Just need someone to talk to | ADHD Information
If you feel like things spiral out of control when he's off meds, don't take him off on the weekends or vacations. Most ADHD meds don't have major withdrawl symptoms, so you can go on and off without having to slowly reduce the dose (like you have to do with antidepressants). Of course, you don't have to take him off at all if you don't see the need.
It's hard to explain why he needs meds when his siblings don't without making it sound like he's sick or there's something wrong with him. Here's how I'd handle it:
I'd start by pointing out several differences between him and his siblings - they probably look different, like different things, and have different strengths and weaknesses.
Then make sure he understands that ADHD isn't a disease...it's just a name for the way his brain works. Talk about all the things he's good at because of his ADHD - being creative, energetic, and intuitive. Then talk about how his ADHD makes some things harder, like paying attention in school and interrupting people.
If you need to, you can talk about how his siblings struggle with things he finds easy and vice versa. The medications help him with the things he struggles with at home and at school, but they don't take away the things he's good at.
It may help to remind him that lots of people who aren't sick take medicine every day to keep them healthy. The diabetes example would be very helpful especially if he knows someone with diabetes who has to take meds or use insulin.
Hang in there rdconover! It WILL get better! I give my son his medication every day, no exceptions! He needs it so badly that it would unfair to keep it from him. I guess some kids are mild enough that they can take "medicine holidays" but mine is not one of them. PLEASE don't feel guilty if you give him medicine every day. It means you are a good parent for making sure that he has what he so desperately needs.
Have you ever had a sleep study done? My son has not had sleep problems but I've heard several people on this site talk about them. It seems that sometimes when a kid has sleep apnea it can cause ADHD-like symptoms or aggravate the real ones. Just a thought...
Definitely talk to your doc about something for when the meds wear off at night. There's no need for him to be miserable every night. Medication can be adjusted to help that. My son is also on Tenex and it helps him after his Ritalin wears off at night.
Good luck and keep us posted! 
Hi, my name is Renee and I have a six year old son with adhd.
I sit here tonight with tears in my eyes and I have no one to turn to.My son Julian means the world to me but, I feel like I dont even know him anymore. He seems so discunecteed from the rest of us.He has all the typical adhd symptoms and has most of his life it just seems to be getting worse as he gets older. I am constantly having to get on to him, I feel like I am loosing my cool I don't know how to reach him anymore. It is the worst feeling in the worl to sit back and see my son slipping away and not know how to help him. I always thought that adhd was just an attention problem but, as i am learning it goes alot deeper than that.
It has taken my son over from the moment he awakes to well, even as he sleeps he is up screaming through the night with night terrors and sleep walking.His behaviour is out of control but, it dosn't seem as if punishment works.
I am at a loss for what to do, but, I refuse to give up on him. I will take and try any advice that anyone may be able to offer me. Even if its words of encouragment, I could use that right now too.
Thank you for listening
Renee
I
I am new to all of this as my 7 yr old was just diagnosed and her negative
behaviors are mild compared to some, but here is my advice. If you have
not already, find a qualified person diagnose your sons condition. I used
a child psychologist. If memory serves me, some on this site have
suggested a neuropsychologist is best.
It seems what works to improve adhd symptoms in some does not work
in others. But many people on this site have reported improvement with
prescription meds for ADHD. Others have had success with supplements,
like fish oil or ps. You could try lots and lots of praise when he does
things right, no matter how small. Many say kids with adhd respond well
to this positive reinforcement. Others say changes in diet have been
successful.
I am personally giving my daughter 2 MorEpa mini's (which is a fish oil
capsule supplement). I believe it has improved her negative opinion
about herself. I recently added Natural calm (which is magnesium) and
vitamin b6. One study I read said give 6mg/kg of body weight of
magnesium and 0.6mg/kg of body weight of b6 to kids with adhd and
adhd symptoms improve. Some of these approaches may take a couple
months to see results, so the verdict is out on magnesium and b6 for us.
People here a very supportive and have lots of experience. Good luck! i know how your feeling i feel exactly the same i dont know what to do anymore im fighting a loosing battle my son is 7 now and was diagnosed 2 yrs ago he is on meds but they work for a few months then it dwindles off he is now back at the stage where he is wrecking my house hes pulling doors off wardrobes but he doesn do it in temper he just finds it funny....
i have 3 other children aswell and Alex (son with ADHD) has a huge hold over my 4 yr old daughter who will do whatever alex tells her no matter what it is and of she gets hurt or in trouble he finds it funny i have tried praising the good and yes he lovesssssssss it but it doesn stop the bad its like he judt doesn care i dont know what to do anymore i suffered with bulimia and depression a year or so ago and i can feel myself slipping back into it
rdconover,
Hello and welcome to these wonderful boards. I wish I had found them when my son was adhhhhhhhhhd and NOT medicated!!! I was alone with just my husband and we knew nothing.
We suffered tremendously until we began the medication route. I was afraid at first, but I had to save my son!
He was diagnosed professionally just shy of 5 BUT I refused meds.
Kindergarten came and went with a little difficulty, but the teacher was great. He is a great kid, but adhhhhhhd.
First grade begins and so doesn't the bullying, impulsive behaviour, etc. He really seemed to be getting worse as he got older. I had been thinking about meds, but not doing anything until his teacher talked to me about a behavior plan. Take away recess to see if he can control himself. It didn't work. She came to me and said I honestly believe he cannot control himself and feel so bad after things happens and does not premeditate his action before he does it, it just is that quick.
I went to the pediatrician and began the meds, it was awful. He recomended a psychopharmacologist and we worked with him to find the right med AND the right dosage for our son. It took 6 months to finally level off but we stayed there for several years. My son was just where he needed to be. Unfortunately it is trial and error for each individual.
My son is 12, a honor student, plays sports, has friends. Meds saved our son's life. Truly. He still deals with bullying, but has lots of friends in middle school and we are on top of things for him. He is also on a 504 plan that keeps him organized and he gets speech therapy.
We love our son with all our heart and want everything for him.
I am not a med pusher, just a mother with an adhhhhhhd son.
Please ask any questions.
It's good that you came here to share your feelings and worries. Getting those things out in the open, even if it's online to total strangers, really helps. Don't beat yourself up for being frustrated. You still love him...you're just upset about his behavior.
Is your son being treated for his ADHD at all? I've read that the most effective treatment is a combination of medication and behavioral therapy. While many doctors will want to prescribe medications, you don't have to go that route. There are lots of other treatment options available, some more effective than others.
If he's not being treated, it's unfair to expect his behavior to change. At the very least, there are some changes you can make at home and at school to help him - talk to his school counselor, check out books or tapes on ADHD, and ask for advice here (the posters here have lots of experience and great advice).
It sounds like there might be more going on than just ADHD. Have you taken him to a child psychiatrist recently? They should be able to evaluate him for things like ODD or other related disorders.
Let us know how it goes...
Oh, I just wanted to add that my son is on concerta and guanfacine. The guanfacine (also known as tenex) controls his impulsivness and helps him to relax. A lot of adhd are co-morbid. My son has anxiety and is speech delayed.Thank You all for replying.
Yes, my son is on meds, he in on concerta and that helps during the day but as it wears off all that energyis released onto my other children.and of coarse it does not help with his night terrors at all the doctor presribed klonopin for him to sleep but, i dont want to start him on those heavy meds at such a young age.Despite all of his problems from adhd julian is a great boy! Deep down insude he has got a big heart and when he is medicated he does much better.I just cant get over him having to be medicated. I feel like it is wrong and how can i explain to him why he has to take theese meds to help him but is siblings dont?I want him to feel good about himself but, i dont think he does.
And the doctor recomended not giving him his meds on weekends and school breaks ? but then, he is just unbearable, do you medicate on the weekends and breaks? thank you all for all of your help.
o' and i did try the natural method it helped a little but, i think that he has a pretty sever case of adhd.
My son has adhd 24/7. I medicated every day. When the meds wear off, it is hard for us to. Most nights are good, however, as long as he is busy.
sleep has never been an issue but I give guanafacine all the credit. I think that helps him to eat and sleep.
Lots try clonodine, but we have never. I have a sister-in-law that thought it was addictive but I have no personal knowledge. I would google it and read up on as much as you can. I have also read that some have their children on natural supplements to help with the sleeping situations.
Do you think the med is working? If so, then I wonder if you need to increase the doseage?
Have you heard of guanfacine? That might help relax him. Some use it to help sleep as well. It relaxes my son. He has been on it since we began concerta and he only takes 1 mg once a day, that is all.
RDCONOVER, We don't medicate at this point in time. We have before and will again if it becomes necessary. You have to give yourself a break and try to stop feeling guilty about it. If he had diabetes would you hold back the meds because your other children don't need them too? It a medical condition and if you and your doctor have determined that he needs the meds then you are doing the right thing. We also used Concerta and guanafacine as is mentioned above. The guanafacine took the edge off at night and helped him sleep. Good luck, you WILL get through this.First of all, I commend you for being on the internet trying to get help! And it WILL get better.
I usually don't post on this forum but for some reason my computer brought me here.
I have a looooong story with my boy, he's now 11. But in a nutshell, he is doing GREAT.
By the way, he is not on meds. They didn't work for him or for us. With this, I am not saying you shouldn't try them, OK?
I tried to learn as much as possible about ADHD and its bigger, scarier cousin, autism. You'd be surprised how many traits these conditions share. Also, please learn all you can about Sensory Processing Disorder. It's not on the DSM IV yet, but it will be included in the DSM V. For this "new" disorder, read a book by Lucy Jane Miller named Sensational Kids, and try chapter 8 at least. It describes how my son used to behave to a T. In the first and second chapter, it describes a very good, comprehensive plan to have your kid diagnosed once and for all (gathering a TEAM, not relying on one specialist to diagnose).
The important thing to take from all this knowledge is that you should see your child's problems as one puzzle that only you can solve. It IS solvable.
Since my DS is 5, I tried tons of things, and here is the list of what has REALLY worked for him:
- Occupational Therapy with a very good therapist (difficult to find, but worth it when you do) specialized in Sensory Processing Disorders. She should be able to write a home program, and if she does, you should be able to follow it religiously.
- A sport (or maybe even 2 sports). Don't give up, try one after the next. Take him out to run, to swim, to skate. You'll find one that fits him.
- A naturopathic doctor to rule out food allergies, strengthen his immune system, solve other allergies, and recommend GREAT supplements like Omega 3s and PS. Refer to the Alternative and Complementary forum here.
- A psychologist who respects your desire to try diff. approaches, to help with the emotional aspects of DS' issues (friends, self-esteem, etc.). Even I went to his pshychologist a couple of times, just to vent and get major issues solved.
- A good, consistent behavioral system at home. We use The Nurtured Heart Apporach. It's the best! The psychologist recommended it. But remember: no behavioral intervention works if you don't address the neurological issues too.
- A great IEP with his school. I am not good at that, so I hired an educational attorney. My son's teachers are our best, closest partners (took us years to figure that out, but now that we do, they ARE). And you wont' believe it: he's in public school.
- Limit videogames, and NEVER expose your kid to violent stuff. We only allow G-rated stuff here, and PG if we screen it first.
- Set very high moral standards for your family: no bad words, no hitting, no name-calling, etc. If you have any religious belief, embrace it as a family. It'll help your child both to guide him and to get him through difficult times. My son is very close to God, and believe me, it's made a difference.
My DS is now 11. To give you an idea of where he was a few years ago: no friends, frequent meltdowns, an unhappy home environment, teachers calling me and making me cry, he would lose his lunch/supplies/toys, etc. He was kicked out of gymnastics 2 years ago b/c he'd do unsafe stuff and put others in harm's way.
Today: He's in middle school, straight As, we have a happy family, he has friends, (a few, but he has them), smoothER routine, he does have a short temper, but he's very kind and loving. For example, he's NEVER hit his 6 y.o. sister, he doesn't say bad words. Meltdowns? Maybe once a year (which falls in the category of normal). He's in a sports team. We hug every night after praying together. Life is good. He's not exactly like the other kids, but you know what? Now I like that. He's still disorganized and loses things, but much better than previous years. He attended summer camp (unimaginable a couple of years ago).
He's been in Occupational Therapy for three years, and he's gotten very strong (he's tiny). We enrolled him in gymnastics again 6 weeks ago, and his coach asked me yesterday if he could try out for the team. I still can't get over that one!
Yes, he's still VERY argumentative and more difficult to handle than his sister, but our quality of life has improved tenfold.
I must sound like a milllionaire but I am not. All the above took years and some planning to put together, it has been tough but worth every step of the way.
Good luck!