AD(H?)D Without the meltdowns?
My 9yo is in the early stages of seeking (oh yes SEEKING... we need HELP!) an AD(H?)D diagnosis.Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately I've been able to hover mom and hyper parent kiddo through the first few years of school. I was in the classroom 3 days a week till second grade and we would go through homework letter by letter together.
Now that he's in third grade we are STRUGGLING. He can't get through a chapter in a book, five questions of homework or even complete a simple task according to instructions without being hand held and walked through it with multiple reminders to slow down and pay attention.
Eg. 'put the grocery cart back in the cart return and come get in the car' Kiddo opens the closed side of the cart return and puts the cart in backwards and then stands there playing with the cart return. Parked directly next to the cart return... he was no farther than 4 feet from me at all times. I know better than to let him any farther in a parking lot.
Unlock the door and come back for grocery bags... the child disappears.
They let him go to the restroom at school, he just never comes back.
We're starting to get a list of 'could have died' incidents that are realllly starting to compromise my sanity. Was about to walk backwards onto the up escalator from the upper floor at the mall... went swimming in a pond with his clothes on because a friend dared him...
I'm waiting for the kid to run into traffic. The answer as to why did you do that is always the same. "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer, and has been replaced with "I didn't think" The look on his face is profoundly confused. Like a sleepwalker that just woke up in a bus station.
Kiddo has always been a happy go lucky type though. He 'let's it go' or just doesn't think about the times that things don't go according to plan after the moment is over. He'll even tell you about it later and laugh. He was the proverbial angel baby, always laughing, always wanting to be as close to you as possible, (although NEVER able to play toys independently, always needed an adult to guide his attention to the toy) we also had very flashy, light up noisy toys which seemed to already be accomodating the volume that he's comfortable with.
He also drums, which is the only activity that holds his attention for long periods of time. The noise is enough to make you insane, but I think that's what keeps him. He's my faster, louder, more kid. You can be in the midst of lecturing about the latest could have died crisis and he hears something you said in an odd way and he's suddenly laughing because you 'looked funny' or 'sounded funny' and frustratingly he's completely serious, not trying to be spiteful, he just stopped listening five minutes ago.
We ask him to repeat back when we are having serious discussion, but the success rate is limited. It ends up often being more frustration than progress.
We don't have tantrums or meltdowns though. Then again at times I sincerely doubt his ability to hold onto a thought long enough to get that worked up.
We did all the attachment parenting stuff when he was little, breastfed/ child led weaning, co-sleeping, educational play, preschool, etc. I think this has just created a kid who is pretty iron clad. Whatever happens he still feels good. Always finds a silver lining. It's RARE that you'll ever see him upset or even angry. Confused briefly, but not really angry. Which I think has also kept us from realizing what we may be dealing with for so long. There isn't a spiteful or mean bone in his body.
He has always put himself close to an authority figure because that persons inertia can keep him on track. Over the last couple years, it's not working because those authority figures are trying to encourage self management, which he just can't seem to do.
So my question is, without the tantrums, or the anger and frustration, would that be add/adhd/ something else?
I'd really like to get the school on the same management program we work with him on at home. Get him more 1 on 1 attention, get him some firmer boundaries and also to stop his impulsive behaviors which have been landing him in in school suspension about once a month. They have said that if they saw any kind of anger or spite they would have already put him in the 'bad kid' school in our district, but he tests high in 1 on 1 situations so his grades are good, and he is respectful and completely lacks any kind of malice in his actions.
He just randomly does dumb things, or says whatever is on his mind, stream of thought. Even when it is hurtful or unkind to other kids. Eg. telling a girl who is picked upon by other girls that the other kids don't like her because she's ugly, a couple other kids told him this, and he up and decided to tell her.
Unfortunately the school has been keeping a tally on these incedents and once there are too many in a month they just send him to the office. They aren't contacting me as soon as there's a problem.
To protect him from a school system that has gone into evidence gathering mode and is looking to classify him as a trouble maker, in spite of being very smart we need to get specific on how we can help him. In his case, a label, will be a step in keeping him from being mislabled.
I have spoken with the school about this, and that I feel they are doing these things, and of course they assure me they are not, but it's coming to a breaking point. We've done the first set of evaluations and I'm waiting to see scores back. Meantime, with medicaid as his health insurance, we have to wait and see.
It sounds like it could very well be ADHD. One of the classic symptoms of ADHD is lack of impulse control. Kids ACT first THINK later. It's something that many times they absolutely cannot control. That's why they get the confused look on their faces after the impulsive act and why they say they don't know why they did it. It's because they never thought about it first, they just acted. It's very difficult for these kids (and us parents!) to understand and even if they try most times they can't control themselves. The only time my son can control himself is when he's medicated.
Also, the fact that the school is documenting his disruptive behavior may actually have a silver lining...If your child's behavior is effecting his learning or the environment of the children around him then the school is required to give him and IEP or 504. This is an educational plan that they have to follow and you can add all kinds of things to it to help him. For instance...some of the things you were talking about that you want them to start doing.
Is he being evaluated privately or just by the school?
Right now just through the school. I'm not sure who to go through or how to put it on the kids insurance other than the school.Another day another write up. I'm seriously becoming desensitized to the kid coming home and saying he was spoken to, had something taken away (water bottle, hand sanitizer, etc. because he was fidgeting with it...)
I'm going to have to look into his coverage and find out where else we can go. Especially since the school can end up moving at a snails pace.
Thanks for your insight, somethings gotta give here. It just might be my sanity. ;-P
I started with his pediatrician who referred us to a child psychologist. The child psychologist did all of the testing then sent a recommendation to the pediatrician for medication. The pediatrician was the one actually writing the prescriptions.
My son had a hard time getting the meds right so we went to a psychiatrist who has been wonderful. I think a phychologist is fine for the diagnosis but if you are thinking about medication, I would go straight to a specialist in those types of medications-a psychiatrist or a neuropharmacologist. Good luck and ask any questions that you have. We've all been through this! 
It was great reading your story! You have descibed a lot of the same qualities as my 8 year old son. He is also said to be 'easy-going'. Only if he is pushed will he finally become passive aggressive (then he just ignores the teachers, test, ME). And I have always said the same, I think he is easy going because he doesn't notice! He was the happiest, best baby but looking back now that I have 2 other younger children he never attended. And when he is one on one you'd never know that he has severe ADHD combined. When he was tested he was actually handicapped in that area but his IQ was still above average.
I also had him tested simply for the fact he was being labled the trouble maker that was just out to interrupt the class. He was almost held back in first grade but with alot of help, an IEP, and a pushy mom I am happy to say he is at grade level.
My 7 year old son exhibited a TON of impulse control symptoms. Medication has helped significantly.
I would definitely start with your pediatritian - our refered us to a child psychologist for the evaluation (which took only 3 Satruday mornings).
Keep us posted!
Fingers crossed it will all come together. I went in today and requested WISK evaluation at the recommendation of my mom, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist, and who said we might also be looking at some learning disabilities, and that the evaluation they gave is not a detailed enough screening for whatever other problems he may be having. The WISK from what she said, will give us a better idea of whether we're dealing with a very smart kid who is having trouble communicating because of add/hd and possible learning disabilities, or if it's just the ADD/HD getting in the way of him being able to function in a classroom setting.The school wasn't thrilled that I asked and tried to red tape me, but from what my mom says, once you've asked for it - and especially if you put your request in writing, then they have to at least do that much for you.
Would you ever evaluate privately? That is what we did, it was thorough and accurate. It came with noone pushing back due to the cost, which is what the school is doing, and they may not accuratley diagnose your child.
Also a lot of adhd'ers can be gifted AND learning disabled.
I had a pediatrician refer us to a children's hospital to a pediatric neuropsychologist. My son was diagnosed just shy of 5. Meds were begun shy of 7, but should have been started when he was diagnosed.
I have a month left on the kids medicaid and then I have to either buy insurance or go without, so this is why I'm really trying to get the school to do as much as I can without taking on expenses on my end of things.Our financial situation is strained after being laid off last winter, so buying private insurance is six months or more away before we'll be in a financial position to do so.
My sanity wont hold out that long, and I don't think kiddos grades will either.
Is there any assistance for even just your children? I would think there would be some state assistance program. We here in Massachusetts have Mass health for the children. It is state funded but they get their teeth fixed and there health checked.
Can you call your pediatrician and see if they can referr you.
I know here in Mass we are penalized on our taxes for each month we have no insurance. That is why I work, besides the $$
If you're below a certain income level there is quite a bit which is what we've had for the last almost year, (Texas is Medicaid) but hubbs is starting a new job in a month, which is why we're loosing the medicaid, but instead of providing insurance he works as a contract employee and we have to provide our own health insurance.We've got so much debt right now, there's just no way. We're trying to dig our way out from under about 10k in back utilities, mortgage, and vehicle payments. There's nothing left to cut. No cell phones, no cable tv, no dinners out. Not even trash bills. We've had to strip it down to the bare bones to get through.
So while in a month we will have an income where we will make too much to get aid, we've got to keep the lights on, the water running and the repo man off our door. I owe the water company 1,500 f'ex and pray to goodness that they keep it on for one more month until I can pay them something. We've been getting through on 1200 a month in unemployment plus all the assistance we can get for almost a year, which means a lot hasn't gotten paid and the balances got high enough that they've come to the pay or else point.
We've done food banks, foodstamps, WIC and Medicaid, and are on the verge of the house being foreclosed. Without going into my rant about the war on the middle class, all I can say is, what can you do? It's rough out there and finding jobs in middle management with so many companies cutting them is a challenge.
The kiddos are covered right now, but starting a process and having to push it through from start to finish before Dec. 31st is a bit daunting a task, and at that a bit unreasonable since it's just me and three kids right now. After that, and additional costs would be out of pocket, because we will have an income, and one that were it not for all the back bills would put us in a place to afford health insurance.
I've just got ten months of putting off the electric and phone people who have stopped being willing to work with me after hubbs being laid off by ATT last December.
I'd either have to push it through at lightning speed, or wait till we get through the hang time of paying off back bills plus current.
If the new job goes well, they may hire him as an inside employee, which involves benefits, but the company is a start up and he's got to get through the trial period.
With three kids and hubbs working out of state (- left a week ago after being given a start date to get settled with family and get things in order), working is out of the question for me. Props to you for having a life and some achievements outside of the house though. There are some nights where I've contemplated turning the kids back into the wild and running screaming in the opposite direction.
It may be easier than you think to get a private eval before Dec 31st. I know that sometimes people have to wait for months, but I don't think that's the norm. I was sooooooo desperate when we called to get my son evaluated that they got me in within days and within 3 days the evals were done! I know that's not the norm either but it can be done!
We had several docs to choose from (they had all been recommended by our pediatrician) and we went to the one that got us in faster. Also, it can be several hundred dollars for the inital eval so that's another good reason to get it done on Medicaid. Good luck, I wish you the best! 
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