Don’t Want To Medicate | ADHD Information

Yes, I was against medication for my son at first also. I think most of us were at first. I don't think anyone wants to have to use medication for their child. We tried many, many, other things and NOTHING really helped. I reasearched as much as I could get my hands on and tried everything that was recommended to me but nothing helped.

But what really changed my mind was when we tried to send him to pre-K (Pre-school in our public school system). He just couldn't do it. They even moved him into a special ed class and he still couldn't do it. He came home everyday with horrible self-esteem. He was 3 years old and would say to me. "I'm a bad boy. I'm always in trouble." "Tommy says I can't come to his house because I'm always in trouble" "I can't do anything right" It was heartbreaking! Even with accomodations at school it still wasn't enough. The ONLY thing that worked was medication.

Kathleen0515 is right. Just because you try medication doesn't mean you have to keep with it. If you don't like it you can stop! I recommend that you and hubby both read as much as you can on this board. It will really help give you good information from people who have been exactly where you are now. I didn't know about this board when I started this journey and I wish I did! I wish you the best! Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Ditto to all of the above posters. Husband against meds, I was dubious. Did years of OT, speech therapy, still working with a behavior doctor. My son has adhd, is a sensory seeker, and is dyslexic. But it was finding the right medication and dosage that helped my son be a better student and help him regulate his behavior. He is in 4th grade, takes focalin XR in the a.m. and clonidine in the p.m. Is he a perfect kid now? No. It's that old saying: It's not what I want, it's what best for my child. And meds are not like surgery, it is not an irreversible action and can be stopped at anytime.

He does have an IEP set up, and this school makes plenty of accomodations. He attends morning care (held in the school gym, the kids run around)--this has been a tremendous help, allows him to blow off steam before sitting in a classroom for six hours. Also eases the transition into his school day. Plus makes for a less frantic morning, we are never late for school.

Did want to mention the battery of tests some doctors require before meds, as in EEG, MRI, and some others. We have a very conservative pediatric neurologist, which has been reassuring.

This board has been an incredible source of support, guidance, and information.

Yes, I was, and I insisted that we try other methods to help my son first.
We made all kinds of environmental changes - like he has a wiggle seat,
like an exercise ball, that he has to adjust constantly just to sit in his seat.
It's great - it drains the extra fidgety energy right out of him.

I absolutely recommend to every parent that they try other methods
before they medicate their children. Here's why: the kids can learn
techniques to counteract their ADHD that can either keep them from ever
being medicated or can help them after they wean from medication.
Once your kid starts a medication it is not a life sentence - between
having their brain chemistries altered as they grow up and learning how
to deal with it most kids eventually come off the meds.

I struggled, and to tell the truth, I'm ashamed of my struggle now.
Because before I medicated my son I was all gung ho for following
doctors orders and doing the best thing for your child. Until all the extra
things we were doing for him stopped working for my son and he needed
medication. I resisted like you wouldn't believe. Until he told me that he
didn't like school because it was easy for other kids to learn and it was
too hard for him. It broke my heart. That I let it get that far before I
filled that prescription ... but now he's got the extra help he needs, so I
try to give myself a break.

Here's what helped me:
The idea that "you wouldn't deny your asthmatic child steroids even
though they aren't good for kids who don't need them."
Going to the school and watching my son.
Learning about how ADHD was affecting him socially - I almost died
when we ran into one of his classmates who asked my son "are you still
crazy?"
Learning about the medications, their side effects, and potential benefits.
Talking to his doctor about what a bad reaction would be - that was key,
knowing that I was to watch for X Y and Z and if they didn't happen he
was okay really empowered me.
In general, planning the whole way through - picking a good time to start
the medication, keeping the school involved so they could tell me how it
affected him, all the way down to coming up with a plan for knowing
when to start taking him off the meds.

Communication is key. So is knowing you are never - never - going to be
100% okay with the decision until you see the positive effects in your
child. Hearing stories isn't going to reassure you - seeing it work
definitely will.

Know what you will not accept as a side-effect of the medication. My son
didn't eat or sleep as well the first couple of months he was on his current
medication - that was okay for me; I gave it time and the issues resolved
themselves. The first med he was on affected his personality. He took 2
pills and I stopped giving them to him. I called his doctor and told him I
wasn't going to give it to him anymore - I didn't wait to hear what the
doctor had to say about it. Figure out what's important to you and your
child before you start the process.

Finally - you don't have to make this decision immediately. We got the
diagnosis and it was over a year before my son started being medicated.
It didn't make that much of a difference that we waited. You have time to
make this decision.

And finally - trust your instinct. You know your child. If he's really
struggling, you know what you have to do. If it's not that bad yet, you
still have time to try more things. See if a diet change, or an
environmental change helps. Look up sensory integration issues and mild
autism and see if those tips help. (Just because you don't have a
diagnosis does not mean you can't borrow from their excellent ideas -
whatever works for your child is what's important; try everything and keep
doing what works best.)

Okay, seriously rambley.

Sorry about that.

Keep talking. You can make this decision - and you can change your
mind anytime you want to. The more you learn the better it will be.

Best of luck to you!I missed the teacher question!

No, he had a "strict" teacher, my way or the highway type of gal. They
were oil and vinegar, and she refused to do what he needed.

The next year he had a fantastic teacher, who saw what he needed and
decided to do that for every child in his classroom, firstly so he wouldn't
be discriminated against, and secondly because if it helped him why not
help everyone?

It depends on the teacher. I had an awful fight - but it turned out
fantastically. My son was accepted into the Gifted and Talented program.
He's the first kid in our district who is in Special Ed (for things like his
wiggle seat) and also G&T. Hopefully it's busting open a prejudice and
will allow other kids his opportunities.

my son has been diognosed with adhd last week and i was given a script for dexiamphetamens. "which is basically speed" i was told. i just couldnt put him on medication. he is 8 and has matured and alot better than what he was. im going to try fish oil and all natural calm tablets and see how that goes. after all the side affects i was told he will and could have in just cant do it.

im not trying to put you off just letting u know my situation. i know kids that are on medication and they have benefited alot from it. but i wont to try all other things before i get to this point.

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and unfortunately if the teacher was willing to wk with him would be alot easier. my sons only just now got a nice calm young teacher who is willing to deal with a little hyperactivity. the rest could not be bother with him because he would get destracted and not do as they were asked.< id="gwProxy" ="">< ="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" ="">I say, good for you, try everything you can think of. It will ease your mind and if you find something else that works for you, then all the better.

Like many moms, I was VERY reticent to start medication. When I finally decided to give it a try, we had horrible side effects.

That said, we worked our way down the list, and like a few others here, have finally settled on a Tenex/stim combo. But have only just started the tenex and we are working our way up to a full mg. I'm going very slow, because nothing has worked so far. But I really do think he'll need the stim at school to be able to focus.

I think I'm finally on the med bandwagon. I watched a very bright, caring, excited young boy slowly turn into a moody, unhappy, "I'm bad," kind of kid. It was just breaking my heart. And school work was getting more and more complicated and he just couldn't focus enough to get the work done. I have high hopes, and I know I can always change my mind about the meds. But for now, I've decided to keep on the med path.

Its been a couple of weeks now on the Vyvance. It does affect his appetite. Breakfast is great, he'll eat his snack at school, but by lunch, he just wont eat. Then the afternoon comes and he gets very moody. I thought it could be the meds (maybe yes) but I notice if he gets some food afterschoo (he's hungy then) it helps, so I think it is lack of energy affecting him

The problems also are that he has gotten soooo picky about his food. He'll eat fruit, maybe veggies, but doesn't like breads, crackers, nuts, sandwhiches - the main part of a meal. Oh and he wants treats (ice cream, junk) but I have always said, "you have to eat the stuff with nutrition before you get the junky stuff) I don't want to give him junk, just to get in the calories...So he gets mad and stays hungry and therfore still moody.

We are working on it, but its' hard.

His academics though - WOW. I always knew he was smart, especially math and he struggled with writing and reading. We have bought 2 books (advanced chapter books), he does math all day long - sheets and sheets. And he and his buddy at school are writing a book!

Sleep is better, but somethimes an issue, but better.

Overall, I'd say it's good, but the moodiness just makes is ODD come alive, which is very hard to parent.

So there is an update:). I still am onboard with the meds.

The moodiness in the afternoon is probably rebound when the meds are wearing off. That's why the appetite kicks back in. If it gets too bad, you may want to look into a short acting booster dose in the afternoon.About the "speed" comment - my mother tried to feed me that crap too.
If you hear that coming from someone you know they have nothing to
add to the conversation and they're just trying to rile you up. Ignore
them.

About the Vyvanse - my son is on it, and we decided the side effects were
a little too heavy (including his lack of appetite), so we dropped his
dosage. It works almost as well as the higher dose with about half the
side effects. You could discuss that with the doctor.

About the "what that stuff can do to a population" comment - we're not
talking about prescribing medications to any old kid. If you give these
medications to a kid who doesn't need it, it's going to royally screw them
up. Giving it to a kid who has a diagnosed brain chemical dysfunction in
order to correct the problem, however, that's a whole different matter.

Do you have to medicate? No. I highly advocate trying environmental
changes first - things like letting children work in a smaller plainer
quieter room, giving them breaks to burn off energy, etc - before trying a
medication.

When my son was first diagnosed we made physical changes for him.
And they worked as well as medication for about a year, until they didn't
work anymore. That's when we started his medication.

Also - we figured out what were the results we wanted and what side
effects were unacceptable before we started the medication process. Our
number one requirement - the medication was not to change my son's
personality. The first one did - I gave him 2 pills, and stopped it.
Remember, it's not all or nothing - you can try a new drug or stop
medicating completely if it doesn't work the way it should. The second
medication we tried for my son worked like a charm.

If you're nervous (if?

) first of all that means you're a good parent.
Secondly, here are some things you can do to empower yourself to make
the decision.
* research medications
* research side effects
* don't listen to horror stories or negative opinions!
* try environmental changes and find out which ones work
* trust your gut, and trust yourself to know when the time comes
* talk to your child

When it came down to it, it was my son who tipped the balance for me.
He said he wished he could learn the way other kids because it was so
much easier for them. He worked so hard at overcoming his lack of
focus. He earned the relief his medication gave him.

It's so hard not to think if it as "your decision" or that you're crossing
some line that defines your parenting. Really, think about it, is this about
you? Or is this about your child?

No, not all kids with ADHD need medication. But if your child NEEDS
medication how can you deny it?

Do everything you can. Including medicate if it comes to it. You know
what's best for your family. Don't ever feel guilty for doing what's best for
your child.

Hello All,

My 6 yr old son was recently diagnosed w/ADHD. Since Kindergarten (he's in 1st grade now), his teachers have expressed concerns about his lack of attentiveness and constant movement which is distracting him from completing his assignments. My husband is dead set against medication, where I am not crazy about it, but more open to it if it will benefit my son. My son is academically on target, but my question to all of you is

- were you also against medicating your child? if so, and then you decided to medicate, what changed your mind?

- did the teachers attempt accomodate your child's needs in the classroom first?

I just don't know at what point to give my son medications. I am willing to do whatever it takes to work with my son, I just don't know how much his teacher can deal with. Of course, I want what is best for my son. Anyone have any advice on how they have dealt with this issue? Thanks.

Hello, and welcome! To answer your questions, YES!!! I was against medicating my child and tried many other options first....what changed my mind?? This board did! After reading so many success stories (although certainly not without many bumps in the road along this difficult journey) and also hearing from and about so many Moms like me, who faced all the same dilemas, doubts, worries, and heatbreak. To answer your second question, yes, the teachers made many attempts to accomodate our son's needs in the classroom. I made it clear from our first IEP meeting a few years ago that I was against medication, and they never even suggested it to me. But seeing our little guy struggle so much in full day kindergarten this year caused me to reevaluate. He was starting to have some difficulty socially with classmates, he was constantly in the time out chair, and he was starting to feel like he was just "the bad boy" in class which is what the other kids used to tell me when I would go in to his class to help out. So....I began researching again, spent hours and hours on various websites, and read posts from this board dating back months. My husband, like yours, was dead set against medication but I convinced him to just give it a try. And that's what you have to realize, the decision to use medicine is not a life sentence. You can stop any time you want. For us, this decision turned out to be the right one. Our son's behavior has improved greatly and so has his schoolwork. Our homelife is much calmer, we can do things with him we never could before, even the simplest things like going to the grocery store without him running off is such a joy! But most importantly, our son is happier, and so proud of himself now. He was recently "star student" for his kindergarten class! Yes, there are some side effects to medication and in our case his loss of appetite is the most bothersome to me. But if we weigh the positives against the negatives, we have come way out on top! Hopefully you have an experienced health care professional you can trust who, if you decide to try medication, can guide you along the way. And, of course, there is always this group of wonderful, supportive parents on this board who you can always turn to!

I too am a mother of a 7year old boy with ADHD.I am also a first grade teacher and have had many students with ADHD.This has been a comopletely different role, beiing on the other side of the table while the teacher tells me that my child is always being naughty. My son has always been a handful, but I just thought that was his distinct personality. In preschool I would always walk in the door with that pit in my stomach wondering what his day was like and what they were going to tell me.I remember the day they told me his card was moved to black, because he had gone through all the other consequences. I didn't realize there was a black- they made it up specifically for him!! Kindergarten was okay. He had a great teacher-firm but loving.He did well academically- I thought anyway. First grade was a different story. His placement with a strict teacher was well thought, but she did not seem to like him.At a conference she kept telling me that he was a boy and he would rather be outside playing. as a first grade teacher myself I was very concerned with his low reading level, inability to remember sight words and constant getting in trouble. He hated school and said he hated his teacher. He was always getting in trouble.He said no one liked him (he used to be the most popular kid in the class).He was very emotional at home. Homework time was awful!!! Screaming, crying, physical struggling (him and us). the school would not give him any extra help as he was not "low enough" I was even told he would probably be one of those kids that "just falls between the cracks"!! Not if I have anything to say about it.I could go on and on... Now in 2nd grade he has been placed with a wonderful teacher!! She is so willing to help any way she can. He is receiving math and reading AIS. The summer between 1st and 2nd grade was so difficult.Upon his 7 year check up I went to his pediatrician with my llist of concerns from school and home. This is when he told me he had ADHD. I was devastated, shocked and sad.He immediately spoke to me about medication. I was not ready to even consider that. Shortly after he had to go to religion camp and after picking him up and hearing each day that he was disruptive, uncontrollable and a little girl in his class greeted me each day with "*** was naughty today", I knew we had to do something. His confidence was so low and his ability to maintain social relationships was being affected. I knew enough that when these issues present themselves across different settings this truly is ADHD and I didn't think we could wait anymore. We started him on Intuniv. It was awful for him. He was sooooo sleepy. Not like him at all. I stopped it immediately. We debated using anything else and then came around to Concerta. We started out on a very low dose and then had to increase it within a week
(he weighed 92 lbs). He has been much better on it, but has lost 11 lbs in 6 months. His appetite was very low at first, but has gotten better - I hope he gains weight again.He has been seeing a psychologist. she has been helpful to us too. He does seem to have trouble with anger and they recommended clonadine.It has only been a couple of days. Just a little while ago he fell asleep on my shoulder, so quickly and I can't stop crying wondering if I am doing the right thing for him. I don't want him to be on meds anymore, but i don't know what to do. I love him so much.this has been a very trying time for me and my husband individually and as a couple. I have developed panic attacks, as all I do is think about him and wonder if he is okay and if we are handling situations the right way. I thought it would be helpful for me to add this about how it has affected us as parents too. Hi, ones children are the masterpieces we lovingly and skilfully work hard at to create. John Ruskin said something like this.

In Brad de Haven's book, The currency of the future he has this extract written anonymously`:

Life is not a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather sliding in sideways,
thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and
proclaiming, "Wow!, What a ride!

That (bold writing) sums up how I feel after some of those really challenging days.

Good luck in successfully creating your masterpiece!!!

Joy
JoyF40638.0734143518Thank you all so much for your replies and for sharing your experiences. There is so much info here, I'm sure this will help us out tremendously! Thanks again!

Good luck with your decision momof2jna and please keep us posted

My 9 year old son just started on Meds 5 days ago. Vyvance. He has always been hyper, hard to manage and I have gone all the other routes. OT, visual therapy, speech therapy, sensory diet - and we had managed.

He did well in a montessori school. His teachers were great and he is very advanced in math and geography. But third grade required him to be more of a leader, less of a disrupter and he was falling behind in writing. He also has ODD, which I could see becoming a huge problem as he moved toward adolesence.

We started with behavioral therapy about 3 weeks ago and that is working great. (I believe I am parenting better too!) Then we added the meds. I have resisted the meds and the diagnosis all these years. The whole boys thing, sensory thing, but his inability to remember, organize and then his comments "I have a bad brain", and "mom, I just cant remember" and "no one likes me" (he is very popular). I didn't want to medicate. But the psychologist explained the physical part of how ADHA impacts the brain and I realized that to give him to ability to learn - like putting on glasses so one can learn to read - couldn't be denied to him.

Yes sleep has been an issue, but it appears to be getting a bit better and the loss of appetite (I let him eat alot a breakfast and before bed), but already his school work has improved, he wants to go to the library for fun, his manners and impulsivity are so improved my hubby (his dad) even noticed and commented! (he works alot)

The psychologist also made another comment that helps me.. "Everybody is going to have an opinion about ADHD." I have done the research now and I feel much better. ADHD is the most studied and tested childhood disorder so I feel confidant about the knowledge out there.

Hope our story is helpful

We were recently advised to try to eliminate MSG from our sons diet. I was dubious because I didn't think he was having much MSG. When I looked into it, it was in most of the things he loved...BBQ sauce, flavoured chips,rice crackers, anything with beef stock, yeast extract ,or hydrolized vegetable protien in it. Not only was he eating MSG, but he was consuming it from several sources daily.
We have had a lot of success with changing his diet and definitely recommend trying this.
If you decide to try it, research it first as there are a lot of hidden sources for example if natural flavouring and spices are used, the MSG doesn't have to be stated if it is less than 50% of the spice mix.
I don't think we've eliminated all of the sources for our son but we can see such an improvement that I recommend anyone who is not ready for medication to try this.
We also give our son fish oil and glutamine supplement.
[QUOTE=momof2jna]

Hello All,

- were you also against medicating your child? if so, and then you decided to medicate, what changed your mind?

- did the teachers attempt accomodate your child's needs in the classroom first?

[/QUOTE]

I quoted your original post since we are now on page two.

I am the mother of a boy who is now turning 13 next month. We had him professionally diagnosed just shy of 5. As his mother, I diagnosed him personally at age 2! He put the H in adhd!!

Once we received the diagnosis from the pediatric neurologist we went into our denial mode. BIGGEST mistake. We should have medicated. But my adhd husband was so against it so I was alone and didn't act. I also didn't know anyone and hadn't found these boards, I was all alone. I also live in a town where everyone says not my child, just yours. So there was NO ONE to talk to.

Our son suffered in first grade, the bullying, teasing, exclusion began here. He was fine in kindergarten but it all came full force the following year.

His first grade teacher did try to help me with other ways before medication. She had been teaching for years and knew exactly what it was. Plus our son was on a IEP for speech and sensory integration so there were services. He just didn't need any extra help with classroom curriculum. She did try a behavior mod, not allowing recess - which as another mistake I allowed, but nothing worked. And the teacher knew it. So meds were finally introduced.

I, as his mother, knew he needed meds back when he was 4/5 but was afraid. So I allowed my son to suffer. I feel so guilty about this.

We really spent the summer with our psychopharmacologist getting our son just where he needed to be and then worked the increasing of the meds during the school year when we went back. BUT the labeling that had already occurred, was never removed. OUr son suffered until he started middle school last year. He just couldn't shake it. And the mothers were the worst! He just couldn't shake it and was excluded all through elementary school. He is very passive and didn't speak up for himself. He would come home and tell me and then I would have to contact the school over what was going on over there.

Things are so much better for him socially now in middle school. HE is still on his meds and great about taking them. He makes honor roll every time. He remains a homebody, a total gamer, but is very happy and that really is all that matters. He is an awesome kid and I am proud to be his mother.

Mother of ADHD 10 year old. Her Dad and I were both against meds. I now believe in medicating her to help her brain slow down enough to learn some of the skills she couldn't learn when all the TV channels were turned on at once. Before meds it was like asking a diabetic to regulate her own insulin.

If his ADHD poses serious problems in basic functioning you should seriously consider medication. Just because he seems to do fine despite attention problems doesn't nececcarily mean his academic performance isn't at all impaired. I am a college student, and while even without medication I could do above average academically, medicine has helped me better reach my potential (ie. a 2280 on the SAT and a 35 on the ACT with 50% extended time on both). It is good for him to learn how to do well even without medication, yet you might find that he can do even better with extra help. Oh ! I usually read about medicate ! I like this topic . This is good advice .

When I read the title of this thread, my first thought was,"Well, of course. No one WANTS to medicate their child." I mean, honestly, no one wants to give their child very serious drugs, but after long and careful consideration many grudgingly give it a chance. A child's social well-being is just as important (if not MORE, imo) their academic success on school, and many cannot navigate social skills without intervention. I feel like sometimes people who decide to withhold medication for adhd speak about it like they are on some sort of moral high ground that those who do give meds to their children just can't reach or have given up on. It's just a continuation of the negative stereotypes that children and parents of adhd kids have to deal with: if only those parents were more strict (loving, disciplined, consistent, educated...insert whatever word you would like), their child wouldn't be so impulsive (hyper, spoiled, bossy, naughty, destructive...whatever your word is). If not medicating works for your child (notice that I didn't say "the parents"), then that's great, but it is in no way morally superior to giving the meds.