I’m exhausted with my son’s tantrums | ADHD Information

Hello, my name is Jamie and I am a mom to a 6 year old boy. Last week my husband and myself, his dad and his fiance and his kindergarten teacher and guidance counselor completed a Connors questionaire regarding possible ADHD. We go back next week for the results.
Every week it seems like a letter is coming home saying Logan has been "off task often", "distruptive and talkative", "making distracting noises", would not do his work or taking forever to do it, for example, taking over 30 minutes to write his first name! His teacher says he rarely makes eye contact when being spoken to and often reply's with "ok" like he really isn't paying attention.
They send letters home saying he doesn't know all of his letter sounds or beginning sounds of words but when I ask him, he knows them. His teacher started talking about retention 2 months into the school year,saying he is "immature for his age."
A huge problem with Logan is that he will have temper tantrums. Even getting hauled out of the classroom and to the principals office will just make him scream and kick louder. Authority doesn't calm him down. For example, he didn't want to take a shower today so he started screaming and crying and jumping up and down. I put him in the shower and he was still crying "I don't want to take a shower" even AFTER he was done and drying off. If he gets in trouble he will fixate on losing something he wants. For example, he had problems at school yesterday and when I found out, he said, "I want to still go to the movie." (We had said we were going to it the day before). Even when you say,"If you stop crying and acting like this, we will go" he still keeps repeating that he wants to go to the movie 500 times. It's like he can't shut it off. Does this sound like ADHD?

I'm just sooooo tired mentally. I'm on edge, tired emotionally, worried and basically just stressed to the point of breaking down. If any of you could give me any feedback or insight, I would be SO GRATEFUL. When I was a child, I had major tantrums.  Slamming the door repeatedly, kicking the wall (created a hole), ripping bedding off the bed, destroying my room, throwing things, screaming, crying all the while. I'm surprised I never hurt anyone.

In the throws of a tantrum, the child cannot listen to any sort of reason.  It's almost as if you have to let it run its' course.  It's like the child is so hyperfocused on the tantrum and nothing else.  Like there's a demon inside them or something.  I speak this from my own experiences.

I had tantrums until my early teens.  then it just turned into rebellion. :)

It could be something else going on with your son if he has poor eye contact.  Asperger's or some other condition perhaps.  I would suggest bringing this up to the counselor at your meeting next week.  They can point you in the right direction to have him evaluated further.

I would think that one thing you could try is to put your son in a safe place like on the couch or something, let him have his fit (without giving him any attention to it, go to another room completely) and then when he's finished, then talk to him but not about the fit. Keep the new conversation positive.  You don't want to give him the impression that having a tantrum will give him attention.  If he gets off the couch, silently put him back on the couch until his tantrum is over.  Chances are when the tantrum is over, he will have forgotten what his tantrum was about and even if he remembers, the likelihood of another tantrum is lessened. 

Good luck to you. 
Read The Explosive Child - it could change your life!

In a nutshell it teaches kids how to recognize and articulate their
frustrations, and then come up with ways to fix the problem.

When my son was younger he had tantrums all the time. It was like he
was possessed. He would suddenly realize what he had been doing and
would have the most horrified look on his face.

I didn't discipline him immediately. He was in shock at that point, so it
would have been useless. Instead I would help him to calm himself and
reassure him that I wouldn't hate him forever afterward, and about 30
mins later I would discipline him.

Good luck with this. ((hugs))

Yes, these behaviors can absolutely be from ADHD! But you need a proper diagnosis to be sure.  I agree with kjl2696, you should make sure to rule out Asperger's and similar types of disorders.  That  being said...

OMG you sound exactly like you're describing my son unmedicated!  Oh yah, and his name is Logan too!  My son would have tantrums just like you're describing and there was NO calming him down.  The only solution was to put him somewhere safe and let him just ride it out. I remember many times that I just sat on the floor squeezing as tight as I could to hold him so he couldn't get away until he calmed down.  Those were dark days...but it has gotten so much better now!  

My son would also fixate on something and repeat it over and over and over. (even if it didn't really make sense any longer-like you said your son with the shower).  If ADHD is causing his tantrums he really has no control over them.  When my son comes out of one, it's like flipping a switch.  All of a sudden he just calms down out of the blue and acts like nothing happened.  The ONLY thing that has ever helped him with these tantrums (and the impuslivness/hyperactivity) is medication.

Definitely cooperate with the testing and I would even recommend getting a private evaluation right away.  Take heart...this CAN be helped! Take it from someone who's been exactly where you are. It CAN get better and it will as long as you stick with it.  Hang in there! I know how hard it can be!

My son had the same issues in kindergarten. To this day he will tell you that he was a "bad kid" in K and went to the principal's office all the time.  Besides his meds and accomidations, my son meets with the social worker for 30 minutes every week. The biggest thing that they work on is anger management and self control. She has taught him the PACE program. He has a pass for class that has numbers 1-5. If he feels angry or frustrated to the point of a 4 or 5, he just has to hold up his pass, he leaves to get a drink of water. If that doesn't help him calm down, he goes to the social worker's office of the SP ed teacher's room to work on PACE and calm himself down.  I don't know if anyone else here is familiar with PACE, but it seems to be part meditation and part Reiki.  It seems to help him a lot. He is much more in control and is able to express his emotions instead of tantruming.  Of course, he's older now too-9 yrs old.

My older son (non-ADHD) on the other hand, still tantrums. He has had horrible tantrums from the time he was an infant. I used to walk on eggshells around him, because once he lost control, only he could get it back-there was nothing I could do. Once he started, we lost 1-3 hours of our day.  He is now 10. He lo longer tantrums, he just sulks.  Interestingly, it still takes him 1-3 hours to get ahold of himself, and there is still nothing anyone can do. The only difference is that he is more manageable. I just send him to his room to sulk, and he comes to me when he is ready to talk.

Good luck to you. I hope that you find something that helps.  There are programs out there, I would talk to a Psychiatrist.