End of my rope! | ADHD Information

Hello Everyone - I feel as though I have come to the end of my rope with my DS and just want to let go.  My DS is 9 (almost 10) and is ADHD and Aspergers.  He has been struggling since the summer and school has been horrible this year.  He is in a program for Asperger's kids and was doing very well until this year.  Last year he was fully included in a typical classroom with an aide who gave him very little support.  He was taking Focalin XR for his ADHD until September when it started making him angry, irritable and aggitated.  We started him on Risperdal to help with his mood but he couldn't sit still at school.  So we tried Adderall XR which had the same side effects.  We are now trying Tenex along with the Risperdal but it's not doing the trick.  He's been moved from full inclusion to being in a classroom alone with an one on one aide doing hardly any school work.  He's very tired at school and needs to take a nap every day.  He's become angry and mean at home.  I never know what his response is going to be when you ask him to do something.

I am so tired of talking to teachers, doctors, aides, therapists.  I would scream if I had the energy left.  The school is getting impatient and the doctor says to be patient. I just want peace at home.  No more arguing, fighting, screaming and yelling.  It hurts so bad when he says he hates me.  The first week he took the Tenex he was amazing.  Sweet, kind, compliant, happy but that was 4 weeks ago and now things are completely different. We've changed his dose but things just aren't getting better.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I have two daughters (12 and 15) who have to live with this too and I feel awful for them.  We don't go places or do things other families do because of their brother.  They have to live with the yelling and screaming not to mention a mother and father who have no patience left.  It's really unfair for them.  I feel completely lost and don't know what to do to help him any more.

I am sorry to vent but I don't know where else to turn.

First of all I'm sending big hugs your way!   I know how exhausting it is and how hopeless you can feel.  But just remember when you get down to the bottom, there's only one way it can go...up! Your son is very lucky to have a mother that cares so much and tries to hard!

Have you talked to the doctor about maybe trying a stimulant WITH the Tenex?  My son gets aggitated and angry on stimulants (he used to take Adderall and now takes Ritalin) but they work very well for his hyperactivity and impulsiveness.  So we added the Tenex to counteract the side effects and it works very well! But the Tenex alone would never be enough for my son. 

Hang in there and feel free to keep coming here to vent!

 

Logan's Mom - Thanks!  I did speak to the doctor about adding a stimulant but she's not ready to do that yet because of his negative side effects to the stimulants in the past.  After I posted last night I had to pull my DS off one of my daughters because he was hitting her.  She wasn't playing a video game the "right" way.  I contacted the doctor and she wants to up his Risperdal a tad.  All of these meds have to be upped so slowly that it's almost unbearable. 

Thanks for the support!

Logan's Mom, It wasn't me that mentioned the marble system but I have seen a post here for it though. I have gone out and purchased some small coloured counters (read and green) and I was going to hand these out for good behaviours and then when you have so many (ie: 5), they can be traded in for the larger poker tokens which can earn a reward. I also have heaps of marbles so could also try that one. Can I ask you though...........if the child has earnt say 10 marbles/tokens which they already have in their jar but they are misbehaving, do you actually take away marbles/tokens that they have already earnt for good behaviour. I always get stuck on this because part of me feels they did earn it so should'nt take back............anyway, how do you work it?

Thanks,

Tarina

The key is that you do what you think will work for your individual kid.  You know them better than anyone! Like I knew having an "out" jar wouldn't work for my son.  But I do take away marbles for bad behavior.  I always warn him ahead of time.  "If you don't stop that I'm going to take 5 marbles out" Almost always warning him does the trick and I don't actually have to take the marbles out because he stops. I do understand what you're saying about earning them though...but my son needed that threat of them being taken away to be effective. Yours my not need that! Good luck! Logan's Mom - Would you mind posting a list of the things you give you son marbles for?  I'm starting to make our list of behaviors up and it would be very helpful to see what others are givng marbles out for.  Thanks!

I give more depending on how big the behavior is. Here are some:

being good in the store 5 to 10 marbles being good at the doctor's office waiting room 5-10 sitting nice at the dinner table 2-5 cleaning room 5-10 (he's still pretty little so this is with our help usually) being quiet while mom is on the phone 2-5 getting all greens at school for the day (he has a folder with categories and he gets green, yellow, or red marks depending on his behavior) 20 taking a bath without argument and getting out without argument 2-5 putting one toy away before getting another out 2-5 going to bed without a problem 2-5

Hope these help! Good luck!

bkrusen,  Sending big hugs your way. I'm fairly new here and I have an 8 yr old son who has ADHD and possible ODD issues. I posted a post on here saying how my son had spoilt xmas eve for the family with his behaviour from the moment he got out of bed till bed time that day.  My son is not yet medicated (we are in process of same). I do not live in America and have not heard of some of the med's mentioned on this board. I do hope you are able to get the med's sorted. Were going to have a  family meeting within the next few days, display household rules on the fridge and do up a behaviour contract and introduce a token reward system to reinforce good behaviour. I'm hoping this will help aleviate some of my son's behaviours. I have an almost 7 yr old daughter who has to put up with alot with her brother.......quite sad!  Sending best wishe's your way.....

Tarina

How did everyone's Christmas go?  Hopefully better then the Christmas Eves!

Tarina, I think it was you that mentioned the marble system in another post (if not sorry!  I have a terrible memory!).  It's a great system!  Our ADHD kids respond better to reward than discipline.  When my son was not medicated no discipline ever worked.  He just was not in control of his actions at the time he misbehaved.  However, when he's calm, BEFORE he misbehaves he reasons much better and I could remind him of the marbles when he was about to misbehave and it helped.  Good luck!

Thanks for all the hugs!  Christmas Day went OK, but I could tell that things could blow at anytime and my husband was working very  hard to keep things calm.  Today things are mixed.  He's happy sometimes and very angry others.  The Tenex seems to be controlling his hyperactivity but his mood is awful.  We increased his Risperdal slightly (doctor takes babysteps in changing meds) but the mood is so variable it's very hard to guage what his reaction is going to be to anything. 

Candycane-I have two older DD (12 & 15) and it's hard on them too.  They have to live with the explosive behaviors and with the stressed out parents.  We don't do a lot of things most families do because of my DS and I don't encourage friends to come over because I'm always worried about how DS will behave.  I understand how hard it is manage typical kids and ADHD kids at the same time.

Logan's Mom - We are considering trying the marble system.  We need to try something.  We've never found a discipline method that has worked for DS.  When you start the program do you put all the marbles in the "out" jar and move them to the "in" jar or do you start with some in the "in" jar also?

Thanks!

We kind of do a variation of that I guess.  We don't have an "out" jar (or at least not one that is titled that).  At the time we started it, my son's self esteem was SOOOO bad that it would have freaked him out to see a jar get filled with marbles because he didn't do something right.

So what we did was just had a bowl with all of the marbles and an empty "good job jar".  When he did something right we'd let him take some marbles from the big bowl and put them in the good job jar.  The exact # depended on what it was that he did well.  He was always so proud to put those marbles in the jar!   I drew a line on the jar and said when you get enough marbles to get to the line we will go to the store and buy a toy.  If he was doing something wrong I'd say "if you keep it up I'm going to take 5 marbles out of the good job jar."  We've kind of gotten away from using it now (laziness I guess!) but I only had to take marbles out of the jar a couple of times and after that the threat was enough.

Good luck and keep us posted!