Perscribed to Adderall XR for 8 yrs ! ): | ADHD Information

I am currently 16 and will be turning seveteen in July.
I've been perscribed to adderall since 4th grade and even as a young child I knew it wasn't the best thing for me. Battling with adhd was less of a battle than having to deal with the side effects and neurological differences that have occurred to me through my 8 years on the drug.I was forced to take it by my mother and there have been sooooooo many phases I have gone through being on it that I can merely remember them all but the ine that has stood out to me the most was being depressed and my weight. Adderall has made me loose a lot of weight throught the years but what I am more afraid of is if whether I am so addicted to adderall now that my body is physically dependent on it? OR I can still train my body to live a natural and healthy life. I want to stop taking adderall entirely but I am greatly mortified of being inacapable of living without it because I have never learned to do so. I am afraid of massive weight gain, failing in school, not succeeding, and just going back to a sluggish self prior to taking adderall but in addition the withdrawal will be taking a full force on my bošy also. I have thought of weaning myself off & even tried it myself before. I daily take 50mg & decided to start weaning myself off and taking 30mg (of my sisters adderall which I know was not right but I had no choice).being on this drug I constantly fight with myself in my head its never ending I fEel that it makes me focus on unnecessary things & over analyze almost everything around me. I don't know what to do but I most definitely know I want to stop taking adderall, hopefully get a different pysciatrist & being able to convince my mom to take me somwhere else. So that I can stop taking adderall. I want to be able to express my own true personality again, and reveal what's locked up inside. HELP!
- also being on adderall I have smoked a good amount of mariju. anna to self medicate myself when I began experiencing really bad crashes that were almost suicidal at the end of my days. From there adderall has made me more outgoing in truing other drugs that I potetionally see myself getting addicted too also. What can I do?!