Please help me? | ADHD Information
I am not familiar with how things are in the UK so I'm sorry if this advice doesn't work there but:
Do not (under any cicurmstances) take no for an answer! Your child can be diagnosed (and helped) before 7! I find that the professionals who say that aren't very experienced with ADHD and are just following the guidelines. They don't have much "real world" experience with ADHD. It is possible and common (at least in the US) that kids are diagnosed and treated much earlier if they are severe enough. It sounds like your daughter would qualify in this category.
My son's sever ADHD was wrecking his life and ours! He was formally diagnosed at age 3 and we started medicine at age 3! I know that sounds VERY young but it has saved his life! He needed it so badly and everyone could see it.
Please don't get discouraged! And please don't let the "professionals" brush you off. This can be helped! Good luck!
hi,logan,s mom,thankyou for your message.i,ve been told the waiting list for treatment is 4/5 months,by which time he,ll be 7(in october),yet a boy in his class is the same age,he has adhd& he,s on medication now.my son is due to be reviewed on the 3rd of august,by the same dr who first said he doesn,t have adhd,so,i,ll be telling her his behaviour is getting worse.our dr has given him phenergan to help him sleep,but,it doesn,t work rightaway,as he was awake until nearly midnight,last night,which was really stressing me out.once he,s asleep,he stays asleep until morning,thankfully,but,he,s awake early in the mornings& wakes his brother up,which he doesn,t like,yet,on a school day,i have to wake him up.it,s ridiculous,that i had to wait for so long for my son to be referred for help,but,i had no intention of giving up,as it couldn,t go on for much longer,i was at the end of my tether(i still am).they are off school for the summer holidays now,but,the weather is so bad here,i can,t take them to the park,so,they are cooped up indoors,which is driving us all up the wall.what medication is your son on,for adhd?i hope things are easier for you now,as i know how difficult it is to cope with an adhd sufferer. Yesterday I had social services at my house :(3 days ago my daughter woke up and as I had forgotten to shut the stair gate at the top of the stairs the night before, she snuck downstairs and got herself dressed, with no shoes on and managed to get out of the front door and proceeded to go to the shop thinking to herself 'I need to get cat food' (which she later told me)
I woke up after hearing the front door shut and noticing she was not upstairs, ran downstairs to find her not in the house, I grabbed some clothes and ran into the street screaming her name. As you can imagine my heart was in my mouth. I ran round for 10 minutes until a man with a dog told me she was at the local Tesco shop, which is across a very busy road. I ran there barefoot, cutting my feet on glass and not caring and asked if they had seen my daughter and they said a woman took her who knew her name.
So I freaked and ran back home to grab my mobile to call the Police when, as I grabbed it it rang and it was the nursery down the road Nicola had attended. They said one of their staff found her in the shop and she was safe with them. I grabbed some shoes and ran down and found her and collapsed in Nicola's arms crying.
The next day (yesterday) I had the social services at my door, the nursery had reported to them they were concerned for her safety cos as she had turned up at the nursery with the staff member crying she was hungry and wanted food, they gave her some toast but made out to believe I must never feed her or someting! It was 8.30 in the morning and she hadn't had breakfast, course she was hungry!!
They asked me if I think I am mentally capable to cope with Nicola, which upset me as I am the ONLY person who CAN deal with Nicola 24/7! Yes I struggle but most mum's do!
Well the social lady left me her details and said the report will be in the post. I am already on the 'high risk list' for the mental breakdown I had 7 years ago (before I was even pregnant with Nicola) when my mother died of kidney failure!
I have struggled daily to grief and recover and am now in a state of mind where I am happy to be alive again. I ask not for congratulations on this just understanding. Simply cos I am a single mother on state benefits I am seen as a statistic and it's just making me feel somedays, as far as finding help for Nicola I am simply shouting into the wind :(
singlemomof1,
I PM'ed you Margaret's email address, please reach out to her. She may be of help in this deparment as well!!
Please keep us posted!!
have u considered statementing or maybe a speclist school where more attention will be focused on her.thankfully matthew isnt violent so cant say i understand what that part is like. a few times hes bit or headbutted his dad but thankfully that was a while ago.
you would think the school would want more support
Hi sorry if I'm not allowed to tell my story here but I don't know where else to turn. I am a single mother to my 5 yr old daughter Nicola. I struggle by on benefits unless I can get work as a door supervisor in clubs. As such I am currently depending on Britians NHS for help medically. I have tried to explain my daughter to many people before and I always say you need to MEET her to GET her.
I think she defiantly has ADHD.
She has NO attention span in anything she does not want to do. All the other kids her age in her class can now read and write but she cannot. She often talks to herself ALOT, also answering herself in another voice! She is destructive and disobediant, violent, rude and sometimes downright destructive.
Don't get me wrong I love her with all of my heart, she's my world and my life but for example this morning only I woke to find she was not in the house, she had snuck downstairs, opened the front door and with no shoes on her feet gone over 2 busy main roads to the shop to apparently 'buy cat food'.
Luckily the nursery she used to go to is nearby and one of the staff recognised her and rang me straight away.
I am anemeic and suffer with low blood pressure so I am always tired and have been for as long as I can remember but some days my daughter can leave me physically exhausted to the point of tears.
I have tried to tell Nicola's outreach worker I want her tested for ADHD as I have a younger brother, now 20, who still suffers from it. All I am told is either I have to wait till she is 7, or we will ring someone and get them to contact you but NO ONE ever does.
Please can people just contact me on here and let me know I am not alone? Some days I feel so lonely I cannot bear it
You are definitley not alone! I am sorry you are experiencing such difficulties. We love our kids so much but they can be quite the handful at times. I am not familar with the UK's systems but hopefully other people on this board can offer suggestions. This is a great place to get support and advice.
I noticed that you said you are anemic - are you getting any help for that? I was anemic during one of my pregnancies and I know how totally exhausted it can leave you. I was able to take iron supplements (given to me by my doctor) and that helped a lot. Do you take anything? Since it seems you are having trouble getting help for your daughter at this time, maybe you could get your own health on better ground which would then help you be better able to help you DD. Also, since you are anemic, is it possible your DD is also? I know that some kids with concentration, irritablity, learning issues turn out to be anemic. Just something you may want to mention to your DD's doctor.
I really hope someone here can help you figure out the UK system so you can get your DD the help she needs. In the meantime, I am sending hugs and letting you know you are not alone.
Hang in there!
No answers for you but many hugs and the knowledge that you are not alone!
My son is six..and it's been an uphill battle to get teh answers we need. Even having a diagnosis doesn't give us all the answers--but at least it is a point to start from.
Thanks guys that means a lot, yes grey I am on Iron Supplements daily, I have suffered with it all my life but when I was pregnant I spent most of my pregnancy asleep!
I know I am not DD, I have one autistic older brother and one younger brother who was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 and as my mother was ill I remember helping with him on an almost daily basis, I also remember his behaviour which only concretes that my daughter's actions are a possible symptom as I remember they are similar to my brothers'.
I, luckily was the quiet one, always too tired to be hyper I guess lol, I excelled in school, I was basically Lisa Simpson with my younger brother being Bart :D
My daughter has an Outreach worker at school who monitors her actions and some of the reports are shocking. But everytime I ask about any form of diagnosis testing I am told she is too young or that someone will contact me, but as I say, still waiting on that one!
Boy oh boy, your mom was busy. How is your older brother doing? Is there help for him?
There is obviously lots of genetics going on. I read that your brother was diagnosed at 6, did they also help him in the schools at that age?
Has it gotten better since your brother was young, services being offered I mean?
I have friends in the UK with aspbergers and adhd, AND a single mom. I should talk to her about the two of you "talking". She is receiveing services for both daughters. Would you like me to?
My older brother is the Autistic one, he has to be monitored to help him do everyday things such as wash, eat normally or clean otherwise he will drink or buy computer games. My younger brother is still destructive. They both live with my dad now but as an Hell's Angel he's always away from home on a rally somewhere and unable to give them the help they really need. I can't remember much about my brother's school helping him as I was only 13 at the time he was diagonosed.Yes please do talk to your friend any help in helping my daughter is more than welcome!
I will send out my friend an email and will ask to forward you her email address. I know that she seems to be doing quite well with even the activities that they provide. She may even be able to help with your autistic brother since one of her daughter's has aspbergers.
I will mention this, since your brothers are adults now, your family is very lucky that they have not gotten into any serious trouble with the law!! It is all so difficult.
Margaret is a success story as far as I am concerned as a mother raising her girls alone. No help!! She does feel that here in USA we know more as far as the meds are concerned, but that is her opinion.
I will be in touch!! 
im also from the uk and my son was diagnosed with adhd at 4 years 7 months. he was diagnosed in february this year.
what help at school does ur daugheter get? is she on school action/school action plus? does she get support via IEP?
i would go and see ur gp and ask to be referred to a community paed, this is what we done and when we receieved a letter saying we would be seen they also sent out questionaires for us and the school to fill in which they done on the assessment.
i think its wrong for them to say its to early to be diagnosed, for adhd to be considered the child must have the probelms in 2 places so school/home and must appear b4 the age of 7 and lasted longer than 6 months.
keep pushing i know how hard it is, we have had problems for many years but wasnt until october 2008 we got him referred
good luck
Hey mummyto3 yeah she is on a school action plus program as well as Child Behaviour and Welfare and something called CAFF, though not 100% on what they are!
I have made yet another appointment at my doctors for my daughter so will def ask him for a community paed
Hi im glad the school r giving u some support. do they feel they can support her needs at the moment?
im not sure what CAFF is either, we have something called TASCC
when u visit the gp tell him how desperate u are for help and u really feel she needs seeing by a paedatrican. explain that the school also find her changelling.
good luck
Yeah well she was in the reception class but she has been so violent (even given her teacher a black eye TWICE!) but they are moving her to Year 1 one day a week, the rest of the week they want to send her a SERF (Specialist Education Research Facility) where there are only 5/6 kids per class and a specialist in child behaviour as well as a teacher. They think she would cope and learn quicker in a smaller class as she needs constant attention. i,m really sorry to hear nicola has been so naughty today.her dad did the right thing in not taking her to mcdonalds for a treat& you sending her to bed early,doing things like that each time she,s bad,may make her realise that if she wants a treat,she needs to be good.i,ve lost count of the times kieran has made me cry because of his behaviour.it was well after 11pm last night before kieran fell asleep,so it was after 12pm before i was able to get to bed.they are in bed now& i,ve told them both to go straight to sleep,as my dad& stepmum are taking them to blackpool zoo for the day tomorrow,which will be good for them,as they don,t get many days out,it,ll give me a much needed break,also.i hope nicola doesn,t wake up to early,in the morning.kieran does that,sometimes,when he,s to be at school,i have to wake him up,but,when it,s the weekend,he,s up at 7am,when i like a lie-in.i,ve got2 good behaviour charts stuck to the living room door,for both my sons,i only put them up yesterday,but,so far,they haven,t got one sticker.bye for now,take care,max.Aw maxi big hugs hon. Keep going hon, we are all here for you. x
Nicola had the doctor's appointment but yet again 'I will cntact someone who will contact you'!
Getting very bored of this now. Hate doctors!
Nicoola's behaviour has got a little better lately as I went to Wilkinsons store and bought a wipe clean sticker chart where if she is good enough to get so many stickers in a week I will buy her a present to reward her. Seems to be working so far touch wood, have the occasional set back where she has shouted at me or something.
I have also enrolled into anger management classes as though I know it's not Nicola's fault she is like this I can't help seeing red some days and I hate it. Not heard anything back from social services yet but with them bastards no news is good news! All in all I am feeling a little better, the doctor has also upped my dosage of Ferrous Sulphate (Iron tablets) from 100mg a day to 200mgs a day so more energetic lately too
thankyou for the hug,i appreciate it.i,m sorry to hear you haven,t got anywhere with the drs,they are a waste of space,sometimes,you just need to keep on at them until they agree to help you.i,m here if you ever need to chat.i,m glad nicola,s behaviour has got a little better.i,ve tried the reward charts before,for both my sons,but,it didn,t make any difference,but,the dr we saw today,advised trying it again,for kieran.that,s good,about the anger management classes,i hope they help you.i know what you mean,about seeing red,i,m the same with both my sons& i really hate losing my temper,i shout myself hoarse sometimes,but,it just makes the situation worse.before i met my ex-husband i very rarely lost my temper,but,he was violent towards me& he would hit me about my head& i can,t help think if the repeated blows are to blame for my change in personality.i,m glad you,re feeling more energetic with your iron dosage being upped.i need to start taking mine again,as i,m really tired& i,ve no energy& i need that to keep up with my sons.good luck with everything.tc,max.Nicola made a woman at the children's playscheme she's at over the school holidays cry today, her behaviour was just horrid. I managed to get a 100 pound loan online and spent 50 of it on new clothes for her. Her dad had come to take to her to Macdonalds as a fortngihtly treat when he gets his dole money but she was so horrid he didn't take her, he took her into town for a walk instead and was she was so horrid she's just been sent to bed. It's now 5.46pm and her bedtime is usually 7. Bet that means she'll have me up at 5.30am tomorrow!
Whoopedoo!!
i,m really stressed out tonight,i,m really tired,but,kieran(the 6 year old )has only just gone to sleep,again,about 15 minutes ago,it,s now 11.45pm,even with the phenergan,that,s meant to help him sleep,if anything,it,s making him stay awake for longer,as before i started giving it to him,it would be about 10.30pm,before he fell asleep,now,it,s going on midnight,he just won,t stay in bed,no matter how many times i tell him.he is due for a review of his behaviour on monday afternoon,so,i,ll be telling the dr he,s getting worse,as he,s started telling me no,to shut up& he,s started swearing,with words i don,t come out with,so,i don,t know where he,s getting them from.i don,t know how much longer i can cope with him,as he,s getting completely out of control.he lies to me,steals from the kitchen cupboards,if he gets the chance,ie,biscuits,chocolate,etc,he,s getting more aggressive,as he,ll throw things at me,luckily,he,s not a very good aim,but,that,s besides the point,he also tells me he hates me(as does my eldest son),i know they donb,t hate me,but,it still hurts when they say it.on thursday,while we were at my daughter,s house,we were joking about,that i was ugly& kieran agreed with that& said i was ugly,at which point,he got told off by myself& my daughter.i have low self esteem& kieran,s comment that day or his behaviour& attitude doesn,t make me feel any better.no-one outside of my immediate family has ever seen kieran,s behaviour,so,i feel they don,t really believe he,s as bad as i say he is.some of the teachers at his school have seen his obstinate side,when he,s refused to do as they,ve asked& they,ve seen him drop himself to the floor,refusing to get up& when they,ve tried to pick him up,he makes his body go heavy& refuses to put his feet on the floor,he also refuses to do his work sometimes,so,the school do know there is a problem with him,but,they,ve not seen the worst of his behaviour,when he deliberately hurts himself,by biting himself,headbutting the floor or running into doors,to hurt his head,also,last month,he made himself fall downstairs,just to get his brother in trouble,luckily,he didn,t hurt himself,also,a few weeks ago,while they were sat at the table,eating their dinner,kieran kicked over the chair tom was sitting on,making tom hurt his neck,although not seriously,thankfully.i,m reaching the end of my tether with him,as nothing i do or say to him,makes a difference.
I feel for you! I know things must be awful right now but hang in there! Your apt is tomorrow right? Make sure you tell the doctor how desperate you are. Especially with the sleep issue. If a child isn't getting sleep it has such a HUGE effect on him and everyone around him! The doctor needs to address things now! I wish I could say something that would make things easier but I can't so I'll just say I know how you feel and I'm thinking of you! Good luck tomorrow!Yes I got it thank you I shall contact her later tonight after Nicola has gone bed :)
maxi39,
My son was on several different medicines, doses, and timings of doses over about a 5 month period before we got it right. At least I hope it's right and stays like this because it's SO much better.
He started on Adderall, then Adderall XR (extended release), then finally Ritalin. The Ritalin worked much better than the Adderall with less side effects. The Ritalin still wasn't quite enough becuase it aggravated some of his sensory processing issues so we added Tenex. It's a blood pressure medicine for adults but it works wonders on ADHD kids and usually has a very calming effect. It helps his anxiety. It took us about 5 months (pretty rocky months!) to get the "cocktail" right but it's been great since we go it! It's allowed him to slow down, control his impulses, listen to discipline etc...which he could NEVER do before. Now other people can see what a great kid he is instead of seeing only the ADHD symptoms.
Early on we didn't want to medicate him-I think everyone feels that way at first. But he got so bad that it really wasn't a choice. Something ABSOLUTELY had to be done or he was going to be emotionally damaged for life and we were going to go crazy! Hang in there! I know from experience that this time can be the hardest to get through. But...it's always darkest before the dawn...
Sorry I haven't been on for a while,
Today has been a serious low point.
Nicola got out for the 3rd time, I was arrested for child neglection and detained for 3 hours before being released with a caution :(
Can't believe this sh*t
Nicola is now with her dad till the Social Services 'deem me fit to have her back'.
On the plus side a doctor has FINALLY agreed to let her be referred to a pediatrician.
Hang in there. There is obviously something with her going on. Hopefully the pediatrician will find out and help her which will help you!!
Are pediatrician's the ones who diagnose adhd in the UK? Here they are children doctor's. We see neurologists for mental health, pediatric for children.
Just curious!!
Owing to my anemia and arthritis I am always tired and in pain, it's something I live with and have medication for but after a day of running round after Nicola and other things all I want to do when she is in bed is relax. I clean as I try and go and along but it builds up and lately it suffered bad, just as the police and social services walked through my door. Now I have till Monday to get it in order or I could lose my daughter, I have done downstairs and today doing upstairs. SighNicola got out of the house again yesterday. This time I was woken at 8.45am by a Policewoman, whilst I was naked! Bitch just walked in!! Have had 2 coppers round today and told me if I do not have a clean house by Monday or if they have any more reports then Nicola will be taken away form me. WHY AM I BRANDED THE BAD MOTHER FOR MY DAUGHTERS ACTIONS????
Because you are held responsible for her since she is a minor.
what is up with the cleaning of the house? Do you think this incident can escalate seeing a doctor who can help her??? Sounds like they are getting on you instead of helping your daughter!!