also got the kids to admit it, great job!! The principal totally gets it!!
My son continues to struggle due to labeling but it has gotten better. Time heals all I guess. I also think the size of our town doesn't help him.
I do wonder what this year will bring, unfortunately. I don't think I will ever not worry about him because of all he has been through, at least until he is 100% and is finally included in things, maybe high school. The funny thing is the girls are starting to like him, like him. He is 12 now, so we will see.
I think a lot of adhd'ers are misunderstood and goofy. THey are socially immature, but extremely intelligent so it is confusing. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just want to talk. Remember all the famous people who have moved on to become "something" in their lives and have adhd. I think that is also something that helps my son. He loves Thomas Edison and Henry Ford. DS wants to be a builder/inventor some day. Maybe mention the famous people and let your son know he is in a very special small circle of members!! I have done that with mine. He loved hearing that stuff when he was younger!!
wow bethann that is quite a journey your little guy has been through. And I admire the fact that it didn't bring him down.
We also desperatly need more principals like the one your child has. Wow, that is impressive. It does sound like maybe he was teased himself in school. I will say this, that all this ridiculing will just make our little kids better people in the future. More sensative to other's feelings. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Bethann - After reading your post, I felt compelled to write about my experiences.When I was in middle school, I had one best friend. I was one of the "pits people". the ones who everyone teased and there were only three of us. Theresa W, Margaret V and me. In 6th grade, at a pep rally or something, kids would say "I'll be your friend if you give me a piece of candy". I was quite gullible and I wanted friends. I have ALWAYS been bad with rejection. In 7th grade, some girls used to make jokes in back of me on the way to school. Very cruel things. One time, we were at intramurals and Margie Hines (no, i don't care that I'm using her name - little witch!) said, "You can go home. We don't need you." right in front of everyone. I went home bawling. And then Tom Leban took my lock off my locker (obviously watched me to learn my combo), put it on backwards and then wrapped it up with a whole roll of masking tape. The homeroom teacher just stood there and watched me as I was sweating in my coat. She never did a thing. and in summer school that year, another girl Mary Jo Collins (another little witch) threatened to beat me up. Granted, this was the 70s and times were different (no zero tolerance policies). My mother had to be my advocate. I know she called these other mothers but nothing ever really became of it. In my quest to be liked, in 7th grade, I stole some colored pencils from the art teacher. They must have been expensive because they made announcements about it but I never came clean. And in 8th grade, I forged my father's signature for approval on our diplomas. Because I forgot to bring the paper home probably. I was not on medication during this time. I remember another time (I did have one other occasional friend) I asked Anne if she wanted to "play" after school and of course I got teased about that. I was small for my age, immature, was under-developed. I went to a totally new school for high school. Life certainly changed but not all for the better.
My point is that kids can be cruel, mean, insensitive. At the time, it was purely awful but 35 years later, none of it really matters. I bet these witches wouldn't even remember these events. I have friends now, people who truly care. I'm very sensitive to teasing (no matter who is involved) or belittling or being cruel. I am a better person because of my experiences. Sure, it really sucks that me and many other kids have to endure these injustices but for me, it made me a stronger person.
great post kjl2691!
I agree, you are today what you are due in part to what happened to you back then. I was bullied in ways, like I think most where. I ran away to college after being raised in the suburbs of Massachusetts to a small private, wild college in Texas called TCU and started over - fraternity lil sis, sorority girl, etc. Life was better. I am also someone who does not sit there and watch as others, including adults are bullied!! I stick up for them, I am nice to all, unless proved wrong. I do not follow the gossip, etc. It is amazing how adults even act!!
May I ask klj2691, do you think meds would have made things better for you back then? My son would never survive a day in school without them. He is very hyper so his goofiness would be reall annoying.
Thank you!
bethann - thanks. i don't know if meds would have helped or not. it's hard to say. there were so many other things going on at the time as well (family dynamics and my own personality). i was very meek and immature and vulnerable and easily intimidated to begin with. meds may have helped with academics and temper tantrums (I had them well into middle school). Meds may have helped in high school to keep me away from smoking cigarettes and marijuana and drinking. I was quite rebellious then and eager to shed that meek and vulnerable self. Little did I realize it was there all the time. I think they may have helped in college with impulsive behaviors such as promiscuity. Even though meds MAY have helped, it's hard to know because I wasn't on them. I didn't even know there was a real problem. I had a pretty messed up life and it's only been in the last couple of years that it's finally gotten better. I am grateful for my ADHD diagnosis. It has explained so much of my past. But even without the knowledge of today, I am grateful for my experiences I have had because God knew I could carry those burdens.