9 year old son getting in trouble at scho | ADHD Information

Capable and able are two different things. A child with ADHD needs to
have an ideal situation in order to concentrate. It could be that the
arguing uses up enough energy that he can concentrate - with all that
energy his mind is too buzzy. Have him try doing jumping jacks before
he starts doing homework to see if that's what it is.

You got bad info from the school. Schools are notorious for not wanting
to step up. There is a lot of paperwork to be done when there is an IEP,
and it's a legal document that must be followed - it is not up to the
teacher to decide to follow it.

Grades have NOTHING to do with being eligible for an IEP. For example,
how about an A student in a wheelchair - absolutely that child will need
physical modifications, though not necessarily academic ones. My son's
IEP is coded as "other health impairment."

My son is gifted. His scores on annual testing not only bring up the
Special Ed numbers, he brings up the numbers for his whole grade. He
has modifications including use of a wiggle cushion so he can get rid of
some of his energy, handwriting OT because it's hard for him to
concentrate and write legibly (his mind works too fast for his hand to
keep up), he has checklists because he has poor executive skills so he
skips steps, and he has an ed tech during periods of transition, like
during lunch when there's mass chaos, because it's overwhelming for him
and triggers his impulsivity. Notice there is nothing to do with academics
in that list.

What made a huge difference for us was when I read the book The
Explosive Child. My son would dig in his heels and fight to the death
when things didn't go his way. The plan is 1) get your child to articulate
their position and why - one example from the book was a girl who didn't
want to go to a movie with her family and the reason is she thought they
would see a scary movie; no one saw her fear they just saw her being
obnoxious. Then 2) you articulate your position and why. Then 3) have
the child come up with a plan. 4) Make sure the plan is fair for everyone,
then follow the child's plan. It's hard to give up control, it's even harder
to trust the child, but it teaches them how to communicate and to think
of other's perspectives. And it works. It blows my mother's mind - she
refuses to get on board (I could post for hours about it - grrr) so she'll
argue with my son for 15 minutes straight demanding that he do
something. I'll intervene and get it resolved in 15 seconds. Most of the
time once my son feels that his concerns have been heard which allows
him to listen to what is being told he goes along with what was originally
proposed by the adult. Or he'll get 5 more minutes so he can wind down
what he was doing and mentally prepare for a transition.

One thing that might help you is to stop it from being so black and white
- good or bad. Find some shades of gray in there, so he can do better,
then a little better, and eventually he'll be where you want him to be.

Hang in there!First of all, I'd call his doctor. It sounds like he needs a medication
adjustment. Don't settle for it working sometimes.

Secondly - do you have an IEP? If not, get one ASAP. In school
suspensions are not acceptable for a kid with ADHD - it's cruel to keep
them cooped up.

Third - you're saying he "decided" he didn't want to do his work - I'd
follow up on that. It could be that he needs modifications, like doing it in
a quiet room where he can concentrate or having less work or having a
scribe work with him, or he might not understand the lessons, or he
might not understand the directions.

Fourth - why is he stealing and writing inappropriate things? There is
always a reason for it. Find out why he's doing it, and don't just
immediately pin it on impulsivity. Yes, he's impulsive so he does
whatever he wants without thinking twice. That means he wants to do it.
My son once was getting wiggly, and a crayon fell on the floor. His
teacher told him to pick it up, and he grabbed the whole box with a big
grin on his face and dumped the whole box on the floor. And got sent
out to the hallway. Where he could do his work in peace. It could be that
your son wants attention or is trying to be "cool" or he's being teased for
not having the "right" stuff. Don't dismiss those problems. Help him
work through them. Those are big teachable moments where you can
help him understand his motivations, work on his impulsivity, and model
appropriate responses when another trigger comes along.

Fifth - Don't blame him for something he can't control; teach him how to
regain control.

In a nutshell, and I know I don't know your situation, but this is what it
sounds like is going on to me - you're treating the symptoms, not the
problem. You're never going to be fast enough to catch him before he
pulls another stunt. You've got to trust him to learn how to catch himself.

When my son first started learning how to not be impulsive the first one
was a gimme - if he did it twice he got punished. It did not teach him to
get away with stuff. He wasn't making a choice; it truly was just
happening. The second time, when he was aware, then it was a choice.

I'd definitely schedule a meeting with the school either to get an IEP or to
have a follow up if you have one already. The key to making progress
with schools is to be proactive rather than reactive. Find out what's going
on now, don't wait until you get a call about something.

I'm sure you feel like everything is crazy and there's nothing you can do.
That's not true. You can't snap your fingers and make everything
"normal" (really, would you want to? what fun would that be?) but if you
do one thing - like request an IEP meeting - you'll feel like you're in a
little more control and it will make you feel better in the long run.

Best of luck, and keep us updated!I have a 9 year old son who has been getting in trouble at school since January! He has ADHD and his impulse control hasn't been the greatest. He is on Adderall and prozac which outside of school work really well. He has stolen items from classmates, which I turned him in for doing, as a result he has to keep his back pack in the office so he is not tempted to take anything and put it in his back pack. He also had to do some work around the school to make ammends.

 Then 2 weeks ago I got a call again from the principal saying that he had written a swear word on another students desk. when confronted he lied to the teachers and the principal. So he was given in school suspension which means that he had to sit in the office all day for 2 days doing his work there.

 Then yesterday I was told that he decided that he didn't want to do his work in the classroom so he decided to erase someones name and put his there instead. Granted, he did a very poor job of erasing and the teacher knew it wasn't his work. So once again in school suspension but only for 1 day since atleast he told the truth when confronted. UUUGH! I love my son but he is driving me crazy!

We are in counseling and trying to do all we can but in the end the decision is his alone. If anyone has any words of wisdom please share! thanks
I already had a meeting with the school counselor a few months ago and they told me that because he wasn't behind in his school work he didn't meet the requirements for even a 504 plan! I was shocked because I thought that if you have ADHD you would at least qualify for a little extra help! I was even told by the principal that even with a 504 plan in place it wouldn't really help that much since it is up to the teachers to impliment the plan which his teacher is pretty good at already.

He  does see psychiatrist for his meds and we go and see him again next week. I will definatly let him know what has been going on.

I do believe that there are times he needs a quiet place to do his work. But I know for a fact that he was capable of doing the paper he just didn't feel like putting in the effort because he did the paper after the fact in about 10 minutes.

I am trying to teach him right from wrong and that he has to make good choices. We do a lot of talking about the consequences of good and bad choices. He is a very smart kid and I wouldn't trade him for the world!

thanks for the advice