What’s actually going on in the brain? | ADHD Information

I hope this is the correct place to ask this question.

I know all of the symptoms of ADHD (all too well lol) But I'm trying to explain to some family members what's going on in the brain that causes them. I'd appreciate any help. None of them think ADHD is "real" and they all think it's something you can just decide to get over...."just try harder, just concentrate more, just sit still".

I'd really love to be able to tell them what parts of my brain are damaged, not functioning or what chemical reactions are just not there.

Thanks for any help you can give me. I'm tired of being told "just get over it it's all in your head". I'd really love to say "yes it IS in my head and here's how...."

Left brain vs Right brain characteristics can be helpful.  regimented vs Creative.

Executive functions of time management, social interaction, and dealing with authority figures, rules and realities is more challenging.

You will never get over it, because it is who you are.  You can try to do better in weak areas, but your weak areas will remain your weak areas.  What exrcises have you tired?  Hartmann has some short cuts in his Healing ADD book.

What are your weaknesses?  What phrases can you keep in mind to ask others to be part of your support team?  What support would you appreciate from each of your family members and friends?

  

 

 

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Otter40238.9075462963

Miniwhini,

I think you could come up with a phrase which asks your Mom for support, but lets it be OK, if she wants to keep her ideals. 

"Mom, could you notice that I am being considerate by helping you with your .....?  It would help me feel that I was maiking up for the dispappointment that I have cuased you by not living up to ordinary ideals."

 

 

 

..

Because I'm not a doctor, I don't know much about the brain. But, I've read all the "package inserts" for various ADHD meds on rxlist.com or even wikipedia (though that isn't a reliable source). They explain how the meds work on the neurotransmitters. This helped me to understand a little about how that part of the brain works too. It can be confusing at first to see all those chemical structures and scans of the brain, but it might give you a little more info on the medical side of things. There are probably medical journals out there, or even textbooks...but I don't really have the time or patience to delve into it that far.

BTW, I love your last sentence. I might try that one myself.   Thank you OneOrTheOther (cool name lol) I'll go check out wiki and see what I can learn.

Otter,
I read your questions. The past 6 months have been life changing for me. I'm not on the good side of the struggle yet in fact a few months ago I went past the "please help me attention getting actions" to the silent resolve of just not wanting to live like this anymore and feeling that not having to deal was the easier way. Don't worry...I'm not there now. I just want to be at peace. Not from the ADHD but from the constant, constant feelings of being lower than dirt. I have no self esteem as an adult because I left my childhood with none and have spent every year since still trying to get my parents "approval". 

"You will never get over it, because it is who you are.  What support would you appreciate from each of your family members and friends?".

It is who I am. That's my heartache. I've spent my entire life trying to be the prefect little child...to fit in the box my parents wanted me to fit into. I failed. I've spent 50 years trying to live up to the expectations of two people who have NEVER looked past their own noses to see they were destroying a human being from ever being happy. I've never been allowed to be "who I am" because every adult in my childhood hated that person. I can't sit still for 10 minutes. I can't stay in one place for 10 minutes! I can't concentrate, I can't remember. How could I ever sit in class as a kid? I couldn't. I was put down by my teachers I was put down by my parents day after day. They never once accepted me and worse they never ever helped me to become the person I could become. 

You ask what support I would appreciate from my family...without thinking I would say that I just want them to once...just one time...accept me for who I really am but after sitting and thinking about it - I don't think that could happen. HAHAHA look this post is therapy lol 

I've spent 51 years trying to be someone I'm not so that I'll make people who don't accept me happy. Look at me...I'm even asking how I describe what I have - I'm STILL trying to get acceptance. 

I'm not spending the next half the same way. My Dad died two years ago and the last words he said to me have stayed "imagine what you could have become if you'd have applied yourself". When I tried to tell me mom a week or so ago how hard school was for me her response wasn't " oh yes, I remember how you struggled" her response was "yes, you were horrible". 

I'm not horrible. I'm one of the kindest most giving people that you could meet. I'd give you the shirt off my back if you needed it and I can't live being told I'm horrible anymore. 

I found this site a week ago and YOU are my lifeline. You are the people who have given me the strength from reading past posts and seeing that I can accept myself even if others can't. Every day here is a growth for me. Everyday reading this board and how others deal with things is like that hand reaching over the edge of the boat, pulling a drowning person up out of the water.

I have a husband and two boys who 100% accept me and I have to learn that support from the rest of my family will never come. But I won't expend anymore energy trying to be someone I'm not.

HAHAHA See - one simple question on how my brain works has led to this hahaha.

I am who I am.

and I WILL live the next part of my life being proud and happy that I am a good person living my life with ADHD.


[QUOTE=Otter]

Miniwhini,

I think you could come up with a phrase which asks your Mom for support, but lets it be OK, if she wants to keep her ideals. 

"Mom, could you notice that I am being considerate by helping you with your .....?  It would help me feel that I was maiking up for the dispappointment that I have cuased you by not living up to ordinary ideals."

 Oh Otter, you are too funny    

 

 

..

[/QUOTE]
To try to understand why some folks, including parents and siblings, don't understand  and may never understand ADD, or for that matter, us...perhaps this quote by Aldous Huxley helps:

"Most ignorance is vincible ignorance.  We don't know because we don't want to know."

Reading your post brought out so many emotions in me.  I too have a family of origin that tolerates me, though they pretty much hold me in contempt. They're not as unaccepting as your mother, though my mom can hardly stand to be in the same room with me.  But, like you, my husband accepts and loves me, and my daughters get annoyed with me, but still come around.  (They're grown.)  The greatest sadness to me, for some reason, has been that I've made very few friends in my life that stick around me once they get to know me.  But I've actually learned to accept that a lot better than I used to.

But this wasn't supposed to be about me.  Reading your last post brought tears to my eyes, especially the last lines where you say you'll live the rest of your life being proud and happy that you were a good person with ADHD.  See, you've come to understand that we can't control anybody else, but you've changed to a much healthier attitude for yourself.  I even believe that spiritually, we might have  been given this challenge of ADD to try to make something as good as we can out of it in this life.  That belief helps when I happen to get another loss.

I believe that we can live very happily without much approval, as we do have many blessings in our lives too.

Mig58

right on Mig...

 

and others too...very good thread

best wishes miniwhinnii and keep us posted.

I do crossword puzzles. I used to play e-solitaire, but would keep going and going and...with the crossword puzzles I know I'm ready to konk when I can't quite focus on the clues anymore or I start wanting to look up an answer in the back. It still takes me almost an hour before I've slowed down enough to go to sleep but it's an easier transition. Oh crosswords - never thought of that  I bet that would work well too. Jim in nh,  thanks for sharing your story. I think it helps all of us to hear similar stories to our own. Please keep us updated  My psychiatrist told me when I got diagnosed at 25 yrs. old that it was a short circut in the brain. I explain to people that to understand adhd is this - it would be like reading a book, article, etc. and every 3rd or 4th word is blacked out. By reading something with this you would get the idea but would be lacking total understanding. Every 3rd or 4th word may be a very important word to give you the understanding that is needed. It would be like taking every 3rd or 4th word out of this reply. I hope this helps you.

That's definitely a well thought-out explanation from your doctor.  Maybe that would help explain why I usually miss parts of lesson plans I read when I substitute.  Sometimes it helps to reread, write an outline, and think it through, if there's time.

And then there are different types of ADD, so the brain must be wired a little differently for each person.  I'm embarrassed to say that yesterday when I subbed, the teacher told me to carry one of those roller suitcases to different classes. I know there's a better term, but oh well.

So I picked it up and carried it, and it was heavy.  Then, at the end of the day, a little 3rd grader asked me why I didn't just take out the roller and roll it.  I've had those types of carriers before; why couldn't I even figure that out?

Then I had been sleeping only about 3-4 nights a week, so for 3 weeks or so I had been calling my doctor, only having the number to ring through with no message.  I had assumed I remembered the number, but never thought to check it...well you know the end of that story.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I wonder about how my brain is wired every day--ha.  As soon as I get some insurance, I want to try some medication. :)

Mig58

 

Oh my gosh . Those are tears of joy. Mig, Shanti...I just read your thread above and googled "sluggish cognitive tempo" and I felt like I was reading something written just for me!I've been on Ritalin and it does nothing for me and although I have so many symptoms of ADHD I've been in turmoil because in many aspects I'm teh opposite of what I should be. I'm so quiet and shy and withdrawn, daydreamy, foggy, my mind never stops racing but I'm quiet and keep it inside, "less externalizing behavior and higher levels of unhappiness, anxiety/depression, withdrawn behavior, and social dysfunction" I read what WIKI has to say and OMG...that's ME.

Thank you Mig...without you mentioning SCT I'd never have found out about it.

I just called my doctor and have an appointment for Monday. I'm switching to Adderall (sp). It says it works well for SCT - I just want some relief from this.

integrtydispair - thanks for the support too
Mig, I think I have ADHD of the body and ADHD PI of the mind hahaha.

I have to laugh though...when I was reading about PI and SCT I was thinking to myself (this is how those of us not diagnosed as children and always given negative feedback think of ourselves)...Well I was thinking "typical, I can't even have NORMAL ADHD, I have to have a subgroup" HAHAHHAHAHA.

I don't sit still, to this day I can't relax from the second I wake to when I go to bed but I don't talk. My brain is talking...all day none stop but my mouth doesn't follow it. I keep it all inside.

 Well, I must say it was so comforting to me to have someone respond to Inattentive ADD for a change.  There must not be as many of us, as whenever I go to a support group, there might be one, but most of the people are ADHD, so it's hard to get a word in edgewise.  Probably most of the ones like us are home daydreaming.

But you sound like you might be a combined type, Doctor Mig here.  You say you couldn't sit still as a child, and still can't.  Well, I'm a lot more sluggish than that.  I have been known to exercise,but only if I can't find a good excuse to get out of it.

It's so hard to pigeonhole human beings, it seems, especially when it comes to the brain.  But I certainly wish you the best on your medication and whatever routes you take with this challenging disorder.

Cheers, Mig58

 

mee too miniwhinny.   smile

 Interesting that we all defy anyone pinning us down in a black and white diagnosis, huh.  I'm with you--why do I always have to be out of the mainstream, even with a disorder.  Maybe there's a pecking order even in ADD, where the fast tinking, creative ADHD reigns over us.  Well, they out-talk us anyway.

So your brain talks all day.  I have lots of thoughts, almost always unrelated to the present moment.  But all I have to do is go to bed, and I'm utterly barraged with thoughts for the next two hours.  Wish my mind would work that fast during the day.

Cheers,

Mig58

Thanks for your postings!  I am 47 and just diagnosed with ADD-I. I can truely relate to your feelings. I never addresses my issue until I had to. The phrase " you just need to pay attention" keeps ringing in my head. Sure it's that simple, right!
I am at the end of a large family, my 60+ yo sister shares with me this week, that when I was held back in 4th grade, all the teachers said "he knows the information he just doesn't pay attention", "he lazy". They just asked the teachers to ask me questions in class as often as possible to keep me tuned in. Why would they not share that with me?
My Dr did not even want to discuss SCT. He is a neurologist, and that seemed to be too abstract for him. Sound a lot like me, if you ask me. He seemed to fluff it off as an alternate title for something that is recognized as an official diagnosis.
I just started with Concerta 32mg. I wish there was something that would just clear and quiet my head without getting me hopped up.   I'm not depressed but when I was on Paxil years ago it was like half my brain suddenly turned on. They were treating the frustration of my confusion back then. I never could describe my problem well. When it got bad I used to say, " I just don't want to talk to anyone"  but that was because it was so hard to carry on a conversation with the traffic jam in my head.

Keep sharing.... Thanks all!
mig58- Just a tip. I feel your pain. I have a Radio with a pillow speaker. If I do not listen to something to focus my thoughts, my brain will be flashing random thoughts for hours. I have XM and listen to old radio shows or Talk radio. I stopped self medicating a few years back. Those double scotch night caps was becoming a habit.
The radio may can help. I suggest you try listening to something.
Let me know if it helps

[QUOTE=miniwhinny] I'm so quiet and shy and withdrawn,
daydreamy, foggy, my mind never stops racing but I'm
quiet and keep it inside, "less externalizing behavior
and higher levels of unhappiness,
anxiety/depression, withdrawn behavior, and social
dysfunction" <span style="font-weight: normal;"
="bold">integrtydispair - thanks for the support too
</span>
[/QUOTE]
I'm the same, although I have a little bit of
hyperactivity in me.

Also, I found some info on the ADHD brain (very short so
easy for ADDer's to read).

http://www.adhd.org.nz/neuro1.htmlAfter living for 50 years and feeling so different to everyone else it's so comforting to be able to hear the experiences of others going through the same thing.

I think the challenges are very different for those with ADD/ADHD who weren't diagnosed because we have the added "issues" of spending the majority of our lives feeling and being told we're "lazy and we don't apply ourselves". Add to that the failures we're had in employment and relationships and it's no wonder we struggle.

Obviously I can't go back in time but I often wonder what my life would have been like if just one person...just one...had stopped to say "it's okay, I understand you struggle, lets see if we can find a better way to help you learn". Instead I got "you're lazy, you don't try, you're a failure".

I'm going through another issue. The last coherant thing my dad said to me before he died a couple of years ago was...

"imagine what you could have been if you'd have applied yourself". I said "but I'm happy" to which he replied "but you could have been happy and successful". Ouch, that stings. It would have been so easy (and kind !) for him to say "I'm so proud of you, you are the most wonderful mom, loving wife, awesome daughter" ...oh whatever...but no...he left me with "you're such a frickin' failure". Two weeks ago I told my mom...first time in my life that I've had the guts to express my feelings (chicken) to her. I told her what he said and how it made me feel. Oh wow, what came next was a little shocking...she flew off the deep end yelling " I hate people like you who blame their parents for everything".

Wow.

Thank you ALL for sharing your feelings on this thread. Hearing everyone elses stories really helps to make you realize that you're NOT a bad person - you're a person with a disability who's trying their best to cope.

Shanti,
thanks for that link. I followed another link from that page about how Ritalin works  on the brain and read something really interesting about how it "suppresses "background" firing of neurons not associated with task performance, allowing the brain to transmit a clearer signal.
It's not being able to get distracted that's our problem.

Okay here's a tip to sleep...get an ipod touch, download some apps. I have 50 or 60 free games. When I go to bed I play solitaire (with the lights off) it seems to keep my mind busy enough while my body slows down. I always fall asleep quickly this way.

Thanks for the tips on sleeping, guys!  The only thing that helped me occasionally was to say the rosary, which I learned growing up Catholic.  It's so repetitious it's sometimes like counting sheep. But meditation doesn't seem to help at night.

I wish I was more technologically adept, but am old as dirt--ha.  But the music might help.  My husband is sensitive to sound, but he's pretty much gone the minute he hits the pillow, so it shouldn't bother him, or if I listened to music on an ipod, it obviously wouldn't bother him at all.

I also take trazedone one night, then ambien the next, but I still get the 2 initial hours of brain flashing that Jim talked about.  I hate to rely on pills, but my dad had a sleep disorder where he only slept about a couple hours a night.  I feel sure now that he had ADD too, but was so successful nobody noticed.

I love this message board and everybody here!  I was on one for years that was about as responsive as the dead.

Mig58

Mig, I tried music but found that once I already know a song my mind ignored it and kept racing.

What I like about the ipod touch...and I bet you can buy any little electronic hand held game and get the same effect...is that stuff like solitaire is repetitive enough (just moving cards with your fingers) that you start to relax but active enough that it keeps your brain focused (especially if all the lights are out and you're just using the backlight from the devise) on what you're doing and your thoughts tend not to race off.

It may not help but it has helped me.

I laughed at your saying the rosary...I tried counting sheep and ended up getting furious at myself because after 5 or 6 my mind was elsewhere and I'd have to start again hehehehe.

Good luck and ((((HUGS))))