My son, I am completely at a loss. | ADHD Information

I sometimes joke that my 6 year old son is like a 13 year old girl. I only say this to mean that he is sometimes mouthy, temperamental, argumentative, moody, disrespectful,etc. All the things I was when I was 13.

I wouldn't throw in the towel on your son just yet, but I would consider an alternative middle school. Those tween/early teen years were the hardest for me to handle. I just didn't have the social skills that a typical (non ADD) kid had, and then all of a sudden the rules all changed because everyone was going through puberty. Blech.

Do you remember how your peers were at that age? The difference between myself and them, was that they knew how to keep the threats and vulgar language under wraps when around adults. I took me a LOT longer to figure out that kids could be so two-faced. It wasn't that I was naive, it was just that I didn't get it.

And I was so sensitive that I didn't know how to dish it back or let it slide off my back, and I would get angry or I would cry (which just made the teasing worse). I also didn't understand why I was the only one getting in trouble when "everyone" was doing it. They just knew how not to get caught, and they didn't tattle on each other...only on me.

I truly wish that I had been able to spend those middle school years at a private school, or just home-schooled. We didn't have an alternative middle school when I was that age, but that would have been great, too!

I've seen it said here before...behavior is communication. If your son is acting out, then there is probably something else going on. Those threats might be because he is being mercilessly teased when no adults are around. He may be using foul language, because he thinks it will make him cool and then he will have friends.

It might not be any of these things, but if he has been a decent kid his whole life...something has changed. If it's just hormonal, then he'll grow out of it, but you can't ignore it. It would probably be better to get some outside help. I don't remember feeling particularly warm towards my parents at that age. And I didn't want to discuss things with them. I didn't think they could understand.

I know this is a rather long response, but this topic is dear to my heart, because I lived through some rough times (socially) when I was your son's age. Don't give up, but don't try to win this battle on your own. And, of course, we are all here for you too!

Are the behavior issue something new or has he always had problems?  If the problems are related to ADHD (and it sounds like they definitely could be!) then I agree that maybe it's time to explore medication again.  I just say that because I know my son without medication absolutely cannot control his behavior most of the time!   And trying to disciplin him or redirect him to fix the behavior is like baning your head against a wall. 

If the medications worked well for him except for when they wore off then that's a great sign! It's very common that kids react badly when the meds wear off but there are soooooo many solutions to that problem.  I recommend seeing a specialist (psychiatrist/ psychopharacologist) to revisit the med issue.  With puberty coming along it's better to have him at his best so he can handle it better! Good luck and keep us posted!

You know the first thought reading your post is that your son is 12.  He is probably starting to go through puberty.  And that changes every child.  They all get clicky, moody, and all sorts of fun stuff.  It isn't just the girls who get moody.  I have a 16 year old and puberty wasn't fun.  But I also heard that (my oldest isn't medicated) that once they hit puberty medication may need to be changed.  So maybe meds might help a bit.  I would just really draw the line in the sand and not tolerate the behavior.  Consistancy in your expectations of it is going to set the tone for the teenage years.  He may even be bullied or teased by the other child.  I would find the reason why  he did this, and if he is reacting to the other kid behavior towards him, give him some tools to not do what he did again.

Maybe you could give the medication another try. There are so many news ones out there , so if one doesn't work another may. And there are lots of combinations of meds to help the rebound. It's such trial and error, and very frustrating but from all the stories I've read on these boards, when  you finally get the right med or combination of meds, it's worth all you and your child had to go through. About 5 mths ago when we decided to take the medicine route, I spent hours and hours on this board reading all the stories and it truly was the main reason I changed my mind about medicating. Maybe it might help if you did that as well. And just remember, if you change your mind or he still has a bad reaction, you can always stop, it's not a lifelong decision.

 

My son, he'll be 12 in a few months, has always been a kind-hearted, loving child.  Always ready to help, sensitive, affectionate but tempermental.  He was officially diagnosed with ADHD as a 4 year old at a major University through thier Neuropsuchology program.  Over the years we've stuggled with different techniques of treatment.  We tried medication but he reacted badly to it when it would wear off.  We've tried psychotherapy with almost no effect.  He was also diagnosed with ODD about 2 years ago.

Today I received a call from his school principle that he has threatened another student with physical harm and is is using vulgar language at school.

I have done just about everything I know to do to try and help him or make him understand that this is not the way to behave.  He get's extra help at school and still sees a counselor once a week.

I am just broken hearted and ready to throw in the towel.  Any advice?