New to forum, and very lost at present! | ADHD Information

Hi all

I am a mum of three beautiful kids, Ellie 9, Logan 5 and Keaton 18 months. Our perplexing little dude is Logan, who has been tricky from birth but seems to have become moreso since starting first nursery and then school.

He has been "studied" on a few occasions by educational pyschologists and they seem to be leaning toward a ADHD diagnosis however they themselves do not seem certain, and of course I don't want him labelled at all-let alone with the wrong one!

The major issues are his inability to stay on task when at school, we were told that they compared him with two other children doing a few tasks and he spent only a third of the time on task while the other children spent 90% of the time on task. The psychologist said that when Logan stopped doing the given task he switched to a similar task that he made up himself, i.e when they were encouraging him to do some mumeracy he quickly bored of it and began counting things on the wall instead. Similarly during another task he bored quickly again and then began "testing" things in the classroom to see if they were magnetic.

During school we have had many phone calls because he has become frustrated and then aggressive, or refused to comply with getting changed for P.E for example. He clenches his fists in anger and will say that he isnt being listened to, its not fair and seems to have no concept of why he should complete the task despite his classmates doing so happily.

This is the same at home, it would take forever to describe an average day but it starts the same each time and has done for months now. I get up to find him on the worksurfaces finding "treats" that we deliberately put out of reach, he gets up there in seconds I have to be pretty quick downstairs after him and he will always tell me he doesnt know why he got up there, same applies to if he goes into my room and for instance smears my makeup everywhere, he asks if I know why he has done it because he doesnt, same as when he opened Ellies birthday presents last year that were in my room, I feel as if I should follow him round the house all day in case his impulsiveness gets too much for him!

He displays signs of obsessive behaviour that comes in phases, for a while it was the DS and for weeks this is all he would talk about and he would tell me that his brain wouldnt let him stop thinking about it. I know all children love computers, but Logans level of fixation with it was exhausting as he would repeatedly ask you the same questions, and seemed unable to grasp that he could not play it at certain times because we were trying to minimise the amount of time he spent on it.

He tells me that he hates school, which breaks my heart and I dread mornings because I don't know how much patience and energy will be needed to get him to get dressed and ready..sometimes not much and other times there is a huge palaver and part of me thinks oh sod it, which is terrible but its like groundhog day in this house at present and it does get me down.

He rarely sits still for long, tv is a big help I try not to feel guilty but if I need a break from the constant noise and questions its often the only way, although thankfully he loves being read to and will sit for an extended period with a book and his "otten" blanket which is his comforter.

Although he has been aggressive at school he is not physically aggressive at home qwhich does confuse me, he is exceptionally patient with my youngest but will easily become frustrated if playing with Ellie and she tries to establish any sort of "game rules" it doesnt take long before Logan is screaming and shouting.

The ed psych asked me how many tantrums we experience and how long they last, I honestly had to tell her that they dont last more than minutes before Logan will inform you that hes calming down, and he does try so hard to keep himself in check but I can see the sheer furstration on his face and I could cry, I want my little boy to be happy, and right now he doesnt seem to understand his world at all. I feel terrible for sending him to school every day when he tells me he doesnt want to go, there has been talk of a referral to a small unit for a couple of terms to try and modify his behaviour, this worries me no end too. In fact it all does and its taken me a while to admit it. Hence me joining this forum I desperately need to speak to people who arent full of jargon and labels, but understand how worrying and frustrating it is when your child doesnt fit in the neat little boxes.

My Logan is so bright and funny, and so loving-I just want to help him.

Hi Rachael1977,

Well, you've certainly come to the right place! I'm fairly new also, and have gotten so much help and support here. Plus it is a wealth of information when you use the search option. Your story is very familiar to me, as I'm sure it will be to many other parents on this board. We all understand, and sometimes just posting helps because you can get your feelings out there. Our son will be 6 next week and was diagnosed with mild autism (PDD-nos) and ADHD a few years ago. I know we all don't like labels, but this has helped him receive so many services through the public school that wouldn't ordinarily be available. I don't know how the school system works in England, but hopefully you can get some help there. We debated for a long time whether or not to put our son on medicine, and tried all sorts of behavior intervention, therapy, and special diets before we realized he needed more. He is in full day kindergarten now and was having such a hard time focusing and listening. He couldn't stay on task for more than a few minutes, and became very argumentative with the teachers when he had to do something he didn't want to. Anyway, medicine was the answer for us and he is doing wonderfully now.

I guess the best thing about this board is to know you are not alone. It's so hard to see all your friends and neighbors kids acting so much better and more maturely than yours. You will see that alot of parents here have great ideas, and are so supportive. You will also read so many stories that sound like your own. Glad you joined!

 

 

I, too, am new to this board. The thing I have found that's most helpful with the "labels", is knowing that if my DS had cancer, I wouldn't think twice about treating it. With ADHD, it isn't so obvious, but the same thing applies. The brain is just not wired properly, and there are medications that help re-balance that difference. I also found that the teachers and staff at his school approach him differently now. Before it was that he was "bad" or "disruptive", and now they are seeing things from a new perspective. You can have the same outcome, but approach it with a different agenda. One example, is that when my DS just can't get it together, he is allowed to work in a dim, quiet corner. The exact same corner he used to have to go to, because he was being troublesome. But, instead of coming home and saying, "I had to go work in the computer nook today," he comes home and says, "I got to work..." It makes a vast difference. I've been so glad to find this board, and I hope it helps you, too. There are some truly great moms/dads out there who have gone through all these same things, and they offer wonderful support and advice. Isn't it great!

Thanks for the replies, it is a relief (as I knew it would be) to hear others stories as it can feel very lonely and isolating when your child is a bit different from the main stream, we had more fun today when we discovered he had had yet another confrontation with a teacher. The amusing thing is that Logan finds it impossible to hold back the things he has done and comes straight out of school saying I had a bad day and I did this..or this and then he looks at me as if to say Ive no idea why I did it!

In the UK the medication route tends to be frowned upon, I myself have no opinion either way and very much feel that if it works you certainly cant knock it, we do have a bit of fear instilled in us as parents over here when it comes to the meds though, and I would love to find out more so I can have a balanced view of it and not just the "oh my god my child will be doped up" attitude that I have witnessed amongst other parents that I know. It is easy for people to dismiss the medication route when they have kids who aren't challenging them 24/7 though! hehe.

I am awaiting his diagnosis, it seems to take forever for referrals and so on to come through, I am trying in my own way to be positive with him..praise the good and redirect the bad, sometimes it goes well and other days I could cry as I feel its something Im doing. The funny thing is when he was bron he was a difficult baby, resistent to most things and ever wanting to run before he could walk (literally) and I would joke with his dad that he would be a handful at school..how right I was!

I guess the main positive is that its never dull in my house, Logan seems to be a born entertainer!  

Thank you again, any stories you can share or information you can give me is greatly appreciated!

You do need to know, and your son deserves that as well.

Please read the other posts from other parents in similar situations and post any questions. We all learn, help and lean on each other!

Welcome to the boards!!

Rachael1977,

I'm new to the board as well and I've found it to be an amazing resource.  Nothing can replace the support that comes from sharing information and support with other people who walk the same difficult path.  The peaks and valleys in my family's life are more than my family, friends, and neighbors can understand. 

I persued a diagnosis for my son.  I did it so I could ensure that he would get the support he needed in school.   I wasn't afraid of labeling him.  Quite the opposite, I welcomed the label.  I wanted to prove to the world that my son's behavior was not the result of faulty parenting on my part.  I also hoped that giving his difficulties a name would unlock a whole world of techniques to help him.  Now that I have a diagnosis, I have what I wanted, but it's not the magic bullet. 

One thing this message board has given me is hope.  So many of the moms on this Board have figured out how to stabilize their children's behavior without turning them into the doped up zombies portrayed in the media.  It's possible!  If they can do it, we can do it too, and people are here to help us every step of the way.   

Don't feel guilty about the TV. It sounds like you're being thoughtful
about what you put on and limiting the amount of time he watches. That's
good and you need a break. We put our girls in front of the TV
sometimes for the same reason and , frankly, they like it, so we let them
watch.

We bought an excellent book about ADHD called: ADHD A Complete
Guide by M. Reiff published by the American Academy of Pediatrics. It
goes over risk factors for ADHD and describes the criteria doctors in the
US use to determine if a kid has ADHD. Our daughter was just diagnosed,
but buying the book helped me understand why and that was really
helpful.

We are going to try to get her to see a counselor to help her with her
behavior. She isn't a behavioral therapist, but works with autistic kids.
That kind of thing might help your son.

Hang in there!

We have had a referral letter through today and the full report from the psychologist, they seem to be concerned not only with his behaviour but also his spatial awareness and motor control..i.e they said he runs awkwardly (ha like his mummy!) and has trouble with fastening buttons etc, I have noted this at home too but if I can get him to concentrate and focus on what he is doing he seems ok. I agree with the label being somewhat welcome, and to be honest I was relieved to read that he has the spatial difficulties not in a cruel way but because this is something innate to him and not something I can blame myself for!

Apparently there is a place for him at a referral unit not too far away, where they specialise in children with similar difficulties, and can give a proper diagnosis. I am nervous but the letter was lovely and made me feel that these folk might just have the answers that I am desperately craving!

I got very stressed yesterday when Logan wouldnt get dressed for school and I shouted at him, quite loudly and then burst into tears. Sheer frustration, I felt awful for the rest of the day and when he got in from school (having had a "reasonable" day, I can only hazard a guess as to what the teachers consider reasonable but I imagine that I would have seen it as a good day if you know what I mean) I grabbed him and hugged him and said sorry and told him I just dont know what to do with you sometimes, he hugged me and said "well you do now, just cuddle me!" Hard to want to have a cuddle when they are screaming blue murder that they absolutely will not get dressed under any circumstances! hehe.

I tried not to beat myself up too much, its taken two years of refusal to get ready from Logy without a lot of strategems and patience on my part before I snapped but still, it wasnt the nicest of mornings. Today was much better though and we had only seconds of protest and a smiley boy going out of the door to school, although as Im sure you all know only too well that doesnt always indicate the type of day they will have.

Right, Im off to phone the referral centre to confirm that we will be there on the 18th.

A occupational therapist and physical therapist could assist you with the fastening of buttons and running.

Keep us posted. I look forward to him getting into the refferal unit. Please let us know how things are going for you both.

It can be very frustating at times. We here understand.