Birthday Disaster | ADHD Information

Well today is my DS's 10th birthday.  As a lot of you know we are having a really hard time right now trying to get his meds straighened out and nothing seems to be working right.  School is a nightmare, home is a nightmare and leaving the house is insane (unless of course it's on his terms).  So I wasn't foolish and didn't plan a party with other kids (part of me was afraid none would want to come after the way he's been acting in school).  I asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday and he said bowling.  Great...I made his sisters stay home from things they were invited to (not happily) and we all went out bowling.  The first two frames he bowled were all gutter balls and he lost it.  Screaming, yelling, making a scene (luckily bowling alleys are noisey) that he wanted to leave, the bowling lane was crooked, he hated bowling, etc.  Yes...people were looking, starring and probably talking about us.  We finished one game (45 min.) and left.  We got home let him have his gifts and I'm done.  I don't want to celebrate, sing  happy birthday, make a cake or anything.  I'm so tired and worn out from all this I can't even enjoy my youngest's birthday.

Oh my gosh, I can TOTALLY relate to what you experienced.  My son's  8th birthday in Sept. was an absolute nightmare.  We had a family party and he was just so obnoxious...........screaming that he wanted everyone to finish their dinner so that he can open his presents.  This was so embarrassing for us and made everyone feel uncomfortable since many of our family members just think that Matt is spoiled and not ADHD.  And then after opening a mound of presents he said very loudly to his brother that he couldn't believe that this is all he got.  I wanted to crawl in a hole.  I felt the same way you did...............I barely wanted to sing to him and couldn't wait for bedtime that night. 

Just know that you are not alone in your feelings of sadness and frustration.  Take care.

Andrea

My daughter's birthday in October was a disaster too.  It was the catalyst to make a change with her meds - in our case, I actually took her off her meds and my nice child child re-emerged.  I have to deal with ADHD issues differently.  I am working with natural supplements etc.  It is still hard, but the meds were having severe effects on her. 

This note isn't to say remove meds, but just to say that once you get through the disappointment of the birthday, to try to disect and look at alternatives and reach out for help.  Her birthday disaster was the catalyst for change in our house. 

I am sorry you are feeling so badly.  I have been exactly in your shoes.  It is so hard and depressing, especially when you were trying to make his birthday special.  You want your child to have happy memories and you tried so hard.  You did all the right things, recognizing his current limitations and it still was stressful on the whole family. 

Hang in there. 

bkrusen, you are not alone!  There are days where I find myself sitting in the middle of the floor crying tears of depair and frustration over something that went on between me and my son.  This constant battle is exhausting, and leaves me with very little energy for enjoying what's supposed to be the "good things."  Hang in there. 

We have all been there.

With my son I have learned that he is VERY easily overstimulated and bowling is just one of those things that we can not do (amusement parks as well). There is too much stimulation and it causes a meltdown.

As much as we'd like to do those things, we know he just can't handle it. Avoiding the trigger situations has helped a lot for us.

I completely understand though. My son has had many experiences like yours and as a parent is is difficult to try to make things so wonderful and have them turn out so terrible.

Hang in there! Remember the good days!

 

longsally-I have two older DD (12 & 15) and I also worry about them missing out on things because of their brother.  There are lots of things we don't do or have to abreviate because of his behavior.  We don't go to museums, amusement parks, etc... because he always wants to leave after an hour or two and the girls don't.  So we avoid these things because of the problems that arise.  We've stopped seeing a lot of friends because DS puts up such a fuss.  It's very sad sometimes.  People have suggested that one of us stays with DS and the other parent take the DDs, which we do sometimes, but that's hard too.  I'm hopeful to be able to do things as a family before my oldest doesn't want to be with us any moreHubby and I were talking today and i finally said " he is a square peg and we are trying to put him into a round hole".  He has problems with other kids, he always has and he always will.  As a child about to turn 10, there is nothing I can do for him to change who he is.  As a result, hubby and I have decided that there is to be no outside playing with other kids during the school year on mon-thurs.  There is karate, church in the evenings and study time.  Only by keeping him active doing other things can we keep his self esteem in tact and stop the other kids from torturing him.  What will happen in the summer is anyone's guess.I'm so sorry. My only "friends" near-by were two of my cousins, and they stopped associating with me last summer because of my DS's behavior and my so-called 'bad' parenting. I have found new friends here online and now I don't feel so overwhelmed or lonely, but it is so hard to not have outside contacts. My sons have different fathers, and DS doesn't understand why his younger brother gets to go to nana's house, and he doesn't get to go. BTW, she is another one who told me that nobody likes DS, and if I gave her a week with him she would beat that behavior out of him. You can see why I don't send him over there. She is totally indulgent of her grandson, though. I get so sad sometimes, like today, but I know that I'm doing all that I can, and things are improving. I know exactly what you're going through. When my DS turned 7 in October, there was nothing. He knew it was his birthday, but his behavior leading up to it had been so horrific that we didn't acknowledge it at all. No presents, no cake, no anything. He was not a happy child, and he ended up getting a few suprises the weeks after his birthday (presents that we had purchased for him, but, he didn't get) but, we wanted to show him a point, that I still don't even know that he understood. Just because it was his birthday, doesn't mean he's entitled to gifts and parties if his behavior is attrocious.

Chin up! I know how at times you feel like you could run away from it all but take it easy, be kind to yourself and you will bounce back. 

 

I so relate to your pain.  My oldest turned 9 and I sent him to carowinds with 2 friends ( no party cause I thought no one would come) and he had a great time there.  I got so tired of trying to make things right for him and the worst part is I feel that my youngest son's childhood is being ruined because i cannot do things with him without the oldest tagging along and that ruins a lot of nice evenings!!!