One key to the difference between valid criticsm and Oppositonal criticsm is that my Oppositional attitude is often to make someone else wrong, for the purpose of dismissing some individual's expectations, that are unrelated the point of the criticism of focus.
The implication of Oppositional criticism is that the Totality of the other person or entitiy, should be ignored, because of the validity of a praticular criticism, or collection of criticisms.
Oppositional attitudes may be a defense mechanism that are important for ADHD people. Since I am subject to contradiction and ridicule at work, or in my family, because of my more creative, and less respectful, attitudes, I may have a need to discount opinions of others who point out, or exaggerate, my faults. Make-Wrong criticism may have the effect of my having Answers prepared, when I receive criticism from bosses, or other family members.
Criticism of others who may have expectations for me, for which I may fall short, may be the basis for my Oppositional attidudes, and expressions of Oppositional ideas, together with oppositional actions, non-compliance, or refusals to perform.
So I have been making an effort when ideas of criticism of bosses come to mind, to put in other positive aspects of the individual, into my thought processes. Compliments are difficult for me, so I need to make lists of compliments, so that I can remind myself of Anti-Oppositional concepts.
I have other Oppositional people in my family and workplace. So I need to effectively, politely, interact with other Oppositional people, in a coaching manner, to encouarage them to see benefits in being more cooperative, and less Oppositional.
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Otter40220.4216550926There are several types of oppostional attitudes.
One is that, "You can't make me do what you are asking me to do!"
Another, "I don't want to learn what you are offering to show me!"
Another, "I am not even going to think about the positive aspects of that suggestion!"
Another, "You may think that I was wrong, but I am not going to try to understand your ideas of why I was wrong, or otherwise try to learn something from what you are talking about!"
Another is Silence, when the Oppopsitonal person should speak up and offer suggestions to others.
Another is refusing to accept a suggestion of taking a break, or refusing to ask for a break, when a break is really neeed.
In many arguments, it is difficult to see who is the oppositional person, because Resentment is a normal reaction to an oppositional attitude. So two men may be arguing, and one was oppostional in the first place, and the other person arguing seems as stubborn as the oppositional person.
I believe that Captain Queeg in the CAINE MUTINY had oppostional traints, like gaining a feeling of self-satisfaction through the criticism of others. Captain Queeg gained satisfaction from criticizing sailors for not having their shirt tails tucked in at all times.
In the movie, THE CAINE MUTINY, the executive officer Steve Maryk suggested that the ship would ride better in the typhoon, by heading North, into the wind. Captain Queeg took an oppostional approach, said said something like "I have orders to sail South, and the ship is not in peril by sailing South!"
Oppostional behavior can be at the instigation of others. Lt Tom Keefer, Communications Officer, was, perhaps, an instigator of a mutiny, by suggesting Article 184 to the Executive Officer, which provides for the Executive Officer to take over the ship, and relieve the Captain, under certain conditions.
As an oppositional person myself, I need to be wary of people who suggest crticism of bosses. I have enough trouble of my own, without people being instigators for me.
Steve Maryk gave at least two ANTI-Oppositonal passages in the CAINE MUTINY. One is when Ensign Harding was singing a song he had written, "Old Yellow Stain Blues". Steve ordered Harding and the others, to stop making fun of Captain Queeg, with the term "Yellow Stain".
On another occasion, when Lt Tom Keefer was suggesting Captain Queeg was mentally incompetent, Lt Steve Maryk stated that he would not keep Tom's mention of Psychiatric problems of Captain Queeg secret. Steve Maryk grabbed a Bible and swore to tell Captain Queeg the next time he heard criticism of Captain Queeg's Mental capacity. Tom fell silent, and did not mention Paranoia for some period of days, at least.
I recently had a fellow employee, at my work, say that one of my bosses was overly micro-managing, and should leave professionals to their work. I replied that the boss liked to give orders, and liked to have the orders followed. I said, "If I have any problem with any of the Boss's orders, I will discuss my idea with him. I have confidence in my skills to be able to handle all the orders I have received from that boss. I try to use good team work to follow all the boss's instructions, and help other employees with any problems they have with those concepts."
Oppositional behavior is sometimes a part of the ADHD characteristics..There may be other neuroses or psychoses that also present Oppositonal Tendencies. I see common threads in my oppositional attitudes and behaviors, with others who may be oppositional for some other reasons.
It may be the executive function in my ADHD is failing to integrate a balance of positives, when an idea of criticism comes up, regarding my obligations or duties.
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Otter40220.2173032407I sometimes have difficulty getting started on household chores, as I feel resentful that my wife could be more supportive an helpful. I guess I could write out issues, that may be under the surface, so I have a list to review, to be sure I am not being blocked by something that I am not consciusly delaing with.I am a fairly oppositional person. I recognize my tendency to feel good about myself, by doing the opposite of what I am Expected to do. I feel smarter when I do the opposite of what people want.
I also recognize that my habit of being oppositional is often below the level of conscious recognition, so I must be alert for signs of my being oppositional, because the thought processes of the habit remain active, just that I cut off the final action of BEING oppositonal, as a method of preventing the fulfillment of the habit.
Being oppositional could be a failure of my executive function to fully process and integrate crtiticism of others. It is easy to criticize authority figures. But the criticism of bosses or family elders is ordinarily ingtegrated with the totality of the value of the Boss or elder, by normal, non-ADHD people.
My executive function is stuck with a partial picture, mostly critical.
So I am looking more at Anti-Opositional comments, or ideas that can help me to be more normal, and less oppositional.
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Otter40219.5606944444Is arguing for the sake of arguing Oppositional?
[QUOTE=Shanti]Is arguing for the sake of arguing Oppositional?
I like to think that I am being open minded and proving
that others aren't.
Although I've been in a depressive mood lately so I've not
been taking any advice anyone has given me.[/QUOTE]
It is nice that you have people who care enough to give you advice.
Depression can sometimes be a failure to meet your personal expectations. One option is to alter the levels of your ecxpectations.
Not all arguing is oppositional. Proving other people are not open minded may be giving them good counsel. Often I argue just to prove the other person wrong. I disagreed with my boss yesterday, and he took the trouble to prove me wrong, but in finding a solution to a problem, which several workers had been working with for a few weeks.
The interaction was pleasant and not contentious.
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Exercizes to reduce Opositional attitudes or retorts.
One exercise might be to thank people who make comments supporing good team work or repect for ahuthority, or team leaders.
Another exercise might be to make an effort to re-approach a team leader who has taken a position that I feel is incorrect, rather than to allow resentment to build up that the person is wrong, which might bleed over to refusing other adivce or instructions.
Another exercise might be to re-approach a person who has made a coaching comment, that I rejected, that was suportive of good team work or respect for team leaders. I could express appreciation for the comment I had at first rejected or ignored, to show that I value good teamwork.
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