Setting Boundaries | ADHD Information

I can totally relate. Time restraints have always been a place where I too have great trouble sticking to it.

As an instructor where I work there are tight time limits to how long I can spend on any topic. Many times I'll get sidetracked and end up behind and before too long I find that out of 3 days I'm allowed that I must teach a day's worth of material in a couple of hours.

One thing I have been doing is to carry a watch with an alarm on it. When I know I am tight for time I set the alarm way ahead of the expected deadline and stick to that alarm to base how long I have left. It pays off greatly for ADHDers to become clock watchers.

Especially since you have such a penalty for being late I'd apologize and mention that you will from now on carry a watch and that you will stick to the time allotted. This may seem like you are being rushed but it's so important that it's worth it I think.

Just emphasize that you are aware of the importance of being on time and that you value your role as mentor enough to double your efforts to stay on time.

I don't know if having an alarm will help you but I can honestly say it helps me.
Hello,

I just found your site. I don't know who to talk to.
I've been on Ritalin for a little over a week. It is
amazing, I can read without re-reading constantly, I
don't hear everything. It's such a shock. I suspected
things were wrong but learned that it was just "me" that
had a "problem." Now I'm 45 years old and so angry with
the people in my life who didn't understand; angry with
the "normal" world that doesn't have to spend so much
effort just to function on a daily basis. I look back on
my life and it is clear that I would have made different
choices for most of the things I've done, including
spouses, careers, etc. Now I feel frozen. I feel like
I'm waking up for the first time and I can focus but I'm
so used to living ADHD life, it's difficult to now be
"normal." I almost miss ADHD. At least now on Ritalin I
don't get the rage the is normally associated with my
anger. Does anyone identify? I'm embarrassed to talk to
anyone about this - my parents don't believe me, and I
have no friends.

being on time is a trust boundary.

if you cant do a simple task you cant be trusted to do more

I cant be lienient if you cant be compliant.

focus on consequinces keep the emotion out of it.

---------

hmmmm

i once told an officer .

if i didnt speed up we would of crashed i probably saved both our lives !

he responded

then 5 is a small price to pay for two lives.

meaning

consequinces are to be accepted and expected .

repeating the conquinces is something different -

starting out with clear expectations then after thats completed wiegh the opprotunities with the time left.

until 18 the adult makes the decisions period.

Abulfeda

time and coping skills

do you journal?

over time journaling help you track your emotions and coping skills.

i liked myself better when i was undiagnoised but im better off dealing with my issues in a serious way now.

it took time to re emerge as a person with adhd instead of just a hostile loner for me.

re invention of self does not mean we have to shun people close to us.

they need time to adjust to youre changes too.

abulfeda,

welcome to the site. your are in the right place but the wrong "thread"

You can jsut take you r time and figure out how the site works or some one better at writing may be more helpful.

it is a qusstion of boundries. smile.

I haven't been around in a couple of weeks but I have a situation that maybe someone can offer some insight on.

I am a mentor to a young mother. She is 15, will be 16 on the 17th. :) Her baby is just over a year old. She and the baby are wards of the state so there are legal issues always involved with things. I am eager to have this young lady like me (I've had many issues with rejection from all sorts of people and will do just about anything to get someone to like me). We have had our rough patches as "V" has had a difficult background. We usually meet every week for a couple of hours. There are rules to be followed and i think for the most part we follow them with the exception of getting back to the facility on time. We have to have our time together monitored, approved. So, for example, if we have a pass for two hours, we're supposed to be back in two hours from our departure. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. We have had many problems with getting back on time and last night we got back two hours late! She got in big trouble and I got scolded as well via email. The director wants to meet with me and then the three of us together. I feel awful because I'm the one who is supposed to be the adult and keep us within the time frame. However, I have a hard time enforcing rules. (No wonder why I'm not a teacher. I'm a total pushover) The director did acknowledge that "V" is good at manipulating things to get her own way but that doesn't absolve me from being responsible and setting boundaries. I have a hard time being firm. I know my ADHD plays a role because I have a hard time distinguishing exactly how to handle difficult situations. I simply didn't know what to do. I wanted "V" to do what she needed/wanted but I was torn. I don't know how to set boundaries with her and perhaps such drastic measures were needed to really enforce the seriousness of our "crime". I am concerned that I may even be asked to step down from my role as being her mentor. That's probably the anxiety in me. I haven't emailed the director back yet because the calm part of me (that little itty bitty part) is telling me to settle my emotions and write her back rationally.

If anyone has any insight to share, I'd really like to get some feedback. Thanks.