Angry with family member | ADHD Information

He thinks that her comments were stupid and insensitive.  However, he's not going to call his mom to say anything to her.  He would rather let me handle it so he doesn't have to have the confrontation with her.  Although he said if she called him he would say something to her.  He will stand behind me on this but not approach his mom directly.  She is always making thoughtless remarks so it is not as if I should be suprised about this.  She is apparently lacking the sensitivity and common sense filter that most of us have.

 

Do you know the generic trail of adhd? Mine is from my husbands family and they all have it. My mil is just as insensitive and tries to make me the one that had all hte bad genes. Nothing ever suprises me!!

I can definitely tell you that the link goes straight back to my MIL although she's never been diagnosed with it.  She can't focus on anything for too long ( a 2 hour movie is too much for her) and she can't sit still in one place for too long either.  She's got to be out and going and doing something. 

I emailed her today and told her that while I'm sure she didn't mean to say it like that, what she said was really hurtful and insensitive to him.  I did remind her that she really doesn't spend any time with him so she doesn't really know enough about him to say that.  She hasn't responded yet nor has she called my husband.  I just didn't want to have the conversation on the phone b/c I just wanted to get my thoughts out in a calm manner and not tell her how rude I think she is!!!

My son's gene line goes back to my mil's family. Isn't amazing the old saying, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!!

I wonder what her reply will be.

Be prepared. I have had many world war's in my house due to my in laws and how they would treat my children and the things they would say, I don't even want to remember them!!

Shantay8, that is horrible.

Your MIL is missing out on seeing her Grandgirls grow up - her loss!!

I agree with not having her around. Makes sense until she gets it, if she ever does!!

My MIL Is very similar. She hardly ever watches our girls because she has stated she only want to watch our daughter that doesn't have adhd. I won't let either of them go now. It's not worth it for us to have her around if she isn't going to help the situation.

She apologized for what she said.  She said that she was trying to say that she had noticed how much he had matured - then why not just say that??  That came out a whole lot nicer than "he's not as wild as usual" and would not have been offensive to me in the least.

I hope that she will start to think about how she says things but I doubt things will change.  It's hard to change the way you think and say things after 60+ years!!

Shawntay8 - I hope your MIL realizes one day that both of the girls should be equally deserving of her love and that it is her actions that will keep the girls from having a good relationship with her long term.  I'm sorry she was so insensitive to you and the girls.

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I hope that she will start to think about how she says things but I doubt things will change.  It's hard to change the way you think and say things after 60+ years!!

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Yeah, it is. Since she apologized, I would do my best to forgive and forget. It sounds like she didn't really mean to say anything hurtful, even though it seemed that way to you. I know I take offense very easily when it some to comments about my kids. Especially when my son was young, my family made some comments that really hurt me even though I'm sure they didn't mean it that way. I still remember my sister commenting that she thought my son was "getting better." That really hurt and infuriated me even though I'm sure she thought it was a compliment. My step-dad used to always go on and on about how good his daughter was at disciplining her kids.
Anyway, it seems like your MIL is at least making some effort, so hopefully you can works things out. Nobody's perfect but it can be great for kids to have grandparents who are involved even though they're not always exactly what we wish them to be. And this is always a great place to vent!!!
Your posts all make me realize how blessed I am to have a wonderful family.  My MIL and FIL are great; plus my husband was adopted and his biological mother is wonderful as well.  They are all incredibly supportive and we genuinely have a close relationship.  I'm sorry to hear that all MILs are not created equal.  Thank you for the simple reminder of how lucky I am !  :o)My MIL babysat last night for us so that we could have date night.  She hardly ever babysits for us (like once a year).  After we got home last night we were talking and she remarked that my son was very calm that evening and not "wild" like he usually is.  She wondered if I had given him some medication (I had not).  She then was suprised that at bedtime he asked her to snuggle with him in his bed for a few minutes b/c she didn't know he was so affectionate.  I said "oh yes he's always very affectionate and cuddly".  Then a little later she remarked that my labrador was also calm that night and not "wild" as usual.  So she's just basically said that my child and my dog act the same.  I wanted to tell her that we gave them the same sedative that night so they would behave.  If she were around my child more often she would see that he is not always revved up.  And if she paid attention, she would see that my children are better behaved and don't cause the behavior problems when all of the nieces and nephews are together.  The more I think about it the madder I get.  I'm sure she'll call tomorrow and ask how the first day of school went and I'll be sure to tell her he didn't act "wild" all day - imagine that!!  I guess I just needed to vent but I'm mad at myself for not saying something to her last night about her crappy observation about her grandchild.  Also I wonder what I can say now to let her know she was rude and very unkind when she said that.  Any advice on how you would have handled it?

I may have actually said to mine if she had spent more time with my child and actually knew my child, then she would know what he/she was like.

does she care about your child? Any idea where HER problem comes from?

Any feedback from your husband, her son????