Freaking out about a pair of shoes | ADHD Information

So my mom came by and brought some clothes and a fwe pairs of shoes for the kids. One pair of sandals didnt fit Trevor so much so I figured I would give them to my step son and told Trevor I would get him a pair on friday. He agreed. A few hours later he starts ranting and raving about how I stole his shoes and gave them to my step son. I mean full on flip out yelling screaming, slamming doors attacking children and anything else you can think of. Is this typical? how do you deal with this?You could also ask him what he would like to do with the shoes.

I had violent temper tantrums as a kid up until my tween years I'd say.  I would rip sheets off the bed, threw a brush once at the window and tore the shade, kicked a hole in the wall (because my mom put red sauce on my noodles), screamed at the top of my lungs, slam the bedroom door repeatedly.  I'm not saying this is normal or acceptable but it was just my experience.  In addition to my ADHD, there were family dynamics that were going on which explained my outbursts.  I did not have these anywhere else but at home.  Sometimes kids will act out this way as a way to get their parents to feel guilty to giving them what they want.  I don't know what would have worked for me. I'm sure my mother was at her wits end when she'd tell me that the neighbors were calling.  She was embarrassed.  There were deep psychological issues that I couldn't express.  I wanted attention.  I was willing to do whatever it took to get that attention.  Negative attention was better than none.

I think the best thing is to remain calm, acknowledge the childs' feelings and to be firm in what you think is best.  Good luck to you.  I've heard of that book.  Sounds like a goodie.
The school psychologist suggested a book called "how to talk so your kids
will listen and listen so your kids will talk". Just started browsing through it,
but from what I've browsed through so far, the book says to name the
feeling that your child is experiencing and be empathetic towards it, and
kids will not be so defensive. I guess in this situation you might say "you
are so angry right now. You must be really upset. When grandma came by
with new shoes for you, you were so looking forward to them. It's
disappointing that they didn't fit and you have to wait til tomorrow for a
new pair".   The author claims that the child should calm down if parents
acknowledge their feelings and are empathic. Good Luck!I tend to think this is common with some adhd kids. Jessica N40034.6310416667Working with your child and recognizing their feelings really can work but not the first day.  This is something that works over time as you become more connected to your child.  I think when a child misbehaves and throws temper tantrums it has to do with fear.  Lots of times I think it is the early wiring.  A child who's first several months, or years, were traumatic because of medical reasons or something going on in the family, like stress or a divorce or a depressed mom, can be very prone to flight or fight behavior.  Sometimes things that do not look like a threat to you might look like a threat to him.  It can take a long time for his system to calm down and for him to feel safe in the world. 
Acknowledging his fear and feelings is a good beginning.  Then you have to parent in a way that makes his world smaller and safer.  Ignoring the behavior and addressing the child can make a good start.  You have to try to help him with the tantrum, I think just staying close and being quiet is the best way.  When the tantrum is over you can talk.  You can say all the things you are guessing set him off.  It may not be what you think.  He may not even know.  Just hug him and promise to find a way to make it better.  If he starts with a little yelling just ignore the tone and words and focus on him.  You are so angry right now!  Tell me what has made you so mad!  You can shout it so I really understand.  Later when things are calm you can address the language and attitude in a loving way.  Remember when you were so mad today?  I am glad you told me why.  Next time will you try to tell me before you get so mad?  The things you said really hurt me...