New to board........need advice | ADHD Information

energize37, thanks heaps for your reply. I think sometimes it helps to hear other people are having similar issues and that your'e not totally alone.

We are the same in not going out alot as it generally ends up being spoilt by my son in some way. We stay home alot to and argue alot.

I've got a feeling we will resort to medication sooner or later as we are really struggling at the moment.

Was it adhd that your daughter had?

Thanks, Tarina

medication saved my son's life. All that you describe is similar to my son's adhhhhhd behavior. He was very impulsive, hyper, silly, goofy, immature, etc. BUT it all stopped once we turned to meds and worked with his doctor finding the right med and right dosage.

BOTH your son's life and your lives do not have to be this way.

Also, he may not have autistic traits anymore once medication is introduced. So much of what is described of adhh is on the autism spectrum. My son was evaluated at age 2 for autism since he wasn't speaking. He is speach delayed, adhd, sensory integration.

It was determined by Children's hopital of Boston, MA that he was way too social, which he is. But had his self esteem destroyed from being bullied, teased, etc. He is now a shy, quiet, well behaved young man.

I always wonder if I had started him on meds younger, like 5, if his social life wouldn't have been destroyed in elementary school. It is a burden of guilt I will carry for the rest of my life.

I also think your son would be happier once things are in place.

We began meds when he was 7 and our son is now 12. Social has and still is tough at times, but my son is happy. Grades are great and behavior is awesome.

I am not a med pusher, just a mother of an adhhhhhhhhd'er and have been around the world several times in his 12 yrs of life!

Please let us help with any other questions or comments!!

BETHANN40149.3338888889

Hi, I'm a newbie here. I have a (just turned) 8 yr old son and almost 7 yr old daughter. We are presently seeing a physycologist for my son behaviour issue's which are pointing to adhd and some possib le autism traits (maybe aspergers). I'm also thinking he may have some ODD issues. I also would say my son is displaying some mild (at this stage) OCD and anxiety issues.

Me and my husband don't want to medicate however, we are aware that could change at any time.

At this point of time both me and my husband are really styruggling to deal with my son and the physc has given me some strategies to put into place. I actually hate to say this and am ashamed for it but at times, we feel like we dont even enjoy our son and find life with him very, very difficult.

His main issues which we struggle to deal with are......impulsive, lashing out at his sister physically, bossy, extremely loud and non stop talker, silly, goofy immature behaviour and when this happens its very hard to get him back to normal/calm down (so to speak). He backchats us and is argumentive over anything and everything. He still has huge meltdowns/tantrums over things and finds it difficult to accept no (especially if its to do with an obssession he has going). He constantly interupts and talks over others too.

I'm also finding out things happening at school. A mother came to me recently and said her son went home with some new words my son had taught him (needless to say, some pretty bad swear words). We dont swear and no odler siblings around! My son never gets invited over for playdates. My sons cousin lives around the corner, same age but he just tolerates my son. Mind you, the cousin is the complete opposite to my son (placid, shy, timid, well behaved).

It's even at the stage I've stopped having playdates gforf my daughter in the event my son acts up whilst a playdate is here or worse still, when the parent picks up their child and they see my sons behaviour.

If not taking medication, is it possible to solve my son's issue's just with behaviour strategies or any "natural" remedies?

How do other people handle adhd..do you tell people this is what your child has to explain why they are so impulsive etc.......

Thanks so much for any replies.

Tarina

We had so many of the same issues with my daughter that you described of your son. We tried counseling, a socialization class, and behavior modification. It helped a little but not much. My daughter was just sitting home all by herself with no friends and all we did was argue at home. It got to the point where it was eaiser to just stay home rather then go anywhere. At first we did not want her to take medicine but she was so unhappy that we decided to try it. We had to try a few different medicines but once we found the right one it has made a huge difference in her life. She now has a few friends. Infact she was telling me yesterday at recess she played with a new friend since the one she plays with was absent. I think she is finally liking herself again. She told me the medicine helped her not want to hit people.

Our family life is much more peaceful and we laugh a lot more. I am not saying you should have your son take medicine but without it my daughter would not be as happy as she is today.

HI,

Sounds like you and I are dealing with similiar situations. Our DS, age 6, ADHD (super impulsive & hyper), also stimulis seeking (running, jumping, loud). I suspect he is ODD also (some of the behaviors..absolutely)..but not diagnosed. We had bad experiences with the two families of stimulants (dark thoughts, aggressive behaviors, yuck!). Recently, new Dr put him on Tenex.. came off of it after "rage" type behaviors. This week Dr put him on risperdone ..tiny dose. I have my reservations about this one, and others on this forum have indicated unacceptable side effects. But, after two days we are back to the Drs tonight... I am going to ask to try a short acting stimulant . His primary care physician was the first to prescrip the stim..and when it didn't work we may have all given up on it too quickly. Also, willing to ask for tenex (or similiar) to assist with the side effects of the stimulant..if necessary.

As for behavior modification stuff, we have had NO success. For the past 2-3 years, we have been trying to get a handle on his behavior with the assistance of a psychologist. We have been very consistant. But, Dr says that he is so impulsive there isn't any time for him to consider his actions before he acts/reacts. No reward/positive reinforcement or punishment works. He does not seem to care about consequences and unable to control his actions to achieve rewards. All very frustrating.

Hoping, praying and loving our little guy...here in Michigan!

My son's teacher in first grade said something similar to what your doctor said about the impulsive behavior. Our son didn't know what he had done because it happened so fast, with out any premeditation. He only realized when someone commplained. Impulsive behavior, no control over. Guanfacine/tenex in addition with concerta helps our son.

I wonder if adderall xr would help your son?! MEds are tricky but once you get them right, boy what a differenece.

Please post an update to how you do tonight!

So we picked up the starter pak of Intuniv today. I called this am to get it. I will probably start on the weekend so I can check him out.I'm excited and nervous so we will see.

I'll update when I know how things go.

Cross your fingers:)

I'm a newbie here who is so grateful to be able to follow this thread! I'm a mom of a 5 year old boy diagnosed with PDD-NOS. His difficulties are in social relatedness to peers, hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and anxiety. I've used every non-med option I could get my hands on: DROs and other reward systems to change his behavior; bean bag chairs, weighted blankets, brush-and-press, and other sensory items; social stories; etc.

He spent 2 years in special ed preschool, where he made tremendous strides in his behavior, social skills, and speech. This year, he is in inclusive Kindergarten. At home, he has been an emotional roller coaster. He is constantly screaming at his 3 year old brother, grabbing things from him, hitting him. He crashes and bangs through the house. He yells, hits, or wrestles his brother every single time they play. I've seen an upsurge in unsafe behaviors, such as letting himself out of the house while I'm sleeping, running towards moving cars. None of the reward charts or sensory breaks work anymore. His constant irritability has begun to ruin our family's dynamics.

After four years of dealing with the dissappointments and difficulties of seeing our child on the "outside" of what all of his peers are doing, the destruction to our family's peace was too much to take. We consulted a psychiatrist who prescribed Risperdol. He started this week. Our hope is that it takes his behavior down a notch or two so he can actually participate in a behavioral modification routine. The doctor said I should see whether it's working within a week.

This board is a godsend. Bethann's posts and Logan's Mom's are so helpful and supportive! I can't tell you how many hours I've lurked, after the kids are in bed, for relief from the stress, pressure, and pain of parenting a child with behavioral difficulties! Now that my child has started the path to medication, I look forward to sharing his progress with this community.

Welcome mamatothestars,

I am glad that the lurking has been of help for your and your son. It is such an uphill battle but we all hang in there and reach out to each other for both advice and comfort.

I let a lot of my emotions out here on the board. I have absolutely no one who understands this. Here I am "talking" with folks living and dealing with similar things. And there are those who have already walked in my shoes that can pass along their experiences and strategies that worked. I am glad to pass it forward.

I also consider a lot of these folks my friends, honestly.

I am glad you posted. Please keep in touch!

OMG! I've been busy for a few days so I haven't really kept up around here...I come back and I swear everyone on this thread sounds like you're talking about my son! Were all of our kids seperated at birth?

I know how difficult it is to finally accept that your child needs meds but my heart is aching when I read everyone on this thread! I've been where you are! NOTHING worked and we were at the END of our rope. I also had feelings that I'm not proud of. I didn't enjoy being around my son a lot of the time and I was so exhausted. And my poor son was so miserable! He wanted so desperately to be "good" but he just couldn't. Trying all of the non-medication things was like banging our heads against a wall. The meds have literally brought my little boy back!

Yes it's scary, yes it's trial-and-error and it can be very frustrating, but it is SOOOOO worth it! When we were trying to get the meds right my son's doc said something that helped me keep hope. She said "There WILL be something out there for him. There are so many meds and combinations, there WILL be one for him and we won't stop until we get there!"

Hang in there everyone! If you have the right doc and you stick with it, it WILL work! And we are all here for each other until it does! This board is absolutely the best thing I've ever found for support. No one else REALLY knows what I'm talking about except you guys and it's so nice to have you! That's why I'm so glad I can help someone else around here from time to time!

Thank you for the response. I am glad that there is "at least one friend" in his life.

There is something so sad I find when kids don't even have one friend, like my son. He "joined in" at school but was made fun of. He didn't want to be alone so teachers didn't know what was going on. He would walk away and be alone in class like during snack he told me but at recess he would just join in playing whatever sport they were playing. Again, just so he wasn't alone. Social was/is so hard for him and I truly believe it has changed his personality. He is quiet and shy, has friends but nothing outside school. He is such a great kid, teachers love him, even one of the cute girls on the cheer squad has a crush on him. I just don't know what it is. I even blame my small clicky town for a lot of this crap.

Any how, my son is also on guanfacine which is the short acting version of the new med you are waiting to try. I helps IN ADDITION to his concerta. And yes, concerta is in the ritalin family, along with focalin. BUT adderall XR is not. So your son may benefit from the "other" family. I am not a doctor, just a mother who has done the med trial and error before.

THanks for keeping me posted.

And yes, I agree, it is so awesome and a relief to talk here. Even posting your thoughts helps us psychologically. We get a release of all that guilt, pressure, saddness, concern, etc.

Take care!

BETHANN40156.120150463

Tarina,

It is like you were writing about my ds. He is all you describe and more. Here was on Risperdal for the last 3 yrs and we recently stopped bc he has developed a tic due to the meds. After 3 weeks of no meds we are going CRAZY!!!!!!! Not that he was perfect with the prior med but he was tolerable,not anymore.

I too feel myself having unloving thoughts towards him and then the guilt afterwards is worse. I try so hard to remember that he cannot help it but then we go to soccer and he is OBNOXIOUS/embarassing or he is barely hanging on at school each day and I lose it.

We are going to see a child psychiatrist in 1 1/2 weeks and I'm not sure if we can make it. He tried 3 ADHD meds at 5 with terrible results so I am SUPER nervous that things will go badly but we CANNOT live this way anymore.And we CANNOT go back on the dreadful meds that altered him for life.

The ADHD/?ODD is destroying my son and me along with it.My dh and I have not shared any of this with many people(shame I guess)so we onlt have each other to lean on.

I want my adorable son with a heart of gold to live like most 7 1/2 yr old kids with birthday parties,sleepovers,playdates,and most important,FRIENDS.

maw51121,

Do you think the reason the meds may not be helping your son is due to a co-morbid that is getting in the way of the meds?

I know that when the child is bipolar, you treat the bipolar first and then come back and treat the adhd. They can both be treated, BUT bipolar MUST be treated first. Otherwise, the meds make the bipolar worse.

I have a son who has been lucky with his meds working. We suffered the no birthday parties, no sleepovers, no friends as well. It is still hard even though the meds are working. Our adhd'ers have a hard time socially. I don't know why but it is as if the other kids can flag them early and they never get rid of that label. Even when things change for the better, the kids still have them flagged.

Can the school be of any help for your son and you??

I am sorry to read about the dilemna. Please let us know how things are progressing.

bethann,

Thanks for your help. Ds has not been dx w/ bipolare and I do not think he has it,it is classic adhd and maybe oppositional defiant as well.The risperdal worked in that it allowed him to slow down enough to get by but he was always on an extremely low dose as we didn;t want to change his personality.

The other adhd meds came with side effects such as severe itching skin with Focalin,sedation with Clonadine, and psychotic outlashes with Concerta.

I know there are a lot of others out there and peds talked about Intuiv bc it is different. We are just SO nervous that things won't go well or worse.It's hard to trust that trial and error is necessary for overall good when things are so bad right now.

I know what you mean about being flagged. I've seen kids blame him for things others do and make a big deal over little things he does when others do the same and it is ignored.Fortunately he has had AMAZING teachers who are very understanding.He is getting to an age where social emotion is coming into play. Like the embarassment of the tic he has.

As much as I feel helpless, I know he is going through it every second.

I just hope we get some positive help soon.

My son got blamed for breaking a desk when even the teacher knew it wasnt him. ( We had to go to her and seek her help since it got out of control) And my son is right where you want someone to be on meds. that is how bad being labeled/flagged is in elementary school.

Since concerta didn't work, do you think adderall xr and that family would? Is the tic gone since the meds have been stopped? It was brought on by the meds correct?

My son became pysychotic on adderal xr. I have learned from these boards how one or the other works - either the adderal family or the ritalin family.

Please do not be afraid. It is unfortunatley trial and error. maybe try a new med during the christmas school break in the privacy of your home.

Does your son have at least one friend? I hope so because that is all you need.

My son didn't in elementary school but he does now in middle school, more than one.

I guess since I am new to the adhd meds I'm fearful of them all. Is concerta in the ritalin family?What about Focalin?Both were bad for us. His peds suggested intuiv as it is new and timed release. So far I've heard good response.

The tic is still there after 4 wks off meds but it is a lot less 2-3x/minute as opposed to 30x/min.I pray it fades away someday.

My ds has 1 friend since he was in preschool who is his polar opposite. They play on occasion outside of school.Parents are great.He doesn't see him much in school though.He has some regular friends since kindergarten but some are fading out as others are new. Nobody close to see outside of school. He is the kid everyone knows of by name/rep and enjoy watching him take the fall for being a clown.

My dh said tonight that he cannot wait until the 18th to see the ch psych before starting on something. He wants me to call in am for RX.I somewhat agree although I wanted to wait until break.

Thanks for your ear.It's such a relief to talk it out to understanding moms.

I'll keep you posted.