always alone | ADHD Information
Does Wyatt chose to spend recess alone? If not, then I would ask the teachers/school to help with social skills. We have classes during lunch. It also teachers those more outgoing to reach out to someone alone.If he has no one to play with because others won't, then I would ask for help. If he is happy, then it is his choice.
Do you ever talk to Wyatt about this? If so what does he say?
stefb, contact the school. We just received a permission slip for those wanting social classes, parents wanting parenting classes, etc. All given by the school with the adjustment counselor.
I agree, seeing a child alone is sad. And when they avoid you it is worse.
My son went through this, still does, but does have friends.
When they get older and there are more kids to chose from, they find their friends.
But in the mean time, he shouldn't be alone! Contact the school, please!!
Playing with younger children is so common with adhd'ers, it is because they are behind socially and the other kids fine them annoying and immature, even weird/strange.
He is now in the middle school wing so all of his friends who are younger are not out at recess at the same time as he is. We are talking about a school where there are only 20 kids in his class, so at recess there are maybe 60 kids, all older. We have talked about it and I am sure he choses it. At home too there are times he wanders off alone. I worry that in high shcool he will be like Rensob's son. MAybe we make too much of it though. There are all kinds of people in the world. And yes...many kids think Wyatt can be annoying immature and weird. He seems like a happy kid though so who knows.
Sorry, I meant does school notice no interaction with his peers? I bet the teachers love him. He sounds like an ideal student, very self consciensous (spell???)I understand your concern as a mother who adores her son, I am the same way.
May I ask, does he not understand that if he doesn't call back or take the calls from friends, that they will think HE isn't interested? I bet that girl would LOVE a call from him!! Can you get him to make the call???
Do you think there is a anxiety type of problem? He must be great when he is with these people but when he gets into school and at home, he decides to do his own thing. IN order for him to even make the friends he has, incuding the girl, he must be a great guy!!
Why do you think the girl NOT calling is bothering him? Does he not realize that friends will give up eventually?
He obviously can and does interact with those his age. How was camp for him, he obviously attracted a girl to him!!
My son had friends at school but doesn't do anything outside of school, except right now football. He has a girl, but nothing fancy, he is only 12. But they do like each other. She is popular, he is just a typical boy, not a nerd, nor a jock, just a boy.
I have the same worries so I understand. I guess if they are happy, we should just keep an eye on them. I also check in with my son and make sure he is happy.
its all very strange - i talk to him every day afterschool - we have "our time" and i always ask how was school and ask for specifics - i also ask everyday about new groups to join and different things to try out for. he always says the same thing - i am academic and i want to focus on my grades. well that would all be fantastic except in order for him to be a sucess in life he has to understand how to deal with people. he says he hates people - especially his age cause they annoy him, they are always doing stupid things and not stuff he is interested in.
i talk to him all the time about how friends will eventually give up on him and stop calling - luckily that has not yet happened with his guy friends - i think generally guys are more forgiving - they dont see it as being ignored. this past weekend i basically had to threated him with grounding to go over to his friends place - once he was there he was calling to ask if he could stay longer - it always happens - its just excrutiating trying to get him out the door.
as for the girl - i think she just got fed up - i dont blame her - she was calling 10x per day for 3 months and he only called her twice - when i talk to him about it he just says that i dont understand how things are now adays - im sooooo old apparently - i did force him to call her those 2 times - but omg i hate having to force him to do these things.
i was a social butteryfly always surrounded by friends so dealing with him all his life like this is just so frustrating for me - i just dont believe that he is ok and truly doesnt want friends around - i think he has serious trouble making/keeping friends and he is a perfectionist and doesnt want to try when he knows he is bad at something. its sooooo frustrating....i have NEVER met another child like him!!
Wow, this sounds like us. Like I said we do have people around because of my younger son but I have to make Wyatt go play with them. He'd rather hang around the adults or be alone. At school events or rec things other things (I go alot) other kids will come up and say hello or just try to interact with them and he ignores them! I get soooo mad because I feel like you do. Eventually they will stop trying nd what happens when he does want a friend?Some kids do not like high school. Have you talked to him about what he thinks of school? There are so many options. Maybe he needs a change of environment.There are charter schools, private schools, montessori, waldorf, homeschooling, public schools that have homeschoolers join for field trips, art, music, and PE. Maybe he needs to join something like fencing, martial arts, school newspaper, cub scouts, sea scouts. Can you invite a friend on an all day outing or on a family vacation?
My child is involved in two sports, and I have made it clear that she cannot quit both. One is required.
Some people are content introverts. Some people dislike their high school environment and hunker down to get through it.Jessica N40089.8504282407he has 1 or 2 buddies who call him all the time - but he ignores them - unless i literally give him no alternative but to go speand time with them. at school he stays in at lunch in a classroom and works on school stuff - he never bring home homework. he has been in high school for only 1 month and i have had no negative feedback from any teachers - in fact quite the opposite - we recently went to his school for an event and i was told what a pleasant youg man, what a gentleman and how polite he is - but he has always been really good with adults - its the interactions with kids his age that i worry about. i just cant get him to get involved with anything without a huge fight and then is it really worth it?? i dont know what is better - just leave him alone in his room (where he says he is happy) or basically force him to go out there and spend time with the 1 friend he has. to make matters worse he met a "girl" at summer camp and she called 20 times a day for 3 months and he never called her so now she has stopped calling and im worried this is affecting him - sometimes i just really dont know what to do with him??
my son is 13 and on concerta since grade 6. he has been a "loner" all his life, never had more than 1 or 2 friends at a time and almost never goes anywhere. he is now in 1st year of highschool and always in at lunch doing work in one of his classrooms instead of socializing or joining in on anything - it frustrates me how he is always unwilling to try anything that may enable him to be social or meet new friends. ive always encouraged him to sign up for things but he always says no...any ideas or shared experiences??
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I will admit that I forced my oldest son, non-adhd, to join one group. I told him that if he didn't pick one by the end of the first month of school, I would. He picked the school paper and went on to write some pretty funny stuff.Is he happy? Is he doing well in school grade wise? What are the teacher comments on report cards, etc? Any feedback from the teachers about this? My son is 12 and isn't alone in school but chooses to hang in on weekends, vacation on x box live with other kids, but no one he really knows.
I had even wondered in another post if the concerta changed his personality, what do you think?
Was he a loner before being diagnosed and medicated?
Is he bullied/teased?
I think as long as your son is happy, safe and doing what "he wants" then he is fine. If he isn't doing things because of another reason, then I would worry.
Does he still have a friend or two at school??
My son is the same and I worry too. The lucky thing for us is that my other son is only a grade behind and he is very social so there are always kids here at our house. At school though Wyatt spends recess alone.
does he choose to be alone?my son is only 7 but children avoid him he is fine with children a lot younger but not his own age they just dont want to know him it makes me so sad to see him always alone
Rensob,
Just checking in, any updates on your son? How are things with his clubs and talking with the girl from camp?
I really, really, hope things are going the way they should!!
Update us when you can, it would be great to hear from you. I wish you both well. 
Thanks Wyatts mom - i will print the list out for my son!
Bethann - thank you for caring - i think you are right about sitting back and giving him some time this year, its his first in high school and so far (fingers crossed) i have not had any calls from teachers that there are any issues...he tells me he is fine, we talk everyday - i have a mandatory 2 minute talk with him daily just to ask about everything (he rolls his eyes, hates it but he participates) cause otherwise the only thing i woudl get from him is "im fine" ...argh! talking to him he says school is going well, his grades are ok, he has this past week joined the computer club 
at school, which will be meeting every week for an hour - we will see if he keep it up and he is talking to his "girl" friend on the phone (though he hates the phone) he is trying. i want so badly to believe that all is really OK but i have this gutt feeling that he hides his true feelings to spare me worrying?? or maybe not, i dont know sometimes i really think that dealing with this for almost 14 years has made me a bit nutzzz
and perhaps i need to take a chill pill and just give it some time and space and trust that maybe just maybe he is OK - oh the joys of our kids 
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I wonder if he is obsessing over grades and academics.
Does he have OCD tendencies or any anxiety that could either be caused from meds or his co-morbid? The majority of adhd'ers have a comorbid, they do not only have adhd. Maybe this is your son's. What are your thoughts?
Was he social before he got organized and academic OR was he always academic even younger?
The other thing is since he is very concerned about his grades, just remind him that colleges want other interests besides great grades when applying for schools. He might like chess clubs, debate teams, anything that still stays with academics, even tutoring younger children, etc. Just a reminder. 
I am just amazed that guys still like your son enough to keep trying. He must be doing something right!! 
I understand your concern, I really do. Unfortunately, mine is social in school, but not outside, but he is very content with his life. My son is 12
Oh and lastly, even though you were the social butterfly growing up, doesn't mean he will be. As long as he is happy and not depressed/being bullied, etc. then just keep doing what you are doing.
I love the fact that when you get him out with his friends, he calls to stay later, I think that is great!!
You obviously are doing a great job with him and getting him away from what may be an obsession.
BETHANN40092.1055439815i dont think he is obsessing over his grades so much - i think he just uses that as sort of an excuse to not do social things - but its certainly not like he is at home pounding away at homework - wouldnt that be something. i think at school he is avoiding social interaction - because he does not know how to deal with it so he goes to a classroom and does homework??? he says he is happy and for the most part he certainly acts like he is but i just cant get over the feeling that he must be soooo alone in school and it makes me really sad every doctor who we have gone to for this "social" issue has been not much help, when we signed him up for the social skills workshop (8 weeks) he asked me why i put him into a group of kids who were mental...so i dont really know, i guess it would be great to hear about how a child like this turns out in adulthood - can this really be OK?? should i really take him at his word that he is this way, he likes being this way or do i keep obsessing about it? its just super frustrating - i would never expect him to be as socially outgoing as i was but when i look around at kids in our neighborhood or at his school they are always "hanging out" and doing things together - it just always seems to me like he is left out!!! its a hair ripping out experience for me - has been since he was in play group when he was 2 years old... i dont know maybe i should just relax and stop with the insanity???????
This just makes me sad as if he is my own son. I deal with the opposite, a boy who wants to be included but wasn't. He wanted to play with the others, but they wouldn't let him. He didn't chose to be excluded but was. He would ignore the mean things they said to him so he wasn't alone, he told a teacher helping him with bullying.
Your son sounds from your posts that this is what he wants. That he is happy just doing his own thing. Do you honestly believe him? Why do you think he doesn't know how to socialize? He must be doing something right to have a girl from camp call him constantly, and he must have given her his number? And the guys from school, they must invite him out and to do things. I also agree with you pushing him out the door to go with his friends, I loved reading that he always asks to stay longer.
It is ok to be independent, honestly. If that is what they really want, BUT if he is covering up how he truly feels inside, socially inadequate, then it needs to be addressed and helped. All I know is those who are usually socially behind or "whatever", usually aren't aware of it.
What does he do when he is home? Is a video gamer? Mine is and is on the xbox live with others and loves it. This is his favorite thing to do. What occupies his time at home?
What if you sit back, just continue to observe this year and see how he does or even until half way. Then touch base with him and teachers to see how things arel going. He still had a few years to get involved with the social side as he gets older. Remember, our adhd'ers are behind socially by a few years. A lot usually like to hang with younger kids because they are more at their level than their peers.
Please post a response. This is really tugging at my heart. 
Rensob, it sounds like your son is finding his way in what HE wants to do and what HE wants to get involved with. The computer club sounds awesome, I have a 12 year old who would love to join!! I also think it is great that he is now calling the "girl" friend, maybe he likes to do things when HE wants to, now when someone else wants him to, not sure, but it could be one of those teen things.
Just keep doing what you are doing, watching and talking with him. It sounds like things are working themselves out.
He sounds like a great kid!!
Please keep us posted!
You mentioned that your son went to a social skills workshop and he was annoyed by the behavior of the other kids, have you tried individual therapy? My son goes to a behavior therapist. It is usually one on one. Sometimes it includes the family. She tries to teach him how to interact with other people. How to take turns, listen to other people, be less controlling and rigid. Since, your son prefers adults he might not mind this. The therapist may be able to teach him the importance of reciprocating in a friendship. The importance of returning calls and visiting and inviting friends over, etc.