Emotionally distant spouse

hmmm!  Yes her behaviour is probably a reflection of the past!

Give it time and showing her with patience that things are different and she may come around.

If not - we are here! 

Hi!

After 19 years  of marriage, I was diagnosed with ADHD.  Medications have helped tremendously however my spouse is emotionally distant. She withdraws into silence and gets irritated when I try to open up conversation.  Any suggestions out there.

I am sitting here crying reading these forums. I am a spose of someone that has adhd. I have been married to my husband for 8 years I am 29 years old and we have no house and no kids and I am emotionally drained. I can't tell you guys how awful it feels. But I love my husband and I am determed to stick around until I can just say I can walk out and feel completely content with that. He is still not on meds but has an apointment with a doctor. I can totally relate wit your wife, I only wish that I can just withdraw into silence like she can, maybe it's easier to just not feel or care. I would try your hardest to give her sapce, maybe she will come around when she is ready. It's not fun being on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't blame her for asumingly having her guard up.

Good luck

Sophie.

Hi!

After 19 years  of marriage, I was diagnosed with ADHD.  Medications have helped tremendously however my spouse is emotionally distant. She withdraws into silence and gets irritated when I try to open up conversation.  Any suggestions out there.

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Perhaps she needs time to come to terms with the diagnosis.

Perhaps she has a lot of anger for the last 19 years or even maybe she can't deal with the thought that this is not going to go away which is hard to deal with.

It took 30 years for my husband to be diagnosed and before that I just thought he was an awkward b......d. I thought of leaving many times because I was putting all the effort in and he did not seem to want to look at the problems. When my son was diagnosed 5 years ago, we realised from the literature that he has it as well. I thought my prayers were answered and we would work as a family to overcome all our difficulties. However this has not been the case.We still struggle. The difference is that I know he can't help MOST of it but there are a lot of learned behaviours that I think can be worked on and this is where we argue.

I have stayed because of the good points despite feeling at times that it is not good for my health. But your wife must have been affected by your behaviour and you probably have no real concept of what it's like to live with you.

If she wasn't withdrawn before then I would guess the issue is the diagnosis but you are right to keep trying to talk. It would probably be better though to bring in a third party,if she would go.

Good luck

Honestly I wish I hadn't have read this forum. I am already scared to death about marriage and since I was diagnosed with ADHD it just seems hopeless. I don't mean to offend anyone.

The best way to overcome something is by understanding it and using knowledge, commitment, and communication to work at it. I am no expert saying I have never been married but since my girlfriend wants to marry me, I became educated on relationships involving ADD.

I went to Barnes and Noble recently and picked up some books. One that I picked up was "ADD and Romance". This book scared the sh#t out of me. The first 100 pages were about how people with ADHD caused miserable relationships with out knowing it. Later on in the book it talked about positive things as well as methods of handling the ADHD. After reading it I am still scared but now I know what to do and what not to do.

GRdoc, I suggest you pick up that book and also: "The RoMANtic's Guide" http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp? userid=a11qXLlAMw&isbn=0786884347&itm=2
This book has tons of realistic and thoughtful ideas in how to make your wife surprised and happy. Keep it at work and every so often open it up and find something simple yet thoughtful to do.

Anyone can say the words "I love you". But if the partner does not feel that way, you are failing at your job as a husband or such. A woman needs to feel special, loved, and cherished. The last book I mentioned will give you the tools needed to her feel that way. Men need to feel needed, powerful/masculine/as a protector, and obviously loved. All these might not apply to individuals but in general they do. Sorry for the long post everyone.

If you really care about that special someone you should always be willing to help them and realize your own short comings from ADHD. I haven't read a full book for 8 years, for her I read 2 in a week. Thats how much she means to me and I would do anything not to lose her from my problems.

 I was married 5 yrs... I'd of preferred the silent treatment  to the self loathing Iflet everytimen  the things I had forgteen to do,  the  socks i couldnt put in the hamper, the tools  I piled up,  the  6 simaltaneus projects and the  left open cabinets  or other debris i left in my wake were pointed out....  Maybe you should practice some patience  she probably dealt  with a lot of  charachter  traits that others find very fruestrating for a long time... hell, they  frustrate me  I am sure they bothered my EX... GL though man  and    I think you are lucky yo have someone who stuck by you.

Maybe try asking her if she is Mad or hurt  by  something you did or soemthing else in her life( maybe it isnt you!)? I know I am great at not recognizing  my path of  tactless destruction at times