new here | ADHD Information

hi,I am new here...I need a place to vent! I just do not know what to do....

         I will try to make this as short as I can,I left my ex husband when my son was 5 because of abuse (of me) he is now 12 (i am remarried with a s son and 3 yr old girl)when he was 11 I had to have him arrested for battery,he beat me with a lamp and I ended up in the er.He is bigger then I am and his dad would not allow me to take him to a dr to get help for his anger...after the arrest the court allowed me to get help for him and they said he had adhd and bipolar.They put him on risperidone but my ex will not give it to him on the days he has him so he still goes into rages.He has a lot of anger towards his dad but only feels safe taking it out on me because he knows I will not hurt him.I am just going crazy,I have had to lock myself in my room at times because he will not leave me alone...he calls me names and throws things along with putting holes in the walls.The only time I have my little boy back is when he is asleep and i can go in and sit near him.I am so sad!He gets bad when he comes from his dads...i am taking him back to court because he refuses to pay his child support and I have to pay for EVERYTHING.He is 13,000 behind but is going to bars and buying his 20 yr old pregnant girlfriend an engagement ring! He didnt even get my son a b day gift because he says he is broke but then took off to the beach for a weekend of partying!I think my son blames me because he screams that I am taking all his dads money so he cant buy him anything.I took him back to the dr today and she put him on depakote and I am PRAYING that it will work.Is there ANYONE out there that has this problem? or am I just a bad mom like my ex says?

First of all, how can HE say that about YOU? You are the only one who is trying to get help for your son.

My son is also 12 and I cannot imagine going through all that you have.

I have learned from another board with wonderful members that the bipolar must be treated first and then when that is under control, you go back and treat the adhd. Both can be treated but the bipolar must be done first.

Your son can have a successful life once you get all this under control.

I also would consider therapy for both of you. Your son has a lot to be angry and rage about, in addition to being bipolar. I know I too would be mad if my dad did all that.

I hope things get better and please let us know how you both are doing.

I agree,he needs the bipolar treated first and that is why I took him back to the dr today to get the meds changed.I just cant continue these nightly rages that go on for HOURS...then like a light switch its over and he is sorry.I feel so bad for him but I also feel like I am still married to his dad and being abused.My husband is so sad for me and can not stand that I am still being the victim.I am so scared that one day he will hurt HIS wife if he does not get help now.I feel like it is my fault for not leaving his dad when he was a baby so he did not see everything that went on...he is remembering things and he does not know that that is what he is remembering.when I was a teen I had a eating disorder and his dad told him that he could CATCH bulimia from me!! He will go into a rage and them start mocking me making puking sounds and tell me to just go throw up like his dad told him I did!He says if I loved him I wouldnt have had him put in jail (for one night) and I told him I did that BECAUSE i loved him...it was the ONLY way for me to get him the help he needed...that cleared his record after he started treatment.I am so scared for him...he picked up his end table in his room and tried to throw it at me the other day.He said it is my fault for leaving his dad.

        I do everything for him,I buy all his clothes,pay for all the dr,pay for the meds,make sure he has a nice place to live ect...and my husband takes care of all of us, with NO help for his dad even though he is court ordered to.

I am so sorry for everything that you are being put through. Your son should never have know about your personal "stuff", his father should never have told him negative things about you. That is sick his fathers part - what a horrible father. I am sure you can fill your son's head with horrible things about his father, in fact you don't have to since your son witnessed it for himeself.

All these things are genetic. I am not sure if you have ocd or adhd but his father may have this as well. The "catching" comment your ex made to him is so uncalled for.

The one thing that is carried over is both his bipolar and adhd, someone or both passed that down to him, so your ex should re-check himself. They are genetic disorders,  no one catches it, they are born with it. He is also a dead beat dad!! And that is according to the law.

I am so sorry for everything you do for your son and  that you are treated this way.

I can understand your son being upset over what happened to him in order for you to be able to get help for him, but that would upset me if it happened to me as well.

Take your ex back to cour to get either child support or stick him in jail - he is a dead beat and a bad influence on your son.

Keep doing what you are doing, treat the bi polar first then the adhd.

I to am so sorry for what is happening in your life,
I to have a son from a violent relationship and My son has ADHD passed on by his father. I understand how hard it is for you to be dealing with all of this alone (with no help from his biological father) and it is totally unfair!
At 11 years old your son would probably appreciate you being honest with him, sit down with him one day and chat with him about the things he witnessed and how it was not ok for you to be treated that way, if he understands why u left his father he might not feel so angry about it. Help him to understand that none of it is his fault (alot of kids think that things like that happen because of them).
Have you thought about art therapy or sand play therapy for your son? Both of those worked wonders for my son and they dont even know they are getting therapy.
You need to also show your son that it is ok for him to both love and be angry at his dad, his father has done alot of things that have hurt him but he needs to know that there is love there too. He might also be rebelling a bit too because of the new baby and seing that he already gets nothing from his father he may feel like he will get nothing at all once that baby is born.
Def speek to your dr and get the bi polar treated first, the adhd is the least of your worries.
Also it is illegal for his father to with hold his meds from him and is endangering both his son,and you and your other kids, i would be seeking legal advice on this matter asap!!
Hope things work out well for you and your son and i hope you and him find strength you need to deal with his fathers "Issues"