School playground stuff | ADHD Information

Hi all, this morning I take my kids to school and as wer'e walking to the class my adhd 8 yr old son proceed's to tell me how the other boy's were saying nasty things to him yesterday. I was going to talk to the teacher anyway as we are in week 5 into the new year at school (Australia) and this is the first year at school on med's. The teacher say's academically doing fine but issue's in the playground and whilst it's with a few different group's, my son seem's to be in each of those group's! At this stage, I think it's all nasty name calling talk. Also, my son and this other boy are cosntantly at each other and that's embarrassing as that other boy happen's to live next door! Teacher is talking to the whole class today about handling playground situations as I gather yesterday was a pretty "bad" day with it all. Last year at school (school finished mid December last year) I was getting pulled aside by the teacher on a few different occassion's as parents had approached teacher over thing's my son had done. I feel like just dropping my kids at school and making a quick exit instead of getting them into their classsrooms etc.....My son is always asking me to tell the teacher when kids say nasty things to him but I can't keep doing that and chance's are, my son has done something just as bad (if not worse!). When I hear these things I cry as it hurts me so. How do you guy's deal with it? Anyway, turns out we have an appt with his Ped this a/noon so we may up the med's or change from Dexamphetamines to Ritalin. Any experience's with these med's anyone? Thanks for reading my rambling and self pity!

Tarina 

First of all, I would find out what your son's school's policy on bullying is.
It's very common for kids with ADHD to be targeted because they act
"differently", and then if they are impulsive on top of that, they might
react in an inappropriate way. I run into that problem all the time - the
teacher doesn't see the initial attack on my son, but sees him when he
blows up in response to it.

I'm in the US, so I'm not sure what the laws are where you are, but in my
son's case I put the responsibility back on the school. He's in special
education, one of his requirements is to have an ed tech with him, every
single time there is an issue the first question I ask is, "where was the ed
tech?" Guess what - every single time so far this year the ed tech was not
with my son. That gets him off the hook immediately. He's disciplined
for misbehavior, but it doesn't "count" against him.

About making the quick exit - I know that feeling. However, I suggest
doing the opposite. For one thing, it's a great example for your son. But
also if you are present at the school, if you build a relationship with your
son's teacher and other school officials, that will help you grease the
wheels to get what your son needs. Be a strong advocate for your son.
Stick up for him when he's treated unfairly, and stand by him when he
needs to own up to his behavior. The more you do it the easier it
becomes. When I first started to insist that the school do what legally
they were supposed to be doing I had a big red X put in his file. But after
4 years (I'm sorry to tell you in my case that's how long it took to get the
school on my son's "side") when the Special Ed team said, hey, he's doing
great, we don't need to do anything else for him, his Vice Principal said
no, he's doing well academically because of everything that's been done
for him and it needs to continue. You could have knocked me over with a
feather! I could have kissed the woman, and I can't tell you how many
times I have wanted to knock her out! But because I was consistent -
when my son was wrong I made him own up to it, and when the school
was wrong I insisted they fix it - the school couldn't dismiss me as a
flake, they had to right by my son.

Guess I'm rambling too! I really had a horrible time, and now it's
spectacular. My son just got accepted into the Gifted and Talented
program - he's the first student in our district to be in both Special
Education and G&T. It is so worth the fight!

Best of luck to you!Isn't it moronic that they keep hyper kids in for recess? They would keep
my son in with his head down on the desk, and then wonder why he was
acting like a Mexican jumping bean the rest of the day. Get a clue! He's
being impulsive and hyper? Send him to the gym to do a few laps. If he
can burn off his energy he'll be just fine.

And it's probably a timing thing, too. If your son is suddenly pulled from
what he's doing his impulsivity is going to go through the roof.

What worked for my son was to be disciplined away from other kids.
Then if he has an impulsive slip of the tongue the adult doesn't have to
save face and punish him. If my son upset I would give him one chance
to decide if he really meant what he was saying, and if he took it back, I'd
drop it. I was training him to think about what he was saying. The school
started disciplining him separately, and he could focus better on what
they were saying and the impulsivity lower. Perhaps you could suggest it
to the school?

Good luck with this! It can get really awful; just remember you're doing it
for your son and come vent about it here. It will get better! I can relate to how you feel about wanting to just make a quick exit!
My 3 year old (not the son who has been the focus of activity on this
message board) has a difficult time socially. He argues with all of the
children. I don't have any answers for you as Mr. 3's difficulties are just
starting to emerge, but I certainly can relate to the mixture of
embarrassment and heartbreak that his behavior causes.   I don't have any experience with dexoamphetaminsn but Ritalin has worked VERY well for us.  We've had to make many adjustments and add other medications to it, but all and all it's worked great!

Great advice Corrina! Just this a.m. I had to talk to the vice principal about a playground problem. Actually, the problem was with how my ds reacted to being told he was playing too rough. His para was not there, but another para told her and when she tried to talk to him about it he got really upset and told her she was a liar and a "b"!  I asked the vp did every single child that was playing "too rough" get spoken to about it?  Then I got to hear about how it was his reaction that was the problem and he's lucky I wasn't called to come take him home. Okay, but why did she have to say anything at all? Boys play rough on the playground! Today he has to go to the vp's office for recess, but it's raining anyway so I hope they have a nice visit together

 

Hi

I can understand how you feel & what wants to make you look for the exit.  I was facing the same problem in my son school. The teacher has always been giving me complains & feedback on his negative behavioural issues.

I was sick.... really sick of hearing all those of her com...plaints. No choice! but have to  somehow discipline my child. At the same time being a parent I definitely know my child better too.  He is no doubt hyper..... boy but like all parents, I too know my child. My son has always been dead scared when I ???? him about like why,what & how it happen.  Now, here I calm myself down talk to my child in a very patient & caring manner guess what I got the solution. He begin to pour out without fear.

The teacher I believed have not seen the initial attacks on my son, she has only witness when he blows up in response to it. I started in return asking the teacher why & how it happen.  Coming to the point, I was very fair when I know my child has make mistake I got him to apologised and at the same time stand up for him as a parent when he was right and in need of my support.  Please by finding the exit out is never going to help your child he will be more targeted.

Stand up for him & fight for his rights as the bullies will not just let him off easily without you.

I finally had to get another student to report to the teachers/vp that there was bullying going on. This little girl is known for honesty and happens to be a life-long friend of my son. Having a student advocate is a good thing!

Boy you should have seen the turn-around. All of a sudden the staff was saying, "Well, if J___ is saying this, then it must be happening." Not cool that they wouldn't listen to me, but my own son was making excuses for the bullies, so I guess they didn't know what to think.

I would have thought that after the fifth time he was in the nurses' station for a knot on the head, they would have looked into it, but they only cared about the fact that he hit someone else. Now they are more careful about judging his reactions, but it sure is frustrating.