Why Is Everything An Ordeal? | ADHD Information

After my DD diagnosis we refused to medicate her for a little over 6 months.  I was terrified of the possible side effects (mainly heart issues) and the social stigma that comes along with medicating a child for ADHD.  It became apperant that my DD behaviour was creating more of a stigma for herself than medication ever would.  I read every book I could, question every doctor that would listen and shed many tears over what to do.  We decided to try the medication and as cliche as it sounds it literally changed her life, and therefore ours.  She began to make and keep friends, get invited to parties, Mommy and her could go shopping and do our nails together, etc.  Not only that but the medication helped her to focus so she could learn how to read.  After awhile the medication needs to be modified and you start to see some of the old unwanted behaviours come back.  We are in the middle of a medication change right now and my DD had a raging fit for nearly 2 hours the other day.  I only have to ask her to get dressed and she yells at me.  Those moments assure me that the medication is helping her not only now, but by learning how to handle these things for the future.  I hope she does not always have to be medicated but for now it is one day at a time for our family.

It does get better with the meds. My two dds have ADHD, and the oldest, other issues. We, too, have struggled with our social life changes. Before children, we gave or went to parties quite frequently. Since the girls, it has changed. I must admit, however, that some of the change was self-inflicted. I refused to go to parties and watch my oldest being treated poorly by the other children. Now that she, and the other children, are older, we have begun to get to more neighborhood parties as all are better able to manage themselves.

Also, the medications helped tremendously. My husband and I now find we feel bad if we do not give them a a short acting ritalin before a night-time event and they have bad behavior. We realize we coul dhave helped them avoid them embarrassment had we done what we feel is the right thing for our children.

Hi, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I feel for you. I also have an 8 year old son with ADHD and some other issues. My son is not yet medicated. We have a script to be filled and are suppose to start med's in next few days but I'm still scared and unsure what to do.
My kids are in bed at around 7pm on school nights and around 8pm on weekends/holidays (give or take depending on how the day has been). My son does get tired and will generally fall asleep no problems thus I'm pretty scrict with bedtimes. We find the same thing happening here if we allow something extra at night and extend bedtime out............we pay for it dearly so it's not something we do too often. If we have movie night etc........we start it way early so it finishe's around usual bed time. I also have a step son (no adhd there) and he was a well behaved child and we always had him on a good bedime routine, no problems whatsoever. Personally, I couldn't even imagine having my children up very late at night (even if they were perfectly behaved).  We also dont go out alot and don't have alot of friends. I wonder whether life will get easier as my son get's older but I'm not so sure as he seem's to have gotten so much worse over the past few years.  I really need to sort out what Im going to do about the med's.............I so want to try them but I am so scared. Anyway, just wanted to let you know, your not alone and please don't feel too bad about your'e son being in bed by 8pm. Some parents that have their kids up late wish they could have them in bed earlier.

Tarina

I know ladies... just throw out the old parenting handbook because one doesn't apply to us! Society in general is soo clueless. We play the role of martyr everyday. It is frustrating to see other kids and families have it "so easy" and then we ask "why me?" I think it is normal to have a mix of emotions. Being a parent is so hard, being a parent to a child with special issues is even harder. Somedays I think I do a pretty damn good job, other days I don't even want to come home. My best advise- take care of yourself. If that means medication... fine. If that means yoga.... great. If that means spiritual counseling.... wonderful. You can't take care of anyone else if you are a mess. Thank you nolechick!

I just wanted to say that I also relate.  My child hardly gets any birthday invitations, he is the one always picked on in school.  His meds work but not to the degree I wish they would.  He is still irritable and impulsive and has a hard time making friends.  He asks repetative questions and it is all about him.  We have had trouble on vacations as far as kids clubs on cruise ships go and when other kids are outside in the summer playing, I feel like I cannot let mine out in order to protect him from the bullies of the neighborhood. 

We also have lost friends from this and have had to stop socializing out with the kids which makes me so sad.  We went to a dinner not too long ago and while all the other adults sat and talked and enjoyed themselves, I spent 1/2 the night trying to control my 9 1/2 year old adhd kid and his brother (aged 6).  I was miserable at the end of the night and humiliated.  I really thought it would get easier as he got older but instead, it is actually worse. 

My mother has insinuated to me that he is the way he is because I dont give him enough attention.  This from a woman who blatantly ignored me while I was growing up as I had severe ADHD and she didnt know what to do with me.  I also feel that my youngest is suffering as there are so many things I could go do with him at night or as a family but I cant because it would involve either bringing along my adhd son which would end in disaster or leaving him home and hurting his self esteem.    believe me, I feel your pain.  BTW, I suggested it before nut I will again:  I say we pick a time....one year in the future and arrange a cruise for the ADHD families so we can all meet, talk and let our kids see that they are not alone.

That cruise sounds like a wonderful idea! I can so totally relate to the frustration of other people looking on and judging. My daughter is the only one in the family with ADHD. My sister says that when my DD  is at her house, she has no issues. Of course, my sister lives on about 2 acres of land, and her children are a bit older than mine! She is able to put them out of the house to play without worrying about who's around and what kind of trouble they could get into.

Just know that you are not alone (as I was told ny someone else in another post!) and we all support you!

My ds is 8 1/2 years old, newly dx with adhd ( which we suspected as much) he tried stimulant meds for like 4 days a couple years ago and it was a mess.  Since then weve tried keeping on a solid routine, tweaking his diet ( low sugar, high protein) we tried flax seed oil, we tried highly concentrated fish oil.........no results.  A friend of mine said having adhd is like a person having a wound that is infected, you wouldnt stay away from meds, you must treat the wound.  So after much tossing and turning at night, tears and worrying, we are going to try meds again, my son has the potenial to be so smart and bright, he just needs to channel it correctly and learn to focus.  We are not going to put him on another stimulant, but have an appointment with a psychitrist in a month, they tend to be more educated in the area of finding the right meds, and have more acess to non stimulant meds, I believe they spend more time getting to know your child and make a decision more on whats right for him or her.  I hear finding the correct meds can be a long path, but once you do your child can learn, and be socialable in a much more normal way, I love my son so much, how can we not try, and if any meds are giving him problems we always have the option to stop them, take a break and try something else.  In my experiance with my son you just can not change these behaviors on your own, he has suffered a long time trying to make friends and it doesnt work out, I know it can be so isolating to have a child thats different, but we have to try something we owe it to our children.  I started the marble disipline tactic that was posted on this board this am, it was the amazing how my son wanted to do all his chores to get to put marbles in the in cup, usually I have to follow him around all morning trying to get him to get ready, not forget stuff, ect, ect......anyone else tried it yet? I'm very interested to see how long this behavior will keep up, especially this afternoon when he gets home from school! :)One more thing, my son is 8 1/2 and he is yawing by 8 pm everynight goes to bed at 8:30 weekdays ( along with his 3 year old brother) and sleeps until 7am, everybody has different sleep requirments adhd or not I wouldn't feel bad at all I think 8pm is a very heatlhy bedtime, especially if your son goes to bed pretty easily when you stay on your routines.  They are growing they need the extra sleep, its worth it, and definilty not worth the trouble of them not gettign enough sleep and behaving poorly, thats a good way to get burned out!I think the cruise is a great idea!  But can you imagine how WILD it would be with all of our ADHD kids in one place!!!   They'd pay US to NOT to come!

OMG, I can soo totally relate to the fit! My DD is almost 11, and she  STILL throws fits. The worst ones are when I try to throw something away. She will go behind me and dig it out of the trash! I am considering a meds change, and am hoping the dr will listen to me.

I too have lived with the stigma of an ADHD child. She still has trouble making friends, but part of that I think is that she is in the gifted program. She is so different from her peers, that it makes it difficult for her to relate.

 

First, I would just like to say thank you to all that responded to my first official post.  I really appreciate your input. 

Right now I'm just so upset and never could have imagined how hard having an 8 year old with adhd would be.   I just can't stand how we can't "change" our routine - even on Christmas break when we don't have to get up the next day!!  Whenever we allow something special..........an extra TV show, playing Wii in the evening (NEVER happens), staying up late to do a fun activity..............we PAY big time for it.  If he watches another TV show.......he acts like a wild man afterwards.  If he plays Wii........he won't stop playing - asking for more and more time to play just one more game.  And then it turns into a battle to get him to listen to us. 

I guess I'm jealous of friends of mine who don't have this to deal with.  I was talking to a good friend and she was telling me that her 3 kids (same age range as mine)  ages 8 -5 were all taking turns "camping" out in their sleeping bags in each others rooms over the break.  I was floored.  I could only imagine what that would turn into in my house.  Or another friend who I quickly called yesterday AFTER my kids were in bed (8:45pm ) and her boys (ages 5 & 7) were in the middle of the movie "Up" and that they were popping more popcorn.  I wanted to cry and felt bad that my son who is 8 was already in bed. 

 I'm just so tired of always having to be "on"........ not that I'm trying to be lazy with raising my kids, but it's just so much work on regular school days that I would love a "little" downtime now and then. 

Would medication help us to have a more "normal" life?  Or is this just something that will never change?

Thanks for listening.

Andrea 

The answer is YES, YES, YES!!!! If he is truly ADHD then medication can absolutely change his life and yours!  If he's like my son then medication is the ONLY thing that will help! Take it from someone who knows first hand!  If I were you I would try medication as fast as you can (obviously while you're still being responsible and educated! )  I just feel for you soooo much because life can be soooo much better with medication!  Good luck!

I completely understand where you are coming from.  We have the same issues and I too look at other families and wish we could be more like them.  My DS has ADHD and Asperger's which can be a horrible combination.  Between the hyperactivity and lack of impulse control PLUS the lack of social skills, rigidness, irritablity and other mood issues I feel like we can never do things that "normal" families do.  I worry that my two other children have suffered because of it.  We don't go places or do things other families do because DS never wants to leave the house and when he does he wants to go home after an hour.  When ever we go somewhere we take two cars so one of use can bring DS home when he reaches his breaking point.  We don't have many friends and don't socialize much because of his behaviors.  It's very hard sometimes.  So know you aren't alone!

try not to compare your life with others.  life with anyone who has ADHD is nowhere near what life without it is.  there may come a day in the future when your son can have that camp out.  and kudos to you for adhering to a reasonable bedtime. most kids don't get enough sleep. people with ADHD need regular routines and any deviation from that can wreck havoc on everyone. sticking to that routine, even on holiday breaks can also aid when break time is over and school resumes. sometimes it helps to give the child warnings of ending times for activities.  so your son can't do things other kids do.  i'm sure there's things he can do that noone else can do!