At a loss,,, | ADHD Information

My 11 yo daughter is in middle school and is totally complacent and unmotivated about school.  Her grades are horrible and I don't know what to do to get her to change.  She'll work hard and make a few A's, then totally shut down and make F's - when I ask her about it, she says something like "but I still have a C!"  No matter what I say or do, she doesn't care.

She is a competitive dancer and that is the only thing she really "loves."  Everything I read says to not take away the one thing that makes her feel good about herself, so I haven't taken away dance.  However, I am reconsidering.  Maybe I should ground her from dance until her grades improve?  The Nine weeks ends this week and right now she has 2 d's, 3 c's and 1 b (science) and 1 a (choir).

Help!!!!

Sounds like my 10 yr old who is suprisingly doing well, I think, so far. I see A's and B's but not sure what she could be hiding.

I attended open house last week and scheduled a teacher conference that my husband will attend due to my job in the city. BUT I mentioned my "thoughts" to the TA who said that she is not allowed to bring it up, BUT, have her evaluated. She said write the letter when I get home, have DD give it to HER tomorrow and she will hand it to the appropriate person ( who I know and really like - son had an IEP and they were very good to him )

So I would suggest having the school evaluate her. My dd is struggling in math and reading, I know it. She is doing great in science and social studies. But she loses her focus and attention. She is loving cheerleading, loved chorus last year as well. but we had her chose one. And she loves her social life.

I will know more about her grades in a few weeks, but I figure I have the letter over there and have marked my calendar with the dates - the drop off date and the expected results date.

So you feel her meds are right where they need to be for her, she is just not interested in those other classes, correct? What do the teachers say, any feedback? The not turning in homework thing is very adhd, are you sure her meds do not need an increase?

Have you had the school do an evaluation for them to help here, one on one outside the classroom like in math as you mention?

I would contact the teachers and set up an meeting. Discuss with them how you feel and let them tell you what they see.

My daughter loves what she loves and dislikes the rest. She doesn't get into the other classes, but knows she has to do the work, unfortunately. Mine is not yet diagnosed, we are at the very beginning for her, but on top of things.

Keep us posted with how things are going!!

Yes. She is definitely ADHD and is taking Concerta.

She does struggle in math, but the rest of her grade problems really stem from just not turning stuff in, reading directions, etc.  (I know - all ADHD issues, but ones I think she could handle at school, while on concerta, if she cared more.  The two classes she likes - Choir and Science - have good grades.  I'm looking for a way to get her motivated in the other classes.

Has your daughter been diagnosed with ADHD? If not, it might be worth the time to have her see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. The complacency sounds as much like ADHD as depression to me (I am far from qualified to offer a medical opinion though). Meds can help a lot, but they can't change what you want to do. We all know you sometimes have to do things you don't enjoy, but none of us were born knowing that. Many people pick it up naturally, but some of us had to learn it the hard way.

Hopefully, you can impart this knowledge before she learns it the hard way.

It sounds like some targeted behavioral therapy might help - something to teach her specific skills and techniques to get through the hard stuff. This is a hard time for every kid (it might have been a long time ago, but I remember puberty), but she doesn't have to go through it alone or unarmed.

There are also adjustments you can make at school and at home. You need to know about her homework, projects, and tests in order to help her prepare and complete her assignments. Having her write down her homework for each class each day would be ideal, but it may be hard to do right away.

See if her teachers will email you with her assignments. These emails will also give you a means of communicating informally and frequently with the teachers about her progress.

It's important to make it clear that you want to give her the tools to succeed - not that you want special concessions made for her. She needs to learn the information and do the work on her own, but you're her advocate.

At home, try to set aside a specific time and place for homework every night. Do whatever you can to make it easier for her: put everything for school in one place each morning (I have to put my stuff in front of the door so I can't walk out without it) and make sure she has the tools to do her homework (pencils, binders, good lighting, etc.).

It might also help to explain WHY it's important to do well in school. My parents did a great job with that. My dad didn't do well in school and dropped out of college - he made it very clear that was why he didn't have an awesome, high paying job. Most of my relatives were in the same boat, and several didn't even have a steady job like my dad.

I agree that you don't want to take away something she truly loves, especially something as active as dance (physical activity helps reduce many ADHD symptoms). You can explain that she must complete her assignments in order to participate in dance. The key is getting her to understand that she has to do the boring stuff to get to the fun stuff. Use dance as a reward, rather than a punishment...make sense? (It's early and I don't think I'm explaining this very well.)
[QUOTE=chammon]She does struggle in math, but the rest of her grade problems really stem from just not turning stuff in, reading directions, etc.  (I know - all ADHD issues, but ones I think she could handle at school, while on concerta, if she cared more.  The two classes she likes - Choir and Science - have good grades.  I'm looking for a way to get her motivated in the other classes.[/QUOTE]

I agree with the other responses here and just wanted to ask, does she have a 504 plan or IEP? These can help with issues at school. (Maybe someone mentioned that already.) Also, I wouldn't assume that she is not motivated or doesn't care because she is not reading directions or turning stuff in. Those are ADHD symptoms, like you said.  I think it's important NOT to get in a negative spiral in which your daughter starts believing she is a bad person because she is continually given the message that she isn't trying hard enough and is doing poorly in school. I would try to let her know that you are on her "team," and will do everything you can to help her succeed at school: communicate with teachers, help her organize, sit with her to do homework, put in place a good reminder system for turning work in. And succeeding helps motivate future success.
I also recommend the book, The Myth of Laziness, by Dr. Mel Levine.
Best of luck and let us know how things go.