Social Skills lessons are great....BUT... | ADHD Information

I just wanted to say he sounds like an awesome kid!!

But I know what you mean.. Will is just like that.  He can say some of the nicest things to other kids and they look at him like he has 2 heads..I've told Will that lots of kids don't pay each other compliments like he does, but God is very proud of him and so am I.  Even though it's a little awkward right now, I think those qualities will help him later in life.

He'll be a wonderful husband one day because he's always complimenting girls! 

hey all.  I was a regular poster here for sometime, but life got crazy busy... you know the drill so I don't get online nearly as much as I used to.  ANYWAY...

My son is 7 1/2 and was diagnosed ADHHHHHD when he was 4.  He's been through alot, but things started to improve with first grade.  I decent start to second (even if the teacher didn't know he had an IEP....thats a whole other post...).  So he's been getting social skills training for 2 years and in the beginning, it was a blessing.  He's a great kid, but I think even without the ADHD he's quirky (chip off the old block;)  )
and I'm starting to think the social skills aren't keeping up with reality. 

For example, part of the SS lessons is giving compliments.  He'll just randomly turn to a classmate he sees outside the classroom and say something like "you are on awesome football player" or "that shirt makes you look handsome".  uuugggh.  The looks he gets, and it breaks my heart for him, because he's doing everything the way he's learned to.  I'm not complaining that he's doing something wrong, but when you take a kid with social challenges and he starts doing stuff like that I just don't think its helping.  I don't know what to do about it, if anything because I don't want to confuse or embarrass him.  There's that unspoken boy language that you just can't teach.  Should I talk to the school counselor about it, try to explain it to him, leave it alone?  This sounds like a small thing compared to where we were a few years ago, but he really wants to be accepted and its just not happening.  The other boys are definately maturing faster than he is and he feels different.  How else can I help him?

It doesn't have to be an unspoken boy language...if you can teach a kid to compliment someone, you can teach him when it's appropriate and when it's not. Try roleplaying with him - explaining things to my 7 year old is almost impossible, but demonstrating the same ideas seems to get through to him. The school counselor may also have some suggestions.

I wouldn't leave it alone if it were my son. I know we're supposed to focus on intellectual skills and teach our kids that being popular isn't all its cracked up to be...but being accepted is really important to kids. Being excluded has a huge impact on your self esteem and no one wants that for their child.

It might also help to teach him about humor. Being able to laugh about your mistakes can deflect a lot of social criticism.

 

thanks sandielaw.  You know, like you said I feel we're supposed to focus on intellect but there's a whole other side of life that's just as important.  I felt guilty even putting this post up, because he's so far from where we were 3-4 years ago accept for the social part.  I think I will give role playing a try....its something I've done regarding bullying but never thought about it for this.  thanks!
 

At our elementary school they have a group of children put into "lunch bunch". They meet at lunch with the school adjustment counselor and "talk" about appropriate behavior, all sorts of things.

I think that maybe the other children should take part in a social skills class for awhile so that they can catch up to your son!

Your son sounds like a great boy! What a joy to have.

The others need social skill training!! Just not acknowledging his comments is rude. I sure hope they don't give him a smart mouthed comment back in return.

I agree, mention it to the teacher, but I also think the others need social skills help!! Just my opinion.

BETHANN40080.257962963Our school does group things too for various things, which helps the kids feel less isolated. It always helps to know you're not the only one. :)