New to board, have 3yo | ADHD Information

Thank you both, Bethann and Kathleen, for telling me about your childrens' behaviors.  It's so sad that others can't see our children for who they are.  I'm adopted, but my biological sister was diagnosed with ADD when she was in elementary school. 

UPDATE with his pediatrician: His nurse called me this morning, and basically said 3 is way too young to diagnose for ADHD, that the Dr. didn't even want to have him come in for a behavioral evaluation, and basically if he's having behavioral issues, there are parenting issues!  She said that if he's not listening, I need to get down on his level and make eye contact (which I've done since he was about 15 months) and if there are aggression or hyperactivity issues, I need to set boundaries for him (we've always set boundaries!).  Basically, from what it sounds like, I'm a really bad parent in my pediatrician's eyes.  I'm so frustrated, should I go to a different pediatrician, or go straight to a psychologist or psychiatrist?  My insurance is such that we don't need a referral for one.  We have a baby on the way (June) and I'm worried if I wait on this, he's going to act out with the new baby and I won't handle it right.  I'm hoping to get some handle on things before June, at least classes to help me learn to deal with his behavior.  Any suggestions?

Yes, mine did, but only trying to play, not fighting or being mean, just wanting to play. Your son might also be frustrated!

Any family history with adhd? It is genetic.

My son's behavior came out when he was around 18 months old. We were in gymboree and he wanted to keep playing during circle time. He approached another boy trying to engage and the mother had a fit. He wasn't even 2 but I could see the difference in behaviors. I felt so sad. I went home cried, called the owner to apologize. I guess there had even been a complaint about it from the mother  

I still find it strange that parents go to parks but don't want other children to go near theirs, I used to have that problem all the time.

My adhd'ers is very sweet, hyper, impulsive, practically flew through the air at the park but parents were cruel and mean.

I diagnosed my guy around 2 after reading about adhd in baby books. He was professionally diagnosed just shy of 5.

We waited on meds until end of 1st grade, big mistake, and then started them and saved his life. He is now 12 and an awesome young man. I tell his prescribingh doctor that we are a success story. We just listened to the doctor, worked with his school and life is good. He struggled with social, partially from labeling in a small catty town, but he has really overcome it. It really is amazing.

The other thing to mention is keep in mind that adhd'ers are socially immature versus their peers. Depending on the child, they can lag behind any where from 1-3 years, socially. that is why some like to play with younger kids, but who cares. Let them play to help their self esteems and have friends!! YOur son is lucky to have a younger brother, someone to always play with.

Hang in there, things will get better. We are here to help if you need us!

Hi, I'm new to this forum, although I've been reading posts for a week or so now trying to get the courage to post.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the stories you've shared, and to know that I'm not alone. 

My oldest son, 3YO, has been displaying characteristics of ADHD for some time now, with hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattentiveness.  While I've been very frustrated, the last 6 months I've really come to realize he's not just ignoring me and being naughty, but that there's some underlying factor.  What's really been a concern to me, however, is the aggressive behavior he's started displaying over the last 6-8 weeks or so.  He's started hitting all of the time, regardless of whether he's happy, sad, angry, excited.  I'm not sure how to handle it.  We don't spank or hit, so I don't know where the hitting is coming from.  When he gets angry at his little brother, 2YO, he completely loses it, and just wails on him.  I feel like I'm in over my head, and don't know where to start to get help.  I just called my pediatrician's office, and the nurse said that 3 is pretty young to diagnose ADHD, but that she'd talk to him (the Dr.) and let me know tomorrow.  I guess my question is this:  Does anyone remember their child's behavior at 3, and did they have aggressive tendencies?  I'd appreciate any input, thanks.

In over my head, Tucson, AZ 

Hi,

I remember our son's behavior all too well at 3! His agressive behavior started at about 2 1/2 and lasted till about last year, when he was in pre-k and I think  finally learned to handle things in a different way. It began with just hitting the other kids in his daycare, and escalated to pinching and biting, to the point where we were asked to take him out of two different places. Then last year, on the pre k bus, he was actually suspended twice for what they termed "choking" the child who sat next to him (although I doubt a 4 yr old can comprehend the seriousness of this offense). Fortunately, we have had no further problems with him in that area for almost a year now and this has nothing to do with medicine, because he only started that a few weeks ago. His therapist explained to me that because of the impulsivity inherent in ADHD kids, when he got frustrated he just lashed out immediately, and inappropriately. Now that he has matured somewhat, he is better able to handle his frustration. I remember when he was between one and two, he was have such horrible meltdowns I was afraid to take him out sometimes! We also do not spank or hit, just as in your family but I think it's just a natural, not learned, behavior.

We got a preliminary diagnosis for him at 3, but it was confirmed in two subsequent visits when he was 4, and 5.

Good luck, and I am sure you will find so much valuable information on this board!

Kathy

FIRST of all you are NOT a bad parent!! The pediatrician and office staff, nurses, do not know what they are talking about!! They also probably believe that children cannot be diagnosed with bipolar, WRONG!!

Adhd falls under the mental health category, not pediatric. They are NOT specialists. My ped. actually stood up and acknowledged it and referred us to several psychopharms. to choose from. He said he can help us when the kids need physicals, are sick, break a bone, BUT he is not a specialist in the field of mental health and medication. I am proud of my pediatrician!

I think I would call my children's hospital and find the pedicatric neuropsychology department and make an appointment.

People are born with adhd, they do not catch it. It is with them from their very first breath. Some can keep it together and fly under the radar longer than some. Mine couldn't!

Call!!

That's great your pediatrician was willing to state that!  I'll try the hospital and see where that leads me, thanks so much for your support, I can't tell you how much it means to me!

I completely agree with Bethann! Our pediatrician is fine for immunizations, earaches, physicals, and such but I would not feel comfortable with him for a behavioral diagnosis. We took our son to a developmental pediatrician in the hospitals behavioral medicine department for the initial evaluation and diagnosis and he now sees a psychiatric nurse practitioner for his medicine evaluations since we live in a small city and there are no psychopharmacolgists in the area. You are very fortunate you do not need a referral with your insurance, so I would definitely call the hospital and see what they can offer you.

On another note, YOU know you are a good parent, and in time you will learn not to care about what other people think. No one knows what a struggle this is except the people who walk in our shoes. Once you get the proper support within the medical community and find the resourses available, things will get better.  Good luck, and keep posting, it really is a wonderful outlet!

Our DS, ADHD,  started being aggressive at about 4 ..and it is still something we are dealing with today. He will be 7 in April.   He is easily frusrated and lashes out, spits, calls names, etc.  We have always been very consistent with disclipline (time outs ..no spanking, etc.) but he has always been unable to control his "temper".   Our psychologist recommended reading "The Explosive Child"..to help him learn executive skills and to help us understand ...which we tried.  But, ultimately he has ended up with medication..  started 6 weeks ago with good results.  While the meds are in his system, he  does not hit, spit, or name call.  Phew!

It could be that your son has delays in executive skills or other skills, maybe ADHD, but it is definitely something to be concerned about as they get bigger and stronger.  Good Luck!

_______________

Sandy

I've been on the phone all day calling psychiatrists/psychologists and hospitals and leaving messages, so far to no avail.  However, thanks Kathleen for the idea of a developmental pediatrician!  I looked on my insurance website and found two in town that my insurance covers.  I called one and they said they need a referral from my pediatrician (even though my insurance doesn't need it), and I don't think my pediatrician will give one.  However, I called the second one and found a God-send!  She was so understanding and helpful, explained what she does and asked all about Ethan and his behaviors.  We have our first appointment with her next Friday!  After I talked with her, I called my husband in tears of joy and gratitude for her understanding.  I can't tell you how relieved I feel that someone with medical expertise is now involved.  I felt so comfortable just talking to her on the phone, and didn't feel like she was judging my parenting.  Thanks to everyone for all your suggestions, you've all been so kind to respond to my questions and concerns.  Thanks for the reading suggestion, psbml5, I do have that book on hold at the library, as well as several others on ADHD.  I've been able to receive a couple books so far, and they've been helpful.  I also have 'The Difficult Child' but haven't started that one yet.  Does anyone else have any suggestions of good ADHD books that will help?

An appointment next Friday, how lucky!!! Do you believe that we had to wait eight months for our first appointment with the developmental pediatrician??? Good luck, and please let us know how you make out!Eight months?!?!?  That's crazy!  I can't believe they were booked that far out!  Thanks, I'll post an update next week after his appt!