ADHD bad reputation | ADHD Information
I was wondering if anyone else feels this way.It seems like people assume if your child has ADHD you are not a good parent. I feel like I always have to prove to people(teachers, family, friends) that I am a good parent. YES I agree! I feel that way a lot. Like I need to justify everything I do with respect to my son and explain to everyone why he's behaving the way he does. I guess it's my selfish need to have them not think I'm a bad parent! But when I sit and think rationally I know that many of the people outside of the ADHD "community" have ABSOLUTELY NO idea what it's like to parent a child like this! Anyone that has an ADHD child knows it's not bad parenting and others can be educated. Everyone else just plain doesn't matter! No, when I see people glaring, I assume that they are ignorant and it doesn't go much farther.Jessica N40076.8567708333Thanks for the replies. They are comforting.
ADHD definitely has a bad reputation for a lot of people. Here are a few of the more common misconceptions I hear:
ADHD isn't real - kids are forgetful, unfocused, and hyper by nature Bad parenting causes ADHD Kids with ADHD have a learning disorder and should be put in special classes If your kid isn't a hyperactive troublemaker, he doesn't have ADHD Adults can't have ADHD Medication turns your kid into a zombie People with ADHD just need to focus more, try harder, follow through, etc. People with ADHD can't be gifted or highly intelligentI'm not going to bother refuting them - I know you all know these are false and why. I can say I'm really frustrated by these misconceptions.
When I get the feeling people are judging me, I try to remind myself that they're probably uninformed about ADHD. I also ask myself if I think this person really spends time pondering my parenting skills...the answer is usually no. I know I don't sit around judging other parents based on their kids behaviors.
The best parenting advice I ever got was, "trust your instincts." You know your family better than anyone else and you want the best for them. If you need to do things differently than the family next door, go for it! You're doing what's right for your family...it might not work for anyone else, but it works for you, right?
I've always felt it is hard because people don't realize your child has ADHD or ASD because they don't look different than unaffected kids. They look like normal kids behaving badly. If they had braces on their legs or were in wheelchairs people would be more understanding. Sometimes I think I should wear a t-shirt or button that says my kid is not bad, he has ADHD.Sandielaw, I try to remind myself that I don't spend much time worrying about other peoples' children's behavior.
jigsaw40103.8535069444
Hi,
My solution? I don't tell anyone, don't explain anything and it's none of their business. And, that includes relatives. I rationalize this by remembering that it's my child's medical information which I am not at liberty to explain to anyone other than, their doctor, teachers, babysitters (if necessary) and a few select others. I want my medical information kept private and the same for my children. There is such a stigma attached to ADHD and medication that I don't feel like trying to fight. Maybe someday it will get better.
I make a point of not discussing ADHD with anyone except, teachers, doctors or other ADHD parents. Anyone else just doesn't get it. And, I am always afraid some uninformed person is going to make a statement that sets me off and I might regret my response. Sadly, this is a very isolating problem. It's not one for public discussion. At least that's my experience.
Hausof 4,
Sadly I'm coming to the same conclusion. It's better to not say anything and it is very isolating. Thank goodness for this message board.
I completely agree with you. This actually drives me crazy because I live in what the neighbors like to believe is "perfectville". There are tons of kids and of course, my child is the only one who EVER does anything wrong. I have to say he is 10 now and he has calmed down tremendously but anytime something happens it's always his fault. I have limited his time outside with these other kids (unless I'm out there to supervise everything that goes on) because I just can't deal with it anymore. I must say (as sick as it is) that when my son isn't around and there's a commotion going on with the other kids outside I get amused by it.
Honestly....if anyone ever even considers questioning my parenting skills of my ADHD son, I'll tell them to take him for a day....lol. Once they see the real life side of things, then they're minds will be more open and receptive. And you are right on Sandielaw...trusting your instincts is the best thing you can do as a parent. No one knows your kids like you do.
Until I found this board I wasn't sure that anyone else understood what we go through every single day.
It isn't worth the energy trying to defend yourself. All you can do is educate them on the facts of ADHD -- it is a physiological condition.
I am convinced that some people may never understand (or choose to understand), but I am grateful to come here for support and know that we are all trying to do the best for our kids. No matter how difficult that may be at times.
Hang in there. We understand.
The worst is not necessarily other people it's my own mother who never seems to think I do things right. UGH!Yeah, Wyatt's mom, it's family that bothers me the most too. My in-laws are convinced that ADHD is a result of environment. They don't want to try to understand. It doesn't seem to matter that 4 different doctors/agencies over the years have diagnosed my seven year old son with dyspraxia/Adhd. They seem 100% convinced that ADHD is bad kid/ parent. I know that this is far from the truth. It's frustrating.