thanks for your replys, im feeling a little better today but still unsure what to do.he was on meds at the age of around 7, Ritalin and they just didnt help at all. he wasnt sleeping (he doesnt sleep well as it is !) he wasnt eating all day but then starving in the night and making toast! and i didnt see any change in his behaviour anyway.
no offence to any of you wonderfull people on here but i dont think meds are the answer for him. he has been seeing a psyc since diagnosed but was recently discharged because he was doing so well!!!! its a joke over here! been waiting for speech therapy for over a year, thats another story, he has a bad stammer.
he doesnt seem to care about being in his room anymore, i made him stay up there all day yesterday, he came down to have his tea and then went back again. he has no computer or anything up there,just a bed (and his brothers toys that he takes apart!)
maybe if he steels from me again i should call the police?? my partner said he feels like packing his bags and throwing him out the house because it makes him so mad to see what he is doing to me
I would have him re-evaluated. There could depression involved. He could also be bipolar and the adhd meds will NOT work until the bipolar is addressed. The bipolar exasperates things when they take adhd meds and do not treat bipolar.
Get a new evaluation. It sounds like it could save his life. He could be headed for real trouble, life threatening even.
My son also has speech delay, it is common with adhd'ers. I have heard of others from the UK disgusted with the way that adhd isn't taken seriously.
Please re-evaluate him if you can, see if there is bipolar that needs treating and then go back and treat the adhd. Once you find the right meds and the right dosage you will see a change in him.
Does it bother him as well?? Like the troube he gets in, is he scared about jail, death??
hi all,im new (from the uk) and feel like if i dont get some help soon i might end it all. my son is almost 15 and is pushing me over the edge!! he was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6 and i have battled on with his difficult behaviour since he was 2. its been one thing after another, setting fires at the age of 3,bracking neighbours windows,car tyres, damaging an entire house if he couldnt get his own way,school has been living hell!! i will leave that story for another day, i could go on all day, fighting with his brothers and sister (age 12,7 and almost 3,that all have behaviour problems of some sort!) and more recently (over the last 2 years) he has been in ALOT of trouble with the police, to cut a very long story short, he went to a special needs boarding school for 3 years, and in that time he has almost given me a breakdown. the school was constantly on the phone to me telling me he had run off, broken something, attacked someone, stolen something,the police were called on a number of times and i had to go to court with him 3 times, he was twice charged with damages and theft, resulting in various court orders, supervition orders and a total of 3 hundrend pounds in charges, that I am still paying!! i took him out the school and he is now living with me again and he has been better, but only because i wont let him out the house! if i did im sure he would re offend! he goes to a special needs school closer to home and comes home every night, his life consists of school, video games, tea, bed. he does alot of jobs for me to pay me back for the fines im having to pay for him and i am very strict with him. he went to play golf with his friend on saturday and was 5 hours late home!!!! his excuse was, i thought you said 7 oclock (rubish) he can tell the time! i got lost, (rubbish), he has a great sense of direction!! all this time i was conviced the police would ring me to say he had been arrested! all of this i can just about cope with but he steals from me! he has done it so many times time now, and maybe more that i dont know about, he takes from my money jar (i save up for things) from a cup i keep in my bedroom (he isnt allowed in my room, this in itsself winds me up to breaking point!) it can be 10 pounds, 20 pounds. maybe more! or loose change, its still theft and i just cant cope withit any more! i picked his jacket up this morning to wash it and it was so heavy! i looked in the pockets and found around 10 pounds worth of 5p "s!!! god only knows where he has got it all from, he also lies and i cant trust anything he says!! he said it was from my cup in my room but it woulnt hold it all for a start!!! after a major fight i sent him to his room and pretended to call the police, this made him worse and he tryed to get out the house, i managed to stop him. i dont know how, he is 2 foot taller than me! he has never hit me but has other adults, and hurt a teacher bad! he is still in his room and he hasnt had anything to eat yet but i dont want him near me! i sat and cryed ( as i have done a hundred times) asking him how he could steal from his own mother, why he feels the need to do this when i give him everything he wants,and needs, i told him he is going to end up killing me and im thinking about putting him into care.does he not see what he is doing to me!! how can my own son steal from me??? it breaks my heart. all i have done for him means nothing!! and the worse thing is he thinks he has done nothing wrong!! he keeps souting, i want to come down, i wont do it again, i didnt do anything! (????) no one even likes me in this house. i cant take it anymore and i can only see things getting worse, what happens when he is 16 and i legaly cant keep him in his room any more, im so sared for the future, i have 3 other kids that have no respect for me at all, are cheeky and dont do a thing i say, maybe because they see me fall apart all the time, all my friends say im a great mum and cope well, but i dont!!!! they dont know the real me! im also a childminder, which i love,when my own kids are at school i look after other peoples kids that listen to me, are great to be around and behave well.but i cant do it anymore, why cant my own kids be like this? i just dont know what to do, im falling apart and feel like walking out of the house and leaving the kids on their own or taking some pills or something, i worry about his future, in prison or on drugs, i cant cope anymore.your son needs help. you don't say if he's been on medication but sounds like he needs that as well as counseling. teenage years are tough enough without adding ADHD to the mix. I had many of the same issues your son is having. somehow, I grew up okay but not without cost to relationships, money, my self-esteem, etc. i spent years in counseling but noone listened to me. i knew my problems stemmed from ADHD and it wasn't until a year ago that i finally got someone to listen and diagnose me. i am now getting treatment. i don't know if i had continued medication as a teen if things would have been different but i urge you to get professional help for your son as soon as possible. all of these acting out behaviors are cries for help.I am really sorry you are going through this. I agree with kjl2691. Sounds like he needs to be re-evaluated by a doctor and either get on meds or have his meds adjusted. Counseling for you both might be good as well.
Sending lots of hugs. I know it is hard.
Kim
2far,
How is your son and you all doing?
Just checking on you all!!
I would talk to my dr about maye trying some different ADHD medication, and maybe clonidine for the sleep. My son was a lot like what you are describing but I never have let him out much so the destruction was in my home. He just started Risperdol and it has made a huge difference but this is a strong drug so talk to the dr about it and its side effects.
good luck
From recent posts by others in the UK, it sounds like you all have a difficult time getting the help you need for your kids. I am so sorry for this.
I know you said Ritalin didn't work but there are many other ADHD meds out there and when one doesn't work there are others that will. Many ADHD people have to try several meds before they find one that works and doesn't have bad side effects for them. I really think your son needs to be re-evaluated. There may be other things going on besides ADHD that need to be addressed.
Good luck!
Could you find out about the training of the psych he has seen? You mention, -
he has been seeing a psyc since diagnosed but was recently discharged because he was doing so well!!!!
It sounds really bad to me. Of course he was doing well because he was getting everything an ADDer flourishes in, a novelty setting and one to one. You will have to persue this, get a specialist in ADD, perhaps consult a university clinic. Perhaps print out some of this website.
Page 206 (bottom half)'Driven to Distraction' by Hallowell and Ratey,-
....Many people who do in fact have ADD appear not to have it when given psychological tests. This is because the testing procedure may temporarily treat the ADD , obliterating the symptoms during the time of the testing.
People with ADD typically can focus in a one to one setting while they become distractible in a group setting....... . Also in a setting where the individual is highly motivated, the symptoms of ADD often disappear. And novel settings - unusual or new places-can stimulate the person with ADD to such a degree that their attention becomes focused ...... . One must be highly skeptical of psychological testing that finds no evidence of ADD if the clinical, real-life date supports the diagnosis.
Studies have proven that medication helps keep young people away from self medication, ie. drug addiction. You need to be prepared to be a pushy, shameless parent here. You need support. I get the feeling you are both in danger here, you from breakdown and him from drug abuse. This site is full of people who are willing for you to get the right help. I am ashamed by the terrible facilites in the UK for this mental disorder. I really feel for you, actually feel helpless and can only hope that you stumble across a medical worker who is going to make sure you are ok because it seems like it is being left to chance. You do not need to live like this and the gap between you moving on and not, is finding the right support.
Why dont the police enter a psychological report on your son to the psych? It sounds as if they know him quite well. What about the school that returned him to you? It is in their interest to help you here, of course confidentially. Your son isnt evil and you havent failed in your role as childraiser - he has a neurological disorder and it has already taken far too long to get it treated properly. You are doing all you can in a system that isnt working properly for you. You have even found this message board, well done, I think you are brilliant, how proactive can you get in a system that wont wake up properly to ADD.
I am sure you will feel empowered when you have read more about your sons disorder. His proper treatment will help him understand himself. You have all the support I can give you.
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