Just need to talk | ADHD Information

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with your son.  First of all, it's great that he's in a class that's more his "speed".  '

I wouldn't draw too much attention to the rejection he is getting from other kids.  Sometimes kids have to figure that stuff out on their own.  kids today have it tough socially.  ADHD or not.  unless your son is being bullied or tormented in some other way, try to let things happen as they may.  you never know, maybe next year he'll find that new best friend!

Try to not compare your son's life to those of your friends.  you and your son are clearly different people from those other people (who seem to have a need to brag about parties and achievements.  sounds like they're insecure)

My guess is that you love your son but just don't like some of his behaviors.  Try to keep those separate and love your son unconditionally but it's totally okay for you to tell him that you don't like bossy behavior.  don't cite examples and don't say "I don't like you being bossy."  he'll only hear the "i don't like you" part.  You can tell him when he compliments a stranger that was a really nice thing to say.  Many kids (and adults like me) are super-sensitive and can cry very easily.  However, I would have him sit on the couch to calm down instead of his room.  You don't want to make him feel like he's not accepted even during a meltdown - that'll make him feel worse (trust me, I'm speaking from my own childhood experiences)

you may want to give meds another try.  hopefully, you have a child psychologist who is working with your son to help improve his behaviors. 
Your son sounds so much like mine, but mines just a bit younger. He is always wanting attention and to get it he is the class clown, then the class clown gets outta control and all the kids back away because he has gone too far and doesn't know how to stop. And the bossyness like he is a teacher, the same thing... Cries if his sox get wet on the soccer field and then wont play...The only thing I keep thinking is that he will mature and work thru it. We started on Vyvanse 20 mg, somethings have gotten better but he will never be 100% and I am ok with that. Kids forget and forgive at this age much easier then when he is high school, give it more time. Your not alone. Hi Stillsane,

I am a 30 year old father and my son has just turned 1. Both me and my wife did not get any sleep until he was about 11 months old. My little one is really the cutest of the babies but I start suspecting that he might have add already just because he is so different than the other kids. And also because I was able to get some decent sleep and I could concentrate on other problems than him not eating not sleeping crying all night (for a week) when he gets a tooth. For the first six months of his life he could not be put down when he was awake, no swinging chair, no babysitter, no carchair and not even babystroller, we had to carry him 10 hours every day. When he started crawling it got a little better and now he walks so he is fine on his own. We also had to stop breastfeeding at 11 months although we wanted to keep it up longer because he was waking up 5 to 10 times every night to suck a little and comfort himself. He of course never even touched a pacifier...

But these are regular baby problems right? I mean it can not be normal when those other babies are just sitting there doing nothing, not even looking around, being comfortable sitting in their chairs, eating what they are given, sleeping, falling asleep without being carried in the lap and so on. So now that these are over for us, we can see that our little Oliver can not play with one object for more than 1 minute, he can hold on to a car key for hours but he would still be in search for other stuff to play with. Our living room looks like a warzone and our kitchen looks like we eat on the floor.

Other kids his age are not walking, even if they can they rather sit and play with some toys, they can learn things! They can press a button and be happy that the toy makes a sound. They can look at you long enough to realize you actually say something to them. Oliver just runs around, never listens to what we say, cries when his da-da comes and goes, and looks for new objects to play with every minute. He asks for them also, if you sit on the computer he wants to go up and press the buttons and destroy what you do, he can not be reasoned with in that sense, he wants it he has to get it, or you stop what you do and play some ball games with him for the rest of the evening.

I do not know if he has ADD or not as it is impossible to diagnose it at this age. I suspect he is not "normal" but I do not even know if I want him to be "normal". I love him the way he is and I hate that I can not do anything at home (and I also work at home). I understand what it must be like for any parent who is desperate enough to write on the forum to get some sympathy. But dont give up these kids are just fine... Any comments on what you think about our son having ADD or not is appreciated.

Gensuru, as you know he is too young to diagnose professionally, BUT I too diagnosed my son when he was 2, and it was confirmed by the pro's when he was shy of 5.

My son never crawled just got up and walked at around 8 months max. Very motor driven, which is a sign.

Tell me, where is the gene line, do you have it or your wife? That is key to your children, follow the line - it is all genetic and passed down.

BUT remember, your son is soo sooo young, maybe he doesn't have it, unless it is already in the family. It is all genetic.

I agree with Bethann that 1 is too young to diagnose.  However when my son was 1 I HATED when people said that to me.  Mom and Dad just know.  Truth is, at 1 they are just "everywhere".  i have a 1 year old right now as well.  I think for 8 months or 10 months or whatever long it takes for them to start walking, once it starts, they're off!  There's no stopping them.

Now, with my 2 boys (the one I'm refferring to on this forum is almost 6 and of course I have my 1 yr old) are verdifferent personalites and if I were to compare the 2 boys at the age of one there is a big difference.

1. my first boy sounded exactly like yours. I couldn't read to him, or sing songs with him, or play any learning games for more than 30 seconds or so.  My second son is not at all like this.  I sat with him 2 days ago for 20 minutes and read books and he enjoyed the heck out of it. 

2. My house is also a warzone.  After the boys go to bed, I clean up.  There's no point in cleaning my house too much during the day.  It's like shoveling snow when it's still snowing outside.  But when my 5 yr old wakes up in the morning, it's just a matter of about an hour before my house it back to its old warzone self again.  I cant say there is a difference yet between my baby and my 5 year old because the baby just throws everything on the floor when he eats, and he loved to run around so toys follow.

3. My 6 year old walked at 8 months, my 1 yr old walked at 1. My 6 yr old couldn't watch a single t.v show until he was 2 1/2.  My 1 yr old loves yo gabba gabba and will sit the entire episode.

people thought I was crazy when I told them I suspected something wasn't right.  They kept telling me "oh he's just all boy" "oh he'll grow out of it" "he just has alot of energy, totally normal"  I started to feel bad that I was suspecting        &n bsp;  something at all.  Like I should just shut my mouth and bury the suspicions waaaay down deep.  The only person that understood me and actually listen to what I was saying was my sister who has a daughter with ADHD and she is now 13. 

We didn't get a diagnosis until he was 4.  And that was after the pre-school started to say things. 

 

These kids are very SMART.  It took me a while to realize how intelligent my 5 year old actually was because he would never sit down long enough to tell me ANYTHING.  He has an incredible keen sense of direction for example. 

It's great that you found this forum.  In my times of sadness or desperation, or just in need of some encouragment I can always come on here.  I just wish we all lived closer together for some playdates!

Good luck

 

To OP:  I'm walking in your shoes... DH and I have decided to only take our son to places where he has one-on-one attention from us..until some of the behaviors improve.  (We homeschool so we don't have the school situation) .  ..We are looking for some success.  He doesn't get it either.. kids telling him to get away..he says they are just being silly.  It seems like we constantly have some kid telling us what our kid is doing wrong..  it is exhausting.  He has just turned 7 and overpowers kid his age with his noise and hyper activity.  

He cannot take stimulants..so we are on our own.  We love him like crazy.  But, wow he is exhausting to parent!

Good luck & God bless.

 

My son was dianosed in first grade. He is just finishing sixth. What I have come to realize is that for many ADHD kids, academics are really a secondary problem. Inappropriate social behavior is the main problem. For that reason, I would suggest that you take a second look at medication as a way to mitigate those problems. A child who is in control of himself and whose head is clear of distractions will be able to make better choices when interacting with his friends and classmates.

After reading what you guys write in here I do not know if my little Oliver has ADD or not but I can at least say I fully understand how it feels to have a "different" child. Maybe this is a phase for him, my mother tells me she did not sleep for 9 months after I was born, I remember being really bored in school but I have never seen a doctor for that, so there is no real genetic history.

I know some very intelligent people with ADD and I feel like it is just people who do not fit regular norms in the society, they want to do so much more...

I wish my parenting experience was not so hard but I can not complain when there are many kids who are born with real disabilities.
Gensuru,

I've come to realize that ADHD is a REAL disability. I guess I should know, because my younger son has a "real" disability (Down syndrome) and my older son has ADHD. If I had to compare the amount of effort I have to put in (over and above the "typical" amount parents give)...well, lets just say that the ADHD has had more of an impact on my life than Down syndrome ever has.

I am also a part of a board for parents of children with Down syndrome. I rarely need to find a shoulder to cry on when I'm there...but I always find myself at my wit's end when I'm on this message board. I come here to complain, to vent, to ask questions, to moan, to cry a little, and to find a place where I'm supported and not judged.

Your parenting experience probably is hard. You don't need to make excuses or feel guilty when you come here. You may get some hard advice now and then that you don't want to hear, but you'll always be accepted. I'm glad you found us.

So here I am again at this board.  Havn't been around for a while. I actually convinced myself that my son is fine and has no ADHD.  Sometimes denial is bliss.

My son is 5 almost 6.  I knew from when he was a baby that he was different.  We've delt with his hyperness from the get go.

We are starting to see the issues with him socially starting to affect him.  He was supposed to go into Kindergarden but we decided to put him in a program called young 5's.  This has been a great decision.  It his helping him tremendously and giving him confidence (and me confidence) that he's ready to move on to kindergarden.

However the behavior's persist.  But now we are starting to see new behaviours that are alarming. 

He's crying an awful lot.  He'll cry ove the littlest thing.  Today it was because he couldn't write a 2 correctly.  He cries at soccer because he "hurt himself" or because he should've gotten that goal and he didn't.  And when he gets hysterical there is just no talking to him.  You literally just have to put him in his room until he calms down. 

The self esteem issues are starting to unfold.  It concerns me when he says "he cant do anything right" 

children seem to be very annoyed with him.  They dont quite know how to handle him or how to percieve him because he acts so goofy.  He'll say things that make no sense or have no correlation to the converstation at hand.  He can also be very bossy.  I worry he wont have many friends when he gets a bit older. 

We tried the med route.  first couple of tries it wasn't any good.  We finally had a little luck with focalin and gave it to him during school, but since he's in young 5's and they arn't pushing too much pressure on these kids (he also seems to be doing fine and understanding things academically at school) we stopped giving him the meds. 

I havn't heard anything from his teachers about any social problems though.  but when we're at the park or if we are at a party where there are other kids it's just a matter of time before you see the other children not include him.  But he doesn't pick up on that, he just keeps trying to play with them. 

It seems like all my girlfriends have kids that are "normal". they send their kids to school with no worries.  "little johnny is doing great in karate" "Abby has 3 birthday parties next week alone!" "Tommy is reading at a 2nd grade level already and he's only 5" 

I feel like an awful mom at times too.  Sometimes I just dont like my own kid.  Although he is the SWEETEST most LOVING boy you'd ever meet (what 5 yr old actually goes up to a stranger and say's "hey you look beautiful in that dress!) he can be "annoying" "just too much" "hyper" "weird".  I cant blame these other children for not want to play with him.  I've tried coaching him on social do's and donts.  He gets it for like 10 min and then he does it again. 

Any words of encouragment or sympathy would be greatly appreciated. 

I had to respond to this!!!  My son must be at your house because you described him to a tee!!!!  I have to say that my son will be 10 in August and I am sad to say that he is no better off socially than he was at 4.  He is very immature for his age and does not have an inside voice AT ALL!!!  He gets hyped up with the other kids and cannot calm himself.

He is always complaining about the other kids and how they arent playing fair, etc.,..  You can look and see the post I just put up about 1 hour ago about the odysey with the neighbor child.  My other son is the social butterfly and I can take him anywhere and put him in any social situation and he is happy and gets along with everyone.

sometime, I must admit, I fantasize about what it would be like if my youngest were an only child and how life would be like if I didnt have the constant stress of having an adhd child.  I love my son, I just dont like him very much.  I am tired of not being able to take him to b-day parties and leave him like other kids because something might happen.  I am tired of not being able to send him out to play with the other kids cause I know there will be a fight and someone will come to my door complaining.

Please believe me, I feel your pain.

Longsally,

Omg I just read your post.  I tried to reply but then my internet acted goofy.

Do we have the same child and dont know it???? LOL.  My son does the EXACT same thing with the neighbor kids as well.  We have a HORRIBLE little girl that lives a couple house down.  She has managed to shun just about every child on the block against my child.  except for 1 child for will play with my kid unless this bully comes outside and then this poor girl gets crap for playing with my kid.  It's AWFUL to watch.  And my son keeps going back for more and more and more.  I'm still waiting for the day when he says "mom they dont like me". 

I try to have alot of playdates.  Or if I see the kids outside playing I take mine to the park.  ugg it's just a pain.  Id like to just send him outside.  Not that I couldn't, but why would I subject him to abuse?  Maybe I'm wrong.  who knows.  But to me, it's like I'd be teaching him that it's ok to try to be friend with kids who dont treat you fairly and it's ok to be a doormat.

gensuru,

There are many PARENTS who get diagnosed for the first time because of their children showing the signs and it being confirmed. That is very common now a days.

"They" know so much more about adhd now than when you were in school and growing up.

Also, ADHD is so hard because everyone has it in a different way, but they do cross over and share similarities. Some struggle harder than others, it all depends.

I really held on to every word that OneOrTheOther posted. Imagine having both a down syndrome little boy and an ADHD boy and the ADHD is harder than the down syndrome to deal with.

Her post made me realize that all those tears that I have cried, and still do some days, and the feelings of alone, not understood, excluded, judged, are so very common among us raising our children. What she wrote is very, very true about raising our children. It is emotional, to say the least.

You have found the right place to be at such a young age. You will be supported and assisted here.

Enjoy your son!

 

stillsane,

It sounds like you may need to try the medication route again.  I recommend seeing a specialist.  Usually it's not worth it to see your pediatrician-you'll probably just end up at a specialist anyway!  What struck me about your original post was that you said his self-esteem is starting to suffer.  You have to act fast!  His self-esteem is too important!  That's what happend to my son!  That was the "last straw" for us and we started medication.  It was the best thing we could ever do!  Our son is soooooooooooo much happier-and so are we!

gensuru,

I feel your pain!   I knew my son was different almost from birth!  He is sooooooo severe that he was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder at 2 yrs and ADHD at 3. He started meds just before his 4th birthday and WOW what a difference.  Hang in there!  We all know where you're coming from!