Oppositional Behavior - Need Advise | ADHD Information

I have so many issues but am going to try to deal with one at a time. This is the most pressing that I didn't see addressed here. I have a 10 year old ADHD daughter. She has always been oppositional with me, her Dad and Grandma (primary care takers).  In the last 6 months it has gotten out of control. She has what we call an attitude that we have found no way to curb.  In the last week she has talked back to me and her Grandmother in front of her friends and they have started to talk about her. Her Girl Scout leader pulled me aside to tell me that the girls were shocked at how she talked to her Grandma and that she was going to have to talk to her too as she is not nice to the younger girls. She is rude to us and her answer to everything is "I know". She refuses to take responsibility for her attitude claiming.  She denies reality claiming she didn't leave something behind when she did.  I have to separate her from her younger sister whenever possible as she is ruthless towards her...tearing her down whenever possible.  HELP!

Is she on meds for the ADHD?  Is it possible that she's hitting puberty early?  Sometimes even if a child is on meds, they need to be adjusted with puberty.  Have you tried counseling or therapy with her? This may help get to the bottom of it.  Good luck with whatever you try and hang in there! Thank you for your reply.  Yes she is on meds (Vyvance) and I'm hoping to get through the school year then up her dose in Sept when school starts again.  I've been wondering if it is puberty....very likely.  I've yet to try therapy for her although I am a HUGE fan of it for myself.  Not sure how to propose therapy to her withought making her feel "defective".  I am very open in talking to her about her AD(H)D and how it is an advantage and a disadvantage.  It's just so hard to try to build her self esteem when she gives me so few opportunities.  THANK YOU for letting me speak honestly....it really helps.  How did you explain the therapy to him?  What you said really makes sence. I take a lot of my direction from my son. He told me he wanted to learn
like the other kids, that he didn't think it was fair that school was so
much easier for them, so we started finding ADHD treatments.

He's been in therapy twice, and each time he had a very specific reason
for going, and when he got a handle on it, he stopped. For instance, he's
in now to learn how to deal with bullying without stuffing his emotions
and without blowing up at the bully. The second time he entered therapy
he asked to go knowing what a positive experience it was the first time.

As far as explaining it, I'd be as positive as you possibly can be. Say, I see
this and this happening in your life, and it's not fair that you have to deal
with that when there are better and easier ways, so you're going to go see
this person to help you understand why those things are happening to
you and practice better ways because you deserve to have a happier life.

You are always welcome to speak honestly here!  We're all here for each other! 

You may want to get her medications evaluated now and not wait until Sept.  This behavior may be helped by something as simple as an adjustment to the dose. 

My son is only 5 so unfortunately I don't have any good advice for what to say to her about counseling. Sorry!   That's a bridge I figure I'll have to cross sooner or later though...so if you figure out how to do it let me know!

WOW!  to all of you who responded.  I have goose bumps from your honesty and have found more answers in these few days than my 3 years searching on my own.  THANK YOU!!!  When I recover from my gratitude, I may start making sence again. 

I ordered The Explosive Child and will research the Daytrana patch. 

I feel like this is a roller coaster.  When I stay on top of taking care of myself and... I call it acting all zen... I feel like I'm the right Mom for her and she leads me in the right directions and I pick up on what she needs from me but this Oppositional Stuff really pushes my buttons!!!  It takes all I can manage to open my heart....turn off my ego and realize that I'm suposed to be guiding and teaching her, when all I really want to do is get in her face and make her change her attitude. 

Counseling has been a tremendous help for my son. Here's why - when he
was growing up when other kids pick up social cues, his brain was buzzing
with his ADHD and he was too busy trying to function to learn that stuff.
What he's doing in therapy is formally learning all those social things other
kids picked up on their own. So it's been tremendously helpful for him.

Also tremendously helpful - we use the plan outlined in the book The
Explosive Child. It will spin your thinking 180 degrees - I highly
recommend it.

Hi,

I have a 10yo ds with ADHD and ODD.  We first started on Vyvanse and it made his oppositional stuff way worse. He did great in school, but home life became scary. We then went to the Daytrana patch.  (ritalin).  Great!! there is a little ODD, but 95% better.

We had behavioral therapy.  The physchologist, who specializes in kids with ADHD, was great.  She helped him to understand how not to feel bad about himself, had great techniques to get him to talk, and great techniques for me and my family to all use.  We would also role play in the office and then she would have us practice at home when something would not go right.  Role play it out in a better way.

He is not in puberty, but my other son is :(  He is not. ADHD but that is hard in and of itself. 

Are there any type of group counselings at her school?  We have gender based "friendship" groups.  The kids practice how to be good and friendly and positive. Maybe that my help too.

Here is a book I read with my son, it's for kids. The survival guide for kids with ADD or ADHD by John Taylor.  My son thought it was funny and wanted to read it. 

Good luck:)

     Hi, my son is 10 years old and has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and a mood disorder since he was six.  He has seen a psychologist for the meds and has had outpaitent therapy for three years. He doesn't sleep well at all. Even after med changes from ritalin, concerta, tenex, Vyvannese, focalin 10mg , focalin XR 10 mg & focalin XR 10mg, risperdal, seroquel XR for sleeping, trileptal for moods, we are not farther ahead than when we first started.   He is very aggressive when he becomes angry . HIs dad and I don't know where to go from here.  We recently had he evaluated by a psychological institution to see if maybe they missed something with the first diagnosis. Unfortunately, the answers are the same.  Currently, he takes focalinXR 15mg- 300mg trileptal in the a.m., focalinxr 10mg at noon,  300mg trileptal -focalin 10mg at 400p.m. and 50 mg seroquel XR at 7p.m.  We also have family therapy twice a week.   

Seriously - read The Explosive Child. 1) There is always a trigger, even if
you don't know what it is. 2) Lashing out is a bad habit, but it can be
broken if kids are shown better ways and are supported while they make new
habits.

Best of luck to you!