Advice on backchat, mimicing and deba tes | ADHD Information

Hi, I am fairly new here but did post an intro post recently. My 8 yr odl son has adhd and I think he alao may have odd (but not diag with this). He is not on medication.....the main thing that disturbs me these days is the backchat and debating everything. He backchats and even says things to us that we say to him during disciplining process. It's as though he thinks he's on the same level as us regarding everything. He dosn't seem to get that we are the parents and are the one's in control. He also mimics the words we use in discipline process. If we say white, he says black.

Example today, we were in the pool. He assured us he had sunscreen on however, he has a sunburnt face. When we asked him to go look in the mirror at his face as it is sunburn he says "no its not, if it was sunburn I would feel it" and thats all he kept saying and after looking in mirror still denies he's sunburnt.

Thanks for listening. I'm just at a loss as to what strategies to put into place to stop backchat, mimicing and seeing black when we see white (if that makes any sense).

Thanks for listening.

Tarina

Tarina,

I have an 8 year old son who behaves much the same way. He recently
started on Vivanse and it has made a world of difference. He is so much
less combative and argumentative. It is impossible to enjoy a person who
always disagrees with you.

I think my son struggles to control everything because he feels so out of
control when he is unmedicated. I struggled for years with putting him
on medicine but I finally came to believe that it was unfair to him to never
be allowed to feel in control on his impulses and moods.

I have an older son with primarily inattentive add. These are the kind of
kids who enjoy sitting in a corner for hours playing imaginary games in
their heads. The little impulsive son would sometimes just wail on the
older one for no reason. Needless to say, this did not beget a happy
household. Know that you are not alone.



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Why are you not medicating him? All these things will stop with medication.

What you are describing is typical ADHD behavior. Some it is worse for than others.

Your child will continue with this behavior and it can get even worse.

what does school have to say?

I would start researching medication so you can help your child. He is diagnosed with a neurological disorder. People compare it to being diagnosed as nearsighted and denying your child glasses or diabetis and denying your child insulin.

If you have any questions, there are lots of us here who can help you.

I waited until my son was at the end of 1st grade to start meds, he really needed the help. And it is my greatest regret in the world to have allowed my son to suffer as long as he did. All because I was afraid. My child suffered due to MY fears.   It is a burden I will carry for many years to come. But I will always help others NOT do what I did.

Please let me know if I can be of any help.

Thanks Bethann.

We tried Concerta over 2 yrs ago and he went literally manic on it.Also bad luck with Focalin and Clonadine and side effects. I am not 100% convinced that it is making the sx's worse but my gut says yes.I just don't like that it has changed his personality so much. He is no longer vibrant and happy as he once was.

I have to call md today at 130 to talk about things. His ped has been handling the meds thus far but we met a psych last week and she will prob handle things from there.First we need to get the meds right.

How I wish there was a magic pill for easing just the right bad sx's out and leaving the good ones in

  We miss our zany,happy,adorable wild child.

Maw, My son is on both Vivanse and Paxil. He started on the Paxil a year
ago and on the Vivanse about a month ago. His defiance is absolutely better
and he even laughed with me about the Jaderock story. He can not help
being contrary but the Vivanse absolutely helps this symptom.

He is more subdued but he also feels much more comfortable and 'in his
skin' on the Vivanse.

TessBethann,  He just like to agitate people; he definitely know how to get to me- don't they all!  It's not in a humorous sort of way though.  He's one of those kids that just seems to constantly seek out conflict and chaos.  I know it's the stimulation factor at work, so DH and I try to ignore it and walk away.  If he keeps it up then he gets counted and sent to his room.  Sometimes our lack or response seems to really enrage him, others times it works like a charm- go figure. 

As far as following a conversation?  Let's just say it's best to talk to him when he's medicated.  Otherwise we end up with a stream- of- consciousness style conversation that at times it quite funny and at other times quite frustrating.     Tessmesser-I am intrigued by the vyvanse BUT I read there may be issues with tics and since that is already a problem from another med I am leary. Waiting for the ped to call back to discuss things. I'm hoping for some luck.Let me ask you Jaderock54,

do you think he is playing with you and knows it is getting to you? So many of our kids are quite brilliant and have all sorts of sense of humors. I just wonder if he knows how to pull your strings.

Or does he follow the conversation and know how to respond? Or does he get lost?

I guess I am looking at this from a serious point of view.

Tessmesser,

Is the Vivanse the only med your ds is taking? I ask bc my ds is 7yo and same problems with him. He just started Intuniv and is up to 2mg but the defiance,arguing seems to be worse. These are the sx's I am most worried about and seem to be the problems at school too. I can contain the hyperness,just not the rest. Do you feel this med is good with theses sx's?Are there any side effects to look out for?I need to fu w/md tomorrow and want to know what to ask for.

Thanks

My son has been on concerta for over 5 1/2 years as well as guanfacine. We tried others, but the side effects were negative for my son. this is the right med for him.

I believe that if the side effects are too much, then you move on to another med.

There are so many choices out there to try. It is just such a pain in the neck doing this when all we want to do is help our children

Have you called your doctor about the side effects and discussed other options?
Who prescribes meds? If you are not seeing a specialist, just remember there are doctors who specialize in these meds only. I know a lot use pediatricians, but they are NOT specialists in adhd and mental health.


I can soooooooo commiserate with you.  My 11yr. old son does the same stuff.  Especially the contradicting everything I say.  He asked me the other day what I wanted for Christmas.  My answer was "a conversation with a child who doesn't contradict every word I say."  His response: "No you don't."  

Part of the solution can be medication, like Bethann suggested.  Meds help my son A LOT, but it doesn't make it go away completely.  I'm hoping he'll outgrow it to some extent, but I also know that the time of year can also play a role.  The holidays mean schedules change.  Even though he likes time off from school, he still gets out of wack from the routine change and the different events going on. 

That being said, let me know if you ever find a cure!     Jaderock, You have made me almost wet my pants from laughing. That is
so classic and soooooo familiar!!

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