New and in need of help | ADHD Information
Hello,
It is with a great sadness that I located this message board today to try to reach out for some help.
First, I would like to introduce myself, my name is Mandy and I am the proud mommy of two little ones. Brayden is 6 and in Kindergarten and Haylee is 4 and in a pre-k program. They are the lights of my life.
I guess my story starts out like most people.. Brayden was very active since day one, even in utero.. . He never seemed to stop moving. He was walking early, talking early and developed very advanced language and art skills. He was reading by 3 and now in K, he is reading on a 4th grade level. His intelligence never ceases to amaze me. He was tested for the gifted program early on, and had a hard time taking the test 'because he was unable to focus on the questions..' They told me upon assessment this is common in children this young and could be from immaturity. They told me it is evident he is gifted and will wait until first grade to test him again.
His school has been awesome with working with him, but things have been difficult from Preschool til now. He cant sit still in his chair. He keeps wanting to get up. He is unable to finish his work (which is a problem because he has advanced work to do in addition to his K work, but he never gets the time to do it). When he does do his work, he becomes obsessed with details and cant stop until its perfect. He cant walk in line, he continually bumps into the kids in front of him. He cant sit still during reading times, etc
He is impulsive in every way possible. He is argumentative with teachers and needs constant reminders to stay on task. He plays aggressive 'boy' games with his friends, but would never intentionally hurt anyone.. however this has been getting him in trouble.
Needless to say, he has gotten suspended 3 times.. Each time he loses things, there are consequences. Yet, it doesnt really have an impact on him.
The school has put together a team to work with him, and they started an IEP. He was suspended again today.. This time for constant disrespect to teachers and arguing with them. He continually disrupted the whole class throughout the whole day and the principal finally said, "enough.. he needs to learn consequence." she also has told me that in her 20 something years as a principal, she has never seen such extreme behaviors in a child. They have never suspended a kindergartener before.. until him..
A Conners test was done and scored high in most areas. I have met with his dr. about this behavior several times and she at first believed it was immaturity, and gifted-ness, and that we would 'give it time.'
I have always been against the idea of putting him on medication... until today. I cried for so long and just kept thinking that I have tried EVERYTHING.. and ANYTHING.. and nothing is working. He cant control his body, he cant stop moving, cant stay still in line.. he cant focus, and is so hyper...
I feel like my own stubborn-ness and negative feelings of putting my child on medication (something I have always been against) is affecting him negatively.
I just made an appt for next week with the dr. again. This time I am going to request that we start him on medication...
Anyone can offer some words of encouragement, advice? Help? I will go to any length to help my son...
Hi MandyL121
I can really relate to you.. My sons are 9 and 11 with the 9y diagnosed about 2 mos ago. All these years, since he was a baby he has been a handful, but super smart.
We went through all the different things.. sensory integration, watching the diet, different parenting styles, etc. He was similar to yours in that he was super hyper, argumentative and contrary, impulsive etc. I thought we could just manage and I never wanted to investigate ADHD for him, because I, like the public was opposed to the meds.
Now that he was in 3rd grade, though, I felt bad for him because as smart as he is, he couldn't write or read without a struggle, yet he was doing 5th grade math and geography. He was also becoming a bit depressed because we were always having to discipline him. He told me he thought he had a "bad brain". His friendships were not growing as they should because of his odd behaviors. What concerned me the most was that as he gets older, if he were to continue to be impulsive and contrary, how would that pan out in the teenage years. So...
We went to a psych who specializes in ADHD for kids and found out what I suspected all these years. He has ADHD ond ODD. (I didn't know about ODD but when I learned I thought "oh yea, this is him") We started on behavior modification therapy, which immediately made a huge impact in his behavior and my parenting style (better now:)
We then added the meds. I really researched and found out very positive things about meds that the average person will not know. We had to try 2 meds as the side effects of insomnia and some rebound in the afternoons didn't work with the 1st. But wow! He instantly started to read and write and wanted to. He has finished reading 5 big chapter books (Percy and the lightning Thief is one in the series) and wrote a book! We continue to see the psych, but I think that will start to be less frequent now.
I would highly recommend seeing a psychologist who specializes in children and ADHD and work in conjuntion with your ped for meds. I feel like a mom who has finally been able to help, in a big way, her son be who he is supposed to be.
Oh and one other thing about the meds that really put it into perspective for me. It is like a person who needs glasses, you put them on and you can see! They don't teach you to read, but they give you the opportunity to finally learn.
Hope this is helpful, sorry about the length.
warm regards
Thank you for the advice.Something you said stuck out at me, where your son said he had a 'bad brain'.. my son says stuff like that all the time. He says he has a bad side of his heart. He will put his hand down his chest to divide it and says he feels like he is always in the bad side. I ask him if he wants to be in the bad side and he says no, but he is just a bad kid...
that just breaks my heart because he is too amazing for words and just a joy to be around. It kills me that he feels that way about himself.
I think that is why it is so important to see the psych. Ours is dealing with all the emotional issues that I really wouldn't know the best way to handle.
I just want to say, it is so much better, and you will find a way to make it better too!
I was in a similar position over a year ago. My dd is very intelligent but her impulsiveness, aggressiveness and hyperness got the best of her. She had no friends and was starting to get depressed and talk negatively about herself. I knew I had to do something. At first I was against medicine and we tried counseling, etc. but we then went the medicine route. My dd explained to me she knew what she should do but it wasn't until she started the medicine that she was able to do it. It took time but I can honestly say that my dd is happy and and feels good about herself. Good luck to you. Thank you both... , how long til you started noticing a change for the better?
Tonight, while tucking DS in, I asked him what he thought about getting suspended today, and he told me he knows he made the wrong choices, but he kept getting 'mixed up' in his head...
I asked him what this meant, and he said, "My head was all mixed. I wanted to listen, but it was all mixed."
Is this a cry for help or what???? Now I feel like crying because I wish I wouldve done something sooner.. I have to wait until May 4th for the dr appt... I wish I could just skip the next two weeks to give the meds a try to help the poor guy...
MandyL2140290.7486342593
It always amazes me how similar most of our stories are! My son sounds A LOT like yours! I read everything I could get my hands on and we tried everything we could think of because we didn't want to medicate either. But in the end, there really wasn't a choice anymore. It got sooooooo bad that something had to change! 
I was yelling at my son all the time, his self esteem was awful because he was in trouble constantly and he just could not control his behavior no matter how hard he tried.
The first day we started meds we saw a HUGE difference! If he starts by taking a stimulant you should see results almost immediately if the dose is high enough and you will also notice right away when it has worn off. All stimulants are like this but Strattera is different. It is the type of med that has to build up in the system and it took about 8 weeks to see the full effect with my son.
It took us almost a year to get it just right but even during that year it was still soooooo much better than it was without meds! Medication has literally saved my son's life. He's now a happy little boy who lives in a happy family. I can't express to you enough what a difference meds can make! Don't be afraid of them. If they're not right you can always stop them at any time. Welcome aboard to the ADHD journey and please ask any questions you have. You've definitely made a big step in the right direction. Hang in there! It DOES get better...I promise! 
suspended from the bus one day this year. Now you tell me, what's the
better deal for him - a 15 minute drive or a 40 minute bus drive? The
suspensions have NO IMPACT on the kids. I swear the point of a
suspension is designed to be inconvenient to the parents so that they will
come down on their kid like a ton of bricks and put the fear of death in
them so they straighten up at school. I'm sorry, but I'm not participating
in that twisted plan.
The school tried these "traditional" punishments on my son, and all he
learned was if he acted out in a certain way he would be removed from
the situation he is in. Which was perfect in his mind. So when he was
overwhelmed by his swirling brain, he'd make a threat or a mess - he
never actually hurt anyone or damaged anything - he'd be sent to the
principal's office, which is a small, quiet room. He thought it was great.
Once I was checking in on him because I hadn't heard anything negative
from the school (totally out of the ordinary) and asked him if he had gone
to see Ms. Grant. He said, "No, they haven't let me." He seriously thought
it was the best relief.
He's still doing it now. He's been bullied this year. Now, he's complained
about this one boy, who he's been forced to pair up with and share an ed
tech. The other kid needs her for academics; my son needs her socially
for transitions, though that's usually when she decides to take a break. I
thought he was just his "enemy" and didn't pursue it. Well, my son
started acting out at school and saying he "didn't want to live" and finally
got me to listen - I took him to a therapist who completely freaked out
by what he was saying. I feel bad that I didn't follow up on it, but my
son's stories were ridiculous and how could the school let all that happen
right out in the open when an ed tech is supposed to be right there with
my son all day? Shame on me for depending on the school.
Okay, back to my point.
Your son has learned behavior that works
for him. You can't discipline it out of him. It's a coping technique, he's
doing it for a reason, it's comfortable for him (no matter how
uncomfortable it gets later), and it's easy. You're going to have to give
him alternate behaviors that work just as effectively - like giving him a
code word he can blurt out in class and no questions asked be sent to a
smaller quieter room, or something similar.
My son never mastered articulating his discomfort. He's gotten better at
it, but he still reverts to acting out when he needs a change. If you realize
there's a reason for it you will be more tolerant and will be able to help
him easier. You also need to advocate strongly with the school to get
them on board. It's really hard to get them to try something new, but it's
totally worth it when it all comes together.
Good luck!
We first were evaluated by the phsyc and she had both his teacher and I fill out this "survey", then the psych reviewed and made the diagnosis with the recommendation for the meds..
So then we went to the Ped with the report from the psych for the prescription. It took a little bit to get through that as I guess you want to make sure its ADHD before prescribing meds.
The behavior modification therapy started right away and I noticed a big change in his behaviors, that did taper later as the newness wore off, but by then we had started the meds.
I got two books from the library, the first The survival guide for kids with ADD or ADHD by John Taylor, was for my ds. We read a chapter together each night. He really got into it and it made having ADHD not seem bad, but hopeful . The second book was for me to read, ADHD : a complete and authoritative guide for parents by Reiff, Michael I. It was a little overwhelming, but mostly very encouraging and based on the clinical guidlines by the AAP. There are some great tips in it.
I am sorry about the waiting, I know it is hard, but you will get through it and this part will fade..
How is your school? Do they work with you or are they just black and white with discipline? My son went to a Waldorf preschool, and then a Montessori school starting with K (a charter school, cant afford private). They have always been flexible. My ds in preschool would bite, hit and push kids off the swingset, but was a sweet boy. (still is
)
Also, does he have passions? DS loves sports and we always really gave alot of opportunity there, he felt good and successful with that and they kind of countered the other negative feelings.
Hang in there.
Hi Mandy and welcome to the board!
When I read your post I couldn't believe how eerily similar your story is to ours...same age, grade, and problems. Our son is also very bright, read at 3, got suspended 3 times in pre K, was very impulsive, argumentative, and aggressive, yet very sweet and loving. Fast forward from 5 months ago and we now have a happy little boy who was recently student of the month, rarely gets in trouble, and brought a report card home with top honors yesterday and also has managed to already achieve most of his yearly IEP goals. I, like you, did not want to medicate and at each IEP meeting I would stress this fact. We tried everything to help him and some things did for awhile, but never enough. So on Christmas break I gave him his first pill as tears were rolling down my cheeks. It was the best thing we ever did. That's not to say it's perfect, there are some days better than others, and his appetite is certainly less than I would like it to be, but he is no longer the "bad kid in class" and our home life is so much more peaceful!
A couple of suggestions...first, I hope you keep coming back to this board for support and encouragement. The parents here are terrific and have so much great advice. Second, read up as much as you can about the different ADHD meds before your doctors appt in May. There's a website rxlist.com that gives info on all the meds and also has a user review section. I also searched this board for all the stories I could find about the different meds and side effects.
Good luck, Mandy. Brayden is lucky to have a Mom like you who cares so much. Please keep us posted on your progress.
Geeemo,
Yes, the school has been AMAZING.. and thats putting it lightly. His teacher has gone above and beyond for him and I cant say enough good about her. She allows him to do certain things to help him perform better. Like, since he has such a hard time sitting in his chair, she will let him stand up at the table to do his work (he even eats like this at home a lot). Its like standing up helps him focus on eating or coloring.
She has him be the 'helper' or gives him extra responsibility to help him get out of his chair and give him more responsiblity and be proud of his self.
One thing I see a trend in as I read is kids not having meaningful friendships or problems socially. Did this start this way?
DS is the opposite. He is mr. personality and a lot of his behaviors are attention seeking from peers. He plays better with older kids. He is the leader in his classroom (which causes problems, because all the kids look up to him and the teacher says when he starts acting up, they follow suit to try to be more like him). So a lot of what I am trying to do is help him understand how even if other kids laugh at him for being silly, or think he is being cool, he is not making the right choices. But he is too into impressing his peers.
Any advice for this? anyone experience this type of thing?
Kathleen, Thank you for your advice. Its awesome to be able to connect with other people who have such similar stories, I dont feel so alone right now.
I have to shake the feeling like I am a failure now...
My son has been on meds for a month now, and also we noticed a dfference right away. The other day in the car I noticed he was behaving much like he used to, speaking in a 'sing-song' voice, turning statements into chants, making nonsense noises constantly... I asked if he had taken his meds in the morning and he said yes, so I thought I must just be seeing things. ( I start work very early, so DH has to give him his meds.) Well, we got home and there were his meds from the morning, on the table where he had forgotten them.
While you are waiting, it may be helpful to try changing his diet. We eliminated preservatives and additives from my son's diet while we were waiting, and it did help a bit. Also we explained to him that his brain simply works differently, that the poor choices he's made in behavior are not because he's 'bad.' We were pretty sure of the Dx by then. Finally, I also have adhd which was undiagnosed then but has been now, and I was so sure I had it too that I told him he got this brain from me, and that we would learn how to use it better together.
Hope this helps. Hang in there.
Willa
So mant of your stories sound like mine! My dd was very bright as well, but did not want to sit and listen. I had her in a daycare/preschool program, and naptime was a nightmare! She was expected to lay still for 2 hours. This for a child who stopped taking naps at age1! I had to argue with them to move her up to the older preschool class. They tried to tell me she wasn't ready, but when they finally looked at her file they saw she WAS old enough to move. All I heard after that was how wel she did! Then in K she had the same issues.. not wanting to be still, impulsive, not completing her work... One time she failed a math paper becasue instead of using the teddy bear counters like she was supposed to, she made up a story with them and had them swinging and sliding!
She was diagnosed in K and has been on meds since then. We started off on Adderall, then switched to Vyvanse, and now we are on Concerta. It has been a struggle, and now that she is 11 we are having to deal with the ADHD issues and puberty. I think as parents of ADHD children we deserve an award! We deal with the issues that other parents don't have to.
Thanks everyone. It really has been amazing hearing other stories and realizing how similar they all are. It really has helped me put things into perspective. For so long I kept saying, "Oh, its immaturity, he will grow out of it." Or, "its just who he is...he is an active boy."We got another note home from school yesterday. The teacher did say he has been working really hard on being polite (something we are working really hard on, 'yes ma'am, and no sir' for all adult communication. (He got suspended last week for arguing with a different teacher in the school and made an excuse like, "She wasnt my teacher. I am very polite to MY teacher.") I want him to understand that it doesnt matter who the adult is.. you are polite to EVERYONE.
Anyway, the points he did not do so well on were when they were walking in line, he was running into the other kids, in front and in back. He was pulling girls hair, swirling their hair, and kept poking all the kids around him.
His dr appt. on Tuesday cant get here fast enough. Every day I am noticing more and more things I just dismissed before.
Willa, you basically described my son as well.. the noises and singing everything. He does that NON-STOP... there are constant sounds coming from this boy...
My son does the noise things too. I have always said that if his body is still his mouth has to be moving. Now I mostly just hear it when he takes a bath. Dialogs, singing, strange sounds - it's hilarious. I love that about him. I am glad the meds have not changed his quirckiness.