Frustrated w/ School - Mom of 6 yr old
Is the teacher truly following the reward chart? Is she really marking every ten minutes or is it when she has the time during the day? Is the teacher using positive reinforcement if your daughter is able to sit still or raise her hand?
I really question what the teacher is doing. Also, what are the other kids in the classroom like? If the teacher doesn't have much control or rules, it will make for a really hard situation for your daughter.
Have you been able to observe your daughter in the classroom?
Begin to know your rights because the school has no right to tell you to medicate your child.
My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD-hyperactive/impulsive in December. The school first contacted me in September (she is in kindergarten and just turned 6). We have been using reward charts for the past two years as we started our own in preschool, but the daycare never had a problem with her and can't believe that she has been diagnosed (they have known her since birth). The pediatrician did not think she had ADHD and the psychologist said she was borderline (performed extremely well in the 24 minute individual test alone, but is hyper in the group setting). I am extremely frustrated, because the school now is strongly considering meds and we want to resist them. My daughter 'blurts out in class'. She is impulsive and doesn't raise her hand and answers questions or asks appropriate questions, but without raising her hand every few minutes (after being reminded to raise her hand). She is also fidgety and seems to have some sort of oral fixation (chews on hair, nails, weighted blanket for lap). We've been doing the reward charts (broken down into about 10 min increments). She usually earns all but 1,2, or 3 of her 12 stamps each day. We have tried gum and a heavy lap blanket at carpet time, to help keep her voice down and her legs from fidgeting, but neither seem to help. We don't meet with the psych again until mid-February but the school is pushing the meds and moving the process along. The psych said "she will grow out of it" and he only needs to meet with us one more time. In the meantime, I've been scouring the internet for additional recommendations (other than pursuing medication). We have looked into diet. Does anyone else have suggestions? My daughter's teacher has said that she has tried everything and has done this reward chart with her for too long (only since late-Sept) and doesnt' think anything else will help her. I feel like the entire school is against us, including the principal and social worker. They wont' allow the psych to observe the classroom, but said that we could all meet in the group setting.I don't understand how your school can "push medication". That is a personal choice and has nothing to do with what the school wants or does not want. If you are not comfortable with medication, then you need to tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not medicate your child at this point. If this is a public school, they are mandated by law to provide an education for each student, and if accomodations need to be put in place for your daughter, they are required to do that. Our son has ADHD, is very impulsive, blurts our answers, doesn't "get" the concept of personal space, interrupts constantly, was aggressive last year in pre K, won't sit still for lessons, and so on. We just made the decision to start him on medicine three weeks ago, but from pre K until then, the school made many, many attempts to try and work with him and never ONCE encouraged me to medicate him. I would contact the superintendent or your district special education director and insist on a meeting with all parties involved. Good luck, and stand your ground!Sounds a bit familiar, though in my case only the classroom teacher pushed for meds, and my DS is in 1st grade not K.As for our principal? I'm not sure he realized my son was from a good, loving home. He had already pigeon-holed DS as a behavioral problem, probably due to a cruddy home life (we get a lot of that around here). It took two months to get an RTI, and I wasn't invited to the first one. They mostly discussed how my son was hitting, and ignored the other issues. Even now, with three meetings under my belt, the principal only wants to focus on the aggression, and seems to think that the problem is solved now that DS is on meds.
Even if you think your daughter can work through this, the school has to prove (and document) that they are doing all they can for her, not the other way around. You do not have to give her meds to receive interventions in the classroom.
My aunt is raising her granddaughter with ADHD, and she gets this same kind of treatment. As if the diagnosis weren't a valid enough reason for services. Bah.
Start telling them she has SPD, which is on the Autism spectrum, and they might listen.
For some reason, ADHD has a bad rep, and isn't given credence as a learning difference. Instead, it seems those in charge think it's just kids behaving badly and you need to "dope them up" so they'll be compliant.
That's NOT what medicating ADHD is about, but I guess we can't all be neuro-scientists!
And I agree, stand your ground! That's how changes are made. The school cannot "consider meds." It is not legal for them to raise the topic. Who introduced this topic? Also, I am fairly certain that it is your right to have a psych observe in the classroom. Call your county special education department and ask. I'd consider this school pretty much loosey-goosey on knowing the rules on these matters, or perhaps following them. Do some research on your own and them send them a letter explaining what they are legally allowed to do, and what your rights are as a parent. You might want to pursue a 504 Plan or an IEP (individualized education plan, which is special education). If she has a diagnosis of ADHD she is legally entitled to a 504. Get the dx in writing and request the 504 in writing if you want one. This would mandate classroom accommodations but would provide no services.I am also fairly sure that the school must allow your psych to observe the classroom, and while it is certainly acceptable to discuss with you your choice in treatment options they may not require you to use medication.
If you haven't done so already, check out wrightslaw (website with excellent info re: legal rights for those with disabilities) and set up a meeting with the school to discuss her eligibility for a 504 plan or IEP. Having your psych observe should be one of the things discussed at the meeting. It sounds like maybe the environment, either due to sensory issues or simply the stress involved in school, is causing your daughter's symptoms to be worse at school than one on one with the doc and he or she should be allowed to see this. Don't be afraid to call your area superintendent's office if they give you a hard time about this as it is reasonable request and is frequently part of the diagnostic process.
In the meantime, is there another class that she could be moved to? Some teachers are just better able to deal with these behaviors. My son had a teacher in 3rd grade who could not stand when children fidgeted- it drove her absolutely crazy- but his 4th grade teachers didn't care whether he sat, stood, or danced a jig, as long as he was doing his work and not bothering other people (they just made sure his desk was in a place where he wouldn't be in the way).
I've also known several kids with ADHD (not my own) who did the chewing thing. One boy's parent's only ever bought him cheap sweat suits at walmart because he just chewed holes through all his clothes. I know there's a product called TheraTubing that's made for kids with sensory problems- I may be off here, but I'm pretty sure it can be made into a necklace for chewing on. The only thing that every really helped the people I've known was medication though.
I agree with this chewing advice. My son has chewed through more shirt sleeves/collars than I care to count (as well as pencils, crayons, etc). The chewies didn't really work, because the chewing was unconscious, but if you could train her to chew a necklace or something, it might help. Another thing I did for awhile, was take chewy bracelets and cover them in the old t-shirt material from useless shirts. Of course, the fidgets are so bad for my DS, that he would lose these as soon as I made a new one. I now just buy $5 shirts at walmart or the thrift store, and write it off as a loss. It's easier on everyone's nerves
.From the "been there, done that files" on chewing: my son (now 11, ADHD) in kindergarten used to chew his SHOELACES. While they were on his feet. I still don't know how he did it. He'd chew those plastic ends right off. LOL!
On schools and ADHDers, or any students that are not compliant for whatever reason, I will tell you our solution has been homeschooling and finding a great community of other homeschoolers who treat each child like an actual individual, with strengths and weaknesses and the ability to learn and grow regardless of what those are.
Good luck in your journey!
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